Wombat News
25-11-2003, 16:22
NationStates, Wombat News
The NS economy has taken a real dive in the fourth quarter of 2003. November has been especially grim. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=96958&sid=90053de47378c21b1e2502be93d54a8f) After most economies suffered huge war-related losses earlier in the year, NS Fence Street was hoping for a steady remainder of the year. Instead, more losses were in store for investors, with brief rallies keeping hope alive. Wombat News has rounded up three leading economists for a round-table discussion about what to expect over the next year.
Gary Bloke is a strategist for Investments R Us. He holds an MBA from the University of Filthylucre and is a 3-handicap golfer. He lives in Monaco with his wife and two sons.
Sharon Wylie is the head of HiCharges Bank. She holds an MBA from the University of Ale. She lives with her four cats in New York New York, so good they named it twice.
Shylock Truckle is the owner of Shylock’s Cash Advance and Pawnshop in Venice, Italy. He lives with his bitch in an apartment overlooking St. Mark’s Square.
Wombat News: We’d like to thank all of you for being here today and participating in this forum for our readers. Let’s get right to it. What is your long-term forecast for the economy over the next twelve months?
Sharon Wylie: I think that we will see growth in the long-term sectors such as retail and consumer goods. Investors are looking for stability this year, and those areas have a good track record for the long-term investor.
Gary Bloke: I think that bargain-hunters will do very well this year. The corporate stocks that have taken a beating lately will make a strong comeback, and now is the time to buy, with these stocks at near-record lows.
Shylock Truckle: Look, man. The only cash most folks know about is the kind they can hold in their hand. That’s why Shylock’s Cash Advance and Pawnshop will cash your personal cheque, and not deposit it for two whole weeks. I think now is the time for cashing your personal cheques and buying stuff.
GB: I couldn’t disagree more, Shylock. Borrowing against your own personal cash reserve is a horrible strategy.
ST: Maybe, Gary. But, unless normal people like me are out there buying stuff, the economy is sunk, right?
GB: Well …
ST: Well nothing. People got to buy things, Gary, so unless they a line at Granny Slag’s and Pink Bunny Cola, them stocks you talking about don’t mean jack. People can’t buy no clothes and powdered milk with a corporate stock certificate. They need cash, baby.
SW: Shylock makes an interesting point. Investors do need to be sure to have some liquid assets. Diversification is very important, and cash is a part of any smart investor’s portfolio. I do not agree, however, with frequenting pawn shops and cashing personal cheques.
ST: What do you mean “frequenting pawn shops”? You got a problem with a man running a business where folks buy and sell? From the looks of your hips, you need to stop frequenting the buffet line, Sharon.
Wombat News: Okay, panellists. Let’s stay focused here. What about bonds? They turned out to be a good investment this year.
SW: This has been a good year for bonds, but I don’t think their run will continue. At best, they’ll provide small returns. If you’re a conservative investor, I would suggest a small percentage of bonds for your portfolio.
GB: I agree with Sharon. If an investor is close to retirement, or in a position where they desire little risk, bonds are still a smart play.
ST: Only bonds I know about are bail bonds, and I got out of that business a few years ago. Too risky, man. What if the cat skips out? I say, bonds is a bad thing to be in.
SW: I think the best long-term sector is consumer goods. Granny Slag comes immediately to mind. If I were to take a risk, it would be in a high-tech corporate stock, perhaps something like The Vortex Corporation.
ST: The one thing folks always want to buy from me is guns. Doesn’t matter what is going on in the world, people want guns. And fourteen-carat chains. Man, they love them chains. So, I guess invest in guns and gold is my advice. The risky thing I see is guitars. Sometimes I get a guitar in, and two hours later some dude buys it up. Now, that’s sweet, quick money. But other times, the thing will sit on my shelf for months. Especially acoustic guitars, man. Nobody buys them suckers, but when they do, it’s nice because I don’t pay hardly nothing for them. So, guitars are definitely a high-risk venture.
Wombat News: Last question, panellists. NationStates citizens have more consumer debt now than they ever have done. What is the best way for the average NationStates citizen to erase debt?
SW: The first thing a person should do is pay off their high-interest credit cards. Transferring a balance to a lower-interest card is a good way to start. Keep it for an emergency, like a car repair, but don’t buy anything unless you pay cash.
