Wombat News
28-10-2003, 20:13
Houde, Wombat News
Houdini billionaire Herr Sebastain Cooke today announced the cull of some 50,000 hedgehogs in Houde as the first stage of his "final solution" to make himself even richer. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=84304) Herr Cooke, in his newly-tailored black uniform, urged the people of Houde to support his work with the promise that foreigners and other parasites of society such as asylum seekers and the aristocracy would be next.
Standing outside his New Hope bunker with Hall Beckman at his side, Herr Cooke detailed his new "Projekt Zyklon" which will initially eliminate the hedgehogs which have become too successful since they were first introduced in 1974.
"We have identified three keys groups in Houde that are generating hardship for the rest of the country," Herr Cooke told Wombat News. "The hedgehogs pose a significant threat to wading birds and must be exterminated immediately. Following the successful completion of phase one, we will move on to foreigners, and then finally on to asylum seekers and the aristocracy, who are just leeching off our state coffers. I've tried the nice guy approach, but there comes a time when a dictat, er, businessman must stand up and be counted."
Despite attempts by a wide range of charities to find an alternative to culling the hedgehogs, including the Houde Hedgehog Healing House, Herr Cooke remains adamant that killing is the only solution to solve Houde's woes. Charities representing elderly aristocrats also expressed concern today.
"We are still trying to comprehend yesterday's announcement for all foreigners to leave the country, and today we are faced with another bombshell," Jane Egerton-Vernon, spokeswoman for Aid the Aristos told us. "I really think this Cooke fellow should look at our alternative proposals to reduce the problem of a xenophobic and class-divided society as we feel that simply culling foreigners and aristocrats is a little extreme and not really very nice."
Herr Cooke's new initiative was met with universal condemnation across Houde as focus groups defended the hedgehogs, foreigners and asylum seekers but reserved judgement on aristocrats. This time, however, Herr Cooke is adamant he has found the true way forward.
"I spent so much time listening to middle-class losers in a vain attempt to keep them happy and sell them things, but that does not matter any more. I’ve made enough money that I no longer have to pander to these people and can move forward, and seize power, the way I consider best," Herr Cooke told Wombat News.
We spoke to one hedgehog who was seeking to flee Houde with his family before the inevitable cull begins.
"We have built up a good life here. Eating slugs and rummaging through the long grasses, but I have a bad feeling about this Cooke fellow," one hedgehog told us. "The others are saying it is all bluff, but I have a horrible feeling this is one time when he is being true to his word. I've sold everything to buy train tickets for all the family. I just hope the train arrives on time. These people come in promising everything to everyone, then before you know it, bang, they show their true colours when it is too late to do anything about it. It is not going to be easy being a hedgehog in the big city but at least we will be together, and more importantly, alive."
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Houdini billionaire Herr Sebastain Cooke today announced the cull of some 50,000 hedgehogs in Houde as the first stage of his "final solution" to make himself even richer. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=84304) Herr Cooke, in his newly-tailored black uniform, urged the people of Houde to support his work with the promise that foreigners and other parasites of society such as asylum seekers and the aristocracy would be next.
Standing outside his New Hope bunker with Hall Beckman at his side, Herr Cooke detailed his new "Projekt Zyklon" which will initially eliminate the hedgehogs which have become too successful since they were first introduced in 1974.
"We have identified three keys groups in Houde that are generating hardship for the rest of the country," Herr Cooke told Wombat News. "The hedgehogs pose a significant threat to wading birds and must be exterminated immediately. Following the successful completion of phase one, we will move on to foreigners, and then finally on to asylum seekers and the aristocracy, who are just leeching off our state coffers. I've tried the nice guy approach, but there comes a time when a dictat, er, businessman must stand up and be counted."
Despite attempts by a wide range of charities to find an alternative to culling the hedgehogs, including the Houde Hedgehog Healing House, Herr Cooke remains adamant that killing is the only solution to solve Houde's woes. Charities representing elderly aristocrats also expressed concern today.
"We are still trying to comprehend yesterday's announcement for all foreigners to leave the country, and today we are faced with another bombshell," Jane Egerton-Vernon, spokeswoman for Aid the Aristos told us. "I really think this Cooke fellow should look at our alternative proposals to reduce the problem of a xenophobic and class-divided society as we feel that simply culling foreigners and aristocrats is a little extreme and not really very nice."
Herr Cooke's new initiative was met with universal condemnation across Houde as focus groups defended the hedgehogs, foreigners and asylum seekers but reserved judgement on aristocrats. This time, however, Herr Cooke is adamant he has found the true way forward.
"I spent so much time listening to middle-class losers in a vain attempt to keep them happy and sell them things, but that does not matter any more. I’ve made enough money that I no longer have to pander to these people and can move forward, and seize power, the way I consider best," Herr Cooke told Wombat News.
We spoke to one hedgehog who was seeking to flee Houde with his family before the inevitable cull begins.
"We have built up a good life here. Eating slugs and rummaging through the long grasses, but I have a bad feeling about this Cooke fellow," one hedgehog told us. "The others are saying it is all bluff, but I have a horrible feeling this is one time when he is being true to his word. I've sold everything to buy train tickets for all the family. I just hope the train arrives on time. These people come in promising everything to everyone, then before you know it, bang, they show their true colours when it is too late to do anything about it. It is not going to be easy being a hedgehog in the big city but at least we will be together, and more importantly, alive."
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – NEWS WITHOUT BIAS FROM AROUND THE WORLD