NationStates Jolt Archive

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UN General Assembly
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http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/1970000/images/_1971105_unguide1.jpg
Lady Galadriël Taralóm nos Cirdan, Elvish state secretary of Foreign Affairs takes the stand in the UN general assembly hall.

“Fellow leaders, ambassadors,

Today the UN released yet another one of it’s world ratings. Usually, when hard figures are concerned, we are willing to accept the UN’s research. All the work by UN inspectors is much appreciated. However…” she makes a dramatic pause, “Sometimes the UN feels it can go on the path of sociology. Today's United Nations Report was titled: “The Nicest Citizens in the World.” UN sociology ‘experts’ studied citizens from various nations to determine which seemed most friendly and concerned for others.

Let me spell it out for those of you that are generally ignorant of the world, or simply too stupid to learn. The Dutch Democratic Republic of Knootoss is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, notable for its burgeoning guinea pig population. Its hard-nosed, hard-working, intelligent population has a liberal government that is concerned with education and, in the UN’s own words, devoted to social welfare.

Now here comes the UN trampling into our nation with their research. Unwarranted research, I might add. We think it is a waste of money and this is why we refused to cooperate with this team of ‘experts’. Sure, we stood them up at the airport, but we never invited them in anyways. These ‘experts’, without even having done proper research, still included us in their numbers. According to them, Knootoss is ranked 81st in the region and 100,072nd in the world for Nicest Citizens. A HUNDRED THOUSAND!”

This figure is obviously totally arbitrary, and yet another example of corruption in this body. But there is more. The corruption extends deeper, and has political roots!”

She pauses again and looks around the room with cold, prying eyes. Then she reads from a short list. “Let us look at some of the figures for SATO.
The beautiful Elvish utopia of Menelmacar is ranked 103,960th in the world for Nicest Citizens.
The, uhm, committed, nation of Der Angst is ranked 106,400th in the world for Nicest Citizens
The honourable nation of Diablo_NL is ranked 106,166th in the world for Nicest Citizens.

Ladies and gentlemen, the UN is again actively pursuing an agenda contrary to Freedom™! But my surprise was even higher when these figures came on my desk:
The rogue terrorist-supporting corporate nightmare state of Seocc is ranked 481st in the world for Nicest Citizens. And even worse, the nation leading the fascist oppression in the Reich, the nation responsible for millions of deaths, Iesus Christi, is 561st in the world for Nicest Citizens.”

She bangs her fist on the table and shouts.
“THIS WILL NOT STAND”

She looks threateningly at several UN personnel, who are shaking fearfully in a corner:
“You will produce better, fairer ratings the next time or you shall taste the wrath of the DDR!”

She blinks, and states with total calm and a neutral expression on her face: “Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.”

((OOC: couldn’t be un-nicer here.))

OOC: That just freaked me out over here, Thelas is rated as a nicer nation than Menelmacar, not by much, but we still are nicer! *sticks out tounge at Siri* Then again, your speach sounded in tone like a speach I would write...

Ambassador Vincent West looked over at the Elvish Secretary of State, and rolled his eyes abit.His right hand moving up to rest his face in his palm he wondered how to respond to this, he was to take the floor next, and when the delegate from Knootoss has given up the remainder of their time up he stood up and leaned forward tapping the microphone abit. Clearing his throat he spoke, "I'd just like to remind the nation of Knootoss and other nations, that there are such things as parking laws in the city of New York, and several nations owe us from several thousand, to several million dollars in terms of parking violations and so on. As for the way the UN Inspectors are, we must truly have a dicussion on who they believe is most kindest? Isnt there a better way we can be wasting time?"

Leaving the assembly to think about that question Ambassador West sat back in his chair, he hadnt even broken a sweat as he gave his monotone announcment which brought him no special joy. The joy itself would come when vehicles with ambassador plates and outstanding parking ticket numbers started to get towed and sold off in auction to pay for the tickets owed to the city of New York.

The Celdonian delegate got to his feet, chuckled to himslef, and read: "Celdonia is ranked 8th in the region and 421st in the world for Nicest Citizens."

He took a sip of water as he sat down.

Sasha Borinskas was ready to take the floor. He had just finished filing through his prepared speech, which was on the current resolution at vote. It was filled with condemnations, but after hearing the Knootian Secretary of State, he had to comment.

"Good afternoon, fellow ambassadors and others. Lady Galadriël Taralóm nos Cirdan is entirely correct in this matter. I would like to commend her for taking such action to make UN Inspectors think twice about imposing their sociological views on other nations." He raised his glass to the Lady. "Now, concerning the current resolution..."

A Knootian staffmember watching the proceedings glanced at Ambassador Vincent West...

"Parking tickets... not again...", he thought, remembering the huge pile of letters from the UN financial office. He groaned, thinking of another one of those familisr red evelopes that would no doubt be on his desk again when he returned: "If only we could get to paying all these dues..."

She looks threateningly at several UN personnel, who are shaking fearfully in a corner:
“You will produce better, fairer ratings the next time or you shall taste the wrath of the DDR!”

Kate McNeill, UN Ambassador for The Weegies, stands up to take the floor.

"By the way Ms Galadriël speaks here, it would seem to prove the UN rankings. Maybe if you weren't so rude, it would improve your rankings to a great extent."

"Oh, and was that a direct threat to the UN? I'm sure empty threats of the the... "wrath" *smirks* of the DDR will be taken into account by the UN."

((OOC: Weegies, OOCly this was the point of the post. I'm "RPing my stats" but of course it's ridicilous to condemn an entire nation based on "niceness."
"Let me spell it out for those of you that are generally ignorant of the world, or simply too stupid to learn." is another example. :wink: ))

*ponders IC response but must leave now*

IC:
Galadriël just gives Kate McNeill from the Weegies a murderous look, and leaves it at that.

IC: Kate merely replies with a sweet smile.

OOC: I'm fairly high up. :)

I noticed you ignored the compassionate, hard-working population of Syskeyia.

God bless,

The Republic of Syskeyia

I noticed you ignored the compassionate, hard-working population of Syskeyia.

God bless,

The Republic of Syskeyia

I noticed you ignored the compassionate, hard-working population of Syskeyia.

God bless,

The Republic of Syskeyia