Wombat News
15-01-2004, 15:38
Danneland; Wombat News
Danneland officials have confirmed reports that Danneland's marsupials are most likely beginning to organise - and may be planning some kind of a coup.
Roger Mesenslous of Butplugue was the first to report sightings of marsupial organisation. "Ya wouldn't'a believed it!" Mesenslous exclaimed in a recent press conference. "I was just makin' my way down the road on the ol’ combine harvester when I seen 'em. Musta been ten, twelve wombats. They was runnin' down the road - and it looked like they was in ranks!" Then he added, "I would'a thought it was just my medicine makin' me see things again - it does that sometimes, you know. That's why I ain't supposed ta drive the harvester no more. But Mike seen 'em, too!"
Michael Hock, also of Butplugue, reported seeing the wombats running in ranks just two days after the Mesenslous sighting. "They sure looked to me like they was in trainin' for somethin'," he reported.
Hock denies being on the same medication as Mesenslous.
As soon as Mesenslous and Hock began telling their stories, more people started coming forward to report strange marsupial sightings. Another Danneland woman, for instance, claimed that a wallaby had climbed up her screen door and attempted to gnaw through it.
Danneland Secretary of Small Furry Animal Behaviour Rufous Bettong admits that he was skeptical at first. "These reports kept coming in, but I figured [the witnesses] were just a bunch of bored farmers who had been drinking some dodgy metho," said Bettong. "But after last week's incident in the park, I began to understand the magnitude of what we may be dealing with." Bettong went on to explain that he had paused in his walk through the park to stop and watch a koala as it climbed a tree. Just as he resumed his stroll, he heard a loud cracking sound, after which he was hit by a branch that the koala had dropped from above.
"It's obvious that they want me out of the way," Bettong stated. "But it'll take more than a blow to the head to stop me from guarding my country from their sinister plot."
Bettong has assured Wombat News that he's doing everything in his power to investigate the possibility of marsupials organising and attempting to turn humans into their own personal slaves. In the meantime, he said, Dannelanders should not panic.
He did, however, note that it might be wise to start gathering acorns, since they could be used for bribery and/or currency in the event of a successful marsupial coup.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – LEAVING NO STONE UNTURNED IN THE NEVER-ENDING QUEST FOR THE TRUTH
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Danneland officials have confirmed reports that Danneland's marsupials are most likely beginning to organise - and may be planning some kind of a coup.
Roger Mesenslous of Butplugue was the first to report sightings of marsupial organisation. "Ya wouldn't'a believed it!" Mesenslous exclaimed in a recent press conference. "I was just makin' my way down the road on the ol’ combine harvester when I seen 'em. Musta been ten, twelve wombats. They was runnin' down the road - and it looked like they was in ranks!" Then he added, "I would'a thought it was just my medicine makin' me see things again - it does that sometimes, you know. That's why I ain't supposed ta drive the harvester no more. But Mike seen 'em, too!"
Michael Hock, also of Butplugue, reported seeing the wombats running in ranks just two days after the Mesenslous sighting. "They sure looked to me like they was in trainin' for somethin'," he reported.
Hock denies being on the same medication as Mesenslous.
As soon as Mesenslous and Hock began telling their stories, more people started coming forward to report strange marsupial sightings. Another Danneland woman, for instance, claimed that a wallaby had climbed up her screen door and attempted to gnaw through it.
Danneland Secretary of Small Furry Animal Behaviour Rufous Bettong admits that he was skeptical at first. "These reports kept coming in, but I figured [the witnesses] were just a bunch of bored farmers who had been drinking some dodgy metho," said Bettong. "But after last week's incident in the park, I began to understand the magnitude of what we may be dealing with." Bettong went on to explain that he had paused in his walk through the park to stop and watch a koala as it climbed a tree. Just as he resumed his stroll, he heard a loud cracking sound, after which he was hit by a branch that the koala had dropped from above.
"It's obvious that they want me out of the way," Bettong stated. "But it'll take more than a blow to the head to stop me from guarding my country from their sinister plot."
Bettong has assured Wombat News that he's doing everything in his power to investigate the possibility of marsupials organising and attempting to turn humans into their own personal slaves. In the meantime, he said, Dannelanders should not panic.
He did, however, note that it might be wise to start gathering acorns, since they could be used for bribery and/or currency in the event of a successful marsupial coup.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – LEAVING NO STONE UNTURNED IN THE NEVER-ENDING QUEST FOR THE TRUTH
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid87/pda22c0ab2140ceb42cbbf0f2271afd5b/fa9f249c.jpg