NationStates Jolt Archive

Arachne Cup results:

Edenstein 3 LMM 3 full time
Edenstein 1 LMM 0 extra time

Edenstein 4 LMM 3 after extra time

Congratulations to Edenstein, winners of the second Arachne Cup!

[code:1:08a4d67d0c]
Giant Evil Spider Football League
Final regular-season standings

Side P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Little Miss Muffet 14 6 7 1 25 15 10 25 x
Edenstein 14 7 4 3 22 16 6 25 x
Oglethorpia 14 6 4 4 14 13 1 22
Oddslavo 14 4 6 4 20 22 -2 18
Dire Arachnia 14 5 3 6 18 20 -2 18
Tanah Tarantula 14 4 5 5 18 21 -3 17
Spiders From Mars 14 3 4 7 17 21 -4 13
Warnocks Wizards 14 3 3 8 20 26 -6 12
[/code:1:08a4d67d0c]

x=clinched berth in Arachne Cup championship match

Match schedule:

(Home side listed first)

Week One
Dire Arachnia 1 Edenstein 2
Oddslavo 2 Oglethorpia 0
Spiders from Mars 1 Tanah Tarantula 2
Warnocks Wizards 1 Little Miss Muffet 3


Week Two
Edenstein 2 Oddslavo 2
Oglethorpia 1 Spiders from Mars 0
Tanah Tarantula 1 Warnocks Wizards 1
Little Miss Muffet 1 Dire Arachnia 1

Week Three
Oddslavo 1 Dire Arachnia 2
Edenstein 1 Oglethorpia 0
Warnocks Wizards 2 Spiders from Mars 2
Tanah Tarantula 2 Little Miss Muffet 2

Week Four
Spiders from Mars 1 Dire Arachnia 2
Tanah Tarantula 1 Edenstein 4
Oddslavo 2 Warnocks Wizards 2
Little Miss Muffet 1 Oglethorpia 1


Week Five
Dire Arachnia 2 Tanah Tarantula 1
Spiders from Mars 1 Oddslavo 1
Oglethorpia 1 Warnocks Wizards 0
Edenstein 1 Little Miss Muffet 1


Week Six
Dire Arachnia 3 Oglethorpia 1
Warnocks Wizards 0 Edenstein 1
Oddslavo 1 Tanah Tarantula 1
Little Miss Muffet 1 Spiders from Mars 0


Week Seven
Warnocks Wizards 2 Dire Arachnia 1
Edenstein 2 Spiders from Mars 1
Tanah Tarantula 0 Oglethorpia 0
Oddslavo 1 Little Miss Muffet 4

Week Eight
Edenstein 1 Dire Arachnia 1
Oglethorpia 1 Oddslavo 0
Tanah Tarantula 2 Spiders from Mars 0
Little Miss Muffet 3 Warnocks Wizards 1

Week Nine
Oddslavo 2 Edenstein 1
Spiders from Mars 1 Oglethorpia 2
Warnocks Wizards 3 Tanah Tarantula 2
Dire Arachnia 0 Little Miss Muffet 2

Week Ten
Dire Arachnia 2 Oddslavo 3
Oglethorpia 1 Edenstein 3
Spiders from Mars 4 Warnocks Wizards 3
Little Miss Muffet 1 Tanah Tarantula 0

Week Eleven
Dire Arachnia 0 Spiders from Mars 2
Edenstein 1 Tanah Tarantula 1
Warnocks Wizards 2 Oddslavo 3
Oglethorpia 1 Little Miss Muffet 1

Week Twelve
Tanah Tarantula 2 Dire Arachnia 1
Oddslavo 0 Spiders from Mars 0
Warnocks Wizards 0 Oglethorpia 1
Little Miss Muffet 1 Edenstein 2

Week Thirteen
Oglethorpia 1 Dire Arachnia 1
Edenstein 1 Warnocks Wizards 3
Tanah Tarantula 3 Oddslavo 1
Spiders from Mars 3 Little Miss Muffet 3

Week Fourteen
Dire Arachnia 1 Warnocks Wizards 0
Spiders from Mars 1 Edenstein 0
Oglethorpia 3 Tanah Tarantula 0
Little Miss Muffet 1 Oddslavo 1



Weeks 8-14, fixtures mirror weeks 1-7, with home/away reversed.

Dire Arachnia is pleased to announce the beginning of the glorious second season of Giant Evil Spider Football! With a record seven nations entering squads, this promises to be the greatest exhibition of Giant Evil Spider football that the world has ever seen.

Entrants, and rankings:

Oglethorpia (1)
Edenstein (2)
Dire Arachnia (3)
Tanah Tarantula (4)
Warnocks Wizards (unr)
Spiders from Mars (unr)
Oddslavo (unr)
Little Miss Muffet (unr)

Defending Arachne Cup champions Oglethorpia field a side of dire-FIFA spiders, captured in the southern jungles of that great nation, back in the days when Oglethorpia was a resident of the FIFA continent. Puny edible humans have taught the spiders to play football, and very well, it seems. Captain Jimbo (now known as Dave) and the spiders will be looking to repeat their inaugrual success.

Roster:

GK
El Ladrillo

DF
El Burro
Greg
Pete

MD
Edmundo
Curtis
Jim
Guy

FR
El Fuego
Dave
Phillipe

Last time around, Edenstein started off slowly, and rocketed to a second-place finish. The squad of genetically-enginered regular spiders returns for a crack at the championship that they narrowly missed. There's no point in posting a roster, as the puny humans of Edenstein don't believe in allowing their spiders to have names. With luck, the Edensteinian handlers will be eaten at some point in the near future, allowing the spiders to run free and cease calling themselves "Test Subjects."

League founders Dire Arachnia were sorely disappointed with their third-place finish in the inaugural season. As a nation of footballing Giant Evil Spiders, Dire Arachnians felt that their team should have performed better than a bunch of puny-human-trained genetically-altered mere regular spiders. Perhaps puny humans know more about football than the Dire Arachnians would credit. Sultan Prime has called for a championship this year, and he expects to get it.

Roster:

Goaltender: Badumna Malevole

Defenders: Atrax Androvore
Nephila Enormica Nephiliac
Misgolas DuMal

Midfielders: Octavia Gargantua Venema
Augustus Gigantor Nefarian
Augusta Aggressicus
Arachnelia Malagog

Forwards: Octavion Maleficus (c)
Theta Malicia
Octalon Andromort

Coach: Archon Gignormous Eviltor

The free nation of Tanah Tarantula is an anomaly: like Dire Arachnia, a nation of Giant Spiders; but instead of being naturally evolved, they are genetically altered, having been created by Mad Tanah Burungian scientists before winning their freedom through Revolution. After earning their sovereignty, the Tarantulas brought in puny human coach Guntur Ruak, and see what good it did them. After finishing last in the field last time around, they'll be looking to improve this season.

Roster:

Goal: Tarantula
Defence: Tarantula, Tarantula
Midfield: Tarantula, Tarantula, Tarantula, Tarantula, Tarantula, Tarantula, Tarantula
Forward: Tarantula

When the lovely Ms. Shelob-VIII-legs of Warnocks Wizards expressed interest in entering her new squad of Giant Evil Spiders into competition, we knew it was time to get the GESFL into gear once again. Little is known of the Wizardian Spiders, except that they're giant, and we believe they like to eat Hobbits, and they'll be coached by the generally discredited, but always entertaining, Guntur Ruak.

Projected starting side:

1 Alpha Sure-Mandibles, 2 Vita Gravefeet, 3 Gamma Arachnihelm, 4 Delta Rockrage (c), 5 Epsilon Bloodfury, 6 Zita Deathskin, 7 Ita Thunderlegs, 8 Thita Goldenweb, 9 Iota Lightning-Rider, 10 Kappa Diamondlegs, 11 Lamda Bloodskull.

Are the Spiders from Mars really from Mars? No one knows but the Martians. The mysterious team, headed by Ziggy, Weird, and Gilly, will be trying to take it all too far-- or at least to the championship.

Finally, the lucky bastards from Oddslavo, born puny humans. Have been converted through undisclosed means into Giant Spiders. Hurrah for them! Will it do them any good on the playing field? Or will the extra legs take some getting used to? Only time will tell.

Roster:

GK Al Tarantula
DF Joe Spider
DF Greg Spider-Tarantula
DF Craig Normal
MF Slaps Trout
MF Robert Tarantula
MF John Evicerate
MF Luis Tanah Ogle
CF (to be confirmed)
CF (to be confirmed)
CF (tbc)
Subs TBC
To be confirmed: The players have not been converted to spiders yet.

Late entrants Little Miss Muffet are well-known experts at horrifying puny human female children. Although their football side is virtually unknown (no roster has yet been announced), we are certain that tuffet-sitters at LMM's matches will be thoroughly frightened away.

For the second season, each side will play each other side home and away, for a total of fourteen matches. At the end of the season, the top two sides will face each other in a Championship Match, the winner taking home the Arachne Cup.

EDIT: Sultan Prime apologizes to Tarantula for misrepresenting her spiders' glorious escape from puny human tyranny.

EDIT 2: Sultan Prime welcomes late entrants Little Miss Muffet.

Wait a minute. That Oddslavo roster has the ring of the familiar.

The Tarantula Queen begs to inform the Sultan of Dire Arachnia that the Tarantulas were not unleashed, they won their freedom through their own effort. Actually her words were more like this:

"Hi! They didn't let us go, we escaped! And ate some cute people! They were yummy! Hey, do you know where Mars is?"

*** Press Release ***
Ready for Immediate Distribution

Shelobs Lair, Warnocks Wizards--Guntur Ruak, manager of Warnocks Wizards giant spider side Shelobs Obsession, has announced that he will unveil his new team tomorrow. The side will be named during a glitzy halftime show at the Cup of Harmony match between Warnocks Wizards and Tranquillitis at Fortress Warnock. Team owner and billionaire spider Shelob-VIII-Legs is scheduled to be in attendence.

*Edenstein Channel 2 returns from commercial break, Stephanie Schuster is sitting at the desk as usual*

Schuster: Welcome back from break, we take you know to sports.

*Screen flashes to Matt Underwood, sports corespondent for Edenstein Channel 2 news*

Matt: Thanks Stephie... *winks at her* Today we bring you an update on the Edenstein Anarchs, the giant evil spider football team. Last year, after struggling to understand the game, our team ended up finnishing second in the leauge wich is a good finnish for such a young team. This year is going to prove to be even better, we have the coach of the team, Coach Dimitri Pitri standing by to answer some questions. Coach, good to have you here.

*Flics to the coach, who is in a indoor soccer arena, in the background, giant spiders can be seen kicking a ball around, with their trainors blowing wistles and offering small animals as treats as rewards*

Coach: Good to be here.

Matt: Now Coach, Lets talk about your past record....

Coach: Now why in the heck did you have to bring that up? I paid my debt to society! How was I supposed to know she was only 16? She looked like she was 18, she told me she was 19.......

Matt: Not that record.......

Coach: Ohhh... *looks around nervously* Our past record.... well as you know, our boys, err umm spiders finnished second last season, and we are looking forward to this year once again. We've done a lot of hard training in the off season, trying to get the spiders in their top physicle condition..

Matt: Do you think that since the spiders are not evil, is a big disadvantage?

Coach: No! Not at all these spiders are all good natured and would never hurt a fly, *In the background we see a trainer smack a spider on the head, the spider grabs the trainer by the arm and bites it off, leaving a small bloody stump, he starts screaming and runs out of the picture* It makes it so that our team can function more as a team, and not trying to eat one another.

Matt: What about names?

Coach: Well they don't have official names, but the trainers have given them nicknames, its to hard to refer to spiders by test subject 135429087-3 everytime you want to get someting done, like for instance, the Goalie Spiders nick name is Phil... I don't know why they named him that but they did.

Matt: Ok coach, thanks for your time.

Coach: My pleasure.....

Matt: Well thats it for sports back to you stephie!

*The news continues on*

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Spider schedule
Giant Evil Spider Football League schedule released

By Bill Christmas

TRIPOLI, OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Giant Evil Spider Football League proprietors Dire Arachnia have released the schedule for the second season of arachnid-footballing action. The Oglethorpian Dire-FIFA Spider squad schedule is as follows. With an odd number of teams, the little number-crunching spiders of Dire Arachnia have conjured up a fantastic idea known as a "bye" week.

[code:1:2add5e69bf]
Oglethorpian Dire-FIFA Spider Squad Schedule
Giant Evil Spider Football League
Season 2

Match Week
Oglethorpia at Oddslavo 1
Spiders From Mars at Oglethorpia 2
Oglethorpia at Edenstein 3
Bye 4
Warnock Wizards at Oglethorpia 5
Oglethorpia at Dire Arachnia 6
Oglethorpia at Tanah Tarantula 7

Oddslavo at Oglethorpia 8
Oglethorpia at Spiders From Mars 9
Edenstein at Oglethorpia 10
Bye 11
Oglethorpia at Warnock Wizards 12
Dire Arachnia at Oglethorpia 13
Tanah Tarantula at Oglethorpia 14

[/code:1:2add5e69bf]

Oglethorpians are not sure why matchdays 6, 7, 13 and 14 are back to back home games; but that's no complaint, make no mistake.

