NationStates Jolt Archive


Wombat News: New Public Toilets In Knootoss

Wombat News
28-10-2003, 14:02
New Public Toilets To Be Built In Honour Of Knootian State Secretary

Knootoss, Wombat News

The small town of Bugerme, nestled somewhere between Knootcap and Damsteram, is to erect a new public toilet block in its main square to commemorate the appointment of Galadriël Táralóm as the new Knootian state-secretary of Foreign Affairs (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=84773&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0).

Bugerme’s Lord Mayor was excited at the prospect. “It’s the least we can do for her,” he said. “ Galadriël does more than her fair share to publicise the town of Bugerme. She’s always saying it - particularly when she’s surprised.”

The lavishly sculptured exterior will feature “Ladies” and “Gentlemen” plaques manufactured from premium quality Menelmacari synth-slate - a symbolic gesture to the country to which she looks so often.

The fittings will be of the finest white porcelain. This will represent Galadriël’s purity and her perfect complexion. The sinks will have miniature statuettes of Galadriël mounted between the taps. “Of course, they will be pedestal sinks,” explained the Mayor. “In this way, the statuettes will be reminiscent of the position so many of her admirers put her in. Hopefully work will start early next year,” the Mayor told us.

It is hoped that celebrity Thomas Crapper will officially open the toilets once they are completed.

“We are going to approach him to see if he is available. Not because he cheered her appointment, you must understand, or that he is a close acquaintance. It’s just that his name is so appropriate.”

The toilets are expected to be visited by hundreds of visitors every year. Is it possible that members of the Knootian government or even the elf-queen (so admired by Galadriël) herself might one day use the toilets? “Don’t be silly,” said the Mayor. “Everyone knows that Lady Sirithil doesn’t go to the toilet.”

We contacted another member of the town council, Bijzonder Zat, to get his views on the project. “The trouble with public loos,” he ranted during a break between meetings, “is they don’t bloody well get looked after properly!”

“Rest assured that these toilets will be kept in pristine condition!” the Mayor stormed at the suggestion. “They will be checked on the hour, every hour. Make no mistake. We will do everything in our power to keep these toilets up to scratch.”

We passed on this information to Councillor Zat: “Up to scratch!” he said. “Up to scratch - my arse!”

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Wombat News
28-10-2003, 19:41
"Good evening. This is the six o'clock news. ... "




This has been a Wombat News bump
Thelas
28-10-2003, 20:09
*Laughs Head off. Wants Wombat News to make fun of him so that he can be indignant.*
Wombat News
28-10-2003, 20:23
Wants Wombat News to make fun of him

"Jimmy, get out there and do some research on this Thelas bunch - there must be some dirt we can sling their way ... "

"You got it, boss. I'm on it."
Thelas
28-10-2003, 20:25
Wants Wombat News to make fun of him

"Jimmy, get out there and do some research on this Thelas bunch - there must be some dirt we can sling their way ... "

"You got it, boss. I'm on it."

smiles
Knootoss
29-10-2003, 01:36
OOC:
LOL - great stuff.

*liked being made fun of*

IC:
"Buggerme...

I am very happy that these ordinary Knootians finally recognise me for what I am: their superior. Of course it can hardly be expected that humans are able to catch my greatness adequately but it is nice of them to try; even if my purity and complexion can never be matched by mere porcelain fittings.

I will be sure to visit these toilets though. But it won't be a public visit... I always visit public toilets privately"

~Lady Galadriël Táralóm
State-secretary of the Knootian Foreign Affairs Department
http://www.vaalor.com/support/icons/female-elf8.jpg
Knootoss
29-10-2003, 19:46
small bump
Wombat News
29-10-2003, 19:56
small bump

**Flush**
Slagkattunger
30-10-2003, 00:49
ooc:-rofl WN how do you come up these ideas?