Santa Barbara
03-11-2003, 00:41
Happy Happy Fun Fun Industries, Limited...
in cooperation with
the PRATTCO Conglomerate...
is proud to present to all Nations of the world...
The Godmod Storefront!©™®
"Giving You the Bestest of the Best of the Best"
--------------------------------------------------------
========================================================
Greetings, hapless consumer!
I am Eldebrath Yorn, and I'm here to provide the world with BARGAIN quality deals for absolutely the most powerful weaponry in the multiverse! Here's why you should shop HERE for all your hi-teck (and lo-teck!) needs:
-We don't discriminate. Anyone can buy! No matter what your nationality, economy, or choice of political or sexual life, as long as you have *cash* to *wire* you're GOOD in our books! (We also now accept *money* and *munny* too! Now you have no excuse not to buy!)
-Instead of sending diplomats to negotiate complex trade deals like real nations do, we'll just make do with a *cash wired* for your order, which will be produced and shipped to you by the end of the day.
Notice - No reproduction rights and if you have more of these than you bought you'll be ignored for GODMODDING! Cuz I've designed each and every one of them to be un-reverse-engineerable under all conditions. So there. Enjoy!
--------------------------------------------------------
========================================================
Section One: Munitions
A469 SuperGoo Plasma Bolt Missile Bottle Torpedo Bomb™
Length: 4 meters
Width: 2 meters
Mass: 0 kg (makes for infinite supply!)
Speed: 0.2c-4c
Features: The SGPBMBTPB™ is a general-purpose, mega-damage, low-cost substitute for creative space weaponry design. It comes in several sub-types depending mostly on speed of projectile (going twice the speed of light isn't THAT cheap, folks!) and size of the magnetic bottle. The plasma inside is kept superheated, WITHOUT the need for, say, the fusion reaction required to keep it that hot! This revolutionary system eliminates nearly all the cost, since then all you need is a super-intense magnetic bottle that also runs without the need for electricity. Just in case, though, all our A469 SGPBMBTPB™s come with 14 of our Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactors, just in case.
Price: $500 million each! Actually, its $500 million per kilogram, but since they're both infinitely compact and massless, thats $500,000,000 times 0 so- FREE! Hey why not, they didn't cost me anything to make either! (You still have to *wire cash* though... don't think you can cheat me!)
Section Two: Weapons
Massively Long Asskicking Weapon™ (MLAW™) Version 1.0
Length: 1200 meters
Range: 1,985,600,000,000,000,000 kilometers
Power: 800 x Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactors
Features: The MLAW v1.0 is your basic, old-fashioned, old-time goodness having, steel penis of d00m! With a practically infinite range and with enough power in one shot to disintegrate exactly half of a Sector, its a good thing it can only fire 3 times a minute, or else people would think you were a GODMODDER! For real!
Technical Data: The MLAW uses a photonic-gravity acceleration machine to redistribute sub-atomic particles in a timespace matrix to fire a mixed particle/wave beam which is visible to the naked eye and makes a cool "zap! zap!" sound each time its fired!
Warning: This weapon may not be carried by anything smaller than a Star Penis sized Battlecruiser!
Price: A steal at just $450 MegaCredits each! (I'm not sure what a MegaCredit is. But I assume our *cash wired* AI-machines do, cuz they put them in my bank account.)
MLAW™ Version 2.0
Length: 900 meters
Width: 50 meters per Sub-Cannon!
Range: 420,000,000,000,000,000 kilometers
Power: 500 x Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactors
Features: Now presenting the Version 2.0, which although having a pathetic range just in the quadrillions of kilometers, makes up for it by having a whole bunch of guns within it! This gives it an overall thickness that the Version 1.0 lacks, and has the added "shotgun effect" for good measure!
Price: Free, but each Sub-Cannon costs $5000 doll0rz
Section Three: Ground Vehicles
Titanic Expeditionary Slaughtering Terror/Independent Combat Laser™ Mech!