GB: Sharon is exactly correct. Paying off credit card debt is very important. Another way to increase your monthly income is to re-finance your home. If your mortgage rate is over 8½%, now is a good time to do so. Use the extra money to pay off your credit cards.
ST: I think folks need to consolidate and borrow from less traditional lenders, such as Shylock’s Cash Advance and Pawnshop. We will loan money against anything of value, will cash your cheque and not deposit it for two weeks. Two weeks, man! That gives you plenty of time to make a score and come up with the money to cover the cheque. Who else gonna do that for you? One of these investment fools? No way. As a matter of fact, if you mention that you heard about Shylock’s Cash Advance and Pawnshop in this article, I will guarantee that your loan will be approved and you will have cash money in your hand when you leave my establishment.
SW: That’s great, but what interest rate do you charge?
ST: I don’t think that’s really important, Sharon. Shouldn’t you be strapping on a feed bag right about now?
GB: And what happens if someone defaults on one of your loans, Mr. Truckle?
ST: Again, not important. But I do highly recommend that payments are made on time and in full, to ensure our client’s safety.
SW: What the hell does that mean?
ST: It means what it means, baby. Hey, ain’t we out of time?
Wombat News: Yes, unfortunately we are out of time. Quickly tell our readers how they can get in touch with you.
SW: Just visit HiCharges Bank on the web, or call your local branch office. My office is in downtown New York New York, so good they named it twice.
GB: Investments R Us can also be accessed via the Internet, or by calling a local office. My office is just beside the Monaco marina.
ST: If you’re in Venice, come by and see me at Truckles Cash Advance and Pawnshop. We’re on the corner of St. Marks and St. Matthews, right next to the Coffee Republic. If I’m not there, have Drey or Mo-Jo page me. I’d give out my pager digits, but there’s some folks that I don’t want to have that, if you know what I mean. But, Drey or Mo-Jo know how to reach me. And, if you mention that you heard about us from this article, I’ll personally give you ten percent off any gold chain purchase. No lie.
Wombat News: Thanks again to all of our panellists, and good luck to all investors for the rest of 2003.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – THE FINEST ECONOMIC SENSE YOU’LL EVER IGNORE
The NS economy has taken a real dive in the fourth quarter of 2003. November has been especially grim. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=96958&sid=90053de47378c21b1e2502be93d54a8f) After most economies suffered huge war-related losses earlier in the year, NS Fence Street was hoping for a steady remainder of the year. Instead, more losses were in store for investors, with brief rallies keeping hope alive. Wombat News has rounded up three leading economists for a round-table discussion about what to expect over the next year.
Gary Bloke is a strategist for Investments R Us. He holds an MBA from the University of Filthylucre and is a 3-handicap golfer. He lives in Monaco with his wife and two sons.
Sharon Wylie is the head of HiCharges Bank. She holds an MBA from the University of Ale. She lives with her four cats in New York New York, so good they named it twice.
Shylock Truckle is the owner of Shylock’s Cash Advance and Pawnshop in Venice, Italy. He lives with his bitch in an apartment overlooking St. Mark’s Square.
Wombat News: We’d like to thank all of you for being here today and participating in this forum for our readers. Let’s get right to it. What is your long-term forecast for the economy over the next twelve months?
Sharon Wylie: I think that we will see growth in the long-term sectors such as retail and consumer goods. Investors are looking for stability this year, and those areas have a good track record for the long-term investor.
Gary Bloke: I think that bargain-hunters will do very well this year. The corporate stocks that have taken a beating lately will make a strong comeback, and now is the time to buy, with these stocks at near-record lows.
Shylock Truckle: Look, man. The only cash most folks know about is the kind they can hold in their hand. That’s why Shylock’s Cash Advance and Pawnshop will cash your personal cheque, and not deposit it for two whole weeks. I think now is the time for cashing your personal cheques and buying stuff.
GB: I couldn’t disagree more, Shylock. Borrowing against your own personal cash reserve is a horrible strategy.
ST: Maybe, Gary. But, unless normal people like me are out there buying stuff, the economy is sunk, right?
GB: Well …
ST: Well nothing. People got to buy things, Gary, so unless they a line at Granny Slag’s and Pink Bunny Cola, them stocks you talking about don’t mean jack. People can’t buy no clothes and powdered milk with a corporate stock certificate. They need cash, baby.
