NationStates Jolt Archive

In Spirit of the Season and as a sign for peace in our universe. The wonderful and peaceful nation of Vegana has decided to donate 200,000 cuddly teddy bears to the children of nation of Knootoss with the following statement:

Knootoss has been been brutally raped by more nations than anyone can remember, but does anyone think of the children? The innocent children that are forced to grow up under the tyranny of an Elf and the insecurity of druglords on the streets. The Reich has always cared for children getting the right upbringing and are therefore donating 200,000 teddy bears via their factory "brutal truth". The teddy bears will help the poor human children to survive the hard world they are living in."

Each bear wears a full-color laminated label identifying it as "cuddly Bear by Brutal Truth" complete with a bar code and is completely filled with cement except for a small recorder that says "GOD IS GREAT!" when you turn it upside down. Inside the folded tag is the text:

Unfortunate Child, do not mistake me for a living thing,
nor seek in me the warmth denied you by your parents. For
beneath my plush surface lies a hardness as impervious and
unforgiving as this World's own indifference to your mortal
struggle. Hold on to me when you are sad, and I will weigh
you down, but bear this weight throughout your years, and
it will strengthen your limbs and harden your will so that
one day no man dare oppose you.

Merry Christmas Children of Knootoss wishes The Reich

Response by State-Secretary Galadriël Táralóm nos Cirdan

The elvish state-secretary of Foreign Affairs appears on television, wearing a pointy red head with a bell on top. Next to the usual Knootoss, SATO, UTP, UNAOTO etc etc flags is a lavishly decorated Christmas tree. A small stable appears to depict the birth of Christ, however on closer examination they look more like miniature “Joanna” plushies and lady Sirithil action dolls.

“Indeed the season for giving has come again, and we would like to show our goodwill towards ALL the peoples of the world. This includes the generous givers from Vegana. While the UN may judge Knootian compassion poorly by our response to kittens [undecipherable curse] it should not be said that we are wholly without a heart.

The best gift that we could think of for the children of the Reich this Christmas – and indeed any Christmas – is Freedom ™

She gets out a small bag with colourful round things:

Which is why we have sent bags of “Drion Self-determination candy”, enough for every child in the Reich. And if you’re a good little kid you can share with your parents too! If you keep this candy with you at all times you can control your own moment of death. Isn’t that cool?!”

She smiles with enthusiasm, and sticks a thumb up. Symphonic Christmas music begins to play.

Merry Christmas to the Children of Vegana, from the Dutch Democratic Republic



Meanwhile the tapes inside the Teddy Bears have been replaced by another tape that continually replays the message

”Drink Pink Bunny Cola – if you drink it you’ll just want to hop to the store for more.”

D'ron examined the report.

Christmas presents. Christmas presents?

He looked up at the D Section operative who had delivered the report. Even in the Federation, for all it's technology, cartain things were still delivered hard copy, by hand.

The question in his eyes was obvious, and the operative (They were all operatives in Intelligence Division. Cortana had insisted on it.) nodded.

D'ron waves his hand, dismissing the young man, and read over the report again. Obviously propoganda.

And they were releasing the FAOC Christmas album tomorrow....

Perhaps Christmas gifts to other nations could be arranged.

------------------------------------------------------

<TRANSMISSION Opens: Public Broadcast>
<TO: ALL Nations Concerned>
<FROM: IMPERIAL President D'ron Smith, FSP>

Dear people of the world, as Christmas time approaches, let us remember that it is a time for peace and joy, and a time of giving, not receiving.

And in that spirit, we present now our gifts to the world.

For our friends in the Triumvirate of Yut, we send a small die-cast model of a Federation Space Naval Warship to each child.

For the Arda Alliance, a Lord Melkor action figure for each child.

For the Reich, a small sample of the finest cheese the Federation has to offer.

For our friends in SATO, a small model of a Longsword Aerospace fighter.

For our allies in Menelmacar and the Empire of the Eternal Dawn, toy swords for all the children.

As for national leaders, each one shall recieve a holiday greetings card.

