NationStates Jolt Archive


The Klaymore Kitty

Alcona and Hubris
24-10-2003, 16:14
We now interrupt this thread to bring the players a much needed commercial break….

A scene of wilderness and beauty opens up on the screen.
The Klatchian Coast, known for it’s lush jungles and active wildlife…yet there is danger

Pictures of large crocodiles entering the water and opening their mouths.
The Klatchian Croc, the most fearsome beast of the Klatch….you need special equipment to take care of this predator...

No more… for Blamo now offers you the

The Klaymore Kitty

http://store1.yimg.com/I/windover_1764_676539.jpg

This is not an ordinary stuffed animal, it is a dangerous anti-croc weapon. Filled with seven pounds of degraded C4 explosive inside a fragmenting metal shell the Klaymore Kitty is a fabric covered plushy of death. The Klaymore Kitty exterior is modled after the young cubs of the Benj Cat. A delectable treat to our reptilian monster.

A cat is shown on screen…then being thrown towards a small crocodile. The croc bites down on the bait and then….

http://www.undp.org/erd/pubinfo/transitions/2002_07/images/explosion.jpg

But why would a perfectly intelligent Crocodile eat a stuffed animal, especially one filled with enough explosives to stop some armored vehicles?
Scent!!!
we supply a scent cartridge that is placed in the rear of the Klaymore after being activated, the Kitty gives off the smell of a very wet, Benj Cat. It is the smell that gives our Kitty that extra edge in making a Croc want to see if it just found a really dumb Benj Cat cub snack

A large white cylinder is twisted and then stuffed up the rear of the Klaymore Kitty. Then the woman holding his waves her nose and seems to want to faint.

But wait!, The Klaymore Kitty isn’t just for killing Klatchian Crocs…It makes a great assassination tool

A large man is shown sitting down on his throne, we then see a Klaymore Kitty under the cushion before he sits and Boom….

Also great for effective suicides…guaranteed to work*…Don’t live where there is anything higher than a three story building? Just strap on Klaymore Kitty and your guaranteed to join the dearly departed.

A man is shown waving at the camera then launching himself off the side of the roof. The camera follows his decent from above. He hits the ground, and the screen is filled with a gas cloud. The camera lens is then covered in some liquid material…

So Get your Klaymore Kitty today and stop worrying about those pesky Klatchian Crocs…

Klaymore Kat and Klaymore Kitty are registered trademarks of Quincy Mining incorporated. Do not give to children under the age of 21. Klaymore Kitty is a thrown mine, you should not attempt to play with Klaymore Kitty. You should not drop Klaymore Kitty over 15 feet. Do not taunt Klaymore Kitty. Stop using Klaymore Kitty if any of the following side effects occur: shrapnel wounds, bleeding from the ears, blindness due to shrapnel, cut arteries, or death. If Klaymore Kitty should be disposed of by a bomb removal team, if none is available, set Klaymore Kitty on fire. *If Klaymore Kitty is not effective in killing you, we will shoot you in the head for free.
24-10-2003, 16:19
Hmmm...

http://www.1stcavmedic.com/glossary-files/claymore-1.jpg

http://www.levitated.net/bones/freshflash/plus.gif

http://www.all-creatures.org/ak/ak-kitty.jpg

http://ottawa.rasc.ca/astronomy/chasing_eclipse/equals.gif

http://www.gis.net/~masspa/images/nuclear.gif

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GENIUS!!!
Kotterdam
24-10-2003, 16:22
OOC: Genocidal maniacs, pay close attention. There is no better way to blow up small children than a cute, cuddly claymore mine.

