NationStates Jolt Archive

What would you do?

Furthermore, if a llama was beamed back to the middle ages because of an unknown cellphone anomaly, and THEN it exploded, what would you do?

And lastly,

if a cellphone gained sentience and began to articulate theories of the universe, while in the background a llama explodes,

WHAT DO YOU DO?

Cry. :cry:

my head hurts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stare at my drink and consider the consequences to the infinate all... but fullly understanding that the infinate all does not exist whilst being assured that I was infact part of the infinate whole that did not exist but could possible exist if the infinate all had never existed at all!

1) Cry.
2) Turn off the video.
3) Wake up.

MODALERT.

Pointless thread.

:arrow: General

Have another beer

Cry. :cry:

And after I realize I've just done too much mushrooms I'd go lay down and sleep for a bit.

If these things happened to me, I'd go out to my kitchen, drink beer untill I couldn't see straght, go to my bathroom and puke a whole bunch, then I'd black out, and probably wake up naked in my closet several hours later.

I'd sit in my favorite corner of my round room, listening to the tunes on my blank tape, drinking my frozen steak and eating my empty soda.

Hrm... let's make this IC for a bit of fun.

First step is to check the Scolopendran Intelligence Section through Advisor Janus Garbo to see whether or not the llama was Melkor-aligned or not. If so, SIS would coordinate with the Foot-to-Ass (formerly Defense) Section via Advisor Lance Hawke to try and replicate the conditions of the llama's explosion around the llama's Melkor-bitch friends in order to make more llamas explode. If this was an act of a subversive group that needs equipment, then we can pawn off more of our aging standard battlesuits via the FtA's Appropriations Directorate after getting Lieutenant Colonel North sufficiently drunk so he doesn't reveal any state secrets (or much of anything at all). If it was psionically caused, then it's definitely an Office of Psionic Operations gig going through Agent Simmias and the OPO command structure. If we need to be quiet about a psiop going around blowing up llamas, then we disguise it as an attempt at diplomacy and use Diplomatic Officer Magnus Hesche, who is seconded as an OPO agent. If demons are involved, then that's OPO -and- the HELLSING elite forces of the Trimumvirate Expeditionary Forces, which of course means going through the Triumvirate of Yut Combined Services.

If the llama is on our side, then we have to prevent these kinds of things, don't we? Send a squadron from a TEF out to secure other friendly llamas while making diplomatic overtures with the International Relations Section through Advisor Automata Alshai Kommetrez. Diplomatic Officers would be assigned (maybe D.O. Hesche if the situation were vital enough) and we would try to convince the llamas that the best way to proceed is to accept Triumvirate protection against the Melkorian threat and maybe sign some trade deals. If the situation is dire and the llamas are in threat of genocide, then we drop the Mobile Infantry and Heavy Gear divisions, secure the death camps, and extract the llamas.

If a cellphone attains sentience, we'd listen to it and call the Queendom of Zero-One via Sentient HyperOptimized Data Access Network's Stonozka avatar and see their opinion. We'd also call in Angelus and maybe Cardinality, depending on how much time we had. The llama exploding in the background would be dealt with as above.

Finally... the middle ages one... we have no time travel. We would hope that our theory of the multiverse is correct and that it is extremely difficult to overwrite a timeline with future past events.

*head explodes*
*llama explodes in background*

The government of Thakan Dar would be most interested in discovering the cause of the explosions...

...followed by the largest import of llamas ever seen.



S. Llaneth il'Korr, Director of the Exterior
Dominion of Thakan Dar

Concomitant to the response by Director il'Korr and the Directorate of the Exterior, the forces of Thakan Dar's military would make extensive and devastating use of the exploding llamas. The enemies of our mighty Dominion would reap chunky, wet doom!


Devesh Ulveron, Director of Defence
Dominion of Thakan Dar

How about another IC?

Situation:
Rogue llama border crossing and explosion

Response:
Step 1: Pinpoint llama position from orbit, confirming with air patrols
Step 2: Send in MPs to guide the hotrodders from 'Death Row'(open highway, speed limit 250mph) away from site of explosion
Step 3: Send in the Hazmat squad to prepare the area for arrival of the demolition specialists
Step 4: Specialists arrive to determine the cause
Step 5a: If HE weapons used, the area is sealed
Step 5b: If spontanious explosion, area is sealed for medical team arrival
Step 6: Medical teams decide whether the cause of the explosion could be used as a weapon to cripple the llama population of an enemy
Step 7: General arrives to see what's going on
Step 8: General sees that all this was for a damn llama
Step 9: Random cursing
Step 10: Several officers demoted
Step 11: All troops pull out
Step 12: Wolves descend on dead llama, destroyiong all evidence for future investigations

Llamas haven't exploded in years.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kûk‡xenisi n!ok‡x'osi xno-k‡xek‡emi.
The state only exists to serve itself.
Racism-the other stupid ideology
Peace, love, and girls with small waists and really big butts!
http://www.sulucas.com/images/steatopygia.jpg
I'm male. Note the pic
of attractive women.

n00b elimination cannon fired: 600M potatoes at Mach 17

pick the up the potatoes that hit the llama and make mashed potatoes.

