Wombat News
19-12-2003, 10:53
Head Office, Wombat News
Wombat News told reporters yesterday that due to huge profits in recent years, they will be taking time off.
Pape Razzi (who would like to remain anonymous), a certified head-case and spokesperson, said “For the past 6 or 7 months, we’ve all been working really hard shoving useless news in people’s faces. We’ve had enormous success with this formula, and we just feel we need a break.”
Wombat News, by definition, is unwanted news sent out in bulk, reporting entirely spurious events. Depending on how accessible the servers are, many reports can get as many as 20 - 30 responses. Wombat News send out millions of reporters to random places hoping to pick up a scoop. With cost being virtually nothing, even if a small percentage of the reporters pick up a story, it’s still a success.
Siri, a housewife and regular reader of Wombat News feels the break is much needed. “I read 6 - 7 telegrammes a day, because of all the attention I receive, I just can’t help myself. I’ve even read telegrammes from people I don’t speak to on IRC or IM … and I’m not even going to talk to you about SeOCC. I’ve tried suing Wombat News, but they’re never around when the Mornahosse process servers arrive. And the rumours, oh my god… so many rumours. Between all the things I read because of Wombat News, and the HomeShopping Network, I don’t even have time to respond to any mail.” she said.
The scheduled break will last 3 weeks and will give our reporters time to bask in sunshine, swim in the sea and generally to “stretch their legs”. Pape says “the break will give us time to relax and get away from our computers. But when we do return, we’ll be fresh and rested, ready to work twice as hard reporting the truth as our readers want to see it.”
The break will take place between 6pm GMT today and 9am GMT on 12 January 2004 (although further reports might not be forthcoming until such time as the Wombat News crew have had time to digest events in the interim!).
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – WISHING OUR LOYAL READERSHIP A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS (OR RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY OF YOUR CHOICE) AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR. AS THE HOLY WOMBAT SAYS: “PARTY HEARTY, PEOPLE!”
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid87/pda22c0ab2140ceb42cbbf0f2271afd5b/fa9f249c.jpg
Wombat News told reporters yesterday that due to huge profits in recent years, they will be taking time off.
Pape Razzi (who would like to remain anonymous), a certified head-case and spokesperson, said “For the past 6 or 7 months, we’ve all been working really hard shoving useless news in people’s faces. We’ve had enormous success with this formula, and we just feel we need a break.”
Wombat News, by definition, is unwanted news sent out in bulk, reporting entirely spurious events. Depending on how accessible the servers are, many reports can get as many as 20 - 30 responses. Wombat News send out millions of reporters to random places hoping to pick up a scoop. With cost being virtually nothing, even if a small percentage of the reporters pick up a story, it’s still a success.
Siri, a housewife and regular reader of Wombat News feels the break is much needed. “I read 6 - 7 telegrammes a day, because of all the attention I receive, I just can’t help myself. I’ve even read telegrammes from people I don’t speak to on IRC or IM … and I’m not even going to talk to you about SeOCC. I’ve tried suing Wombat News, but they’re never around when the Mornahosse process servers arrive. And the rumours, oh my god… so many rumours. Between all the things I read because of Wombat News, and the HomeShopping Network, I don’t even have time to respond to any mail.” she said.
The scheduled break will last 3 weeks and will give our reporters time to bask in sunshine, swim in the sea and generally to “stretch their legs”. Pape says “the break will give us time to relax and get away from our computers. But when we do return, we’ll be fresh and rested, ready to work twice as hard reporting the truth as our readers want to see it.”
The break will take place between 6pm GMT today and 9am GMT on 12 January 2004 (although further reports might not be forthcoming until such time as the Wombat News crew have had time to digest events in the interim!).
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – WISHING OUR LOYAL READERSHIP A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS (OR RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY OF YOUR CHOICE) AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR. AS THE HOLY WOMBAT SAYS: “PARTY HEARTY, PEOPLE!”
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid87/pda22c0ab2140ceb42cbbf0f2271afd5b/fa9f249c.jpg