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:7Fwq0GwK5j0C:www.polykarbon.com/tutorials/mecha/mechabig1.jpg
Height: 50 meters
Width: 10 meters
Crew: 1
Power Plant: 2 x Porto-Star 600 TW Micro-Fusion Cells
Terrain: All
Armor: 3 meter UltraSkin Nanocomposite (now with Self-Repairing Option!)
Weight: 366 tons
Features: The TEST/ICL Mech is the standard one-man bipedal combat vehicle. It is very heavy. Its massive armor renders it nearly omnipotent on the battlefield, however it lacks any kind of weapon except using its feet to stomp on people. And it looks hella cool! Oh it can carry the Laser Sword though. Future versions may include the Transformer Option, so get 'em now while the price is low!
Price: $25 per unit
Battery Ignition Ginormous TEST/ICL™ Mech!
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:zBCoacFIagIC:home.attbi.com/~ravenswolfmk/mech/tit6.jpg
Height: 42 meters
Width: 10 meters
Crew: 1
Power Plant: Four Ginormous Batteries providing 30 TW/second
Terrain: Anything except Florida
Armor: 2 meters USN with built-in Self-Repairing
Weight: 80 tons
Features: The BIG TEST/ICL is leaner and meaner than the ordinary kind, with the ultra new BI© technology providing massive amounts of power, power, and more power! With built-in nano-repair, the armor is undefeatable except by Florida. Don't ask me, I didn't make it... but it's real!
Price: $25,000,000 yes I know its expensive but come on, good stuff costs lots of money!
Tiny Independent Terror/Autonomous Nanobot! version 1.1
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:YLksjXz8snkC:eeden.free.fr/big_mech.jpg
Height: 0.00000003 meters
Mass: 0 kg using Massless Mass Tech© (MMT©)
Power Plant: Feeds on electrons. Any electrons.
Terrain: Any land
Armor: Too small for armor, but is EMP-shielded using Quantum Lead Technology (QLT™).
Features: The TIT/AN is the soldiers worst nightmare-- tiny, invisible robots everywhere, shooting you with red hot particles!! These are sold in packages and distributed, like a plague over your target, they will consume 4,000,000 soldiers per second (or 8,000,000 civilians per second) each! As an added bonus, they are self repairing; and they can never be defeated (this will add 50% to your price though)
Price: $1 million MegaCredits for a can of 1000
Section Four: Naval Stuff
Nuclear-Dolphin Class Submarine
Length: (Classified)
Width: (Classified)
Displacement: (Classified)
Power Plant: (Classified)
Crew: (Classified)
Propulsion: (Classified)
Detection Systems: (Classified)
Armament: (Classified)
Armor: (Classified)
Features: Complete stealth capability, looks like a giant dolphin, and can jump out of water to attack with nuclear powered X-ray warheads.
Price: $23,000,000,000
Poison Groundwater Class Sub-Continental Submarine
http://www.aeronautics.ru/archive/future/ucav-lockheed_002_small.jpg
Length: 4 meters
Width: 1 meter
Displacement: 3 tons
Power Plant: 3 x Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactors
Crew: Advanced Battle-AI v3.6
Propulsion: Sub-Continental Magma Phase Drive, and Ion
Detection Systems: IC/OOC transverse detection grid
Armament: 500 x A469 SuperGoo, Railgun Frag Cannon
Armor: (Classified)
Features: The newest and most top-secret of all our designs, this incorporates the latest in IC/OOC transverse detection technology! Yes, this baby is not only completely stealthy, it can detect anything from objects to conversations to randomly voiced thoughts, ANYWHERE IN THE UNIVERSE! This stunning development has broke the so-called "Rochfeld-Pierre Barrier" which prevented OOC and IC universes from interacting, opening a whole new world of military capabilities to YOU! Anyway, the Sub-Continental Magma Phase Drive lets it skim underneath land forms and pop up out of the crust anywhere in the enemy's territory. Makes for a great surprise!
Price: Free with any 6000 other purchases from this store!
