NationStates Jolt Archive

OCC: Hello, This is my first RPG Post, so please let me know if I'm doing anything wrong?

Last Night ....

Tony Andolini (Head of State Advisor) pulled up in the Armored Staff Car and walked into the Italian Villa on the Coast of Rome.

Kevin: "If everything in order?"

Tony: "Yes Sir, We will have Complete control over the country and make it a Republic by tonight sir, the Government has no idea a revolt is coming! "

Kevin: "Prefect, So our men are in place and the Intel we have received is correct?"

Tony: "Correct sir, in a hour from now we will be in complete control and you will be in the Presidental Palace in Rome!"

Kevin: "Bravo, Bravo ... Grazie Tony, make sure Tommy Colombo (Head of Army) kills the Dictator Jimmy Corleone! Capisce? "

Tony: "Understood sir, I'll let him know!"

Kevin: "Bravo, Get my Car Ready for our travels to the Palace in Rome!?

After the small meeting Tony Andolini headed off to the Camp outside Rome in the Forest under the Command of Tommy Colombo to prepare for the battle and control of the country and government

OCC: Any Info and suggestions would help, looking for a region still, in UN and Very Active and willnig to learn how to RPG and Play (NEED HELP)!

Any Help would be nice!

I am Looking for a region!

I am a UN Member!

Very Active!

Willing to Learn!

OOC: For one thing, your post doesn't need to be all in BOLD.

Fixed... Thank you!

OOC: Also, it helps to add a bit of atmosphere to your post.

This-->Tony Andolini (Head of State Advisor) pulled up in the Armored Staff Car and walked into the Italian Villa on the Coast of Rome.

Becomes this--> It was a crisp, dry day in the Coast of Rome. A light wind ruffled through Tony Andolini's dark hair as he left his Armored Staff Car.

He brushed his hair out of his face and walked into the Italian Villa. His stride was one of purpose for he had pressing business to attend to with Kevin.

And check for spelling and punctuation.

Ok Thanks.

I'll remember that!

[ooc: It might just be my own personal grammatical pet peeve but the conversation format used doesn't seem altogether right for this sort of writing.

Let me try my hand at a little editing:

The refined opulence of the italian villa surrounding the two men, Kevin looks questioningly at Tony.

"Is everything in order?"

Tony nods stiffly, a faint, smug smile playing across his eyes.

"Yes sir. We will have....."

etc etc etc. That's just my preference, though.]