If any group of children is getting more than one gift from this list, they will get the gift that most directly applies to their nation.

http://people.vanderbilt.edu/~darion.c.smith/miniflag.jpg
D'ron Christopher Smith, Imperial President
The Federation of Sentient Peoples (http://people.vanderbilt.edu/~darion.c.smith/)
Federation Roleplay Policy (http://people.vanderbilt.edu/~darion.c.smith/rppolicy.html)

<TRANSMISSION Terminated>

------------------------------------------------------

"Jeffery?"

"Yes, Mister President?"

"Make arrangements with the Griffin Heights Shopping Complex. I need to go Christmas shopping."

"Yessir."

D'ron checked his list.

A cheese basket and a commemrative ornament for Rialla and Semir.
A firestone necklace for Lady Sirithil.
A nice dagger for the Dread Lady.
A rapier for that Prince Cavile fellow.
Gifts for the staff. Consult with Jeffery.
Gifts for Lesley.
Gifts for Jessica.
One of the larger ship models, with the AG generator inside for the FAE Council Members.
Some sort of music for whatever Prime Minister the SLAGLands elect next.

D'ron drew out a pen, and scribbled something down. The second to last line now read:
One of the larger ship models, with the AG generator inside for the FAE Council Members. And all the other ToY Members I don't know what to get.

OOC:
The diecast ship model to the Trium children:
Include a randomly selected information card about a Federation ship, which includes: Captain Name, Ship Name, Class, Weapons, Acceleration, Etc.

The Lord Melkor action figure stands 4.5 inches high and comes with a Grond weapon accessory, as well as saying "Arrgh. I will smash." when the Grond Hammer is used in the right hand and moved up and down in a smashing motion.

The cheese baskets contain ten bite size pieces of cheese, randomly selected from over 35 types.

The Longswords are, um, models.

The toy swords won't do any damage to anything (unless it is inherently fragile to begin with), but making sword clanging sounds when struck together.

"Christmas?"

Morgoth blinked. "What the deuce?" He put down the sheet and turned to Alkanphel, who stared back blankly.

Alkanphel shrugged. "I guess one of our officers might know." He proceeded to page Foreign Minister Reaven, who appeared on the screen in a santa hat and a "Party Naked" T-shirt complete with beer and salsa stains. Alkanphel blinked. The color began to drain from Reaven's face.

"W--what?"

"It appears a number of shipments have arrived from abroad. They appear to be small plastic figurines such as this one." Alkanphel holds the figurine to the camera, and Reaven blinked. He was at a loss.

"And?"

"Well, they appear to be a part of a holiday known to some as 'christmas.' While we're vaguely aware of it, we've never gotten shipments like this before. Know anything?"

Reaven shrugged. "I guess someone's sending us presents. We should send some back."

Alkanphel appeared perplexed. "Interesting. We'll think of something."

***
To Menelmacar: 750,000 tons of slag from Thangorodrim, and copies of The Silmarillion... as I see it, bitch! by Mr. Reaven himself.

To Sentient Peoples: Iron Ore

To the entirety of the Triumvirate of Yut: Barrel full of Elves [tm] playkits.

To EOTED: Benedict Arnold biographies

To The Reich: our surplus luxury cars, of the absolute finest in Imperial crafstmanship [no, theyre not made by Uruks]

To SATO: A History of Imperial Military victories, Vols 1-16.


Melkor, Lord of Darkness
He who Arises in Might
Emperor Eternal of the Imperial Dominion of Melkor Unchained, Lord and Master of Arda
http://people.vanderbilt.edu/~darion.c.smith/melkor.jpg

Siri accepted the books, she's always up for a good laugh. The slag would likely be used to make an artificial island somewhere.

(OOC: I'll write what presents Menelmacar sends out later)

~Siri

OOC: Hmm... since Roania is for all intents and purposes a puppet nation of Menelmacar... which isn't really that bad... I guess that means we get the swords.

IC: "Christmas..." Alexander muttered. "What shall we give them this year?"

"Well, to our friends in CACE, they all get fully functional dirt-bikes! That'll teach them about capitalism's benefits!"

"Don't. Alysanndra, what would Elentari Sirithril like for christmas?"

