Wombat News
11-11-2003, 11:18
Psychotic Imperialists, Wombat News
Squeaky the squirrel today expressed his bewilderment at the comments of his owner Psychotic Imperialists President Jimmy Riddle denying all reports of bushy-tailed squirrel orgies. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=91544)
"To tell you the truth, sweetie," Squeaky told us, "I just assumed Jimmy was expressing his liking for bushy tails and squirrel sex orgies. He sure doesn't keep me around the house just to find nuts, if you know what I mean."
Squeaky, who has been Riddle’s pet for the past five years and is a leading supporter of gay rights amongst the pet community, now admits to being shocked and confused by the actions of his owner.
"When I heard all the fuss Jimmy's comments made," Squeaky continued, "I thought, 'yes, go girl!'. I was not surprised that the President speaking up about the joy of gay sex with animals would cause a bit of a rumpus. But then I started getting calls from my friends asking me what was going on. I couldn't just go inside and have it out with Jimmy, as I was tied to the jungle gym in the dungeon."
Despite attempts to speak to his owner, Squeaky remains tethered in the dungeon and has been unable to seek an explanation for his actions from President Riddle.
"I am sure this is all a misunderstanding," Squeaky told us, nervously lighting a Marlboro Light. "I know that sometimes the most bigoted people are in reality the most repressed supporters of the action they condemn, but I am sure the world's press has just made a mistake here."
Supporters of President Riddle emphatically deny that Squeaky is employed in any capacity other than as a pet. "President Riddle does not participate in filthy, vile, disgusting acts of orgiastic sodomy with any animals. Squeaky comes from a broken home and is easily confused. I am sure the President will put him straight the moment he gets home."
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – SKATING BLITHELY THROUGH THE BOUNDARIES OF TASTE
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid87/pda22c0ab2140ceb42cbbf0f2271afd5b/fa9f249c.jpg
Squeaky the squirrel today expressed his bewilderment at the comments of his owner Psychotic Imperialists President Jimmy Riddle denying all reports of bushy-tailed squirrel orgies. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=91544)
"To tell you the truth, sweetie," Squeaky told us, "I just assumed Jimmy was expressing his liking for bushy tails and squirrel sex orgies. He sure doesn't keep me around the house just to find nuts, if you know what I mean."
Squeaky, who has been Riddle’s pet for the past five years and is a leading supporter of gay rights amongst the pet community, now admits to being shocked and confused by the actions of his owner.
"When I heard all the fuss Jimmy's comments made," Squeaky continued, "I thought, 'yes, go girl!'. I was not surprised that the President speaking up about the joy of gay sex with animals would cause a bit of a rumpus. But then I started getting calls from my friends asking me what was going on. I couldn't just go inside and have it out with Jimmy, as I was tied to the jungle gym in the dungeon."
Despite attempts to speak to his owner, Squeaky remains tethered in the dungeon and has been unable to seek an explanation for his actions from President Riddle.
"I am sure this is all a misunderstanding," Squeaky told us, nervously lighting a Marlboro Light. "I know that sometimes the most bigoted people are in reality the most repressed supporters of the action they condemn, but I am sure the world's press has just made a mistake here."
Supporters of President Riddle emphatically deny that Squeaky is employed in any capacity other than as a pet. "President Riddle does not participate in filthy, vile, disgusting acts of orgiastic sodomy with any animals. Squeaky comes from a broken home and is easily confused. I am sure the President will put him straight the moment he gets home."
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – SKATING BLITHELY THROUGH THE BOUNDARIES OF TASTE
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid87/pda22c0ab2140ceb42cbbf0f2271afd5b/fa9f249c.jpg