NationStates Jolt Archive

Confederacy of Derreva IT, Cheese, and Uranium Store

15-11-2003, 15:54
OOC: Of course, Doors is a complete rip-off (Including the text) of Microsoft Corporation's 'Windows' operating system. Until is a rip off of Intel. The computer comes from Gateway. DVIDIA is a rip-off of NVIDIA. No copyright infringement is intended. Please don't send your lawyers after me.


Information Technology

Doors XP Operating System

The newest iteration of the Doors operating system. The cost is $300. Why should you use Doors XP? Business-Level Reliability
Doors XP delivers a new level of stability, so you can focus on your work. For example, in most cases, if one program crashes, your computer will keep running. Performance
Doors XP manages system resources efficiently, meeting the performance standards set by Doors 2000 and exceeding those set by Doors 98 Second Edition. Desktop
Remote Desktop allows you to create a virtual session and use your desktop computer from another computer running Doors 95 or later, giving you access to all of your data and applications even when you're not in your office. Task-based Visual Design
Get to your most commonly used tasks quickly, thanks to a cleaner design and new visual cues. 802.1x Networking Support
Wireless 802.1x Networking Support provides support for secured access, as well as performance improvements for wireless networks.
Doors Messenger
Doors Messenger is the easy way to communicate and collaborate in real time on your computer. You can see the online status of your contacts and choose to communicate with them through text, voice, or video with better performance and higher quality. Encrypting File System
Encrypting File System provides a high level of protection from hackers and data theft by transparently encrypting files with a randomly generated key. Resume from Hibernation or Standby
Save battery power when you're working on the road. With Doors XP your laptop can enter Standby or Hibernate faster, and it can start working again faster after resuming from Standby or Hibernation. and Support Center with Remote Assistance
In addition to a comprehensive set of documentation, Help and Support Center in Doors XP includes Remote Assistance, which allows you to have a friend or IT professional who is also running Doors XP remotely control your computer to demonstrate a process or help solve a problem. Restore
If something goes wrong with your computer, you can revert the system to a previous state.

Silhouette Desktop PC

The next generation of desktop PCs. The cost is $1400.

Until Penthouse 4 processors with HT Technology
Doors XP
10/100/1000Mb (Gigabit) Ethernet and 802.11g
Integrated Until Extreme Graphics and DVIDIA ReForce 4 FX5200 graphics
10x min./24x max. CD-ROM drive, Integrated 14x/10x/24x CD-RW / 8x DVD combo, and
DVD-RAM/-R/-RW/CD-RW recorder



Fine chedder cheese. The price is $7.50 per kilogram.


Fine mozzarella cheese. The price is $7.00 per kilogram.


Raw Uranium

The cost is $25 per kilogram. This uranium has not been treated in any way.

Optimized Uranium

Uranium optimized for power plants. The cost is $100 per kilogram.

Depleted Uranium

Uranium drained of its radioactivity. Used as a projectile weapon. The cost is $50 per kilogram.
The Most Glorious Hack
15-11-2003, 15:57
Cheap cheese...
15-11-2003, 15:59
OOC: Not sure how much cheese costs... that was just a guess. If it is unrealistically low, I will raise the price.
16-11-2003, 05:21
The Most Glorious Hack
16-11-2003, 08:41

I guess it depends on where you're getting it from. I would say closer to $7/pound is more realistic. Of course, a quick trip to the grocery store would remove all doubt :P
16-11-2003, 08:56
We hope that you will be monitoring who you sell Uranium to and be conducting background checks on those interested in purchasing the Uranium.
Premier Bomfy
Socialist Republic of Aequatio
16-11-2003, 19:28
Yes, we will monitor who we sell it to. The prices have been updated.
16-11-2003, 19:41
Excerpt from the Ianapalis Tribune-Star:

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- In a tragic mixup, Dolly Matthews of Ianapalis accidentally ordered a large chunk of optimized uranium from the Derreva IT, Cheese, and Uranium Store.

“It was all so confusing,” Ms. Matthews was quoted as saying. “I didn’t bother to put on my reading glasses, and they all looked the same. I do remember wondering why anyone would need to optimize cheddar cheese.”

The uranium was promptly delivered, and Ms. Matthews served it with crackers at her sewing club’s daily afternoon tea. Some of the attendees complimented her on the unusual new flavor.

“And then Betty-Sue started glowing,” remembered Ms. Matthews with tear streaked eyes, “and suddenly, I just couldn’t concentrate on my seams anymore. It was terrible.”

IanCorp reporters asked Ms. Matthews if she intended to sue Derreva for any sort of false advertising.

“Oh, heavens, no!” insisted the matronly old lady with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I should have been wearing those confounded glasses; Dr. Thompson is always reminding me about that. I just hope that Harold doesn’t find it hard to sleep with me emitting gamma radiation all through the bedroom!”
16-11-2003, 20:02
(heh, brilliant)