Wombat News
27-11-2003, 21:00
Bid to end Terrifying Sexual Ordeals of Thousands
Oolloorroolloorroo, Wombat News
Sources close to the Australian Marsupial government confirmed last night that it is considering banning a so-called "date rape" drug that has recently hit the headlines.
Known simply as "lager", the potentially lethal substance was been linked to an increasing number of unwanted sexual encounters.
Wombat News spoke to Dunnybreath (not his real name) from Diggerup who, with the correct level of prompting, told us his sorry tale:
"I was out with my mates when someone must have slipped some lager into my drink. I started acting totally out of character and ending up shagging this fat bird. It was terrible, I wasn't really in control of my body."
Try as he might, Dunnybreath is unable to forget that fateful night.
"Mainly ’cos my mates keep mentioning it and one of ’em got a Polaroid of her," he explained.
Horrifyingly, Dunnybreath’s story is becoming an all too familiar one. Dozens of people across Australian Marsupials have reported waking up having been sexually abused, and with little or no recollection of events, having taken just a small amount of lager. Police fear the real figure is much higher.
Even more worryingly, lager is thought to be a dangerous drug, raising the risk of liver damage, kidney failure and "death from drinking too much lager" (AKA drowning). The AM government has opened a new lager hotline and, next month, an amnesty for blokes with short hair and Burberry shirts is expected to take place.
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Oolloorroolloorroo, Wombat News
Sources close to the Australian Marsupial government confirmed last night that it is considering banning a so-called "date rape" drug that has recently hit the headlines.
Known simply as "lager", the potentially lethal substance was been linked to an increasing number of unwanted sexual encounters.
Wombat News spoke to Dunnybreath (not his real name) from Diggerup who, with the correct level of prompting, told us his sorry tale:
"I was out with my mates when someone must have slipped some lager into my drink. I started acting totally out of character and ending up shagging this fat bird. It was terrible, I wasn't really in control of my body."
Try as he might, Dunnybreath is unable to forget that fateful night.
"Mainly ’cos my mates keep mentioning it and one of ’em got a Polaroid of her," he explained.
Horrifyingly, Dunnybreath’s story is becoming an all too familiar one. Dozens of people across Australian Marsupials have reported waking up having been sexually abused, and with little or no recollection of events, having taken just a small amount of lager. Police fear the real figure is much higher.
Even more worryingly, lager is thought to be a dangerous drug, raising the risk of liver damage, kidney failure and "death from drinking too much lager" (AKA drowning). The AM government has opened a new lager hotline and, next month, an amnesty for blokes with short hair and Burberry shirts is expected to take place.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – THE FIRST TO BRING YOU THE HEALTH NEWS THAT YOU DON’T WANT
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