NationStates Jolt Archive

Sinalek Hall, Goobergunch City, Goobergunchia

Matthew Kartan was standing at the door of the High Council. After a brutal round of questioning, the Councillors were now having a final debate on his nomination.

The Council Secretary ushered him back in. "The vote's about to occur," she says.

Lord Goobergunch took the chair from the High Council Chairman. "Shall Matthew Kartan become the Ambassador to Allanea? Councillors in favor of this appointment shall vote in the affirmative. Councillors opposed to the appointment will vote in the negative."

A panel behind President Goobergunch lit up, mostly in green with a smattering of red.

"Has every Councillor voted? If so, 92 Councillors have voted in the affirmative and 8 Councillors have voted in the negative. The appointment is ratified. Matthew Kartan, please raise your right hand."

Kartan did so promptly.

"Do you solemnly swear to faithfully uphold the Charters of Goobergunchia and serve as Ambassador to Allanea to the best of your ability, and that you take this obligation without purposes of evasion or deceit?" "I do!" said Kartan. "Congratulations," responded Goobergunch.

The next day - Goobergunch City International Airport

Kartan boarded his flight to the Allanean capital. He had been briefed on the differences of Allanea and Goobergunchia beforehand, but was still unsure of what to expect. Although nervous, he decided to take a quick nap.

A few hours later...

"Mr. Kartan?"

Kartan awoke to the flight attendant tapping him on the shoulder.

"We're there already?"

"Yes."

Kartan disembarked from the airplane into the Allanean airport. It then struck him that the briefing he had received could not have prepared him for his new nation of residence....

Port-Allanea, Allanea

Had he been in Goobergunchia, he'd be driven in an oil-saving "Greenmobile" - small, but efficient. Here, a huge Hummerzine greeted him at the exit of the airport. A good-looking woman was also standing next to the car. A large camera was hanging off her shoulder - and she was wearing a white T-shirt with the inscription "Uzi - get the job DONE".

"Cassandra Smith, Allanea Times", she said. "May I accompany you, Ambassador? Don't worry - I left my gun with your guards."

The ambassador lifted his eyebrows in surprise as he noted the empty leather holster on her hip.

"My editor sent me to accompany you on your first days in Allanea - as a guide and interviewer, if you allow. It is an honour, Sir."

As the ambassador looked around, that this wasn't peculiar here - in fact, it's Goobergunchian-type Greenmobiles that where rare - everybody was driving Jeeps and SUV's - or riding huge bike. Everybody was armed, too - except the toddlers - men and with rifles, handguns and billy clubs where a common sight here. This was DEFINITELY a different place.

Ambassador Kartan was on edge. The people of Allanea seemed very friendly. However, he couldn't relax in a society as heavily armed as Allanea.

"So, how's crime in Allanea these days?" he asked Cassandra Smith.

"We've been having problems," she responded. "However, most citizens get along with each other well enough that violent crime is rare."

Kartan climbed into the Hummerzine. "I'm hungry," he said. "Do you know where there's a good place to eat?"

Then he remembered that the Allanean favorite main course was the skunk. But it was too late to say anything.

The car issued forth a roar as it manoevered through the dense traffic.

"Our big problem," Cassandra said, "is really property crime. See, when all the muggers and robbers figured out their job security was, ahem, dwindling, they moved into car theft and similar. Cars in this country don't shoot back. Yet." she added with a smirk.

"Oh, and here's our place. I'm sure the owner will be pleased to have a visit from an ambassador. "

The restaurant is styled after a saloon from Western movies. Two large Ted Nugend posters hang on the walls, and "Bound and Gagged" plays in the background - but not too loudly. There's a stuffed moose head above the counter. The bartender is a man in his fifties, dressed to look as a cowboy. He appears to be unarmed.

"Skunk tail for me", says Cassandra.

"Hi Cassie! Don't you say hi to old Charlie no more?"

"Sorry, Charlie. By the way, this is the Goobergunchian ambassador, Mathew Kartan. He probably doesn't hunt, so there's no need to talk about your last deer embarrassment, and I suspect he doesn't want any skunk, either."

[ooc: Sorry about the delay. Be back tomorrow.]

"Er...hello, Charlie," says Kartan. "Cassandra is correct: I'm not a hunter. Interesting place you have here. I think I'll just have a large salad."

"Oh, I see." says Charlie in surprise "Salad ready in a min".

Cassandra orders two Cokes.

"You see, Ambassador, this is a non-alcoholic, no-drugs establishment - that's why I like it. Some places will serve alcohol and drugs, but I don't go there - the custom is to leave your gun before you go in, and I don't like it. I suppose most drugs are illegal at your place?"