26-10-2003, 21:28
The Vortex Corporation has announced the gathering and storing of rubber on massive scale today. Every rubber production company under the Corporate banner has started to work exclusively for the Corporation as of this morning. Also, contraceptive manufacturers have been stimulated to sell all their inventories to the Corporation.
Rubber toys, household items and other rubber appliances are now being gathered in massive warehouses. According to recent reports of eye witnesses, special teams are going door to door to buy all rubber items in each household. Every single family in the Corporation has been given a briefing on paper concerning this new situation. Families are adviced to sell all their rubber items to the Corporation, and instructions tell them to look for rubber in places such as "under the bed" or "in the drawers of your daughters".
What the purpose of this massive assembling of rubber is, is yet unknown. We have asked some innocent bystanders what they think will happen next:
--
"I think it's the Catholic Church!", young Isaac Boyoby says. "First they ban condoms, now it's all rubber articles. It's a scheme to take over the world!"
--
"My-oh-my, those door to door teams have some fine pieces of meat in 'em", single mother Suzie Humpalot comments. "If one of those stays for dinner, I won't be needing my rubber appliances anyway!"
--
Local hobo Joey Crackhed had the following to say: "I think the councils are nothing but a bunch of oversexed teenagers! I'll bet you a bottle of whiskey that they're all taking it for private use! I'm telling you!"
Rubber toys, household items and other rubber appliances are now being gathered in massive warehouses. According to recent reports of eye witnesses, special teams are going door to door to buy all rubber items in each household. Every single family in the Corporation has been given a briefing on paper concerning this new situation. Families are adviced to sell all their rubber items to the Corporation, and instructions tell them to look for rubber in places such as "under the bed" or "in the drawers of your daughters".
What the purpose of this massive assembling of rubber is, is yet unknown. We have asked some innocent bystanders what they think will happen next:
--
"I think it's the Catholic Church!", young Isaac Boyoby says. "First they ban condoms, now it's all rubber articles. It's a scheme to take over the world!"
--
"My-oh-my, those door to door teams have some fine pieces of meat in 'em", single mother Suzie Humpalot comments. "If one of those stays for dinner, I won't be needing my rubber appliances anyway!"
--
Local hobo Joey Crackhed had the following to say: "I think the councils are nothing but a bunch of oversexed teenagers! I'll bet you a bottle of whiskey that they're all taking it for private use! I'm telling you!"