Wombat News
14-01-2004, 18:19
Roania City, Wombat News
Scientists at Roania City Polytechnic watched in amazement today as Alexander, a three year old research chimp, spontaneously evolved. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=114990)
"It was really quite amazing," said Dr Bobby Dazzler, Head of Primate and Cardinals. "One minute we had a monkey on our hands, and the next we had a fully functioning homo erectus demanding an en-suite cage and a copy of Wombat News in the mornings."
Throughout the day, staff at the polytechnic have been deluged with calls from the scientific community seeking confirmation of the evolution.
"Yes, there's been some interest," said Dr Dazzler. "My colleagues naturally want to know if we will have to rewrite our entire theories of evolution. Previously it was assumed such species changes occurred over many millennia, each generation being selected upon by minute changes in the genetic code. Yet here we have a monkey banging on his cage and asking for the results of the footie and the Melbourne Cup."
Elsewhere, sceptics poured scorn on Dr Dazzler's claims.
In the Vatican, the Pope called for an immediate Inquisition, suggesting that Dr Dazzler's pubic hairs be plucked with tweezers until he renounces all such evolutionary claims and embraces the Catholic doctrine that God made man from clay, not monkeys.
"Monkeys are monkeys," said Cardinal Downon Boyes, widely tipped to be the next pope.
But amongst the bickering, it became clear that the last laugh belonged firmly to Alexander.
"We found a note pinned to the wall of his cage late in the afternoon," explained Dr Dazzler. "It said: ‘thanks, but no thanks. If it's all the same to you I'll just devolve back to a monkey, thanks. I can't be doing with you inferior creatures’."
Dr Dazzler remained reticent. "Of course, he won't be saying that tomorrow when we do the experiment with the electrodes on his testicles," he said.
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Scientists at Roania City Polytechnic watched in amazement today as Alexander, a three year old research chimp, spontaneously evolved. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=114990)
"It was really quite amazing," said Dr Bobby Dazzler, Head of Primate and Cardinals. "One minute we had a monkey on our hands, and the next we had a fully functioning homo erectus demanding an en-suite cage and a copy of Wombat News in the mornings."
Throughout the day, staff at the polytechnic have been deluged with calls from the scientific community seeking confirmation of the evolution.
"Yes, there's been some interest," said Dr Dazzler. "My colleagues naturally want to know if we will have to rewrite our entire theories of evolution. Previously it was assumed such species changes occurred over many millennia, each generation being selected upon by minute changes in the genetic code. Yet here we have a monkey banging on his cage and asking for the results of the footie and the Melbourne Cup."
Elsewhere, sceptics poured scorn on Dr Dazzler's claims.
In the Vatican, the Pope called for an immediate Inquisition, suggesting that Dr Dazzler's pubic hairs be plucked with tweezers until he renounces all such evolutionary claims and embraces the Catholic doctrine that God made man from clay, not monkeys.
"Monkeys are monkeys," said Cardinal Downon Boyes, widely tipped to be the next pope.
But amongst the bickering, it became clear that the last laugh belonged firmly to Alexander.
"We found a note pinned to the wall of his cage late in the afternoon," explained Dr Dazzler. "It said: ‘thanks, but no thanks. If it's all the same to you I'll just devolve back to a monkey, thanks. I can't be doing with you inferior creatures’."
Dr Dazzler remained reticent. "Of course, he won't be saying that tomorrow when we do the experiment with the electrodes on his testicles," he said.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – BRINGING YOU THE NEWS AS IT EVOLVES
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid87/pda22c0ab2140ceb42cbbf0f2271afd5b/fa9f249c.jpg