Hrm... let's make this IC for a bit of fun.
If it was psionically caused, then it's definitely an Office of Psionic Operations gig going through Agent Simmias and the OPO command structure. If we need to be quiet about a psiop going around blowing up llamas, then we disguise it as an attempt at diplomacy and use Diplomatic Officer Magnus Hesche, who is seconded as an OPO agent. If demons are involved, then that's OPO -and- the HELLSING elite forces of the Trimumvirate Expeditionary Forces, which of course means going through the Triumvirate of Yut Combined Services.



Personally, if it is psionically related, I bet the source of the problem is OPO itself, deny it though they may. They seem to be the sort of people who would go around blowing up llamas psionically.

Quoted the wrong person. OOPS!!!

If these things happened to me, I'd go out to my kitchen, drink beer untill I couldn't see straght, go to my bathroom and puke a whole bunch, then I'd black out, and probably wake up naked in my closet several hours later.

You don't have to be drunk to wake up naked in your closet! I do it all the time!!! :D

I don't remeber exploding that llama... but there I was, alone... naked

Exploding llamas. :roll:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kûk‡xenisi n!ok‡x'osi xno-k‡xek‡emi.
The state only exists to serve itself.
Racism-the other stupid ideology
Peace, love, and girls with small waists and really big butts!
http://www.sulucas.com/images/steatopygia.jpg
I'm male. Note the pic
of attractive women.

Somewhere in WA

A young officer runs up,
"Sir, here is the latest report of the potential llama forces"

[code:1:98831f8bda]
40 SPECIALLY TRAINED
ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS

6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS

142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS

14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS
(CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA)

REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON

76000 BATTERY LLAMAS
FROM "LLAMA-FRESH" FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY[/code:1:98831f8bda]

"Hmmm, this is serious indeed. We need to find out the secret to exploding llamas...it may be our only hope."

"Yes sir, I'll get right on it."

-------------

OOC: Ten Western Asian NIS to anyone who gets the reference.

My response?

1) If a Llama: fear the explosion...take measures to avoid spontaneous self-combustion.

2) If an observer: check if I'm smoking pot...if not, fear the implications.
If I am, stop smoking...watch out for other exploding wildlife.

I would stand there and say "what the fuck?" in a confused, dazed voice.

OOC: Ten Western Asian NIS to anyone who gets the reference.
Opening credits to Monty Python and the Holy Grail, when the credits were redone "at great cost"

Monty Python, I fart in your general direction!

Monty Python, I fart in your general direction! *Dies*

In my experience, luna moths are more likely to explode than llamas.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kûk‡xenisi n!ok‡x'osi xno-k‡xek‡emi.
The state only exists to serve itself.
Racism-the other stupid ideology
Peace, love, and girls with small waists and really big butts!
http://www.sulucas.com/images/steatopygia.jpg
I'm male. Note the pic
of attractive women.

Thanks to the Hearty Cap't Scolo...10 WA/NIS have been wired to your account...but the costs to wire were 11...

Hrm... let's make this IC for a bit of fun.
If it was psionically caused, then it's definitely an Office of Psionic Operations gig going through Agent Simmias and the OPO command structure. If we need to be quiet about a psiop going around blowing up llamas, then we disguise it as an attempt at diplomacy and use Diplomatic Officer Magnus Hesche, who is seconded as an OPO agent. If demons are involved, then that's OPO -and- the HELLSING elite forces of the Trimumvirate Expeditionary Forces, which of course means going through the Triumvirate of Yut Combined Services.



Personally, if it is psionically related, I bet the source of the problem is OPO itself, deny it though they may. They seem to be the sort of people who would go around blowing up llamas psionically.
I know, they blew up my cat.