"Dude, Giant Evil Spider football matches are so cool. I mean, besides the 7 ft spiders and the flimsy plastic barrier between me and death, it's really really safe, and even more fun. Spiders playing football is such a great idea," said one random Oglethorpian on the street.

The Giant Evil Spider Football League looks to be as exciting as the first season, if not more exciting with seven participating teams and new rivalries to boot.

Watch out for the start of the GESFL, set to start tomorrow, with Oglethorpia facing Oddslavo, Oglethorpia playing a home match at the Arkham Testing Range in Arkham, Porlamar.*

Note(s):

* = The Arkham Testing Range is perfectly safe in terms of radiation and spider-secuirity; capacity is 45,000 spectators with tickets on sale now.*

** = Newsflash. Tickets have just been sold out.

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Week 0 tables
League tables already released

By Dwight Hamilton

TRIPOLI, OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Oglethorpian statisticians have already made up tables for week 0 of the Giant Evil Spider Football League.

[code:1:0608db1d2d]
Giant Evil Spider Football League
Week 0

Side P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Dire Arachnia 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Edenstein 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Oddslavo 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Oglethorpia 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Spiders From Mars 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Tanah Tarantula 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Warnocks Wizards 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

[/code:1:0608db1d2d]

---

OOC: For Dire Arachnia/Lemmitania, to save him some time since it's nice of him to setup the GESFL for all of us :wink:

Giant Spiders Descend on Fortress Warnock

Shelob-VIII-Legs Unveils New Obsession at Cup of Harmony Match

From our news services...

Mount Doom, Warnocks Wizards–The referee blew for halftime of an entertaining Cup of Harmony match between hosts Warnocks Wizards and visitors Tranquillitis. With the home fans celebrating an early lead and the visitors encouraged by the way their team finished the half, all were ready for some halftime entertainment. None were prepared for the spectacle that descended upon them.

In the distance, slowly approaching the stadium, appeared to be a flock of twenty-four or so Giant Eagles. The more perceptive amongst the fans probably expected halftime entertainment to be solely provided by the large birds, as they performed so well during the opening ceremony. However, as they approached, it was obvious they were carrying some cargo. Suddenly, a large bang occurred on the pitch and Fortress Warnock was engulfed in a thick fog. From the heavens, slowly descending by way of a web string was a huge spider playing a harp. Some in the audience gasped and several members of the Tranquillitis footballing delegation ran for cover behind the stands. As the eight-leg approached the centre circle and was emitting a haunting melody from her shiny golden harp, she boomed, “We are Shelob-VIII-Legs and behold! Here are our Obsession! Descend my children! The world is your playground!”

Appearing from the fog and gliding towards the pitch were twenty-two other giant spiders and a rather frightened looking human desperately clutching on to a rope precariously attached to his eagle. After all their passengers were lowered safely to the ground, the eagles flew away squawking their goodbyes to all in attendance. Surrounded by twenty-three giant spiders, the lone human composed himself and approached Ms. Shelob. The giant spider spoke again, “Here is the creature that will lead our children into battle: we give you Guntur Ruak.” This was followed by polite applause. The crowd had apparently rediscovered that they were in fact breathing and able to perform simple crowd-like functions.

Ruak addressed the crowd, “Thank you Ms. Shelob. It is an honour to be here before you in such an enlightened Empire. It gives me great pleasure to introduce your new giant spider side, Shelobs Obsession.” Ruak introduced each spider in turn:

Shelobs Obsession

1. Alpha Sure-Mandibles - GK
13. Ni Cloudy-Eyes - GK
26. Omega Pool-Lounger - GK

3. Gamma Arachnihelm - DL
21. Fi Icey-Antennae - DL
4. Delta Rockrage (c) - DC
5. Epsilon Bloodfury - DC
15. Omikron Rockweb - DC
2. Vita Gravefeet - DR
22. Psi Iron-Gatherer - DR

6. Zita Deathskin - MC
17. Ro Woodenlegs - MC
8. Thita Goldenweb - ML
18. Sigma Music-Antennae - ML
7. Ita Thunderlegs - MR
10. Kappa Diamondlegs - AMC
16. Pi Web-Weaver - AMC

9. Iota Lightning-Rider - SC
11. Lamda Bloodskull - SC
12. Mi Woodenfeet - SC
14. Xi Hammerlegs - SC
19. Tav Silverskull - SC

Manager: Guntur Ruak
Assistants: Ipsilon Lair-Lounger, Hi Insectivore
Chairman: Shelob-VIII-Legs

First strip: Red and white stripes with the silhouette of a black spider in the centre.
Change strip: Neon green with the silhouette of a red spider in the centre.

http://www.stadiumguide.com/newoaka.jpg
Stadium: Shelobs Lair
Capacity: 37,200
Location: East of New Minas Morgul, Warnocks Wizards

Projected first team: (4-4-2)
1 Alpha Sure-Mandibles, 2 Vita Gravefeet, 3 Gamma Arachnihelm, 4 Delta Rockrage (c), 5 Epsilon Bloodfury, 6 Zita Deathskin, 7 Ita Thunderlegs, 8 Thita Goldenweb, 9 Iota Lightning-Rider, 10 Kappa Diamondlegs, 11 Lamda Bloodskull.


Shelobs Obsession Giant Evil Spider League Schedule
[code:1:c92a74e25c]
Day 1. Bye Day 8. Bye
Day 2. at #4 Tanah Tarantula Day 9. v. #4 Tanah Tarantula
Day 3. v. Spiders from Mars Day 10. at Spiders from Mars
Day 4. at Oddslavo Day 11. v. Oddslavo
Day 5. at #1 Oglethorpia Day 12. v. #1 Oglethorpia
Day 6. v. #2 Edenstein Day 13. at #2 Edenstein
Day 7. v. #3 Dire Arachnia Day 14. at #3 Dire Arachnia
[/code:1:c92a74e25c]

After each spider was introduced to a polite applause, the eight-legged players, Ms. Shelob, and Ruak waved to the crowd and exited the stadium via the East Gate, past the emerging Tranquillitis football team. With matchday 1 being a bye week, Shelobs Obsession begins play in the Giant Evil Spider Football League on matchday 2 when they travel to Tanah Tarantula, Guntur Ruak’s former side. Good luck to the eight legs.

Thrakhak the Slinger, reporting for WW1

<OOC>I'm going to plan on generating results once each weekday. I'll TG the results, and also edit them into the first post in the thread. If participants would prefer that I run it in a different format, just let me know; if people plan to RP matches and want time before the scores are posted to the thread, or whatever, I'm happy to oblige.

Don't anybody feel any pressure to do too much RPing, BTW. Whatever you feel like.

One final note: As mentioned in the signup thread, the scores algorithm is as follows: RAND()*1000 compared to 900-20*rank (unranked=5). One change: 10 attacks for the home side, 9 for the visitors.

And thanks for the table, Ogle!</OOC>

Spiders From Mars will field the following players:

Forward:
1-Ziggy (Captain and manager)
2-Weird
3-Gilly
Mid:
4-Duke Aladdin Sane (ruler of the Dominion and also midfielder)
5-Major Tom
6-Jean Genie
Back:
7-Davy
8-Mike
9-Mickey
10-Peter
GK:
11-Davidus

Note that Ziggy plays it left hand.

Following the opening loss at home to Tanah Tarantula, star striker and manager Ziggy had this to say: "Whoa, man. Those Spiders from Earth are big."

Spiders from Mars are big too, of course. He wasn't saying that we're not. But we only have, like, half your gravity, so it kind of gives you guys something of an advantage in the strength department.

Following the opening match, the entire side has been put on steroids. No, wait, that would be illegal. Right? not steroids. We meant to say a training regimen. Yeah. That's it.

BTW, Zig scored our only goal. Opposing goals were scored by Tarantula, and, uh, I think it was Tarantula.

OOC: No problem, DA.

---

Bureaucratic Broadcasting Network

Giant Evil Spider Football, Week 1
Oddslavo at Oglethorpia

Mike White: Hey folks, Mike White with you here to watch over this match of Oddslavo vs. Oglethorpia -- with me's Ray McHale and Eduardo Escobar, and we've just seen kickoff, nothing to uneventful since; we're looking at the 6th minute here right now. Eddy, take us away.

Eduardo Escobar: This is a good lookin' team, from all six minutes of play we've witnessed.

Ray McHale: Is it?

Eduardo: Well, they're moving the ball around fine, at least. Though those Oddslavo spiders don't look too happy, since they were once human.

Mike: No doubt about it. Must be a pretty bad lifestyle.

Ray: I'll agree on that. So, the Oddslavo Imprisoned Eleven-

Mike: What's that?

Ray: What's what?

Mike: The 'Oddslavo Imprisoned Eleven?'

Ray: Yeah. It's my nickname. I can only imagine the protest of those players; in fact, we've just got a call of trapping on midfielder John Eviscerate; yep, that's the giant yellow card alright.

Mike: Obviously not used to the nuances of Giant Evil Spider football; if you remember, it was the Oglethorpian Association of Futebol whom suggested that trapping underneath the abdomen of the spider be punished in severe cases with a yellow.

Eduardo: Maintaining the integrity game. And now, we have midfielder Guy with the ball-

Ray: You must mean "Jim."

Eduardo: Jim? What in the blazes are you talking about?

Ray: I'm talking about forward El Fuego, the forward who's now got the ball; and it's "caught" and sent back into play in the hands of Imprisoned Eleven defender Craig Normal.

Eduardo: You hold on just a minute, Ray. There was no midfielder named "Jim."

Ray: What roster do you have?

Eduardo: The one from the first season.

Ray: They changed it.

Eduardo: That's a load of crap!

Ray: And now defender El Burro has it-

Eduardo: El Burro? You've got to be shittin' me.

Ray: It says so right here.

Eduardo: Where?

Ray: Here.

[code:1:84cfee4ff7]
Season 2 Roster

GK
El Ladrillo

DF
El Burro
Greg
Pete

MD
Edmundo
Curtis
Jim
Guy

FR
El Fuego
Dave
Phillipe

[/code:1:84cfee4ff7]

Eduardo: What the hell-

[code:1:84cfee4ff7]
Season 1 Roster

GK
Numan

DF
Sal
Remington
Joe

MD
Guy
Eddie
Man
Dude

FR
Jimbo
Ken
Bro

[/code:1:84cfee4ff7]

Ray: Well, a quandry indeed. Now, Oddslavo's 'To Be Confirmed' on the strike.

Mike: And now it's to 'To Be Confirmed'... GGOOOAAALL!

Ray: 'To Be Confirmed' with a goal againsted goalie El Ladrillo-

Eduardo: 'The brick?'

Ray: You know it.

Eduardo: It's the same team from season 1, right?

Ray: Yes.

Eduardo: Then we'll be calling him 'Numan,' his original name, mind you.

Ray: If you insist.

Eduardo: And what's this about 'To Be Confirmed' scoring a goal?

Ray: That's what the Oddslavo Imprisoned Eleven roster says right here.

Eduardo: This roster crap is makin' me mad.

...

Mike: We've seen a deadlock of a game on both sides; well, aside from the goal by the Imprisoned Eleven in the 17th minute.

Ray: Hold up now, it's 'To Be Confirmed' again with a goal!

Eduardo: Are you sure that's his name?

Ray: Look. I already showed you.

[code:1:84cfee4ff7]
CF (to be confirmed)
CF (to be confirmed)

[/code:1:84cfee4ff7]

Ray: Well, now Oglethorpia's down two, and we're now at the half.

Eduardo: Not looking so good for the Dire-FIFA Spider squad.

Mike: Certainly not. Now, who's roster do we uphold?

Ray: We'll work it out; i'll 'pull some strings.'

...

Eduardo: Well folks, it looks like the match has ended; the Oddslavo Imprisoned Eleven 2, Oglethorpia 0.

Ray: A disappointing match for the Arachne Cup holders here at the Arkham Testing Range.

Mike: I agree. Here's to hoping Ray Krusen can get the spiders motivated for the next match vs. the Spiders From Mars.

Ray: If you can even motivate a spider.

Mike: I'm sure you can.

Ray: Ah, the great minds of Oglethorpia. Hey- Eduardo- where ya goin'?

Eduardo: To sort this roster thing out.

Ray: Well, that's the end of our broadcast. For everyone at the Bureaucratic Broadcasting Network, i'm Ray McHale. Goodnight, Oglethorpian GESFL fans.

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Weak preformance in week 1
Defending Arachne Cup champions put out weak preformance

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- The defending champions of the Arachne Cup, Oglethorpia, and it's troupe of Dire-FIFA Spiders could make nothing of its first match of season two vs. the Oddslavo Imprisoned Eleven. The star striker of the Imprisoned Eleven, To Be Continued, scored his goals in the 17th and 81st minutes; against a rusty goalkeeper Numan/El Ladrillo.