Big Bertha Class Fusion Attack Trimaran
Length: 23000 meters
Width: 850 meters
Displacement: 8,750,000,000 tons
Power Plant: Solar-Fusion Microwave Beam
Crew: 9,000
Propulsion: (Classified)
Detection Systems: (Classified)
Armament: 20 x 500mm Railgun Frag Cannons mounted on 12 turrets
900 x 90mm Wazer Turbocannons
3 x nuclear powered X-rays
300 x 500 MT Nuclear C-Frac Missiles
A compliment of 4000 Marines
Features: Ah yes, the Big Bertha FAT. How could I forget? Armed to the teeth, really really long and very very big, and with Marines too! And, its so heavily armored that it regularly detonates extra nuclear bombs on itself rather than storing them somewhere. The crew are completely shielded too. The 500mm guns fire ammunition powerful enough to blow up the world! The 900 Wazers (like lasers, except not) provide the ultimate in zap-zap beam goodness!
Price: $4 quadrillion
Section Five: Air Stuff
Gravitic-Manipulative Orcish Doo-Doo!™
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:Gg87_UF4AHoC:www.hollywoodjesus.com/movie/lordofrings/bk3/orc.jpg
Height: Orc sized
Width: Like an orc
Weight: Orcly
Power Plant: 2 Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactors
Propulsion: Gravitic-Manipulation
Armament: Doo-Doo
Features: The G-MODD™ is neither orc nor gravitic aircraft; rather, its an ingenious combination of both! Our hurtling advances in nano-genetics has given us the ability, and apparently the desire, to make a flying gravitic cyborg of orc. It's self-replicating (of course), so its main weapon is dropping unneeded... chunks.... of itself out on the ground at super super high speeds. The perfect ground-attack weapon, just buy one and it will breed your whole air force within the hour!
Price: $3 quadrillion for one, 0 each for the rest
Missile Eating Robot™ Man!
Height: 3 meters
Width: 1 meters
Weight: 3 kg
Power Plant: 2 Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactors
Armament: Missile-Eating Mouth
Features: The MER™ man is built with wings giving it ultimate and natural flying capabilities, and his low mass makes him almost undetectable. In actuality he's constructed of trillions of Von Neuman machines, and his mouth is a macro-nanomachine designed to disarm, consume, and digest any type of missile. The perfect air defense weapon, and he can even hack his way into enemy aircraft and strangle their pilots!
Price: $400 per month in chicken feed (for his wings)
Section Six: Space Stuff
99-2CE SuperLight™ Drive
Mass: 0.4 kilograms
Fuel: Fuguglium-4
Thrust-to-weight Ratio: Infinite
Features: The SuperLight™ is the latest of the 99 series starship engines, providing FTL travel the old-fashioned way-- BRUTE FORCE! Yes, by simply having an infinite T-W ratio and enough of the highly metaphysical Fuguglium 4, one can not only bend E=mc^2-- it literally BREAKS! (PCC is not responsible for any damages caused by falling pieces of equation.) This is possible in the same way that they broke the sound barrier even tho it wuz a law uf fizikz so dont B close-minded anythin giz posble d00d.
Price: $10,000 each (one will power a Support Frigate)
Mega-Harpoon™
The Mega-Harpoon project is the unofficial name to the latest space weapon being developed by us. Sources are sketchy, but indicate it is so far 5,064,900,041,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 kilometers in length. Obviously, this will be a very powerful warship or weapon.
Price: We are accepting pre-orders, $400,000 quadrillion each.
BOB Class Battlecruiser!
http://www.freewebs.com/santa_barbara/BOB.JPG
At long last your dream machine of spacedy wars is here! Dominate the space battlefields with BOB!
Dimensions: Long and thick
Engines:
-2 sub-light Spherical Propulsion Modules™
-2 400c Hyperdrives
Sensors: Massed sensor wires, located near the SPM™s
Weapons:
-4 uber-hyper-meta-quantum-photonic-wazers™
-1 GiantSpew™ DeathCannon (Main Weapon)
-100,000 Marines
Armor:
-8 billion tons of Phased Dark Matter Transcendence Armor™
Shields:
-1 Invulnerability Deflector
Ramming Penetration Power: 69,000,000,000,000 terajoules at 1 m/s/s (Can penetrate any known armor when travelleing at 1 meter per second)
Price: Free with any 10 purchases!
Section Seven: Miscellaneous
Penetration Ecto-Nanoid 15™
The PE-N 15, despite its name, is very big and powerful. It's entirely classified but just having bought one will GUARANTEE your nation will NEVER be successfully invaded- period! Get yours today, you don't want to be left standing without one!
Price: $20,000 quadrillion.
Systems 10-F, 13-C, and 34-D !
Our uber-exploration ships recently uncovered three entire solar systems, with the unmined resources of our own and MORE and plenty of habitable worlds, all yours for the taking! They are located in sectors 10, 13 and 34 respectively. We will give you exact coordinates (they are already equipped with the PE-N 15 so they are absolutely protected against invasion) and the keys to the planets in an auction, coming soon! Remember, why settle for a nation when you can have a WHOLE SOLAR SYSTEM!
Price: Auction coming soon, check back!
Insta-Supply™ Chew-Doll
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:p7WPthRB51sC:www.pluspuppy.com/firehydrantlarge.gif
Have you ever been standing at the head of a vast army of billions of soldiers, on some enemys homeland, when you realize that you forgot to bring any food, clothing, ammunition, fuel, spare parts, medical equipment, engineering equipment or support personnel? Well, with this handy, deluxe, home-made, state-of-the-art, self-repairing, artificially intelligent, invulnerably armored, lightweight plastic chew-doll, you can solve ALL those problems INSTANTLY! Just make sure to be chewing on one when the battle begins (or whenever, really. Only one is required for your whole army!)
Standard flavor appeals to humans only, but can be flavor-tailored for elves, orcs, dwarves, hobbits, maia, aliens, vampires, demons, cyborgs, jedis, chihuahuas, parrots, pirates, and of course, lawyers. No extra cost!
Price: $10
The OOC Excuse Generator™
Getting invaded? Don't wanna have a war, don't wanna ignore? Try the OOC Excuse Generator and breathe easy!
Sample Output
-Someone is sexually molesting my neighbors and I need to find a camera
-Not today, honey, I have a headache
-That's it! I'm quitting NationStates forever!
-I'm just way too busy with these other threads
-Ah, but today is National Car Insurance Teaparty Day!
Price: $420 million
Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactor
The Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactor uses a compact quantum disintegration beam to induce three simultaneous fusion reactions contained in ultra-tiny magnetic bottles, which are rotated through hyperdimensional space at hypervelocities to generate gravitic fields, which are then used to power gravitico-electric turbines which phase in and out of existence randomly. It can be used to power just about anything.
Price: $999,999.99
Variable-Porto-Shield
Based on the highly successful PE-N 15 technology base, the VPS system is designed to provide invisible shields to protect against projectiles, beams, explosives, plasma and anything else. Each one is capable of shielding anything from a bullet (useful for when someones shooting your bullets down) to a starship, but it can only do one or the other at a time (sorry. Maybe in VPS v2.0!)
Price: Your lunch money
Multi-Wank Field/Energy/Matter Generator/Transformer
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:N90kzjBie4wC:www.med.umich.edu/opm/newspage/2002/machine.jpg
The Multi-Wank FEMGT uses complicated, scientific sounding things to generate any of a broad spectrum of desired results, including, but not limited to:
-Spacewank
-Magicwank
-Statwank
-Numberwank
-Missilewank
-Nanowank
-Tankwank
-Supplywank
-Timewank
-Fusionwank
-FTLwank
-Demonwank
-Godwank
-Herowank
-Picturewank
-Newbiewank
-Multiwank
-Powerwank
-Wankwank
-GDPCalcwank
-Quantumphysicswank
Price: Priceless!
The PrattCo Conglomerate is not responsible for any universes, stars, or planets being blown up; nor for any damage or harm caused to decent roleplayers who enjoy realism; nor do we provide a warantee beyond 20 seconds after purchase.
in cooperation with
the PRATTCO Conglomerate...
is proud to present to all Nations of the world...