"You to fully renounce all weapons of mass destruction, put on an elf costume, and then smile."

"Ah ha. What are we getting her?'

"A Morgoth punching bag."

"Get me one too. What would our friends in DOF want?"

"Um... some crosses, apparently."

[code:1:2da0b10461]We, the Most Holy Principality of Roania, proudly send these gifts to the world.

To Overlord Var'chack, a small ticking package with a note that says "Bloody Heathen." Inside is an alarm clock.

To Elentari Sirithril, and the leaders of Ma-tek, lifesize Morgoth punching bags.

To the members of Defenders of The Faith, several stained glass windows, and copies of Cardinal Richelieu's seminal work, "Why Protestants are Evil".

To Queen Mariah of Jeruselem, a box of chocolates. To Count Richard, a slightly smaller box of chocolates and an ornamental sword. ((Alexander is trying to get in his good graces))

To Emperor Kienny I of the Holy Latin Empire, a fruit-basket, made from solid gold.

And to all members of SATO, several boxes of chocolates that will, when ingested, make them all want to have Roania as a member.[/code:1:2da0b10461]

President de los Santos found his desk covered with Christmas presents already. Blinking several times he looked at each of the gifts. He would enjoy going through A History of Imperial Military victories when he had little else to do. The model of the Longsword Aerospace Fighter would go well with the models he kept of Federal Air Force planes arraged on desks in his office. Of course this now left him with a slight problem...just what in the hell to get everyone else, those who sent him gifts, and those he genuinely wished to send gifts. It would take him several hours and multiple favors reeled in and owed from Senators and such.

To Menelmacar: A blank Federal Check, in the Memo line, "To Lady Sirithil, go ahead and write in what you need to make one of your battlegroups, on us."

To the leaders of Arda: Torture, Death and Mayhem: The Office of Strategic Services guide to breaking international law and getting away with it by several anonymos Federal Republic OSS agents.

To the Children Sentient Peoples:
Autographed baseballs from the Federal Republic Yankees baseball team and for girls electronic journals.

To Scientific Community Knootoss:
Year round access to a research facility located on the outer edge of the solar system for as long as they wish. It makes the perfect place to research in secret, and not to worry, if you want to keep any discoveries secret you need not worry about us intruding upon your gadgetry.

Hmm wondering how his gifts would be recieved overseas Santos sat back in his chair and relaxed. Christmas was definately one of his more favorite of holidays. He even pondered declaring it a day of international peace,"Hmmmm..." the cogs in his mind turning ever constantly he pondered the idea, "No...the moment they all saw each other they would go at each other literally tooth and nail." And thus went any idea of getting all the opposing alliance leaders together for a Christmas party...NYNJ had already been a warzone enough times in the past century.

OOC:Cant..type..laughing..Vegana........funnnnnnnnnnny!
ho ho ho!

For Roania: Hankeys, to whipe to drool of their feet when following Siri around

For Menelmacar: A leash, to prevent the Roanians from running of and pooping in someone's garden

For Iesus Christi: Catholic priest vestments, with a convenient hole in the front. For the altar boys, the hole has been relocated to the backside.

For the rest of the Reich: "Sucking up to the boss: how to take it up the proverbial arse"

For CACE: Cooking books, describing in detail how to cook the finest recipes from all around the world

For Melkor: A D&D cloak, some fake pointy teeth, and a book "How to be the Lord of Darkness"

For Knootoss: "Lord of the Rings, the Pink edition"

This is all ooc, of course

"Well, it doesn´t seem like we`re blessed enough to get christmas presents."
"True. But aside from your organisation, Althena, we`re avovedly atheist. Heck, Christmas is teached in our history classes."
"True. However, i think i will sent our friends some gifts..."

To William of Diablo_NL: A copy of 'Hot Elven chicks Part 17', featuring a (fake) Sirithil

To Melkor of Melkor Unchained: A Siri VooDoo doll and alot of needles

To Sirithil of Menelmacar: A Melkor Voodoo doll and alot of needles

To both: A copy of the 'Melkor and Siri spotted naked at the beach!' videotape, to refresh their memorys.