"'To Be Continued,'" said coach Ray Krusen, "as the Oddslavo Imprisoned Eleven players prefer to call him is a good striker. We need to form a defense to stop him from scoring on us like that when we play them again in 9 weeks."

Said striker Jimbo/Dave, "we did okay, but we need to work on our offense to put some goals up for the win(s)."

At least, that's what his handler said; trying to coerce the beast back into his holding cell at the Arkham Testing Range with evisceratomatoes and large bioengineered steaks.

The Giant Evil Spider Football League standings look like this, after the conclusion of week one's matches.

[code:1:2715975e2e]
Giant Evil Spider Football League
Week 1

Side P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Oddslavo 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 3
Edenstein 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
Tanah Tarantula 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
Warnocks Wizards 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Dire Arachnia 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
Spiders From Mars 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
Oglethorpia 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0

[/code:1:2715975e2e]

With the 2-nil loss, the Dire-FIFA Spider squad of Oglethorpia sits at the bottom of the standings.

"All we need to do is win and draw some games," said coach Ray Krusen. "It only looks bad because we're only one week into the season; i'm sure we'll make up for it in the thirteen remaining weeks."

Oddslavo leads the league; winning it's first game, an upset over the Arachne Cup holders Oglethorpia. Edenstein and Tanah Tarantula have also secured week 1 wins; but is Tanah Tarantula really on the upturn, or will we see another mediocre season?

Only time will tell, with so many matches left in the season.

Next week, Oglethorpia's Dire-FIFA Spider squad faces Spiders From Mars; playing Oglethorpia at it's home stadium, the Arkham Testing Range. The Testing Range is located a safe distance away from the city of Arkham; with ample secuirity measures for the outlying citizens and the spectators.

We'll be watching for week 2 results concerning our Dire-FIFA Spider squad.

Missive from Octavius Prime, Sultan of Dire Arachnia.

An inauspicious beginning, my spiders. A loss to the puny-human-dominated genetically-altered regular spiders of Edenstein. Bah! A goal was scored by Maleficus, it is true, but I begin to wonder whether our “star striker” is really all he’s cracked up to be. I want to see more goals! Yes, my spiders, that is what I want. I want to see Maleficus driving fear into the hearts of our enemies as he races down the pitch, his eight legs a blur, the wicked grin on his face making him look like some arachnid demon!

He is not inspiring enough fear. None of us are, I am afraid! We must become more fearsome. Much more fearsome! Yes, that is the answer to our woes. Beginning with the next match, we must scare the living bejeezus out of our opponents!

That is your assignment. Go forth and be terrifying.

Kisses, Primey.

Shelobs Obsession Earns Point in First Ever GESFL Match

Manager Guntur Ruak Calls Result “Victory for Freedom”

From our news services...

Matchday 2, Tanah Tarantula–Warnocks Wizards Giant Evil Spider Football League side Shelobs Obsession earned a point in its first ever match, drawing 1-1 with Tanah Tarantula. The match was played in the spider nation of Tanah Tarantula and many of the Obsessed were in awe of their surroundings. Goalkeeper Alpha Sure-Mandibles marveled that the trip to Tanah Tarantula was “a visit to shangri-la. This is a paradise. A nation full of giant spiders. Have we died and gone to heaven?”

Visits to the realm of the afterlife aside, the Obsessed battled their hosts throughout. Manager Guntur Ruak, returning to the nation he once managed in the GESFL, named his best side possible to start. The Warnocks Wizards spiders played very defensively and it is obvious the eight-legs have accepted Ruak’s teachings that it is better to draw 0-0 than win by four or five goals. As a result the back four of Vita Gravefeet, Gamma Arachnihelm, Delta Rockrage, and Epsilon Bloodfury were proving difficult for the Tarantulas to break down. The visiting Obsession “won” the first half as the arachnids skipped to their team lairs at 0-0.

The Tarantulas began the second half determined to put one by goalkeeper Sure-Mandibles. Unsurprisingly it was the player Tarantula who opened the scoring on the hour. Striking the ball with its favoured sixth limb, the ball deflected off of Obsessed midfielder Zita Deathskin’s right antenna for a 1-0 lead for the home side. A packed house of tarantula shrieked with joy. Manager Ruak tried to shake things up, replacing his attacking pair with Mia Woodenfeet and Xi Hammerlegs. The Woodenfooted one paid immediate dividends for the perfume-lovers when she redirected Ita Thunderlegs’ shot in off of her thorax. The visiting spiders jumped giddily along the touchline. Goalkeeper Sure-Mandibles made a stunning mandible save with time running out off of a Tarantula blast. The match finished 1-1.

In his post-match comments, Manager Ruak proclaimed the match a “Victory for Freedom. Today we saw two different sets of free spiders coming together in fellowship to share their love for one another on the football pitch. Nevermind there were several near beheadings and quite a few crunching tackles where this puny human couldn’t believe the players’ limbs stayed attached. We saw the best and brightest spiders from two democratic societies, which can’t be said of other nations involved in this competition.”

Shelobs Obsession: Alpha Sure-Mandibles, Vita Gravefeet, Gamma Arachnihelm, Delta Rockrage (c), Epsilon Bloodfury, Zita Deathskin, Ita Thunderlegs, Thita Goldenweb, Iota Lightning-Rider (Mia Woodenfeet 62), Kappa Diamondlegs (Ro Woodenlegs 72), Lamda Bloodskull (Xi Hammerlegs 62).

Unused substitutes: Ni Cloudy-Eyes, Omikron Rockweb.

For their next match in the Giant Evil Spider Football League, Shelobs Obsession returns to The Lair where they will face the other-worldly Spiders from Mars. Tickets are still available from your local Web.

Okto the Web-Spinner, reporting for WW1

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Testing Range victory
The Dire-FIFA Spider squad of Oglethorpia secures a victory at home

writer

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Oglethorpia's Dire-FIFA Spiders took to the pitch of the Arkham Testing Range for the first time; for the season opened with an away game in Oddslavo, culminating in a 2-nil loss. But luckily, the Dire-FIFA Spiders of Oglethorpia would secure a victory over the Spiders Originating From The Planet Of Mars.

The match's first half came and went with nothing of note happening in the meantime.

It was not until late second half that the Dire-FIFA Spider squad would see it's captain make the winning goal; Jimbo with as much as a 'corner' a spider could possibly kick, sailing over the other spiders and into the net.

"It was great to win the game for the team," said striker Jimbo after the match. Or, at least, his handler.

"We played a good game, and it's good to rebound with a win," said midfielder Guy. Or, at least, his handler.

The standings in the Giant Evil Spider Football League look like this, two matches into the season.

[code:1:42bd07e0c2]
Giant Evil Spider Football League
Week 2

Side P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Oddslavo 2 1 1 0 4 2 2 4
Edenstein 2 1 1 0 4 3 1 4
Tanah Tarantula 2 1 1 0 3 2 1 4
Oglethorpia 2 1 0 1 1 2 -1 3
Warnocks Wizards 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Dire Arachnia 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
Spiders From Mars 2 0 0 2 1 3 -2 0

[/code:1:42bd07e0c2]

Oglethorpia's Dire-FIFA Spider squad has moved up three places from bottom of the tables after week one; but poised behind them are Warnock Wizards and Dire Arachnia. Both off bye weeks, a position shift with Oglethorpia is all too likely come the bye week of the Dire-FIFA Spiders.

Said coach Ray Krusen, "as long as we keep winning and drawing games, we'll keep up in the standings and hopefully finish desirably."

Truly words of wisdom. Below is the updated schedule for Oglethorpia in the remaining twelve matches of the Giant Evil Spider Football League.

[code:1:42bd07e0c2]

Oglethorpian Dire-FIFA Spider Squad Schedule
Giant Evil Spider Football League
Season 2

Match Week
Oglethorpia 2 Oddslavo 1 1
Spiders From Mars 0 Oglethorpia 1 2
Oglethorpia at Edenstein 3
Bye 4
Warnock Wizards at Oglethorpia 5
Oglethorpia at Dire Arachnia 6
Oglethorpia at Tanah Tarantula 7

Oddslavo at Oglethorpia 8
Oglethorpia at Spiders From Mars 9
Edenstein at Oglethorpia 10
Bye 11
Oglethorpia at Warnock Wizards 12
Dire Arachnia at Oglethorpia 13
Tanah Tarantula at Oglethorpia 14

[/code:1:42bd07e0c2]

Keep watchin' Oglethorpian Dire-FIFA Spider futebol on the tele.

Missive from Octavius Prime, Sultan of Dire Arachnia:

Delightful victory follows new get-scary campaign!

My spiders, you have done well. Following my order that we should all become much scarier so as to intimidate our opponents into losing, each of you put on your most frightening looks and lo and behold, victory has been achieved. The lucky Oddslavoins, born as puny humans but elevated to the lofty ranks of Giant Evil Spiders, were understandably reluctant to throw themselves into yesterday’s match. They are still not used to being large, frightening, and intimidating, and when they took to the pitch, faced by our now-more-fearsome squad, they fond themselves paralyzed by the fear that any intelligent puy human would feel in such a situation.

So victory became ours, moving us up to fourth in the standings.

But we cannot rest on our laurels. For one thing, we’ll next be playing the Martian Spiders, and they’ll not be liekly to fall into panic at the sight of us. So we must become even more frightening. Being truly terrifying is the key to winning at football. All the great Giant Spider football philosophers agree on this.

And so, my spiders, here is your mission for the weekend: get out there and really scare the living spider-crap out of everyone!! And then we will win again.

Huggies, Primey.

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Edenstein secures home victory
Dire-FIFA Spiders defeated playing in Edenstein

By Bill Christmas

EDENSTEIN (BT) -- The Dire-FIFA Spider squad, at great cost to the Oglethorpian government was shipped into Edenstein to do battle with the genetically-altered test-tube spiders of Edenstein.

But apparently, something in them was better than the makeup of the Dire-FIFA Spiders; for Edenstein declared a 1-nil victory playing to their home crowd.

"I can't believe it," said Ray Krusen. "They're genetically altered -- and yet, these natural, Dire-FIFA Spiders managed to lose despite being captured from the rough conditions of the southern FIFA jungles."

Edenstein's 'test subjects' as they are referred to preformed admirably; scoring on keeper Numan when it counted, in the 85th to secure a victory over Oglethorpia putting them 1st in the standings.

[code:1:bd8990ab76]
Giant Evil Spider Football League
Week 3

Side P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Edenstein 3 2 1 0 5 3 2 7
Oddslavo 3 1 1 1 5 4 1 4
Tanah Tarantula 2 1 1 0 3 2 1 4
Dire Arachnia 2 1 0 1 3 3 0 3
Oglethorpia 3 1 0 2 1 3 -2 3
Warnocks Wizards 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
Spiders From Mars 3 0 1 2 3 5 -2 1

[/code:1:bd8990ab76]

More on the Dire-FIFA Spiders as it comes.

To: Octavius Prime, Sultan of Dire Arachnia

From: Shelob-VIII-Legs, Queen, Shelobs Enterprises, Empire of Warnocks Wizards

Dear Righteous Octavius:

We, but a humble arachnid of the Empire of Warnocks Wizards, beseech you to please consider the late application of Little Miss Muffett to the 2nd season of Giant Evil Spider Football League. Miss Muffett is a personal friend of ours and we feel her nation of giant lovely spiders will contribute greatly to our wonderful congregation. If necessary, we are willing to put forward some of our own personal wealth to fund the entry and to pay for any administrative cost that their late arrival might incur. Please also enjoy the enclosed sample of our Shelobs Obsession perfume. It works wonders on the arachnid form. May all your webs prove enduring and fruitful,

Shelob-VIII-Legs

*the petrified little white rabbit again. we think he wishes his job didn't require him to ever go near those scary big eight-legged monsters*

Oh! Here you - Ahh! are. I'll tell Her Maj - Eek! esty this is where the - Urk! spiders play.

*dives into his hole, panting in terror*

The Red Queen, Monarch of Little Miss Muffet, Defender of That Which Needs Defending, and All Around Good Gal, doesn't want to be a pain in the...um...doesn't want to be annoying. We will not be insulted if our side (we don't even have a name for 'em yet) must wait until the 3rd Giant Evil Spider Season. The bloody bugs could use more training - and maybe we could ditch this idiot manager and get one who actually has a clue. We understand Ben Dover has...how shall we put this...parted company with his previous side (the shenanigans? the hemeroids? eh, whatever). Maybe he could get these stupid spiders to stop eating the balls. We put muzzles on 'em, but in about 30 minutes they eat through the damn muzzles, and then eat the ball. It kind of spoils the match.

OOC: Stupid rabbit! Got lost on the way to Albequerque, and popped up in the wrong place.

:lol: I should have guessed that was who was pulling Little Miss Muffet's strings.

OOC:

Ah, Snub -- yes, i'd like to see some sort of compensation provided to put LMM in the second season.

Missive from Octavius Prime, Sultan of Dire Arachnia

In the interest of being delighted to have an even eight squads in this season's GESFL, and after receiving petitions from several member nations, the DAFA has decided to allow the sovereign nation of Little Miss Muffet to enter a side in the current GESFL season.

In order to bring cohesion to the insanity created by a late entry, LMM's first three matches will be played retroactively using Oglethorpian time-travel technology similar to that employed in bringing the 1901 puny human football side into the 21st century to compete in World Cups 8 and 9. LMM will play against the "bye" nation in each week's schedule (see the first post in the thread for schedule and updated results).

Welcome Muffeteers, and please feel free to have been horribly defeated by the Dire Arachnia national squad in our match of two weeks ago.

Gloms, Primey.

Missive from Octavius Prime, Sultan of Dire Arachnia

First, we would like to announce Little Miss Muffet's entry in the GESFL Pressbook (see the second post in the thread). They are now official competitors in the League.

Second, we would like to comment on our continued efforts to terrify our opponents into losing. The strategy continues to be wholly successful, as a second straight opponent has fallen in defeat. In fact, with our only loss so far coming to league-leaders Edenstein, things are looking very good.

Yes, my spiders, we have them right where we want them. So keep up the Evil work. Sharpen your mandibles. Paint your horrid faces in day-glo colors. Practice your War Shrieks. Be all the Giant Evil Spider that you can be. Come out in support of the team.

That is all.

To: Octavius Prime, Sultan of Dire Arachnia

Dearest Tavi,

The Red Queen, Monarch of Little Miss Muffet, Defender of That Which Needs Defending, and All Around Good Gal (me!), is delighted by your decision to include the Muffeteers in 2nd Season GESFL play. How sweet of you!

We are having just a bitty problem with the Oglethorpian time travel thingy. Seems the Giant Evil Spiders don't fit in the time travel booths - since, of course, the booths were built for puny humans. We've got a crew working day and night enlarging the booths - that should be done quite soon now.

The other issue is - well - they just don't wanna get in the time travel booths. We think we can over come this by "baiting" the booths with a couple of puny humans (we're thinking of borrowing some of the ones Snub Nose 38 has - er - doesn't have - penned up in their desert as a result - I mean, not as a result of that plague that was plaguing them a while back).

If that doesn't work, I can always have our faithful servant...um, what's 'is name - you know, that scared little white rabbit - lead 'em in. We've discovered they'll follow him anywhere. They kind of drool all over the place when they're following him, and take occassional huge bites out of stuff (furniture, walls, boulders, the odd passerby) - but that's little enough trouble as long as we get 'em where we want 'em.

I guess it's the fault of the breeding program. We were ever so careful to make sure they were Giant, and Evil, and Spiders. We kind of overlooked the whole intelligence thing.

But anyway, Tavi, we're just delighted to be in the GESFL, and are looking forward to our first matches. Or are we looking backward to 'em?

Thanks again, and thanks to those who petitioned for our entry into the GESFL. Now, if I can just find that little rabbit fella - he's always hiding in some hole or other.

Her Mighty Majesticity, The Red Queen

P.S. Oh, dear, we forgot to publish our roster. I'll just list it here, Tavi, and then see about getting it properly published.

THE MUFFETEERS:

Keeper: Cubby

Defenders: Johnny, Bonni, Sharon, Tommy

Midfielders: Annette, Karen, Sherry

Forwards: Doreen, Lonnie, Jean

Subs: Spin and Marty and Billie (we're working on bringing in some more subs, so we can always have fresh legs. But, with eight legs each, they really don't get tired too quickly)

Coaching Staff:
Manager - Ben Dover
Coach - Eileen Dover
um...and that little terrified white rabbit...what is his name?
------------------------------------------------
Edited becauseManager Guntur Ruak Baffled by Retroactive Defeat
...Having regained his composure, Ruak noted that it is no wonder his side lost to Little Miss Muffet. Apparently, they were fielding 12 players! Ruak then handed over the team roster of LMM, which read as follows:

THE MUFFETEERS:
Keeper: Cubby
Defenders: Johnny, Bonni, Sharon, Tommy
Midfielders: Annette, Karen, Billie, Sherry
Forwards: Doreen, Lonnie, Jean
Subs: Spin and Marty (we're working on bringing in some more subs, so we can always have fresh legs. But, with eight legs each, they really don't get tired too quickly)
"It's no wonder we lost," Ruak continued...Little Miss fielded 12 players! I'm beside myself at present, although I don't know if that was the case in the past."
"Criminy," The Red Queen was heard to mutter to the terrified White Rabbit, "We thought we counted 88 legs out there. Must have missed 8 or so...Oh, bother!"

*we are in a very dark "office" - it's really more of a cavish kind of hole-in-the-ground thing. sort of like what a hobbit hole would look like, if the hobbit was a disgustingly dirty piggish kind of hobbit. ben dover is wiping off some dirt that fell on his head and shoulders from the "ceiling". eileen, wearing a construction hard hat and a used firemans' coat, is seated at a "desk" (really, a big flat stone).*

- That was a hellish trip!
- But, Ben, honey, we had to make up the matches we missed.
- I'll thank you not to lump me in with those monstrously ugly eight-legged horrors!
- Still - it had to be done.
- It's obvious these particular Giant Evil Spiders come from Snub Nose 38. Four matches played - three draws! Gack!
- In all fairness, they did win the first match, Benjamin. And what with having only two subs, three draws and a win is pretty good, I say.
- Yeah...well...where is that flippin' rabbit?
- Why?
- I wanna get them to at least put a ceiling in here.
- I asked. It's not in the budget.
- Well, what is in the budget? Every time I ask...
- Uniforms, travel, and footballs.
- And...
- There is no "and".
- How did I wind up in this hole?
- The Red Queen gave it to us - she said it's the best hole in all...
- Oh, just hand me that bottle of tequila.

*aspn (no, not asteroid sports network - arachnid sports network will be covering the muffeteers 4th match later this evening - as soon as that poor little terrified white rabbit finishes setting up their broadcast antenna*

(ovo)
/\/\/\/\ - Arachnid Sports Network
Giant Evil Spider Reporter: The Muffeteers played Oglethorpia. Oglethorpian Giant Evil Spiders have funny names. Ha!

The Red Queen: You're supposed to tell us about the game.

GESR: Why? You watched, too.

TRQ: Well, I did watch, yes. But the audience didn't watch. You're supposed to tell them what happened.

GESR: I tell them. I tell them Muffeteers play Oglethorpia.

Terrified White Rabbit: Um...yes, but - urk! you have to tell them how - don't touch me! it happened.

GESR: Why? If they want to know, why they not go to game?

TWR:Because they - eep! may not have been able to oh, no!. Or, maybe they could - augh! n't get tickets.

GESR: I didn't have no ticket.

TRQ: Well, of course, you had your press pass, so they let you in.

GESR: Press pass? What's "press pass"?

TRQ: That official document they gave you, so you could go in without a ticket, go up to the press box, and watch the match.

GESR: Press box?

TWR: You didn't go ah! to the press box?

GESR: I go'd to the game. I go'd in. Little man tried to stop me - I bit him - he ran away. Left one arm behind.

TRQ: Didn't you have your muzzle?

GESR: Ate muzzle. Did not taste good.

TRQ: Well, what about your press pass? That white card with "P-R-E-S-S" on it?

GESR: That? I ate that to make the taste of muzzle go away.

TWR: We're in trouble. I knew eek! this whole spider thing was gack! a bad idea. Big, ugly, monstrous, - erk! horrendous things!

GESR: Who's ugly, horrendous, things?

TWR: ...eep...

TRQ: But what about the match? What happened at the match? You have to tell us about the match.

GESR: Oglethorpia Big Giant Evil Spider El Fuego was on fire! Score sizzlin' goal! Tromp on Tommy, kick ball with left-left-left foot, then with left-left foot, then really boot it with left foot. Ball hit Cubby in the nose. Cubby fall down and cry, and ball roll into net.

TRQ: Good! Good! Then what?

GESR: Puny human manager called Ben scream at Cubby. Cubby get mad and chase Ben-human. Ben-human climb up on top of roof where other reporters were. Oh! That was press box?

TWR: Yes. That was help! press...I mean, the press box.

GESR: Eileen-puny-human holler for Spin to go in net. Spin thinks net is a web. He climbs around on it. Ben-human yell at Spin to guard something. Cubby start to go back to play. Eileen-human tell Cubby not to. Cubby get mad and try to bite Eileen-human. She smack Cubby on his nose. Cubby fall down and cry again.

TRQ: Very good. I mean, the reporting. Not Cubby's behavior. Your reporting is getting better.

GESR: So, half time happen. Some Spiders with pom-poms and stuff come out and start to jump around. But, their legs got all tangled up. They try to get untangly, and it just got worser. Some legs get tied in knots. Big truck thing with big grabby handle come out, pick 'em up and take 'em away.

TWR: Gads! Could they ohh! be any stupider?

GESR: You be quiet or I bite your head off!

TWR: okay...

TRQ: Well, what happened next? In the second half?

GESR: Oh. Twenty two Giant Evil Spiders go on field and run around a lot. There was that ball again, too. When it was about half over, Doreen gets tripped by Ogly Spider in something they called "the box". They put that ball on a spot near the net, and twenty of the spiders got out of the way. Doreen ran at the ball, and kicked it to the left. Then, she kicked it again, to the right. Then, she kicked it again, to the left. The Oglethorpian keeper Spider got his legs wrapped around each other an fell down. The ball went in.

TRQ: So...

GESR: So...what...?

TRQ: And...

GESR: And...what?

TRQ: Remind me to rent you a brain for the next match. Did any other goals get scored?

GESR: Goals?

TWR: When the ball urk! goes in the "netty" thing.

GESR: That's a goal? No, that not happen any more.

TRQ: So, the match ended in a draw, then?

GESR: Draw? I can't draw good.

TRQ: Enough! Cut! Stop the cameras! Somebody find one of these flippin' bugs with at least half a brain before we air next time! And get this silly rabbit out of here before he dies of fright.

*Emperor Ed picks up the paper and looks at the fron page, seeing that the Edenstein spiders have won 3 out of the four games they've played he pages Jane*

Ed: Jane, can you get me tickets to the next home game for our spiders? I want to show the country that we support our Edenstein teams.

Jane: Excuse me sir, do I look like Ticket Master to you?

Ed: Well no....

Jane: Good, because Its time for my lunch break.. *the sounds of papers shuffling and her chair moving out can be heard, and then the clunking of her heels on the hard wood floor as she leaves the office*

Ed: *scribbles on a piece of paper and then tries to go online and order the tickets himself*

[code:1:c3ffba6eab]
(0v0) (0^0) (o^o) (*v*)
/\/\/\/\ /\/\/\/\ /\/\/\/\ /llllll\[/code:1:c3ffba6eab]
The Muffeteers Front Line: Doreen, Lonnie, Jean; & Keeper Cubby
(Cubby hung one on last night)
...testing...one...two...three...testing...

Manager Guntur Ruak Baffled by Retroactive Defeat

Shelobs Obsession Lose First Match with Little Miss Muffet

From our news services...

Shelobs Lair, Warnocks Wizards--Despite earlier reports stating that Shelobs Obsession drew their first-ever match with Tanah Tarantula, it now turns out the giant spider side actually lost 3-1 to fellow debutantes [and aren't their balls lovely? ummm, dancing balls, actually...oh, never mind] Little Miss Muffet. Looking at the current table, and thinking his side were sitting well on all eights, having drawn with all opposition, Manager Guntur Ruak was startled to discover his side had indeed lost a match.

"It's difficult enough managing a game in the present in the Giant Evil Spider Football League. Imagine how nigh on impossible it is to manager a retroactive match," lamented Ruak. "Their goals which never were, actually were, but shouldn't have been. Alpha Sure-Mandibles should have stopped that shot that didn't actually happen. Although, later we found out it did happen. Damn, where is that tea I thought I was drinking?"

Having regained his composure, Ruak noted that it is no wonder his side lost to Little Miss Muffet. Apparently, they were fielding 12 players! Ruak then handed over the team roster of LMM, which read as follows:


THE MUFFETEERS:

Keeper: Cubby

Defenders: Johnny, Bonni, Sharon, Tommy

Midfielders: Annette, Karen, Billie, Sherry

Forwards: Doreen, Lonnie, Jean

Subs: Spin and Marty (we're working on bringing in some more subs, so we can always have fresh legs. But, with eight legs each, they really don't get tired too quickly)

"It's no wonder we lost," Ruak continued. "Not only could we have not played the match at Shelobs Lair, unless we did so invisibly at the same time of The Cup of Harmony matches, but Little Miss fielded 12 players! I'm beside myself at present, although I don't know if that was the case in the past."

Clearly, Ruak has been at the Shire leaf again! Shelobs Obsession did fall to Little Miss Muffet at The Lair on Matchday 1. Iota Lightning-Rider netted the only goal for the home side.

Okto the Web-Spinner, reporting for WW1

Deja Vu Strikes Again

Shelobs Obsession Play Two Identical 2-2 Matches

From our news services...

Matchday 3&4, Warnocks Wizards & Oddslavo–Two matches. Two identical results. Two identical matches? It felt like deja vu all over again. Shelobs Obsession played the Spiders from Mars to a 2-2 draw at Shelobs Lair and followed that performance with a 2-2 draw at Oddslavo.

The matches were identical in nature. The Obsessed giving up an early goal on 8 minutes when one of their opponents back heeled in a shot using the seventh leg set up by a third-leg cross from the right. Alpha Sure-Mandibles made the same exact leap to stop the shot, to no avail. 1-0 to Spiders from Mars/Oddslavo. The Obsessed fought back bravely in both matches. Kappa Diamondlegs scored the dual equaliser after Ita Thunderlegs was fouled outside the two penalty boxes. The Diamondlegs’ two shots evaded the Martian/Oddslave keeper, leveling both matches at 1-1. Guntur Ruak jogged off at the end of both halves with his side even. The Obsessed then took the lead in both matches when substitute Mia Woodenfeet’s dual strikes evaded the two opposition keepers. This was a surprise to both sets of spectators as Mia came on at halftime in both matches for Lambda Deathskull who had to limp off the two pitches with a recurring concussion. Guntur Ruak made the same decision in both matches to sit on the 2-1 lead, allowing both Spiders from Mars and Oddslavo to draw even at the death. Vita Gravefeet’s dual poor clearances found an open Martian/Oddslave striker, who both punished the Obsessed by scoring their goals on 86 minutes. After both 2-2 draws, Guntur Ruak read from his songsheet and proclaimed both results, “A victory for eight-legs everywhere.”

Okto the Web-Spinner, reporting for WW1

Bottom-dwellers say they're happy there

Spider City, Perelandra-- [AP] The national Martian Arachnid football team remained at the bottom of the GESFL standings after drawing yesterday with Oddslavo, 1-all. Some fans have noticed that the team has remained at the bottom of the standings since the first day of GESFL play while others have been too blizted by the sight of Zig's god-given ass to notice much, if any, actual football. But what do the players have to say?

"We're really very happy," said defender Davy Jones, a 2.5-meter brown Wolf spider with horrifying fangs and a sweet, boyish face. "It's not every day you get to dwell beneath the ranks of such GESFL luminaries as Oglethropia and Edenstein. We'll just take what we can get and like it."

Team proprietor and lord of the Dominion Duke Sane concurs. "First place, last place, what's really the difference? We're not here to win. We're here to scare the crap out of puny humans. And to eat some of them." Duke Sane is a 3-meter tall Jumping Spider with glistening red carapace, whose standing leap exceeds forty-five meters. Look out, you puny humans!

Zig added, "Well, it's all cool, man. Win, lose, or draw. We're all equals in the eyes of the Great Spider in the Sky." For those who may have missed it, Ziggy plays it left hand.

Will the team ever start winning? "Oh, definitely," Zig concluded. he had no details to add, even when pressed.

The Tuffet

Muffeteers Muff Another One
Curdistadt Willie Whey

Well, dear reader, they've gone and muffed another one. The Muffeteers don't seem to be able to win a football match. I'd go so far as to say I think their first match, which somehow they did win, was a fluke - a mistake - an error, if you will.

I've watched these Giant Evil Spiders, and they thing is, they don't seem to be thinking. What they seem to be doing is imitating. Every time the opposition scores a goal, the Muffeteers score a goal. And that's all. They have NEVER been ahead since that first match.

This last match with Edenstein is a perfect example. Edenstein started the match in a defensive posture. The Muffeteers adopted a defensive posture. Their Manager, Ben Dover (?) over on the sidelines was literally screaming for them to attack. They stayed defensive. Then, just about when poor old Ben was about to have apoplexy, Edenstein shifted to attack minded play - and, so did the Muffeteers. When Edenstein slipped back into defensive play, surprise, surprise, the Muffeteers shifted to defensive play. On, on. Off, off. Attack, attack. Defend, defend. Even that soft spoken sweetheart, Eileen Dover, was punching her players in the nose to get their attention every time they came by for a word of instruction. And, so ended the first half.

In the second half we noticed immediatley that - nothing had changed! Edenstein started in a defensive mode - the Muffeteers started in a defensive mode - Ben Dover screamed and turned purple in the face - and Eileen was punching every Giant Evil Spider nose she came near. Then, at about the 67th minute, Edenstein really poured it on, and slipped one past Cubby - who immediatley started to cry. The Muffeteers subed Spin in at keeper for the second match in a row. As soon as the match started up again, the Muffeteers attacked in what I can only describe as a frenzy - and a frenzy is not a pretty thing. And, in the 73rd minute, they scored (it was Annette, I think - it's hard to tell these monstrous arachnids apart, especially from a distance. At any rate, Annette got credit for the goal). Then everything pretty much went back to copycat football - and the match ended in a 1 - 1 draw.

Ben Dover was carried off by the medical staff in the 85th minute. Eileen managed the side for the rest of the match.

But, dear reader, all that being said, I truly recommend you come out to the matches. It's an incredible sight, 176 legs all trying to kick the same ball. And, while this reporter thinks the Muffeteers need to become more agressive (a frightening thing to say about these creatures), and more innovative in their play, I must admit that they did play some good football, and by gum didn't lose to Edenstein, the top side in the league.

Come out and cheer your horrific giant evil spider monsters on to what we hope will be a victory!
--------------------------------------------------------
OOC: Edit - It occurs to me that I have Eileen punching Giant Evil Spiders in the nose. In all probability, they wouldn't have a nose. Oh, well.

A short-wave radio broadcast, monitored somewhere near Tanah Tarantula:

Hi, we finally got the radio to work! Yay! Here's Coach Tarantula. She's nice! I mean, evil. Boo!

"It's going .... OK. We won a game. Oh, and drew lots. We like to draw."

The hideous, so-cheerful-it's-evil voice, began to ... sing. No one could hear this broadcast without their blood running chill.

"Happy evil spiders, sitting in a row,
One fell down, and didn't know where to go,
One climbed up, to where the humans sat,
Ate them up, they were yummy, sleek and fat."

Hey, thanks coach. That was a fun song! You're cute! Too bad we didn't beat Oddslavo. Too bad we only win games on other planets. Hey! What's that? It looks all metallic and yummy. It-

Suddenly, the broadcast ended.

ARACHNID SPORTS NETWORK

ASPN Reporter Alan Wolftooth - Hello. This is "Muffeteers On Parade", I'm Alan Wolftooth, and you're not.

Today we talk about Spiders From Mars. Okay. So. Spiders From Mars came here to The Queendom of Little Miss Muffet. And we all went over to our new national stadium, "Websters". The Spiders From Mars and The Muffeteers played football for awhile. There were a lot of puny humans, and some puny martians, watching. The Giant Evil Spiders from Mars, and the Giant Evil Spider Muffeteers kept looking into the stands, and drooling. But over there at "Websters" they put a big tall fence all around just in front of where the puny humans (and puny martians) sit. It's barbed wire, so it hurts when we try to climb it.

So, they just played football. And drooled.

That Ben-human kept yelling at the Muffeteers. Stuff about "pass the ball" and "work together" and "at least try to look like you're playing football." Karen and Sharon finally climbed the fence by where the Ben-human and the Eileen-human were. They tried to eat the Ben-human. But, he ran away and climbed up on a roof. Then they tried to eat the Eileen-human. She punched them in the nose. That hurt, so they climbed back over the fence and played football some more.

After awhile another puny-human blew his whistle, and it was half time. The Spiders From Mars and the Muffeteers rested their legs. Because we have eight legs instead of two like the puny-humans, they rested a long time. Finally, the puny-humans and the puny-martians watching got mad and started yelling and throwing things. So they started playing football with that ball again.

Two of the Spiders from Mars found a little hole in the fence. They squeezed through and caught a couple of the puny-humans and ate them. While they were doing that, Doreen poked the ball into the net for a goal. Then the puny-human guards with the electric prods and whips and guns chased the Spiders from Mars back through that hole onto the field.

They fixed that hole, and so they Giant Evil Spiders (even the Dire ones) couldn't get through there anymore. They just kicked the ball some more.

The Ben-human, all red and purple and screaming, fell down. Some puny-humans in white coats picked him up, and put him on a board, and carried him away.

Okay, then they played more football by, um, kicking the football. More.

Sherry and one of the Spiders from Mars got mad at each other and started to fight. The puny-humans said they were being "sent off". They didn't want to, and said if the puny-humans tried to make them go they would bite off their heads. So, they left them alone and then it was over and we had to say goodbye to the nice Giant Evil Spiders From Mars. And we did. And they said goodbye.

Then they went back to Mars, and the Muffeteers kept looking for tasty puny-humans. They didn't find any.

The end.

Terrified White Rabbit- CUT!

The Red Queen - That was...well, all I can say...it was awful! He never told 'em we won the match! He didn't do play-by-play! He never introduced the film clips, so we couldn't show 'em! He didn't even announce the score!

TWR - I told you argh! getting one of those monsters to geep! do the show was a bad idea.

Tanah Tarantula Times-Picayune-Monster

It was a great day in The Swamp (or as Queen Tarantula calls it, Tarantula Evil National Stadium). Lots of flies, a lovely drizzle, and it was really dark and dank and musty. Hurray! And who came to town but Oglethorpia and their cute mascot, Ogre Gil Thorp.

Last time we played them, we ate some of their handlers. OK, the Tarantulas lost, but it was a yummy game. And the time before that, they scorched us with flame throwers. Those meanies. So we wanted some payback. Or else some yummy human to eat.

Ogre Gil did some cool stunts. He was jumping around on the sidelines, threatening to ground up our bones to make bread. Silly Ogre! Everyone knows Tarantulas don't have bones! So i peed in his hat. It was fun. And evil!

It seems like most of the game the Tarantulas just tried to eat the Ogre Gil Thorpian handlers. And most of the Oglish spiders tried to stop us. Hey! Whose side are they on anyway? Coach Tarantula made sure there were always three or four Tarantulas on the pitch, so we didn't accidentally lose the match while trying to have some lunch. He's smart! Or maybe she's smart, i can never tell.

Anyways, thanks for reading! I'm not going to tell you the score. See how evil i am? Oh, all right, since you asked nicely. It was 0-0. I think old coach Ruak would have been proud of us. Then we tried to give Guy a wedgie, but he already went home. He's kind of evil himself. OK, time for dinner. I mean, Evil Meal!

The Red Queen, Monarch of Little Miss Muffet, Defender of That Which Needs Defending, and All Around Good Gal, is absolutely astounded. That silly little terrified white rabbit suggested we get a real manager when we decided to field a Giant Evil Spider football side. We thought maybe we could get this Ben Dover fella to teach these - well, the only word for it is "stupid" - Giant Evil Spiders not to look completely incompetent on a football pitch. Holy Mackeral! They're number 2!

Well, it's just so fabulous! It seems like if we can just distract their attention from eating puny-hum...er, people, they actually can play football!

Gotta go now. Some State Dinner or somesuch. The white rabbit is all jumpy and "your majesticity is gonna' be late" and whatnot. Bye.

OOC: Only have a couple minutes of PC time. So...RP of match later

The Tuffet

Muffeteers On The Move!
Curdistadt Willie Whey

Well, dear reader, I must apologize to the Muffeteers and their Manager. The Muffeteers' recent 4-1 win over Oddslavo proves they are, after all, able to win a football match. We're not sure exactly what changed, and Manager Ben Dover's keeping mum, but there's no denying the result. There they are, our Little Miss Muffeteers, sitting pretty in second place!

Dear reader, you must come out to the matches and watch you wonderful Muffeteers! It's an incredible sight, 176 legs all trying to kick the same ball. And, for a change, they seem to be kicking with a purpose. At the Oddslavo match I was sitting just above and behind the side, and they were on fire! Literally - we had to call the fire department and douse them - something about some kids, and some firecrackers or what not. While they were being put out, I leaned over to Eileen Dover and asked her what she attributed their new found success to.

"It's something Ben said to 'em," Eileen responded. "He told 'em he knew where there were even Dire-er, Gianter, Eviler Spiderer - er - Spiders. And if they didn't start winning once in a while, he'd replace 'em."

I asked how that could make such a difference.

"Well," Eileen said, "He hinted that those he replaced would become fodder for the replacements. Apparently, no one wants to be eaten."

I can understand that, dear reader. Why, just at this past match I was reminded how much I don't want to be eaten when several of the Muffeteers managed to squeeze into the stands and started munching on the odd spectator. I was ever so glad when the security guards came with the electric prods and guns and some very sharp pointy sticks and "convinced" the monstrous things to go back on the pitch.

