Wombat News
25-11-2003, 16:41
Salem, Biotopia, Wombat News
The IT department of the Biotopian Bureau of Statistics today destroyed eleven computers during a witch hunt for illegal files, mainly MP3s, on employee computer systems. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=96994)
A giant tub of sea-water was wheeled around, and suspicious computers were dumped in. If the computer floated, then it was considered possessed by MP3s. If it sank, then it was considered pure and returned to the employees.
Chief of IT Security Fluff Head explained, "We know that MP3s are lighter than air, hence they should float on the water. The same applies to pornographic files as well."
Head was heartened by the results of today's drownings. "It appears that our educational e-mails about the dangers of MP3s are working. Every computer sank like a stone today," he said with a smile.
Employees targeted by the search voiced concerns about the cost of the procedure, especially in the current economic climate. "We've already drained our computer budget for the entire year," said Sally Spender in Purchasing.
Hill responded to the cost concern. "I'd like to point out that a single MP3 on one of these computers could cost our company thirteen billion dollars in lost productivity according to a study released by the RIAA."
The Biotopian Bureau of Statistics used to test the systems on a "trial-by-fire" basis, but that was fraught with problems. Hill said, "Every time we'd light one of those computers up, the sprinkler system would go off. It was ridiculous. Now we have MP3 detection down to a science."
Betty Bishop, an administrative assistant in the sales department disagreed. "These guys have no idea what they are doing. Last week they were in here with giant magnets trying to 'cleanse my computer of corruption'. Then we got a memo saying that the giant magnets damaged the hard drives so they were going to dunk them in a vat of salt water. Morons."
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – DEDICATED TO THE BLEEDING EDGE OF IT RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT
The IT department of the Biotopian Bureau of Statistics today destroyed eleven computers during a witch hunt for illegal files, mainly MP3s, on employee computer systems. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=96994)
A giant tub of sea-water was wheeled around, and suspicious computers were dumped in. If the computer floated, then it was considered possessed by MP3s. If it sank, then it was considered pure and returned to the employees.
Chief of IT Security Fluff Head explained, "We know that MP3s are lighter than air, hence they should float on the water. The same applies to pornographic files as well."
Head was heartened by the results of today's drownings. "It appears that our educational e-mails about the dangers of MP3s are working. Every computer sank like a stone today," he said with a smile.
Employees targeted by the search voiced concerns about the cost of the procedure, especially in the current economic climate. "We've already drained our computer budget for the entire year," said Sally Spender in Purchasing.
Hill responded to the cost concern. "I'd like to point out that a single MP3 on one of these computers could cost our company thirteen billion dollars in lost productivity according to a study released by the RIAA."
The Biotopian Bureau of Statistics used to test the systems on a "trial-by-fire" basis, but that was fraught with problems. Hill said, "Every time we'd light one of those computers up, the sprinkler system would go off. It was ridiculous. Now we have MP3 detection down to a science."
Betty Bishop, an administrative assistant in the sales department disagreed. "These guys have no idea what they are doing. Last week they were in here with giant magnets trying to 'cleanse my computer of corruption'. Then we got a memo saying that the giant magnets damaged the hard drives so they were going to dunk them in a vat of salt water. Morons."
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – DEDICATED TO THE BLEEDING EDGE OF IT RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT