NationStates Jolt Archive

Internal Security Agency Telecomm
Sector Chief Devries to Director Anderas Kerrik
.:Encryption Failure:.
Oh my, look at all those Communist leaders in one location. They're all gathered in Aztec National League in a big conference hall. I hope someone doesn't find out and KILL THEM ALL, thus ridding the world of a vibrant economic system.
Transmission End
Re-Route...
Intercepted by Every Right Wing Terrorist Group In World

Official Response from ISA:
Oops. Our bad. We thought that that line was secure. And uh... we lost a warhead or two... Sorry! Hope you don't have any troubles... like a terrorist group using intel we accidentally lost to nuke you with a bomb that we didn't know about.

THE NATION OF KAUKOLASTAN DOES NOT SUPPORT TERRORISM AGAINST COMMUNISM.

Since Watertest isn't communist, we have nothing to worry about, IS THAT RIGHT?

Ryan Jordan
President of Watertest

ISA Statement:

Well, as far as we know, only data on Communist nations was leaked to these extremist groups. It's rather odd, how only specific intelligence got lost... oh, well. Any one not Communist has no danger.

Now, we don't want any accidents at the conference cause by leaked intel do we?

"Oh what a Trajedy..." the Archbishop is heard snickering. "We mourn anyone lost due to this sad international security breach." More Snickering heard.

"Serves those Socialists right for being so anti-religious... Is that link still on?" Gasps heard.

ISA Statement:

We are hard at work making sure that security is adequate at the Complex. Should we find a breach, we will report it immeadiately through secure channel 13.43.6.7 with the standard alphabet shift encryption. Whoops, did we say that?

Meanwhile... at Communist Liberation International Headquarters...

"Good job, Comrade Bob. Infiltration of Kaukolistan is barely worth mentioning, although but your recent acquisition of a pair of nuclear devices from them may prove worth our while in the long run. Any other news, comrades?"

Meanwhile, at the Kaukolastan National Ignition Facility...

"Um, sir?" the aide asked.

"Yes?" the colonel looked up.

"You know the pair of nukes that got stolen by the Pinkos?"

"Yes?"

"Well, we didn't put enough plutonium in 'em. And, uh..."

"Go on."

"They've only got tinfoil for armor. Whoever goes near them will be irradiated."

"Damn. Well, did the ISA track them?"

"Yes, sir. They say let 'em stay, they're busted anywho."

Back at CLIHQ:

"Comrade Jenkins, you have something to say?"

"Yes. I think it was dishonest of our agents to identify the fundamentalist christian terrorist cell trying to get nukes from Kaukolastan as 'pinkos' to the Kauk authorities in order to try and prevent them acquiring them. It didn't appear to work, they got the nukes anyway."

"Comrade Jessica, you are recognized."

"It worked, they stole bogus 'nukes' anyway. Recent intel indicates that Kaukolastan engineering is as bad as their security. Our agents within the ISA were put in charge of tracking them down - sucessfully, of course - and my analysis of the 'Jesus Liberation Front' indicates, furthermore-"

"I don't believe that!"

"Order, please, good comrades. I believe Comrade Mark has something to report in terms of Operation Shell Megacorp?"

ISA HQ:

"Director?" Sub-Director Johanes asked.

"Yes?" Director Kerrik replied.

"It's gone as planned."

"Oh?"

"They're agents have been identified anbd captured, the Pseudo-Christian Marxist Group "Jesus Liberation Front" has been destroyed, and the rest of the projects have been slipped through."

Kerrik nodded. "Good. Interogate the double agents, then kill them. Do it somewhere quiet... and be careful. Now, what's the status on the Xathon Chemical?"

"Just as you planned, sir."

Kerrik smiled slightly. "Always."

CLIHQ

"Comrade J, thank you for attending this meeting. We're pleased you could come."

"The ISA is remarkably capable of purging its own loyalists as double agents, comrades. Their ineptitude is matched only by their ill intentions in degree. Perhaps I should say 'our', but it could be an easily mistaken term. Director Kerrik should be waking up to a Xathon headache soon."

"So they're fooled?" The Sub-Director asked.

"Completely." The other replied.

Kerrik smiled. "Communists. So easily manipulated. They won't even realize when they are dead." The three men continued playing cards, once in a while glancing over at the display screens and laughing at all of the false data that the CLIQH was buying into. Kerrik layed down his hand. "Flush."

OOC: This started as a joke and has become tedious and pointless as we continue along our merry ways, never accepting the other and declaring increasing depths of deceit. I'm going to bed.

OOC: This started as a joke and has become tedious and pointless as we continue along our merry ways, never accepting the other and declaring increasing depths of deceit. I'm going to bed.

OOC: Aww, we can't build this up into a completely ludicrous farce? Mark my words, though, there is something I intend to pull from this... :D And yes, you already did put it forth. And no, it isn't CLI taking over your country. :lol:

OOC: Oh all right, just TG me when you're ready so we can lay it out in adance.