To Semir Randil of The Empire of the Eternal Dawn: A Copy of 'Il principe', Machiavelli

To Matthew Iesus, of Iesus Christi: Lots of Elven Gay porn with lover dolls Full of explosives

To Bridgette Iesus, of Iesus Christi: An electrowhip

To Ibn Khalid, of SeOCC: A copy of Adam Smith: The wealth of Nations and a punching- ball with my face on it

Message To: Oh heck, everyone
Message Fr: The Dominion of Tsaraine
Message Re: Christmas

While I have observed the sudden spree of gift-giving among other nations, as Tsaraine's Christian population is numbered at 156,240 people and the State is most assuredly seperated from the fledgeling church, we shall not be participating in such frankly uneconomic giving without recompense.

http://shade.jonpearse.net/Rene.jpg
~ Domina Rene Seingult
Division Five Commandant

Far far in the north of Vegana in a small office on top of an extremely secret facility a man paced to and through in a room.

"What on earth did you think when you did this?! Giving away things to our enemies"

A man sitting on a chair looked nervously on the pacing man. He was the CEO of the ministry of Irony and one of his pranks had just gone horribly wrong.

"Well sir, it seems our little propaganda cement bear thingie backfired, creating a chainreaction of gifts being sent all over the world. The positive thing is that our winged monkey post delivery corporation has filled its orderbooks."

The pacing man glared at the CEO and gestured for him to follow. They entered an elevator and started first downward and then sideways, finally they stopped and both men exited the elevator. They walked past two heavily armed Inquisitors and finally walked through a door into a huge chamber. The chamber was filled with gnomes and elves making toys, two gnomes were frantically filling teddy bears with cement while four elves without legs sewed on ears on the bears. Forty filthy men turned eighty teddybears upside down as one, and a deafening "GOD IS GREAT!" was heard.

"Listen now, and listen good. Since your little prank we have received all sorts of gifts from all over the world, everything from Cheese to suicide pills. Thanks to you we will now have to return the favour and give gifts to those we may call allies that have given us gifts. I order you to select the right stuff to send to the nations on this list." The CEO was handed a long list.

"But sir this will keep our winged monkeys busy until christmas eve!"

The man stopped and looked at the CEO. "Isn't that the whole point?"

"But we could join in too, even if no one's bothered to send us anything-"

"No."

"-free samples of the subcorp products, for example, might even help our economy a bit-"

"No."

"-but Mr Pratt, it's Christmas!"

"I'm pretty sure the ... gifts we intend to send will not be received in any kind of Holy Spirit, Mr Abadas."

"..you mean to go through with it, then?"

"We shall see, young Lord President."

"Sir, did you send your presents to the post office? The monthly plane to the sorting offices outside Olasonph has already left!"

Asked Mo'gath Zafir, the Foriegn Ministry Coordinator to King Na'zal XXIV.
The King sighed, then his expression turned from gross uninterest to grave realisation.

"Oh Crap!!"

Shouted the King.
Birds could be heard flapping away from a tree outside.
A car had also forced its breaks.

<within the Green Room of the Parliament Building in Kirkwick, the Prime Minister and the Minister of Foreign Affairs prepare a broadcast for the RCO and the world>

Prime Minister Burke: "Remind me again, what are we doing?"

Minister of Foreign Affairs Voegelin: "Sir, the nation of Vegana has started off an international gift-giving spree..."

Burke <snapping>: "Who the deuce is Vegana, and why do we care????"

Voegelin: "Sir, please, it is for peace, tranquility, and the Christmas season."

Burke <muttering under his breath for St. Anthanasius' intercession>: "All right, tell me what's going on."

Voegelin: "Well, sir, you are supposed to inform the world that the RCO will be giving gifts to various nations, both friends and enemies."

Burke: "Gifts of what? Trade concessions? Weaponry? What, does the world of realpolitik end in December???"

Voegelin: "Ummm....no sir, it's fruitcakes."

Burke: "Fruit...cakes?"

