Wombat News
07-11-2003, 16:15
Sharldonia, Wombat News
Sharldonian Emergency Services personnel were called to a house in Bugarup this morning, where the last five remaining non-human refugees have been found wedged behind a couch (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=90107&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0). The discovery was made late yesterday afternoon, when Axe Minster, an unemployed carpet layer, discovered a lump in the seat while watching television. Reaching between the cushions, he found not the expected pen or fifty pence piece, but a family of elves, who had hidden in the cavity between the seat and rear cushions for four months.
"Please do not send me out into the inhumanity and squalor of the world," pleaded family matriarch Hairi Chinnup. "Send us instead to the inhumanity and squalor of Tor Yvresse!"
Eldest son Peh nos Brayn, 18, wanted to stay: "I would very much like to stay here in Sharldonia, partake of the conspicuous consumption of the West and whinge that education is no longer free. It is so different from Iesus Christi, where the people are thankful if they are not shot through the head if they say the wrong prayers. I want to live in a country where I can constantly complain about minor imperfections, ignorant of the suffering elsewhere in the world. I would like to stay here and one day be able to protest the arrival of people just like me."
Immigration officials calmed the situation claiming that the nightmare would soon be over. “Don’t worry - we’ll get rid of them quick-smart.”
Officials have assured non-human rights groups that the expatriation will go smoothly. "We have got them a space in the back of a Western Might truck on its way to Melkor Unchained," said one official. "They’ll be just fine.”
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – BRINGING THE TRUTH TO A RECEIVER NEAR YOU
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Sharldonian Emergency Services personnel were called to a house in Bugarup this morning, where the last five remaining non-human refugees have been found wedged behind a couch (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=90107&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0). The discovery was made late yesterday afternoon, when Axe Minster, an unemployed carpet layer, discovered a lump in the seat while watching television. Reaching between the cushions, he found not the expected pen or fifty pence piece, but a family of elves, who had hidden in the cavity between the seat and rear cushions for four months.
"Please do not send me out into the inhumanity and squalor of the world," pleaded family matriarch Hairi Chinnup. "Send us instead to the inhumanity and squalor of Tor Yvresse!"
Eldest son Peh nos Brayn, 18, wanted to stay: "I would very much like to stay here in Sharldonia, partake of the conspicuous consumption of the West and whinge that education is no longer free. It is so different from Iesus Christi, where the people are thankful if they are not shot through the head if they say the wrong prayers. I want to live in a country where I can constantly complain about minor imperfections, ignorant of the suffering elsewhere in the world. I would like to stay here and one day be able to protest the arrival of people just like me."
Immigration officials calmed the situation claiming that the nightmare would soon be over. “Don’t worry - we’ll get rid of them quick-smart.”
Officials have assured non-human rights groups that the expatriation will go smoothly. "We have got them a space in the back of a Western Might truck on its way to Melkor Unchained," said one official. "They’ll be just fine.”
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – BRINGING THE TRUTH TO A RECEIVER NEAR YOU
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid87/pda22c0ab2140ceb42cbbf0f2271afd5b/fa9f249c.jpg