NationStates Jolt Archive

The Unholy Cathedral invites people from all nations to attend its next service.

Located deep in the heart of The Dark Forest, lays a cathedral. But this is no ordinary cathedral. It is The Unholy Cathedral.
Shrouded in darkness the hall is filled with various unsavoury characters. Standing by the pulpit is a man clad in dark red and black robes. He is old, and has a mad look in his eye.
"Citizens of the world", says the Archbishop. "What concerns you? What issues shall I address?"


Archbishop Frederick Kelter
The Unholy Cathedral
Corruption is Eternal
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/the_unholy_cathedral.jpg (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=94883)
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Eredron respectfully declines this invitation; the Consul Supreme has a previous engagement he must attend to.

A calm, intellectual man stands to address the Archbishop. He shifts his weight, pushes up his wire-rims and shouts "Address the principles of Slack and the Yeti-Spawn worldwide! How do they fit into the Unholy Cathedral? Is this a gathering of which "Bob" would approve? Or would he just as well DISPORT all the Yetikin within these FOUR WALLS?! Yeeeeee!!!"

A calm, intellectual man stands to address the Archbishop. He shifts his weight, pushes up his wire-rims and shouts "Address the principles of Slack and the Yeti-Spawn worldwide! How do they fit into the Unholy Cathedral? Is this a gathering of which "Bob" would approve? Or would he just as well DISPORT all the Yetikin within these FOUR WALLS?! Yeeeeee!!!"

"I believe the answers will be more apparent once you have made contact with the infernal. I recommend acts of sexual depravity, on a regular basis."

Several cultists from Kaukolastan slip into the unholy Cathedral. The government doesn't care that they are there, as long as it doesn't interfere with the State. Like all good Kaukolastanians, even the Heathens are Citizens of the State first, everything else second. But still, they show up to join their Damned bretheren.

A cloaked man in the audience casts down his robe and stands up. He is wearing a Kevlar vest covered in Metal plate to make it look like armor.

"I am Chaplain Raknos of the Fanatic Branch! What say you about the impurity of mortal man and how this will lead us on the path to THE END OF THE WORLD!"

The Archbishop coughs and takes a sip of blood from a black goblet. He sighs with an inhuman satisfaction.

"Are there any other matters that should be addressed, or should we go straight into some rituals?"

A cloaked man in the audience casts down his robe and stands up. He is wearing a Kevlar vest covered in Metal plate to make it look like armor.

"I am Chaplain Raknos of the Fanatic Branch! What say you about the impurity of mortal man and how this will lead us on the path to THE END OF THE WORLD!"

"The impurity is inevitable, and eternal. Corruption turns our hearts to black and we shall descend into the darkness. The world of goodness shall be no more as the light fades into the shadow."

Oh... okay then...
*The Fanatic sits down*

"There have been many alleged methods of salvation proposed over the centuries", said the Archbishop. "Supposed ways to escape the damnation we all received, but know that these are false. Corruption is eternal. It cannot be undone. The stain on your soul, the scar on your mind, forever."

Without warning, the Archbishop grabbed hold of a nearby woman, slashing her across the throat with a dagger. He then puts his lips to her neck and drank. After about a minute, he let go of the woman, who slumped onto the floor, dead.

"This turn-out is pathetic", thought the Archbishop. "I guess there just aren't that many people willing to trek through The Dark Forest...and less likely to survive".

The balding intellectual speaks a loud "PRABOB," then grabs his newest ShorDurPerSav and DISPORTS himself!