The Godmod Storefront!©™®
"Giving You the Bestest of the Best of the Best"
--------------------------------------------------------
========================================================
Greetings, hapless consumer!
I am Eldebrath Yorn, and I'm here to provide the world with BARGAIN quality deals for absolutely the most powerful weaponry in the multiverse! Here's why you should shop HERE for all your hi-teck (and lo-teck!) needs:
-We don't discriminate. Anyone can buy! No matter what your nationality, economy, or choice of political or sexual life, as long as you have *cash* to *wire* you're GOOD in our books! (We also now accept *money* and *munny* too! Now you have no excuse not to buy!)
-Instead of sending diplomats to negotiate complex trade deals like real nations do, we'll just make do with a *cash wired* for your order, which will be produced and shipped to you by the end of the day.
Notice - No reproduction rights and if you have more of these than you bought you'll be ignored for GODMODDING! Cuz I've designed each and every one of them to be un-reverse-engineerable under all conditions. So there. Enjoy!
--------------------------------------------------------
========================================================
Section One: Munitions
A469 SuperGoo Plasma Bolt Missile Bottle Torpedo Bomb™
Length: 4 meters
Width: 2 meters
Mass: 0 kg (makes for infinite supply!)
Speed: 0.2c-4c
Features: The SGPBMBTPB™ is a general-purpose, mega-damage, low-cost substitute for creative space weaponry design. It comes in several sub-types depending mostly on speed of projectile (going twice the speed of light isn't THAT cheap, folks!) and size of the magnetic bottle. The plasma inside is kept superheated, WITHOUT the need for, say, the fusion reaction required to keep it that hot! This revolutionary system eliminates nearly all the cost, since then all you need is a super-intense magnetic bottle that also runs without the need for electricity. Just in case, though, all our A469 SGPBMBTPB™s come with 14 of our Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactors, just in case.
Price: $500 million each! Actually, its $500 million per kilogram, but since they're both infinitely compact and massless, thats $500,000,000 times 0 so- FREE! Hey why not, they didn't cost me anything to make either! (You still have to *wire cash* though... don't think you can cheat me!)
Section Two: Weapons
Massively Long Asskicking Weapon™ (MLAW™) Version 1.0
Length: 1200 meters
Range: 1,985,600,000,000,000,000 kilometers
Power: 800 x Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactors
Features: The MLAW v1.0 is your basic, old-fashioned, old-time goodness having, steel penis of d00m! With a practically infinite range and with enough power in one shot to disintegrate exactly half of a Sector, its a good thing it can only fire 3 times a minute, or else people would think you were a GODMODDER! For real!
Technical Data: The MLAW uses a photonic-gravity acceleration machine to redistribute sub-atomic particles in a timespace matrix to fire a mixed particle/wave beam which is visible to the naked eye and makes a cool "zap! zap!" sound each time its fired!
Warning: This weapon may not be carried by anything smaller than a Star Penis sized Battlecruiser!
Price: A steal at just $450 MegaCredits each! (I'm not sure what a MegaCredit is. But I assume our *cash wired* AI-machines do, cuz they put them in my bank account.)
MLAW™ Version 2.0
Length: 900 meters
Width: 50 meters per Sub-Cannon!
Range: 420,000,000,000,000,000 kilometers
Power: 500 x Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactors
Features: Now presenting the Version 2.0, which although having a pathetic range just in the quadrillions of kilometers, makes up for it by having a whole bunch of guns within it! This gives it an overall thickness that the Version 1.0 lacks, and has the added "shotgun effect" for good measure!
Price: Free, but each Sub-Cannon costs $5000 doll0rz
Section Three: Ground Vehicles
Titanic Expeditionary Slaughtering Terror/Independent Combat Laser™ Mech!