About half way through the second half, with the score 4 - 0 in the Muffeteers favor, they began to let down. A lot. In fact, most of them were just ambling around down there, and a few of them were even standing around grooming one another. It was during this "lull" that Oddslavo scored. Ben Dover went berserk (again) and began screaming at the Muffeteers. No one is quite sure what he was screaming, as he was simultaneously swallowing his tongue. The medical staff rushed to his side and administered a muscle relaxant (it was a HUGE hypodermic!). Ben immediately stopped choking on his tongue, stopped screaming - in fact, he stopped everything except collapsing in a heap out cold. They carried him off in a stretcher for the second consecutive match. Eileen managed the team for the last 17 minutes.

It was an exciting match! So, come out and cheer your horrible and humongous evil spider monsters on to what we hope will be more victories!

ARACHNID SPORTS NETWORK

ASPN Reporter Alan Wolftooth - Hello. This is "Muffeteers On Parade", I'm Alan Wolftooth, and you're not. Today I'm joined by Captain Cubby of the Muffeteers. Welcome, Cubby!

Cubby, Captain of the Muffeteers - What?

AW - I said, "Welcome, Cubby!"

CC - I said, "What?"

AW - Um...Ok...How about them Warnockian Wizardly Giant Evil Spiders?

CC - What?

AW - What do you mean, "What?" Cut it out with the "What"! Next one to say "What" gets wacked. Waddaya, got something in your ear? Got a hearing problem?

CC - Sorry, I got a hearing problem - somethin' in my ear.

AW - What?

*a small terrified white rabbit wacks Alan Wolftooth. Alan glares, and takes a swing at the rabbit - who ducks into a convenient hole just in time to avoid getting wacked himself*

CC - You ask question. I try to hear 'em. An' I answer 'em.

AW - Well, yes, that's pretty much what (terrified white rabbit wacks AW again, and dives back into hole) an interview is. *attempts to wack rabbit - misses again*

*awkward pause...*

AW (extremely loud) - So, tell us a little about the game against Warnock Wizards, Cubby.

CC - We win.

*another awkward pause...*

AW - Yes, well, I guess that's a little. Could you elaborate? Tell me, how did the Muffeteers score their first goal?

CC - Kicked ball into net.

AW - Who?

CC - Who what? (terrified white rabbit wacks Cubby, and dives back into hole)

CC - Hey! Rabbit, you do that again, I bite your head off!

AW - Who?!

CC - That li'l white rabbit.

AW - No. I mean, who scored the first goal

CC - Goal? Oh...Annette get first goal.

AW - Okay, now we're getting somewhere.

CC - Where?

AW - What? (terrified white rabbit wacks Alan, and dives back into hole)

CC - NO! I say "Where?" Where we gettin'?

AW - Gack!!

*we hear the red queen* - CUT!! Somebody please drag that poor mindless spider out of here. Who's idea was it to interview one of 'em, eh? Wolftooth, was that your bright idea? NEVER again with the players in the studio.

*screen goes blank. after a few seconds, a sign appears*

We are having technical difficulties. Please stand by.

*after a few minutes, the screen shows us the studio again - minus cubby, the terrified white rabbit, and alan wolftooth. the red queen is sitting in alan's chair.*

Hi! I'm the Red Queen, Monarch of Little Miss Muffet, Defender of That Which Needs Defending, and All Around Good Gal. We're very sorry about all this. It seems we won't be able to bring you Muffeteers on Parade today. We will tell you that the final score was Warnocks Wizards 1 - Muffeteers 3, and poor ol' Ben Dover keeled over again and had to be hauled off to the hospital. Hope we can get this little bitty technical problem solved before the next installment of Muffeteers on Parade.

Bye.

You guys should compete against the NS world cup...or are you in it?

You guys should compete against the NS world cup...or are you in it?
We're in it. For instance, this post is by Snub Nose 38, currently competing in WC10 in Qualifying Group one. In this thread, I'm Little Miss Muffet. :wink:

(...i need to get a life...)

The Daily Big, Bad Spider

With 4 weeks remaining, National Side, defending champs in dire straits

Arachnopolis, Dire Arachnia - As the second season of Giant Evil Spider Football winds down, the Dire Arachnia national side finds itself tied in the standings (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=94186) with the defending champions, the dire-FIFA spiders of Oglethorpia. An enviable position, one might expeect. But alas, at third place and seven points back of a berth in the Championship match, both squads find themselves on the verge of elimination.

It comes as no surprise to find that Edenstein, second-place finishers in the league's inaugural run, are, again, in second with twenty-one points and only one loss. But the shocker, the squad that's turning Giant Evil Spider Football on its antennae, are the Muffetteers of Little Miss Muffet. Also-rans who joined the league during the fourth week of the season-- and played their first three matches retroactively, using Oglethorpian time-travel technology-- the Muffetteers have stormed into first place on twenty-two points and an astounding 6-4-0 record.

Meanwhile the hosts and champs have foundered, mustering mediocre 4-2-4 records that put them, technically, in the race, but with only a fly's chance of reaching the leaders in a mere four more weeks of play. Sultan Prime, leader of Dire Arachnia, was quoted as saying, "We've lost our terrifying edge, that's what it is. When we were scary, we were winning. But somehow Giant Evil Spiders just aren't the source of nightmare they once were. Or maybe it's because we're playing other Giant Evil Spiders. Maybe we should try playing against puny humans or something."

*Admiral Ulonov, taking the place of the Emperor while he is in a coma picks up the sports page*

Edenstein bugs crush opponetts,

After their first loss last week the Edenstein squad came showed that this week they where ready for their opponets, Winning 3-1, the high scorer was Test subject 124446-7 or "Bob" as he is called by his handlers scoring two goals.

This lost has moved them back into second place behind Little miss muffet, they are only one point behind in the standings so anything can happen still in this season.

*Ulonov throws the paper down and thinks to himself "Stupid bugs, why are we wasting our tax dollars on such a silly venture, we could be building a battleship or something" He walks out of the office and off to a meeting.*

Then, This Must Be The Cartoon?
no, art, i think it's the newsreel

To: Sultan Octavius Prime
Dire Arachnia

Dearest Tavi;

Well, isn't this a fine kettle of fish? Here you gave Little Miss Muffet and the Muffeteers a special dispensation, and allowed us in after the season started...and we're killin' ya'! Heh heh heh heh heh!

We do feel a little guilty - but not enough to dampen our glee at being in first place! Jingo Netties, but it feels good!

Should the Muffeteers continue on their incredible streak of good luck, and Little Miss Muffet (sitting demurely to one side on our tuffet, of course) happen to win this thing - well, we'll just have to have a big ol' party for everyone! All the Giant Evil Spiders, and all the "handlers", and the Managers, and coaches, and - well, of course you dear Tavi!

We apologize for allowing the Little Miss Muffet Muffeteers beat the Dire Arachnids 2-0 (Were we able to say that with a straight face? I didn't think we could). We think it may have had something to do with the fact that YOUR side kept looking at the stands like it was a cafeteria, an automat, or something! Geez, don't you ever feed those big ol' eight-leggers of yours? I mean, when our goal keeper, Cubby, can come out of his net with the ball, dribble downfield, into your box, and score - well, somebodies not paying attention.

That second score was more of a fluke than anything else. I mean, you could kind of call it an own goal - but is it really an own goal when you strike the ball just outside your opponents box in an attempt to score, and it rebounds off the cross bar and flies halfway back to mid field, and then just kind of rolls along, almost like a golf putt, and at the very end just slowly inches across the goal line and stops dead, because - well, because nobody was paying attention?

You've gotta feed your players once in awhile, Tavi dear.

Oh, and don't worry about the three security guards and two spectators they ate. We're having a bit of a population problem over here anyhow, and it turns out that the two spectators were wanted criminals. Included is a check for 200,000 Tuffets - there was a 100,000 Tuffet reward being offered for each of them.

As for the match with the Tanah Tarantula Tarantulas - we're not yet sure exactly how that ball crossed the goal line. We've reviewed the tapes, and it clearly does cross it, so it is a goal - but it just kind of flies out of a HUGE pile of Tanah Tarantulas and Muffeteers, and nobody can tell who kicked it, or headed it, or butted it, or what! Even in slow motion one can't tell (if you can avoid watching 22 Giant Evil Spiders play football in slow motion - do). If we ever figure it out, we'll let ch'all know. Of course, if the silly Tarantulas hadn't been trying to eat the Muffeteers - but, one takes things as they come.

Well, gotta run. That silly little scared white rabbit is telling me that our management staff is leaving. He wants me to interview some possible replacements. It's always something, isn't it Tavi sweet?

Love Ya!

Her Majestic Majesticity
The Red Queen, Defender of That Which Needs Defending, and All Around Good Gal.

*we are in the throne room of the red queen of little miss muffet. she is sitting on (what did you expect here?) a tuffet (ha!). a terrified little whit rabbit is sitting squarely in the middle of the throne. both the tuffet and the throne have been pulled up to a table, spread out over which are four resumes complete with 8x10 glossies. spread out on the floor, thrown all about the room, are about five dozen more resumes and 8x10 glossies - many with large red-queen-like footprints on them.*

- ...can't believe that rat eek! - rat left us in the middle of the season!
- Oh, bunny, its' not so bad. The Muffeteers are doing fine!
- Well, I think that has a lot ack! - lot to do with the coaching.
- Well, I don't! It's just plain ol' fashioned eight-legged enthusiasm, is what.
- Sure...and I'm a six foot tall help! - tall invisible white pooka named "Harvey", I am.
- Oh, do you know that show?
- You Queenesty, we have to gack! - to concentrate! You have to pick one squeek! - one of these losers to be the new Manager.
- Well...I don't think I want Alan Wolftooth. I mean, he does seem to know at least something about football and all, but...bunny, I just don't think he's up to it.

*the red queen picks up a resume, and an 8x10 glossie of alan wolftooth, and throws them across the room - where they settle to the floor like a pair of butterflies.*

- Well, how about ack! - about me? please no please no please no please no!!!!!
- No...
- thankyouthankyouthankyoueek!thankyouthankyou!

*the red queen throws another resume and glossy across the throne room (that's a pun, there, bub. don't miss the pun), with the same fluttering result*

- And, I don't think me either. I don't wanna manage 'em, I just wanna watch 'em play!

*another throw, another flutter*

- Well, then. You've made erk! - made your choice!
- I guess so, bun. There's only the one left. Who is it?
- Um...it's that Giant Evil urp! - Evil Spider reporter you threw oh no! - threw out of the ASPN studios the other ah! - other day.
- Oh, I remember him! He was stupid! What was his name?
- They called him Octoron gik! - oron, short for Octavius Moron. He's ulp! - He's a nephew, or second cousin, or gurk! somesuch of the Sultan of mph! - of Dire Arachnia.
- Oh, goody! Ring up Tavi right away and tell him the good news!
- ...You want me to slzphtz! - to intentionally talk to a Giant Evil Spider?
- Oh, never mind, bun hon. I'll take care of it. You tell the others they didn't get the job, I'll tell Tavi and his - what was it, nephew? - he got it.
- ...for joy...

Dude, Where's my Losses?

Spider City, Perelandra - 'Sup with the Spiders, man? Just a couple weeks ago they were all, like, "We liiiiike losing, losing's way cool, and all," and now they're like, winning two in a row! Whose dumb stupid idea was that? Next thing you know they're not gonna be in last place anymore, they're gonna be crawling up the standings like a spider on a drainpipe. That sticks in our craw, so we sent our reporter around to talk to the guys.

Our Reporter: Yo, dudes, so whassup with the winning? That's not what this team is about, you dig me?

Ziggy: Man, we can't lose 'em all. Sometimes the chips just don't fall that way.

OR: Yeah, but it's like you're not even putting any effort into it anymore. Did you see that last game?

Zig: I was there, man. I scored two goals.

OR: That's what I'm sayin'. And dude, you shut 'em out. Whassup with not letting the other team score?

Zig: Just happened, man. Why don't you ask Davidus about it, he was the goalkeeper.

OR: Arright. Hey, Davidus!

Davidus: Yeah?

OR: How come you didn't let in any goals the last game?

Dav: I tell you, those Dire Arachnids just aren't scary anymore. It's like they stopped puttin' on their game face, or something.

OR: Oh, I hear you. but does that mean you can't let 'em score?

Dav: I dunno. It just wasn't my day, I guess.

---

So there you have it, folks. Right from the spiders' mouths. Just wasn't their day. Here's hoping they can get it together by next week and get their asses whipped! Especially Zig, his is god-given. Amen.

To: Sultan Octavius Prime
Dire Arachnia

Dearest Tavi;

Well, isn't this a fine kettle of fish? Here you gave Little Miss Muffet and the Muffeteers a special dispensation, and allowed us in after the season started...and we're killin' ya'! Heh heh heh heh heh!

...

