NationStates Jolt Archive

OOC notes: The whole "church" thing is just a gimmick, so as to say people who listen are is followers. Any topics can be spoken about, John Scott is a shock jock based out of Sliponia. One last note about the image, I found a blank Vodaphone logo and just added the text.

http://veratien.ksilebo.net/lancre/forums/download.php?id=2

John: Yes, that's right listeners, I, John Scott, am here to bring you salvation from the idiocy in the world today! We are carried all over this giant world from great countries such as Sliponia to hole-in-the-ground countries such as Towlieban. We'll talk about any issue you want. Simply call in and tell me what the deal is!

"Yes, uh, hi Mr. Scott, I really love your show."

"Uh, can you tell me why the Sliponian World Cup team is doing so badly?"

-- An Oglethorpian caller

Caller: I have this weird problem. I had an ordinary high school life, until five girls moved in, and started vying for my attention! Two even fight a lot, and I don't like that! If i choose one girl, all the others would be devastated. Can you help me, please?

Towliebanian caller: Huh? Oh...um...Hey! Just because people form, i mean from Towlieban are all potheads don't mean we be whatever it is you called us! Um...Bah bah bah boo! Hey look it's scooby doo! Howdy ther...Call is suddenly cut off

John Scott: I'll go in reverse order...For the truly retarded caller from Towlieban, you are the proof to my point...Which is why I ended your call.

To the caller from CoreWorlds, why not bang them all? The more the merrier, right?

As to the caller from Oglethorpia, thank you for loving my show...As for the Sliponian World Cup team, all I have to say is what Coach Bob Gansler has said. Depsite Sliponia being an "Athletic Paradise", this is only the second World Cup we have competed in. Can anyone truly expect a second year team to do great? They aren't doing too terribly bad are they? Aren't they 0-1-1? Sure, no wins, but hey, chickens gotta fly and fish gotta swim, you know what I mean? Of course you don't, because I was doing my impression of the moron from Towlieban!

Next caller!

I'm off to bed now, but leave replies to what I just said or make new phonecalls and I'll get to them ASAP

Bump.

"Hi. Me and my friends have been arguing, and we all can't figure it out.

"What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

-- An Oglethorpian caller

John: European or African?

"Well I don't kn-aahhhh!!1

Just kidding, i'm still here. Heheh. That must've sounded great on air. But seriously, we'd like to know both. Then we could tour the world and display our knowledge on swallows in general."

--Amerigan citizen and ardent moviegoer.
"Hi. We got so many great movies in theatres. But we barely have any DVDs. Why??? I want to watch some movies at home! Oh yeah, also why do I have to wait so long 'till Citizen Spam comes out."

John: That's easy, it's 24 miles per hour. If you want my proof, ask me.

As for the movies, I'm sure many DVDs will be out soon. Also, the reason we have to wait for Citizen Spam is because they greedy bah-stards just want more money! The more they hype it, the more people will want to see the movie.

Next caller!

Why do you think we're so stupid?

John: Is that a serious question? I don't care if it is, I'm not going to explain to you or any other lame Towliebanian why you are all stupid.

NEXT CALLER!

bump

See below

What's the meaning of life? Is it pi? Because if it is... It just proves my Thesis on the Cumulative Emission of Alpha Rays in Circular Orbits in an Dipolar Electrostatic Enviorment Described by the Spontaneous Fission of Radioactive Substances.

Little boy caller: Hey John! I have a question. What is your favorite video game of all time? Mine is the Rogue Squadron series. It's soooo cool! (hears scientist caller on radio) Huh? The meaning of life is pie? Yum!

John: We'll go with reverse order again...

Well, little boy, my favorite game is called "Shut The Hell Up and Don't Play With The Phone". You should try it.

As for the meaning of life, it is making fun of Towliebanians. To be serious, the meaning of life is enjoying life to the fullest...[mubling]without infringing on others rights.[/mumbling]

NEXT CALLER, and hopefully you're not a little boy or from Towliebanian!

John: We'll go with reverse order again...

Well, little boy, my favorite game is called "Shut The Hell Up and Don't Play With The Phone". You should try it.

As for the meaning of life, it is making fun of Towliebanians. To be serious, the meaning of life is enjoying life to the fullest...[mubling]without infringing on others rights.[/mumbling]

NEXT CALLER, and hopefully you're not a little boy or from Towliebanian!
Damn I guess I have to burn this. It took me two years to write, but obviously I'm wrong... *burns only copy*

"Hey John. Love the show. I'm thinkin' about starting a John Scott cult, actually. How's that sound?"

-- An Oglethorpian caller

Caller--This is Abu Bin Sama, how can I affirm my faith to Allah besides following all that is written in the Koran?

John: Okay Abu, praise Allah death to the infidels...Get of my airtime!

As for the non-crazy, you don't need to start a cult, you're listening to the Church of John Scott on whatever your local affiliate is. I can help you this way though--you can be the first bishop of the Church of John Scott.

As for the scientist, yes, you will have to burn that...I have divine infallibility. We'll take some calls after this break.

*Commercial Break*

And we're back, hey, if you're interested in buying advertising time, simply telegraph my home nation of Sliponia.

NEXT CALLER!!!!

Little boy calls back, yells, "GEEZ, WHAT A GROUCH!"

Little boy calls--"How do you make a baby?"

John: Stop playing on the phone, the both of you! As for where babies come from, ask your whore of a mother. And ask her about how you're just an accident!

NEXT CALLER!

Caller--How may one reprobate vindicate exhortation of this ilk whilst being a naif of the consummate degree? It's ignominious!

Hmm..Shut up.

Next caller!