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:7Fwq0GwK5j0C:www.polykarbon.com/tutorials/mecha/mechabig1.jpg
Height: 50 meters
Width: 10 meters
Crew: 1
Power Plant: 2 x Porto-Star 600 TW Micro-Fusion Cells
Terrain: All
Armor: 3 meter UltraSkin Nanocomposite (now with Self-Repairing Option!)
Weight: 366 tons
Features: The TEST/ICL Mech is the standard one-man bipedal combat vehicle. It is very heavy. Its massive armor renders it nearly omnipotent on the battlefield, however it lacks any kind of weapon except using its feet to stomp on people. And it looks hella cool! Oh it can carry the Laser Sword though. Future versions may include the Transformer Option, so get 'em now while the price is low!
Price: $25 per unit
Battery Ignition Ginormous TEST/ICL™ Mech!
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:zBCoacFIagIC:home.attbi.com/~ravenswolfmk/mech/tit6.jpg
Height: 42 meters
Width: 10 meters
Crew: 1
Power Plant: Four Ginormous Batteries providing 30 TW/second
Terrain: Anything except Florida
Armor: 2 meters USN with built-in Self-Repairing
Weight: 80 tons
Features: The BIG TEST/ICL is leaner and meaner than the ordinary kind, with the ultra new BI© technology providing massive amounts of power, power, and more power! With built-in nano-repair, the armor is undefeatable except by Florida. Don't ask me, I didn't make it... but it's real!
Price: $25,000,000 yes I know its expensive but come on, good stuff costs lots of money!
Tiny Independent Terror/Autonomous Nanobot! version 1.1
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:YLksjXz8snkC:eeden.free.fr/big_mech.jpg
Height: 0.00000003 meters
Mass: 0 kg using Massless Mass Tech© (MMT©)
Power Plant: Feeds on electrons. Any electrons.
Terrain: Any land
Armor: Too small for armor, but is EMP-shielded using Quantum Lead Technology (QLT™).
Features: The TIT/AN is the soldiers worst nightmare-- tiny, invisible robots everywhere, shooting you with red hot particles!! These are sold in packages and distributed, like a plague over your target, they will consume 4,000,000 soldiers per second (or 8,000,000 civilians per second) each! As an added bonus, they are self repairing; and they can never be defeated (this will add 50% to your price though)
Price: $1 million MegaCredits for a can of 1000
Section Four: Naval Stuff
Nuclear-Dolphin Class Submarine
Length: (Classified)
Width: (Classified)
Displacement: (Classified)
Power Plant: (Classified)
Crew: (Classified)
Propulsion: (Classified)
Detection Systems: (Classified)
Armament: (Classified)
Armor: (Classified)
Features: Complete stealth capability, looks like a giant dolphin, and can jump out of water to attack with nuclear powered X-ray warheads.
Price: $23,000,000,000
Poison Groundwater Class Sub-Continental Submarine
http://www.aeronautics.ru/archive/future/ucav-lockheed_002_small.jpg
Length: 4 meters
Width: 1 meter
Displacement: 3 tons
Power Plant: 3 x Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactors
Crew: Advanced Battle-AI v3.6
Propulsion: Sub-Continental Magma Phase Drive, and Ion
Detection Systems: IC/OOC transverse detection grid
Armament: 500 x A469 SuperGoo, Railgun Frag Cannon
Armor: (Classified)
Features: The newest and most top-secret of all our designs, this incorporates the latest in IC/OOC transverse detection technology! Yes, this baby is not only completely stealthy, it can detect anything from objects to conversations to randomly voiced thoughts, ANYWHERE IN THE UNIVERSE! This stunning development has broke the so-called "Rochfeld-Pierre Barrier" which prevented OOC and IC universes from interacting, opening a whole new world of military capabilities to YOU! Anyway, the Sub-Continental Magma Phase Drive lets it skim underneath land forms and pop up out of the crust anywhere in the enemy's territory. Makes for a great surprise!
Price: Free with any 6000 other purchases from this store!
