Wombat News
12-01-2004, 13:39
The Silver Turtle, Wombat News
Rumours abound that the GDODAD are in secret talks to build a new headquarters building to house all of the various delegates of the member nations. The new building will have twelve separate entrances to ensure most of the delegates never have to see each other.
The new headquarters, to be built in an as-yet-undisclosed location, will be an innovative design in sentient architecture. Sources close to the project claim that revered architect Jez Kiding has designed the building, mindful of the defining characteristics of the various members of the newly re-animated alliance.
“It was imperative that there be a lot of completely separate entrances,” Kiding is quoted as saying. “Dreadfire insisted that he never, ever come into contact with most of the other politicians. They all insisted that they never come into contact with him. So we've done some innovative stuff here. In very few buildings in the world can umpteen different little factions all enjoy aspects of a central atrium without ever seeing one another.”
Another major problem that the architect is rumoured to have needed to overcome was that of the ever-changing structure of the “alliance”. He realised he would have to develop a very dynamic solution. “He designed dry walling on a hydraulic system, so that offices and corridors can be reconfigured by computer. He’s even considered having the computer connected to a Wombat News live feed, so that as the alliance gathers in new members from, say, another fascist alliance, and then thirty minutes later from, say, a non-human grouping of nations, then the passages and offices can quickly be adjusted to make sure that there aren't any unsightly conflicts in the passageways.”
This would appear to allow for some flexibility within the offices. But what about if the alliance were suddenly to team up with, say, EOTED? Kiding is reported to have a solution for even such an unlikely eventuality as this too. “Adjacent warehouse space can be automatically opened up and connected to the building should the alliance join with another such minority alliance. Experience has shown us that under The Silver Turtle’s leadership, the alliance is likely to make the queerest friends overnight and then fall out with them just as quickly. It's best to be prepared.” One warehouse, enough for a whole new alliance? “Well, if the worst comes to the worst, there's always the marquee,” claimed the Wombat News source.
Kiding is reported to have said there were years of uncertainty before these elegant solutions could be used.
“While he was in consultation with the organisation, things kept changing. One minute they wanted a basement-bunker for Damien Dreadfire, accessible only from the sewerage system, and connected to the rest of the building only by a dumb waiter. Then Dreadfire vanished, and we were asked to ditch the bunker. Then they wanted it reinstated for The Great Ineffable Bob. It was backwards and forwards like this for months. Luckily those two clowns have been separated, or we would have had no choice but to break the headquarters up,” added our source.
Construction is apparently set to begin in a few weeks. However, we understand that tenants and owners of surrounding buildings will be lodging complaints with the local council prior to this. They want to be assured that the hydraulic system, which will make a lot of noise, will only be allowed two hours of operation per day.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF INTERNATIONAL POLITICS
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Rumours abound that the GDODAD are in secret talks to build a new headquarters building to house all of the various delegates of the member nations. The new building will have twelve separate entrances to ensure most of the delegates never have to see each other.
The new headquarters, to be built in an as-yet-undisclosed location, will be an innovative design in sentient architecture. Sources close to the project claim that revered architect Jez Kiding has designed the building, mindful of the defining characteristics of the various members of the newly re-animated alliance.
“It was imperative that there be a lot of completely separate entrances,” Kiding is quoted as saying. “Dreadfire insisted that he never, ever come into contact with most of the other politicians. They all insisted that they never come into contact with him. So we've done some innovative stuff here. In very few buildings in the world can umpteen different little factions all enjoy aspects of a central atrium without ever seeing one another.”
Another major problem that the architect is rumoured to have needed to overcome was that of the ever-changing structure of the “alliance”. He realised he would have to develop a very dynamic solution. “He designed dry walling on a hydraulic system, so that offices and corridors can be reconfigured by computer. He’s even considered having the computer connected to a Wombat News live feed, so that as the alliance gathers in new members from, say, another fascist alliance, and then thirty minutes later from, say, a non-human grouping of nations, then the passages and offices can quickly be adjusted to make sure that there aren't any unsightly conflicts in the passageways.”
This would appear to allow for some flexibility within the offices. But what about if the alliance were suddenly to team up with, say, EOTED? Kiding is reported to have a solution for even such an unlikely eventuality as this too. “Adjacent warehouse space can be automatically opened up and connected to the building should the alliance join with another such minority alliance. Experience has shown us that under The Silver Turtle’s leadership, the alliance is likely to make the queerest friends overnight and then fall out with them just as quickly. It's best to be prepared.” One warehouse, enough for a whole new alliance? “Well, if the worst comes to the worst, there's always the marquee,” claimed the Wombat News source.
Kiding is reported to have said there were years of uncertainty before these elegant solutions could be used.
“While he was in consultation with the organisation, things kept changing. One minute they wanted a basement-bunker for Damien Dreadfire, accessible only from the sewerage system, and connected to the rest of the building only by a dumb waiter. Then Dreadfire vanished, and we were asked to ditch the bunker. Then they wanted it reinstated for The Great Ineffable Bob. It was backwards and forwards like this for months. Luckily those two clowns have been separated, or we would have had no choice but to break the headquarters up,” added our source.
Construction is apparently set to begin in a few weeks. However, we understand that tenants and owners of surrounding buildings will be lodging complaints with the local council prior to this. They want to be assured that the hydraulic system, which will make a lot of noise, will only be allowed two hours of operation per day.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF INTERNATIONAL POLITICS
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid87/pda22c0ab2140ceb42cbbf0f2271afd5b/fa9f249c.jpg