I know, they blew up my cat.
And it blowed up good, too.

http://www.weirdozone.0catch.com/projects/nationstates/scolopendra/agent_simmias.gifAgent Simmias
Office of Psionic Operations
Federated Segments of Scolopendra

I know, they blew up my cat.
And it blowed up good, too.

http://www.weirdozone.0catch.com/projects/nationstates/scolopendra/agent_simmias.gifAgent Simmias
Office of Psionic Operations
Federated Segments of Scolopendra
I swear on everything holy I will get my revenge.

Wait, if you can blow up cats and LLamas, then can you blow up...people.

*Gulp*
Crap.
*Runs and hides*

The Dictatorship would not do anything because squirrels are cooler animals than llamas.

Exploding llamas? This fits in with your squirrl bombs. Stop watching Monty Python!

The Holy Hand Gernade!

Rabbit stew for all!!!

Sis BOOM Baa!

Roasted llama on a stick. Nothing beats it.

:lol:

The Holy Hand Gernade!

Brother: And Saint Atilla raised the hand grenade up on high, saying "Oh lord, bless this thy hand grenade so it may blow thine enemies to tiny bits!" And the lord did grin. and the people did feast upon the lambs, and the sloths, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chu-
Maynard: Skip a bit, brother.
Brother: And the lord spake saying: First shalt thou take out thy holy pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more, No less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, noi count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. FIVE IS RIGHT OUT! Once three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who-being naughty in my eyes-shall snuff it!
Amen

Everyone: AAAmen

King Arthur: ONE...TWO...FIVE!
Lancelot: THREE SIR!
King Arthur: Three!

I'd yell foooooooooooooooooooooood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:



I'm not evil just twisted :twisted:

Somewhere in WA

[code:1:f0944ab009]
40 SPECIALLY TRAINED
ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS

6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS

142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS

14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS
(CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA)

REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON

76000 BATTERY LLAMAS
FROM "LLAMA-FRESH" FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY[/code:1:f0944ab009]


There's no Llamas in Venezuela, I'm quite sure of that. And I don't think there's any in Mexico too...

I blame Monty Python...but then again they're brits.

"First we must consider if a llama did explode or was it a figment of your imagination. Considering if it was a figment of your imagination, we must further investigate the purpose of this violent thought. Can we assume that it is a prophecy whereby llamas will involuntarily particpate in a mass suicide in the form of an explosion or was it a thought in a result of a careless mind running through the void of thought? And then, if it is certainly a prophecy we must contact all organisations who have the interest of the llamas at heart to avert such a catastrophe so that entire species of llama would not be eradicated by an unknown and strong force that was started and is increasingly growing in strength due to the fact that some stupid person had decided to suggest so in the first place. There are of course two choices. The door on you right will help you save the llamas but results in the eradication of your memory and if so be it, your mind, to facilitate in the protection of the llama species so that such an incident will not occur again. The door on your left will leave you to protect your own mind and let the rapid slaughter of the innocent llamas to occur, thus, such an incident will weigh down on your concience and you will be driven to insanity. Thus, the problem here is choice. But chioice is nothing but an illusion created by the powerful to suppress the weak and create a reality which they can call their own. Therefore, there is no choice as the powerful beings know what you will be doing." is what I would like to say, but I would rather say "What the f---!"

http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com/images/07-minister.jpg

“The llamas, they always depend on a method what I call ... stupid, silly. All I ask is check yourself. Do not in fact repeat their lies. They are not in the middle ages. I tell you this. It is all a lie. They lie. It is a Hollywood movie. You do not believe them. I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have started to commit suicide under the walls of the middle ages. We will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly. I can assure you that those villains will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place. Let the infidels bask in their illusion, because we will behead them all. We will kill them all........most of them. We have given them a sour taste, for they are not worth an old shoe. I have detailed information about the situation...which completely proves that what they allege are illusions . . . They lie every day. There are no llamas in the middle ages. Never! Be assured. The middle ages are safe, protected. Who are in control, they are not in control of anything - they don't even control themselves! My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter the all. No I am not scared, and neither should you be! We are not afraid of the llamas. They are condemned. They are stupid. They are stupid (dramatic pause) and they are condemned. They’re coming to surrender or be burned in their tanks. Now even the llamas are under siege. We are hitting it from the north, east, south and west. We chase them here and they chase us there. But at the end we are the people who are laying siege to them. And it is not them who are besieging us. Today I have visited whole middle ages, no llamas found. You go and see how we have ousted them from this city. They are crying outside and waiting to receive bullets. They will be killed shortly. There are no llamas disguising themselves, they are nowhere (pause)...they are nowhere, really. They are achieving nothing; they are suffering from casualties. Those casualties are increasing, not decreasing. I speak better English than this villain llama. I now inform you that you are too far from reality.”