We apologize for allowing the Little Miss Muffet Muffeteers beat the Dire Arachnids 2-0 (Were we able to say that with a straight face? I didn't think we could).

Do not toy with me, Queen. Your people are puny and human-like. You would make delectable morsels, and we would be only too happy to oblige if that is what you desire.

We think it may have had something to do with the fact that YOUR side kept looking at the stands like it was a cafeteria, an automat, or something! Geez, don't you ever feed those big ol' eight-leggers of yours? I mean, when our goal keeper, Cubby, can come out of his net with the ball, dribble downfield, into your box, and score - well, somebodies not paying attention.

That second score was more of a fluke than anything else. I mean, you could kind of call it an own goal - but is it really an own goal when you strike the ball just outside your opponents box in an attempt to score, and it rebounds off the cross bar and flies halfway back to mid field, and then just kind of rolls along, almost like a golf putt, and at the very end just slowly inches across the goal line and stops dead, because - well, because nobody was paying attention?

You've gotta feed your players once in awhile, Tavi dear.

Blatant lies. The National Side did lose the match; that I cannot deny. But it was not for lack of professional conduct. Our players always pay attention, and a brief glance at the tape would show this to any casual observer who has been taken in by your words. The Dire Arachnids come to play, not to eat spectators. They are fed a diet of the finest Kobe Human, and hunger only for victory.

Oh, and don't worry about the three security guards and two spectators they ate. We're having a bit of a population problem over here anyhow, and it turns out that the two spectators were wanted criminals. Included is a check for 200,000 Tuffets - there was a 100,000 Tuffet reward being offered for each of them.

Any puny human or other edible citizens of your nation who were eaten by team members, were devoured before or after play. They would never be distracted from the match by anything so piddling as a delicious puny human meal.

One final note: I would like to extend a personal invitation to your delectable White Rabbit to come visit the Palace in Arachnopolis. Call it a state visit. He would be my Special Guest at dinner.

Octavius Prime
Sultan of Dire Arachnia

The swamp is, of course, both dark and dank. The nasty sun is not shining. There are no annoying birds ruining it with their incessant singing. Especially not the Buebird of Happiness. Everthing is perfect. A delicious, evil mire.

A giant tarantula comes into view, his teeth filed into sharp points and dripping human blood. Let's approach.

"Hi! Who are you?"

Why, i'm Omniscient Narrator.

"You're cute!"

The visiting team for Giant Evil Spider Football today is Edenstein. Are the Tarantulas nervous? this is, after all, one of the better sides in the GESFL.

"Eating time? Yay!"

No, not Eating Time. Edenstein.

"Oh yeah. The country with the penguins. They're nice! Nice and tasty."

Let us draw a curtain over this particular Tarantula and observe the match. The Tarantulas are attmepting to open with a 10-9-12 formation. I'm pretty sure the referee won't allow that. No, the Dire Martian is blowing his whistle, and it looks like the Tarantulas are now playing a 1-2-7 formation. That's pretty heavily weighted to offence for a football game.

"No way! We like to stick together. More chance of eating someone!"

Excuse me. Trying to narrate here. So the Tarantulas charge forward, all in a bunch, shouting "Join us and eat the cute tasty humans!" The Test Subjects are oblivious to it all.

"They're not smart like us!"

Not like the Tarantulas, no. But they do have the advantage of being focussed on play, and not spending all their time staring at the other team's handlers while salivating. So distracted indeed that Edenstein has scored a goal. What do they call that Test Subject? Let's say, Sparky.

Down 1-0, the Tarantulas look mad. They'd probably make a charge for the Edensteinian handlers, but there are too many guards with flame throwers at the ready. So, maybe not. But here's Tarantula with a nice run. Keeping the ball between her legs, better be careful not be called for trapping. A pass to Tarantula, forward to Tarantula -- and a goal. 1-1. A good result, but the Tarantulas are still eliminated from contention for the Arachne Cup.

"Hey! What do you mean, eliminated?"

Even if they win all the remainder of their games, the Tarantulas cannot win the Arachne Cup.

"You're mean."

It's not a matter of mean or nice. The rules, as established by Cup founders Dire Arachnia, mean that the Tarantulas cannot gain enough points to compete for the Cup. Those are the rules.

"Poop on Dire Arachnia. They think they're so smart. We're smart too. And we remember where we came from too. Stupid dum-dum head Dire Arachnia always focusses on the match. Oh, they're so perfect with their football and their not eating during the match. They've forgotten it's all about the human-eating. Hey! I wrote an evil song about them! It's based on one by Adam Ant. Wanna hear it?"

And the hideous creature began to ... chant:

Goody eight, goody eight
Goody, goody eight shoes
Goody eight, goody eight
Goody, goody eight shoes
You don't drink blood, don't chew
What do you do
You don't eat men, don't stew
Them. What do you do
The taste of lovely human flesh
You must be missing it inside
You.

It was the longest speech ever made by a Giant Tarantula. This Tarantula clearly stood above the others of his race, a true evolutionary leap, like a triumphant Cro-Magnon in a herd of thundering Neanderthals. But it changed nothing: the Tarantulas can do nothing more than spoil the chances of others to win.

"And chew up their eyeballs! Yum!"

OOC: Tanah, that is probably one of the funniest things I've seen... lol I don't even bother posting my matches against you, you do a much better job.. lol

Feasteth not on our eyeballs, Tarantula

So says Primey before elimination loss

"And chew up their eyeballs! Yum!"

Eyeballwocky
'Twas gametime, and the Sultan Prime
Did fume and fester on the pitch
Not ready were the spiders Dire
To concede their eyeballs as Tarantula wish'd.

"Beware the Tarantula, my spiders!
The mandibles that bite, the pincers that snatch!
Beware the... um... there are no birds here, actually.
But shun that frumious banderthingy!"

He took his eyeball guard in hand
Longtime the football foe he sought
So rested he while awaiting the kick
And, without meaning to, dozed off.

And, as in spidery sleep he lay,
The Referee with eyes of flame
Came whistling through the tulgey pitch
And signalled the start of play!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The Tarantula's claws went snicker-snack
He was left bewildered, for with his eyeballs
Tarantula went galumphing back.

"And hast though had thine eyes gouged out?
Go to the team physician, my beamish spider!
Oh frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in a suprising display of schadenfreude.

'Twas gametime, and the Sultan Prime
Did fume and fester on the pitch
Not ready were the spiders Dire
To concede their eyeballs as Tarantula wish'd.

Oh, Dude, that's, like, disgusting

Spider City, Perelandra - Well, it's finally happened. After drawing with Oddslavo, the Spiders found themselves tumbling up the cellar stairs, into the kitchen. Where it was all bright, like, the lights were all on, and so they scurried right into a corner, man. But did you read the report on the Tanah Tarantula - Dire Arachnia match? Man, that was gross. All about eyeball gouging and stuff. Man, I don't wanna read that. Give me some good old puny-human munching over that stuff, any day.

Thanks, man.

Eyeballwocky, that's great. Hey Edenstein: post your own reports too! They're hilarious, and it's not like i ever say anything about the actual game eh?

"And hast though had thine eyes gouged out?
Go to the team physician, my beamish spider!
Oh frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in a suprising display of schadenfreude.

Tarantula was puzzled. "What's schaden fraden daden?" he asked. As it was explained to him, he eyed the interpreter. "Hi! Du bist kewt! Ich bin hungrig!" Scratch one interpreter.

The Tarantula Government issued an official statement. "Hi, Dear Arachnia! That poem was good! And funny! We understood every word of it, and anyone who says we didn't is mean. And you know what happens to mean people here! They end up as tasty crunchings and munchings! But you forgot to say who won. We did, we did, two to one!"

Stupid puny humans! They say, “Go on the field”. We go on the field. They say, “Play football.” Ha! We don’t even have feet. But, we play football. They say, “Do what these dovers tell you to do.” So, we do what them dovers say to do. And one of them dovers keeps hitting us in the nose. That hurts! But, we do what them dovers say. Then them dovers go away. Ha! Didn’t like them dovers anyway. My nose still hurts. Somebody should eat that dover. Cubby tried, but that dover hit him in the nose again.

Then that reddish puny human with the gold hat comes around with that silly white rabbit (he looks tasty) and they say, “Kick the ball into that net.” We kick the ball into that net. Then they say “Not that net, that net, the Ogeythor…Oglesword…Uglyporp…the other guys net.” And then they yell about draw a lot. That’s dumb – we don’t draw good. Stupid puny humans. And that rabbit makes me so mad…I’m gonna bite his head off!

Then the reddish one comes back with a Giant Evil Spider – Octoron, the puny human said. Ha! His name is Octavius Moron. He’s almost as stupid as the puny humans! Then the rabbit (I tried to bite his head off, but that reddish one punched me in the nose) says “Do what Octoron says to do.” So, we do.

Octoron says to go on the field and play. So, we go and play. Then them other Giant Evil Spiders kick that silly ball in a net. The reddish puny human gets redder, and the stupid white rabbit gets whiter, and Octoron yells, “Play football, you dopes.” Well, he didn’t say that before. So, we play football. Ha! We still don’t have no feet. I think, though, I could get some. If I just bite off a couple of puny human legs – they have feet on ‘em.

Now the reddish one is all mad (she looks tasty, too – but my nose still hurts), and that makes that tasty lookin’ rabbit more scared. That rabbit makes me think of somethin’, but I don’t know ‘zactly what.

Then the reddish one yells at Octoron, and yells at us (Annette tries to bite her, put she punches Annette in the nose, and Annette runs over in the corner), and yells at that stupid rabbit (he jumps in a hole an’ hides). She’s yellin’ somethin’ about Eddies’ stein bein’ ahead. That’s silly! A stein is a cuppy thing, not a head. I still think that reddish one looks tasty – but I don’t want another nose punch. She yells some more about…

I remember! Hassenpfeffer!

Arachne Cup set

To be played in beautiful Arachnoquatlys

Arachnopolis, Dire Arachnia - With Edenstein and Little Miss Muffet qualifying for the Arachne Cup after week 13 of the Giant Evil Spider Football League's glorious second season, DAFA announced today the fixture for the championship match. The game will be held in the Dire Arachnid resort city of Arachnoquatlys, on the Gulf of Serpentia.

Known as the ancient home of the flying-spider-serpent-worshipping Mayarachnids, Arachnoquatlys is now home to festive stinking swamps, dank caves, and white sandy beaches which are in the process of being converted into yet more stinking swamps. Its many highrise apartment buildings (concentrated primarily along the lovely coastline) create a veritable labyrinth of shadowy streetcorners on which to lurk.

The match will be played on Serpent Field, the home venue of the Arachnoquatlys Snakeapedes of the Dire Arachnia home league. Built on an ancient puny human burial ground, Serpent Field is protected from the withering sun by a stand of lovely hundred-meter-high festering Tumtum trees, and seats 40,000 Giant Evil Spiders. Adequate protections are being installed to protect the puny human (and human-like) attendants of the two visiting squads.

Current odds put Edenstein as 3-2 favorites to take the Arachne Cup. Upstarts Little Miss Muffet, the bane of Sultan Prime, will look to win their first championship after joining the league late in the season.

*the red queen has written another letter to sultan octavius prime of dire arachnia, and asked octoron, manager of the muffeteers, to post it. octoron is a very curious giant evil spider - his momma always chuckled, and told him she thought he was part cat - and he just has to know what the red queens letter says. so, before he posts it, he reads it.*

To: Octavius Prime, Sultan of Dire Arachnia
From: The Red Queen, Monrach of Little Miss Muffet, Defender of That Which Needs Defending, and All Around Good Gal

Dearest Tavi:

We're coming to visit! My marvelous Muffeteers have somehow wound up in the Arachne Cup! Won't it be fun!

The Dire Arachnia Football Association announced that the venue for the Cup match will be Serpent Field, in the resort city of Arachnoquatlys, on the Gulf of Serpentia. Yummy! Do they have a boardwalk? Is there an amusement park!

What a match it was! We got a goal - they got a goal - we got a goal - they got a goal - halftime! WOW! Big ol' spiders runnin' everywhich way! I swear, Tavi, most of the time it looked like they were usin' at least two or three balls out there! They ran so hard the ground shook! Then the second half and WAM! they got a goal, and then WAM! we got a goal! Ho boy! And altogether they only ate four people. Well, they took a bite out of two more, and one kid says the bit off his finger, but it looks to me like that finger was gone quite some time before this football match.

Tavi, dear, your literature on Arachnoquatlys says something about "festive stinking swamps, dank caves, and white sandy beaches which are in the process of being converted into yet more stinking swamps." Sounds like "Pirates of the Caribbean". Is there a picnic area? Do we need to get our tickets in advance? I certainly don't want to miss any of the fine attractions of your lovely resort city.

That silly white rabbit tells me Arachnoquatlys is the ancient home of the flying-spider-serpent-worshipping Mayarachnids. Do they have luau's on the beach at night? Maybe we can take in a "pagan ritual", or a "human sacrifice"! This is going to be just so much fun!