SW: Shylock makes an interesting point. Investors do need to be sure to have some liquid assets. Diversification is very important, and cash is a part of any smart investor’s portfolio. I do not agree, however, with frequenting pawn shops and cashing personal cheques.
ST: What do you mean “frequenting pawn shops”? You got a problem with a man running a business where folks buy and sell? From the looks of your hips, you need to stop frequenting the buffet line, Sharon.
Wombat News: Okay, panellists. Let’s stay focused here. What about bonds? They turned out to be a good investment this year.
SW: This has been a good year for bonds, but I don’t think their run will continue. At best, they’ll provide small returns. If you’re a conservative investor, I would suggest a small percentage of bonds for your portfolio.
GB: I agree with Sharon. If an investor is close to retirement, or in a position where they desire little risk, bonds are still a smart play.
ST: Only bonds I know about are bail bonds, and I got out of that business a few years ago. Too risky, man. What if the cat skips out? I say, bonds is a bad thing to be in.
SW: I think the best long-term sector is consumer goods. Granny Slag comes immediately to mind. If I were to take a risk, it would be in a high-tech corporate stock, perhaps something like The Vortex Corporation.
ST: The one thing folks always want to buy from me is guns. Doesn’t matter what is going on in the world, people want guns. And fourteen-carat chains. Man, they love them chains. So, I guess invest in guns and gold is my advice. The risky thing I see is guitars. Sometimes I get a guitar in, and two hours later some dude buys it up. Now, that’s sweet, quick money. But other times, the thing will sit on my shelf for months. Especially acoustic guitars, man. Nobody buys them suckers, but when they do, it’s nice because I don’t pay hardly nothing for them. So, guitars are definitely a high-risk venture.
Wombat News: Last question, panellists. NationStates citizens have more consumer debt now than they ever have done. What is the best way for the average NationStates citizen to erase debt?
SW: The first thing a person should do is pay off their high-interest credit cards. Transferring a balance to a lower-interest card is a good way to start. Keep it for an emergency, like a car repair, but don’t buy anything unless you pay cash.
GB: Sharon is exactly correct. Paying off credit card debt is very important. Another way to increase your monthly income is to re-finance your home. If your mortgage rate is over 8½%, now is a good time to do so. Use the extra money to pay off your credit cards.
ST: I think folks need to consolidate and borrow from less traditional lenders, such as Shylock’s Cash Advance and Pawnshop. We will loan money against anything of value, will cash your cheque and not deposit it for two weeks. Two weeks, man! That gives you plenty of time to make a score and come up with the money to cover the cheque. Who else gonna do that for you? One of these investment fools? No way. As a matter of fact, if you mention that you heard about Shylock’s Cash Advance and Pawnshop in this article, I will guarantee that your loan will be approved and you will have cash money in your hand when you leave my establishment.
SW: That’s great, but what interest rate do you charge?
ST: I don’t think that’s really important, Sharon. Shouldn’t you be strapping on a feed bag right about now?
GB: And what happens if someone defaults on one of your loans, Mr. Truckle?
ST: Again, not important. But I do highly recommend that payments are made on time and in full, to ensure our client’s safety.
SW: What the hell does that mean?
ST: It means what it means, baby. Hey, ain’t we out of time?
Wombat News: Yes, unfortunately we are out of time. Quickly tell our readers how they can get in touch with you.
SW: Just visit HiCharges Bank on the web, or call your local branch office. My office is in downtown New York New York, so good they named it twice.
GB: Investments R Us can also be accessed via the Internet, or by calling a local office. My office is just beside the Monaco marina.
ST: If you’re in Venice, come by and see me at Truckles Cash Advance and Pawnshop. We’re on the corner of St. Marks and St. Matthews, right next to the Coffee Republic. If I’m not there, have Drey or Mo-Jo page me. I’d give out my pager digits, but there’s some folks that I don’t want to have that, if you know what I mean. But, Drey or Mo-Jo know how to reach me. And, if you mention that you heard about us from this article, I’ll personally give you ten percent off any gold chain purchase. No lie.
Wombat News: Thanks again to all of our panellists, and good luck to all investors for the rest of 2003.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – THE FINEST ECONOMIC SENSE YOU’LL EVER IGNORE