Big Bertha Class Fusion Attack Trimaran
Length: 23000 meters
Width: 850 meters
Displacement: 8,750,000,000 tons
Power Plant: Solar-Fusion Microwave Beam
Crew: 9,000
Propulsion: (Classified)
Detection Systems: (Classified)
Armament: 20 x 500mm Railgun Frag Cannons mounted on 12 turrets
900 x 90mm Wazer Turbocannons
3 x nuclear powered X-rays
300 x 500 MT Nuclear C-Frac Missiles
A compliment of 4000 Marines
Features: Ah yes, the Big Bertha FAT. How could I forget? Armed to the teeth, really really long and very very big, and with Marines too! And, its so heavily armored that it regularly detonates extra nuclear bombs on itself rather than storing them somewhere. The crew are completely shielded too. The 500mm guns fire ammunition powerful enough to blow up the world! The 900 Wazers (like lasers, except not) provide the ultimate in zap-zap beam goodness!
Price: $4 quadrillion
Section Five: Air Stuff
Gravitic-Manipulative Orcish Doo-Doo!™
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:Gg87_UF4AHoC:www.hollywoodjesus.com/movie/lordofrings/bk3/orc.jpg
Height: Orc sized
Width: Like an orc
Weight: Orcly
Power Plant: 2 Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactors
Propulsion: Gravitic-Manipulation
Armament: Doo-Doo
Features: The G-MODD™ is neither orc nor gravitic aircraft; rather, its an ingenious combination of both! Our hurtling advances in nano-genetics has given us the ability, and apparently the desire, to make a flying gravitic cyborg of orc. It's self-replicating (of course), so its main weapon is dropping unneeded... chunks.... of itself out on the ground at super super high speeds. The perfect ground-attack weapon, just buy one and it will breed your whole air force within the hour!
Price: $3 quadrillion for one, 0 each for the rest
Missile Eating Robot™ Man!
Height: 3 meters
Width: 1 meters
Weight: 3 kg
Power Plant: 2 Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactors
Armament: Missile-Eating Mouth
Features: The MER™ man is built with wings giving it ultimate and natural flying capabilities, and his low mass makes him almost undetectable. In actuality he's constructed of trillions of Von Neuman machines, and his mouth is a macro-nanomachine designed to disarm, consume, and digest any type of missile. The perfect air defense weapon, and he can even hack his way into enemy aircraft and strangle their pilots!
Price: $400 per month in chicken feed (for his wings)
Section Six: Space Stuff
99-2CE SuperLight™ Drive
Mass: 0.4 kilograms
Fuel: Fuguglium-4
Thrust-to-weight Ratio: Infinite
Features: The SuperLight™ is the latest of the 99 series starship engines, providing FTL travel the old-fashioned way-- BRUTE FORCE! Yes, by simply having an infinite T-W ratio and enough of the highly metaphysical Fuguglium 4, one can not only bend E=mc^2-- it literally BREAKS! (PCC is not responsible for any damages caused by falling pieces of equation.) This is possible in the same way that they broke the sound barrier even tho it wuz a law uf fizikz so dont B close-minded anythin giz posble d00d.
Price: $10,000 each (one will power a Support Frigate)
Mega-Harpoon™
The Mega-Harpoon project is the unofficial name to the latest space weapon being developed by us. Sources are sketchy, but indicate it is so far 5,064,900,041,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 kilometers in length. Obviously, this will be a very powerful warship or weapon.
Price: We are accepting pre-orders, $400,000 quadrillion each.
BOB Class Battlecruiser!
http://www.freewebs.com/santa_barbara/BOB.JPG
At long last your dream machine of spacedy wars is here! Dominate the space battlefields with BOB!
Dimensions: Long and thick
Engines:
-2 sub-light Spherical Propulsion Modules™
-2 400c Hyperdrives
Sensors: Massed sensor wires, located near the SPM™s
Weapons:
-4 uber-hyper-meta-quantum-photonic-wazers™
-1 GiantSpew™ DeathCannon (Main Weapon)
-100,000 Marines
Armor:
-8 billion tons of Phased Dark Matter Transcendence Armor™
Shields:
-1 Invulnerability Deflector
Ramming Penetration Power: 69,000,000,000,000 terajoules at 1 m/s/s (Can penetrate any known armor when travelleing at 1 meter per second)
Price: Free with any 10 purchases!