Well, gotta go! I have so much to do!

Love Ya!
Red

*octoron seals the letter back up in it's envelope, and slips it into the mailbox. an evil grin crosses his face - which, of course, no one notices on a giant evil spider.*

Silly Red Queen! Picnic area? Yup. Giant Evil Spiders'll picnic on you, silly Red Queen, and that stupid white rabbit! Picnic on "handlers" - them handlers look tasty! Picnic on any stupid puny humans who we can catch. Ha!

Amusement Park? Well, maybe Giant Evil Spiders'll be amused. Maybe...

But first, I gotta make them Muffeteers play some football with them Edensteins-es! 'Cause I want that cup! Gonna win that cup, gonna fill that cup with puny human blood, and take a big drink!

Just so she don't punch me in the nose, though.

*Admiral Ulonov, who is filling in for Emperor Ed while he is in a coma flips on the TV to see this headline flash across Edenstein News*

EDENSTEIN BUGS IN CHAMPIONSHIP GAME!!!!

*A reporter is out on a soccer field wearing a fire proof suit, in the background we see giant spiders running around kicking a ball*

The Edensteing bugs have managed to make it all the way to the final game for the Coveted, Arachnea Cup. This game will determine the winner between out own bugs and the upstarts Little Miss Muffet. The Coach for the Bugs was interviewed today,

*flips to Coach who is sitting on bench drinking a bottle of jack and looking at a small dog off to the side of the bench, he is completly enveloped in this dog until he notices the Camera and the reporter*

Reporter: So Coach, what straregy are you going to employ against the upstarts?

Coach: Well!!! *hick* we are gonna land 4 Divisions on Utah, Sword, Juno, and Omaha Beaches..... and we are gonna pound those japs all the way back to Siberia!!!

*assistant coach comes out and stands infront of the coach*

Coach 2: Heh Heh, coach.. they don't understand the "Inside talk" What the coach said is that we are gonna keep on doing what we have been doing all season, it has been pretty effective for us this far..

Reporter: Well what about this Muffet team, they have seemingly come out of no where? And What about the pitch that your teams gonna be playing on?

Coach 1: *hic* welll *gets up and falls on face, camera goes down to view/hear him* See that little dalg over thar? *he falls asleep on the ground*

Coach 2: Yeah! You tell him coach! What he ment to say was, our spiders arn't afraind, they've had fear geneticly engineered out of them. And as for the pitch, well, out spiders will adapt... I think "Bob" And "Sparky" or two leading scorers will be perfectly fine in this new enviroment, its the Handlers, trainers and Coaches that I'm gonna be worried about, and the human fans.

Reporter: Why thank you Coach. Back to you in the studio

*back in the Edenstein News studio*

Schuster: And after the break, we'll have the answer to the Question..... Stay tuned!!!

*Ulonov turns off the TV and mumbles something about Bug Spray*

[b]Arachne Cup Watch

Ray McHale: Well folks, we're down to the final of the Arachne Cup between Edenstein and Little Miss Muffet, the latter being season two newcomers. Mike, Eduardo; any opening thoughts?

Eduardo Escobar: No.

Mike White: Edenstein has come a long way to this point; they finished a meager third out of four last season, but have come back strongly competing for the the second Arachne Cup title. Kudos to them and the strides they've made in Giant Evil Spider football to come this far.

Bruce Corwin: Mike's right, this team has done a lot to improve themselves. They've definitely earned their spot to compete for the Arachne Cup.

Eduardo: We saw Oglethorpia finish 3rd this second season of Giant Evil Spider football, after claiming the inaugural Arachne Cup.

Ray: That's right, the Dire-FIFA Spider Squad was out of competition for the Cup by five points. Edenstein and Little Miss Muffet definitely seperated themselves from the competition in the last few key matches.

Mike: Oglethorpia defeated Oddslavo and the Spiders From Mars, but a loss against Edenstein and a draw with Little Miss Muffet would keep them behind the two front runners of the Giant Evil Spider Football League.

Ray: That's right. A 1-nil win over Warnock Wizards and a draw with Dire Arachnia wouldn't give them the points they needed to be in contention.

Bruce: Well, between Edenstein and Little Miss Muffet; may the best starting eleven spiders win. Both worthy contenders.

Mike: That's right, it'll be a good second Arachne Cup, even if our own Dire-FIFA Spiders aren't in it.

Ray: We'll be watching the Arachne Cup between Edenstein and Little Miss Muffet. For Bruce Corwin, Mike White and Eduardo Escobar, i'm Ray McHale. Watch out for the Arachne Cup final! Goodnight, all you futebol fans.

ooc: I think there's still week 14 play, just no one can catch the top two. But i could be erong, in which case put this interview down to the well-known Tarantula lack of brains.

---

An interview with Coach Tarantula:

Q. A fine win over Oddslavo, Coach. Any thoughts?

A. See? We're good at football. Told you so. Tasty humans turned into spiders aren't smart like us. They try to look scary, then they remember they used to be human, and they look at us with our cute mandibles and our beautiful big eating-holes, and they get scared.

Q. Eating holes? You mean mouths?

A. If you say so. You're bite-sized!

Q. Are you confident about your final match?

A. Yeah! Oglethorpia thinks the season is over! Maybe they'll forget to come. But that would be sad, cuz then we couldn't eat them. I mean, beat them.

Q. You ended the first GESFL season against Oglethorpia too, and lost when your team abandoend the pitch to try to eat Oglethorpian fans. What's your priority this time? Winning and a possible shot at third spot, or the sweet, sweet taste of human flesh?

A. Mmm.

Q. Tarantula?

A. Oh! Hi! We want to win. And then eat them up after the game. Crunching and munching, tasting and basting. Hey! I have a new extra-evil song! I can't remember where i heard it.

Human heads, human heads,
Rolly polly human heads,
Eat them up.
Yum.

Q. Appalling. Who's the player of the season for your team, so far?

A. Tarantula, of course, you silly talking snack.

ooc: I think there's still week 14 play, just no one can catch the top two. But i could be erong, in which case put this interview down to the well-known Tarantula lack of brains.

<OOC>Right you are. Week 14 results will be TGed shortly.

Arachne Cup championship results will be TGed to Edenstein and LMM tomorrow. Nothing will be posted to the top of the thread until at least one of them has posted or RPed the result, or Monday, whichever comes first.</OOC>

National Side in Crapper

Another unacceptably poor performance mars second glorious season, says Primey

Arachnoquatlys, Dire Arachnia - With the Dira Arachnia National Side finishing fifth in a group of eight teams in the GESFL, Sultan Prime has declared the roster null and void for all future competitions. "These are not the Giant Evil Spiders we want representing our interests on the international footballing scene," said Sultan Prime. "To use a puny human expression, they blow. We want a National Side that inspires fear and loathing in the hearts of our competitors. We do not want a National Side that blows."

To this end, the entire squad was dismissed after the final match of the season, a 1-0 victory over the lovely Ms. Shelob VIII-legs' Shelobs Obsession. Striker Octavion Maleficus, leading scorer in Dire Arachnia domestic-league play the past three seasons and all-time leading scorer for the National Side, did not mince words in reacting to the Sultan's decision. "He's gone crazy, he has," said Maleficus. "Cobwebs in the attic, that's wot he's got. Who's he think he's gonna find wot's gonna play better'n us, then? Regular spiders? Puny humans? I mean, get real. We're the best footballers Dire Arachnia has to offer, and if we ain't good enough, Primey'd better increase the national sporting budget, is wot he should do. Pay for some proper strength coaches and wotnot."

It was not initially clear what effect the players' dismissal from the National Side might have on their positions in domestic-league play, but speculation runs rampant that Maleficus may retire from the sport and take up broadcasting.

*octoron and the muffeteers are on the pitch in the home stadium - a dank, smelly, boggish thing. they're very comfortable here. octoron is addressing his troops.*

- We gotta beat them Eddie-steins! If we...
- With sticks?
- What, Cubby?
- Do we gonna beat 'em with sticks?
- NOT with sticks. We gotta play bettern' them.
- Play what?
- Play football bettern' them, Spin. Football.
- Got no feet.
- Don't matter, Annette. We got a ball, and we gotta kick it in the net.
- What net?
- The net at the other end of the pitch, Doreen.
- Pitch what?
- Not pitch...pitch...it means like a field.
- Got no field.
- The bog, Jean, the bloody bog!
- Got no blood.
- No, we don't. But the puny humans do. An' it's very tasty. And, they like watchin' football. So, they come, and we play good, and they watch and watch and watch and...we jump 'em, and eat 'em!
- But...they punch us in the nose.
- Oh, Pu - le - ase! Just bite off the hand they gonna punch ya with.
- You don't.
- I don't what, Sharon?
- You don't bite off the hand that reddish one punches you with.
- But...
- Can we eat 'em if we win, Octo?
- Well...I say we can eat 'em if we win, and we can eat 'em if we lose. But I wanna get that cup, so we can drink puny human blood out of it.
- OK.
- OK what?
- OK, we'll win.
- But, ya gotta beat them Eddie-steins to win.
- With sticks?
- What, Cubby?
- Do we gonna beat 'em with sticks?
- NOT with sticks. I tole you, NOT sticks. We gotta play bettern' them.
- Play what?
- AUGH!! GACK!!
- You ok, Octo?
- ...meeting's over...

<OOC>Arachne Cup results have been TGed to Edenstein and LMM.</OOC>

The Tuffet

Muffeteers vs Edenstein in Arachne Cup!
Curdistadt Willie Whey















----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Dammit!" hollered the Red Queen, "They've gone and printed the paper in invisible ink again! Rabbit! Go tell that stupid editor he's fired again!"

Oh, you tease, you! :wink:

OOC: Sorry, finals week.. :-D

IC:

*looking through all of the papers on his desk, from accident reports and attacks and such, he picks up the Edenstein News paper to read the front page Headlines*

Edenstein Bugs Win the Cup!!

The Edenstein Squad won today in overtime against Rookie Squad Little Miss Muffet. It was a real Slobber Knocker with both teams scoring three Goals in regulation time.

Things looked grim going into overtime, the Edenstein bugs where very fatigued, the whole game the Muffet's where just outpacing our squad at every turn, but they held their own. The turning point came in the last few minutes of overtime when Test Subject 24652462-4 also know as "Lumpkins" Scored with a fabulous Bicycle kick into the goal, after the game "Lumpkins" was interviewd by one of our reporters:

SCREEEECH SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH CHIIICH SCREEEEECH!!!!

Translated:

Yeah... It was good!!! I'll get a good treat for that one! Yay... mmmmm doggie.....

Edenstein Finnished third in the series last year. No word yet on their plans for the off season. After the match the Edenstein Coach was seen being carried off the field by two of the assistant coaches. He was rambling about a dog or some other small animal.

*Ulonov puts the paper down and rings for the Secretary*

Ulonov: Jane, Send a few political prisoners to... *looks at paper* The Red Queen I believe her name is..... tell them congratulations on such a strong showing in their first season.

Jane: Yes sir.

*Ulonov goes back to his reports*

OOC: Thank you to everyone this has yet again been really fun.. if I get some of the soccer terminology wrong, forgive me.. I'm still learning. :-)
Arachne Cup result:

Edenstein 3 Little Miss Muffet 3 (Full time)
Edenstein 1 Little Miss Muffet 0 (Extra time)

Edenstein 4 Little Miss Muffet 3 (After extra time)

Congratulations!

*the red queen sits, somewhat dejected, in her throne room, alone - except, of course, for her constant companion, that poor little terrified rabbit. she sighs. then.*

- Rabbit.
- Yes, you Queenly ack! - lyness?
- Take a letter, Rabbit.
- Yes, oh Mighty Majestic Won eek! - Wonderousness. I'll take a "T".
- Tea?
- "T", your Absolute Greatnicity. The augh! - the letter "T".
- Not that kind of a letter, Bun. One we can mail to that Ulonov guy, you know, the one who kind of runs Edenstein.
- Oh...of course, your Gracious Mon eep! - Monarchitude.
- Ummm...well, start off with the usual opening salutations and platitudes, you know, and then...Uh...Dear Ully: I so want to congratulate you and your wonderful side of Giant Evil Spiders on winning this seasons Arachne Cup. Really, Ully, the only result that would have pleased me more would have been if those silly Muffeteers of ours had managed to win that last match. But your big ol' spiders played just a little better than ours.

Oh, well. Maybe next year! It has been so fun to participate in the Giant Evil Spider Football League! We met so many interesting...er...people, and stuff! And those spiders are helping immensely with our population explosion problem.

Anyway, Ully, congratulations again, and make sure you pass that along to your handlers, and the team.

Love Ya, Ully!
The Red Queen, Monarch of Little Miss Muffet, Defender of That Which Needs Defending, and All Around Good Gal.
-----------------------------------------------------
ooc: hope there's a third season!

http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=134382

Last one I swear