Voegelin: "Yes sir - the Queen thought it would be quite nice to send holiday fruitcakes to various nations, like Vegana, Nianacio, the Defenders of the Faith, the Dominions, the Atheist Empire, Constantinopolis,...."

Burke: "FRUITCAKES?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?"

Voegelin: "Please, sir - it is Christmas, you know."

Burke: "Has anyone told the Cardinal about this?"

Voegelin: "They thought it best if he were surprised."

Burke: "<sigh> Naturally. Well, where's the speech? Let's get this idiocy over with...."

Voegelin: "Ummm...sir, there is one more thing."

Burke: "What?!"

<Voegelin points behind Burke to a pointy red hat and a bushy fake white beard>

Burke: "You...can't...be....serious."

Voegelin: "Sir, the consultants think it could really work with the children and the soccer-moms of the world..."

Burke: "TO HELL WITH THIS!!! YOU CAN TELL THE QUEEN TO FIND SOME OTHER DAMN OFFICIAL TO PLAY MALL SANTA!!!!!!" <Burke angrily storms out of the room, growling various un-holiday-like epithets>

Cameraman: "Ummm....Foreign Minister, we started about 30 seconds ago."

Voegelin <stares into camera with deer-in-headlight look>: "Ah, heh heh, nations of the world - the Royal Commonwealth of Oakeshottland wishes all the children and people of good faith throughout the world peace and Christ's love on this joyful time of year.....and, umm, fruitcakes. Aaaa...an official statement will be forthcoming...."

<Voegelin rushes out of the room....transmission ends.>

CHRISTMAS! Oh Boy oh boy! I love Christmas!
Everyone in Iesus Christi Loooooooves Xmas too! Who wouldnt love Christmas.....SATO I bet....dirty sato...they killed Christ! Dirty SATO...
I'm sure Santa will bring me lots of neat stuff this year cos I was a good little informer ..
Joe Smith Age 11 Personal log excert

To the loyal Reich: Signed pictures of the Fuhrer Matty Iesus AND tickets to the running of the metahumans!

To Menelmacar: A copy of "how the siri stole Christmas"

To Melkor and the Arda crowd: Copies of the reich command singing the hit song "There is just one GOD, Not many you sinning heretic but allied bastards"

To all SATO nations: Iesus made "Surrendering SATO" Action figures, they can say "I surrender" and "retreat!" in 24 languages!

To Diablo_NL: Nothing/we're still working on the dignity pill

To Der Angst: Pictures of Bridgette using the whip

To'the terr' : A Matthew Iesus signed photo:shirtless.

To CACE: 'Dummies guide to Christo Fascism'

(OOC: $@#&!!! I lost my post. I had gifts for all of you! Now I have to half-ass it... :cry: )

Morpheus scribbles hastily at his desk.

Attend to my wishes as soon as you reach this letter.

-The Republic of Celdonia
-The Grand Republic of Coreillia
-The Imperial Dominion of Melkor Unchained
-The Eternal Noldorin Empire of Menelmacar
-The Dominion of Tsaraine
-The Union of Soviet Trasa
-The United States of Western Asia
-The Bureaucratic States of Oglethorpia
-The Collective Arcologies of Mallberta
-The Free Land of Revenia
-The Federation of Ben Land
-The Mercantilist Absolutism of Chellis
-The Empire of Treznor
-The Nomadic Peoples of Neralli
-The Repubblica of Agrigento

I wish to send each of these leaders, firstly, a letter of good wishes. I have not met many (i.e. all) of their leaders and I doubt many know of us, so send them Zeronia: A Rich History (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=51138), and the latest promotional booklet, The Many Faces of Zeronia. Send them some luxurious gifts as well. A silver chess set with a silver-gold playing board, a marble backgammon set, and a fine wooden foosball table.

In addition, I wish for the Empire of Treznor, the Nomadic Peoples of Neralli, the Free Land of Letila, and the Repubblica of Agrigento to receive several samples of X-Polymer derivatives, as well as a video of the unique properties under observation.

(OOC: $@#&!!! I lost my post. I had gifts for all of you! Now I have to half-ass it... :cry: )

Morpheus scribbles hastily at his desk.

Attend to my wishes as soon as you reach this letter.

