NationStates Jolt Archive

Pressured by fanatical relgious groups led by Reverand Timothy Lovejoy, Mayor Quimby was 'forced' into outlawing the practice of being a homosexual to be illegal in Springfield henceforth. Churchgoers celebrated after Proposition 6969 passed -- with 100% of those who voted in favor of it. Of course, local homosexuals, lesbians, bisexuals, and civil rights leaders were barred from voting... but Reverand Lovejoy is still firmly convinced that Springfieldians would have voted the same, in the name of decency.

I interviewed the Reverand of the First Church of Springfield and asked him several questions concerning his 'God Hates Heathens & Homos' campaign. He was quoted saying, "Kent, I do not understand at all what is so difficult about this. It says right here in the Bible that you cannot be gay! And that those who do turn to that lifestyle our committing a mortal sin. Their minds were darkened by Satan and they purposely became homosexual to go against God's will."

When I retorted by saying, "The same will that damns the eating of shrimp? The same will the Crusaders used as a ploy to rage a bloody holy war against the Muslims? The same will that supports the non-usage of condoms, even if they do prevent the chance of contracting the HIV virus?" Lovejoy responded cooly, "Yes, Kent. Yes. God is always right. He can never be wrong. Whatever He says, no matter how stupid or contradictatory it may be to previous decrees, He is always right. No questions asked! And while we're here, I'd also suggest that citizens vote "Yes" on Proposition 342, which bans the reading of such anti-religious books like Darwin's Origin of Species and any Harry Potter novel. Join the fight to ban freedom of speech in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ! God hates fags! God hates independent thinkers! God hates abortionists! We must band together in order to establish a perfect Protestant state of God-fearing folks! Goodnight Kent! And remember, we put the 'fun' in fundamentalist dogma."

All I can say is: wow. That man sure loves his imaginary friend... GOD. Pfft.

.......................................

I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, we've had a sudden change of heart. Please discard my last statement about God. I'd like to say how much the Lord provides for His chosen people... excluding gays, abortionists, and evolutionists of course.

Wow, I didn't realize how much we strayed off-topic from the original point of this newscast. Anyway, homosexaulity has been outlawed and all homosexuals will be doused in sulfur if they do not leave town within 45 minutes of the end of this sentence I'm speaking right now.... period.

Kent Brockman
Channel 6 News
http://www.chicagomediaexaminer.com/kent.jpg

That's not like you, **********.

*NAME CENSORED. I forgot I wasn't supposed to tell anyone.*

<OOC: I admit, it may be a little harsh, but it's OOCly satire...>

News Brief

We are getting reports of grumblings near Liberal Town, USA -- about 50 miles north of Springfield. It seems that they are very unhappy with this current law and have promised 600 hours of constant whining unless it is immediately repealed.

Kent Brockman
Channel 6 News
http://www.chicagomediaexaminer.com/kent.jpg

That's not like you, ********.

OOC: ha... I assume that Simpsons is his puppet nation then? Nice... I don't know if you should remove that fact or keep it, I guess that's up to him... :)

We are getting reports of grumblings near Liberal Town, USA -- about 50 miles north of Springfield. It seems that they are very unhappy with this current law and have promised 600 hours of constant whining unless it is immediately repealed.


[Open Statement made by Lord General deGritz in a Press Conference earlier today...]

Iuthia would like to add it's support to Liberal Town from the USA and add that we too will be promising reinforcements of another 600 hours of constant whining until this law has been fully repealed... oh and we have also placed economic embargos and the such but that isn't really news...

Lord General deGritz, leader of the Iuthian people.
Urbanites (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=display_region/region=Urbanites)

That's not like you, ********.

OOC: ha... I assume that Simpsons is his puppet nation then? Nice... I don't know if you should remove that fact or keep it, I guess that's up to him... :)

Yeah, but now I censored it. It's my little secret that I saw him slip up and reveal his identity once.

Shame on you. Such intolerance. While you're at it, I remember reading that Jesus said the following to his followers: "kings and governors have domination over men; let there be none like that among you."

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Kûk‡xenisi n!ok‡x'osi xno-k‡xek‡emi.-The state only exists to serve itself.
"Oppose excessive military spending, yet believe in excessive spending on junk food and plastic surgery to make all your women look like LARDASSES!"-Sino, when I criticized excessive military spending.
http://www.sulucas.com/images/steatopygia.jpg
I'm male. Note the pic of attractive women.

New Genoa condemns this.

-Foreign Affairs-

eheheheh. Eheheheh. HAHAHAHAHA!
I know, I know.

Well, seeing as how Joshu is currently experiencing technical difficulties and thus cannot receive a UN confirmation reply, we can't really do that much about it. However, the original statement made by Simpsons Springfield is quite appaling. Especially discomforting is the portion that states "God hates fags! God hates independent thinkers! God hates abortionists!" and the like. (Even if it is only in jest), it is akin to the rantings of the Westboro Baptist Church and it's leader, Fred Phelps (www.hatemongers.com , www.godhatesfags.com , and www.godhatesamerica.com ). Thus, the nation of Joshu denounces these statements, and this "Proposition 6969". (AND the Westboro Baptist Church. Telegram me if you have something to say about them, or my opinion of them)