Section Seven: Miscellaneous
Penetration Ecto-Nanoid 15™
The PE-N 15, despite its name, is very big and powerful. It's entirely classified but just having bought one will GUARANTEE your nation will NEVER be successfully invaded- period! Get yours today, you don't want to be left standing without one!
Price: $20,000 quadrillion.
Systems 10-F, 13-C, and 34-D !
Our uber-exploration ships recently uncovered three entire solar systems, with the unmined resources of our own and MORE and plenty of habitable worlds, all yours for the taking! They are located in sectors 10, 13 and 34 respectively. We will give you exact coordinates (they are already equipped with the PE-N 15 so they are absolutely protected against invasion) and the keys to the planets in an auction, coming soon! Remember, why settle for a nation when you can have a WHOLE SOLAR SYSTEM!
Price: Auction coming soon, check back!
Insta-Supply™ Chew-Doll
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:p7WPthRB51sC:www.pluspuppy.com/firehydrantlarge.gif
Have you ever been standing at the head of a vast army of billions of soldiers, on some enemys homeland, when you realize that you forgot to bring any food, clothing, ammunition, fuel, spare parts, medical equipment, engineering equipment or support personnel? Well, with this handy, deluxe, home-made, state-of-the-art, self-repairing, artificially intelligent, invulnerably armored, lightweight plastic chew-doll, you can solve ALL those problems INSTANTLY! Just make sure to be chewing on one when the battle begins (or whenever, really. Only one is required for your whole army!)
Standard flavor appeals to humans only, but can be flavor-tailored for elves, orcs, dwarves, hobbits, maia, aliens, vampires, demons, cyborgs, jedis, chihuahuas, parrots, pirates, and of course, lawyers. No extra cost!
Price: $10
The OOC Excuse Generator™
Getting invaded? Don't wanna have a war, don't wanna ignore? Try the OOC Excuse Generator and breathe easy!
Sample Output
-Someone is sexually molesting my neighbors and I need to find a camera
-Not today, honey, I have a headache
-That's it! I'm quitting NationStates forever!
-I'm just way too busy with these other threads
-Ah, but today is National Car Insurance Teaparty Day!
Price: $420 million
Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactor
The Mxh4x0r11!© 400 TeraWatt Micro-Fusion Reactor uses a compact quantum disintegration beam to induce three simultaneous fusion reactions contained in ultra-tiny magnetic bottles, which are rotated through hyperdimensional space at hypervelocities to generate gravitic fields, which are then used to power gravitico-electric turbines which phase in and out of existence randomly. It can be used to power just about anything.
Price: $999,999.99
Variable-Porto-Shield
Based on the highly successful PE-N 15 technology base, the VPS system is designed to provide invisible shields to protect against projectiles, beams, explosives, plasma and anything else. Each one is capable of shielding anything from a bullet (useful for when someones shooting your bullets down) to a starship, but it can only do one or the other at a time (sorry. Maybe in VPS v2.0!)
Price: Your lunch money
Multi-Wank Field/Energy/Matter Generator/Transformer
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:N90kzjBie4wC:www.med.umich.edu/opm/newspage/2002/machine.jpg
The Multi-Wank FEMGT uses complicated, scientific sounding things to generate any of a broad spectrum of desired results, including, but not limited to:
-Spacewank
-Magicwank
-Statwank
-Numberwank
-Missilewank
-Nanowank
-Tankwank
-Supplywank
-Timewank
-Fusionwank
-FTLwank
-Demonwank
-Godwank
-Herowank
-Picturewank
-Newbiewank
-Multiwank
-Powerwank
-Wankwank
-GDPCalcwank
-Quantumphysicswank
Price: Priceless!
The PrattCo Conglomerate is not responsible for any universes, stars, or planets being blown up; nor for any damage or harm caused to decent roleplayers who enjoy realism; nor do we provide a warantee beyond 20 seconds after purchase.