-The Republic of Celdonia
-The Grand Republic of Coreillia
-The Imperial Dominion of Melkor Unchained
-The Eternal Noldorin Empire of Menelmacar
-The Dominion of Tsaraine
-The Union of Soviet Trasa
-The United States of Western Asia
-The Bureaucratic States of Oglethorpia
-The Collective Arcologies of Mallberta
-The Free Land of Revenia
-The Federation of Ben Land
-The Mercantilist Absolutism of Chellis
-The Empire of Treznor
-The Nomadic Peoples of Neralli
-The Repubblica of Agrigento

I wish to send each of these leaders, firstly, a letter of good wishes. I have not met many (i.e. all) of their leaders and I doubt many know of us, so send them Zeronia: A Rich History (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=51138), and the latest promotional booklet, The Many Faces of Zeronia. Send them some luxurious gifts as well. A silver chess set with a silver-gold playing board, a marble backgammon set, and a fine wooden foosball table.

In addition, I wish for the Empire of Treznor, the Nomadic Peoples of Neralli, the Free Land of Letila, and the Repubblica of Agrigento to receive several samples of X-Polymer derivatives, as well as a video of the unique properties under observation.

(OOC: $@#&!!! I lost my post. I had gifts for all of you! Now I have to half-ass it... :cry: )

Morpheus scribbles hastily at his desk.

Attend to my wishes as soon as you reach this letter.

-The Republic of Celdonia
-The Grand Republic of Coreillia
-The Imperial Dominion of Melkor Unchained
-The Eternal Noldorin Empire of Menelmacar
-The Dominion of Tsaraine
-The Union of Soviet Trasa
-The United States of Western Asia
-The Bureaucratic States of Oglethorpia
-The Collective Arcologies of Mallberta
-The Free Land of Revenia
-The Federation of Ben Land
-The Mercantilist Absolutism of Chellis
-The Empire of Treznor
-The Nomadic Peoples of Neralli
-The Repubblica of Agrigento

I wish to send each of these leaders, firstly, a letter of good wishes. I have not met many (i.e. all) of their leaders and I doubt many know of us, so send them Zeronia: A Rich History (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=51138), and the latest promotional booklet, The Many Faces of Zeronia. Send them some luxurious gifts as well. A silver chess set with a silver-gold playing board, a marble backgammon set, and a fine wooden foosball table.

In addition, I wish for the Empire of Treznor, the Nomadic Peoples of Neralli, the Free Land of Letila, and the Repubblica of Agrigento to receive several samples of X-Polymer derivatives, as well as a video of the unique properties under observation.

'Hmmm...Well, maybe we should send out some presents, honouring the state?'

'On what occaision?'

'Why, the Battle of Hyrgzyvishtolkzia, of course!'

'What's that?'

'During the Revolution, it was a battle. Well, a few of the Red Guard broke a dogsled, and burned down a Christ's Mass tree.'

'Oh...Hardly a battle, but whatever. What shall we send, then?'

'How about those Red Army action figures with the light up eyes? They say twenty-six different phrases. My favourite is "Red, Red, everywhere, and plenty of Vodka to drink!" It's ingenious!"

'I suppose they'll do. But I imagine most foreign nations will burn them...'

'Perhaps. But the joke will be on them: They give off incredibly noxious gases when burned!"

:lol: :twisted: :lol:

http://1jamesbond.50megs.com/images/red_army.jpg

"What the heck is Christmas?"
"Not sure. Looks to be something like a combination of Hallow's Eve and Twelfth Night. Plus some guy in a red suit."
"Oh. Well, send out something nice then."
"Um... what, m'Lord?"
"Anything that's not classified."
"Right."

All of the Triumvirate promptly recieved ample supplies of gift certificates for Oloirí Dínná SilverCom, Epitome Computers, and Waterfall Video Systems, redeemable at their local outlets, MIDAS members recieved little snowglobes with satelite-linked automatically updating 3D maps of Mars Space, children in the WTE recieved copies of Mesoscale Engineering Made Simple, with an attached prototyping pen, and all the other wierdos got Epons figurines.