Kudos to the Klaymore Kitty!
24-10-2003, 17:44
((OOC: this brings just one thing to mind for me *snicker*

"kitty at my foot and I wanna touch it. Kitty at my foot and I wanna touch it. Kitty at my foot and I want to to touch it! Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty TOUCH IT!"-Kitty by The Presidants of the United States of America))
Alcona and Hubris
24-10-2003, 18:21
Ah can I have my Merc company back Po? (I forgot to mention that to the new management)
Thelas
24-10-2003, 18:24
how much for one? my assasins could use a couple.
Alcona and Hubris
24-10-2003, 18:31
Ah they are a bit on the expensive side 65 Kr (79.95 USD) Per Kitten...
Or 6000 Kr (7380 USD ) for a crate of 100. The come in their own plastic kitty container for storage before use.
Shipping extra.

edits: remove typos
24-10-2003, 19:59
Hmmm...

http://www.1stcavmedic.com/glossary-files/claymore-1.jpg

http://www.levitated.net/bones/freshflash/plus.gif

http://www.all-creatures.org/ak/ak-kitty.jpg

http://ottawa.rasc.ca/astronomy/chasing_eclipse/equals.gif

http://www.gis.net/~masspa/images/nuclear.gif

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I would like to remark that there is enough creative genius contained with this thread herein to choke a WHALE!! No lie, I just started laughing so hard about 5 minutes ago, my neck hurts. Seeing that claymore mine+cat='Splosions! Was enough to send me off. Any of you fine folks know where I can download a "kitty hitman" macro file?
GENIUS!!!
Sakkra
24-10-2003, 20:55
This is a gross and abhorrent abuse of our reptilian cousins. If these Klatchian Crocs are a real problem for you, we would be willing to relocate them to the Whispering Savannah Nature Preserve at no fee. But to use them to test weaponry on; we can not abide that.

Advisor Kraah
Kargaah Imperial Complex

OOC: That's actually pretty funny. I had a good laugh.
Alcona and Hubris
25-10-2003, 01:42
The Alconain Government would be more than happy for you to relocate any Klatchian Crocs Here is the data:

The Klatchian crocodile, Crocodylus gigantus is the worlds largest reptile, growing to lengths of 18m, with the largest recorded specimen being 2172cm from snout to tail-tip. The beasts are hunted as game beasts in Dyelli Beybi & Fasta Benj, the skins and heads being taken as trophys and the meat sold in the local supermarkets. so far the crocodiles achieve 3 kills for every crocodile shot by a safari party.

We tend to have smaller, only 15m reptiles but we would be more than happy for you to remove them. They prefer elephant but also enjoy hippo, human, Benj Cat, and any other large mammals.

However, until such time as you can effectivly clear our entire region of these creatures and relocate them, the Klaymore Kitty will remain on the market as a means of survival in the wild for humans not reptiles.
Sakkra
25-10-2003, 07:13
We are working on an air-delivered tranquilizer with which to neutralize their threat capability. They would then be lifted out via Titan II Transport Craft. Of course, we would have to send in a team of biologists to ascertain which variation of tranq would work best.
Jeruselem
25-10-2003, 07:28
Definitely not for the kids.
26-10-2003, 00:16
Quebec Nouveau would be happy to offer to you a team of biologists, herpetologists and Macrofaunal Ecological Specialistes to determine the environmental impact of removal of these creatures from their naturale habitats. Removal of apex predators rarely turns out well, but we would be happy to offer specialistes and manpower.
Alcona and Hubris
26-10-2003, 17:18
Exactly, also removal may adversly affect the societies of other nations...so I'm afraid the FKC has refused the offer of transporting these creatures also liability concerns have been mentioned...
Vrak
27-10-2003, 14:52
We like our crocodiles.
Britmattia
27-10-2003, 15:07
Don't have any crocs, dragons ate the bloody things. damn shame, would've liked to have hunted the blighters. hmm. A thought crosses the Royal brain here. How much to import a few of your Klatchian crocs? It's been a while since I fought anything seriously challenging, and if they're not, well the dragons always need feeding.
His Most Glorious Militaristic Majesty
King Matthew XI
Ard Ri

OOC exploding kitties forever!
27-10-2003, 15:15
HAHAHAHA

That is brilliant!!!

We will have several hundred crates.
Alcona and Hubris
27-10-2003, 15:44
From: Markgravine of Bost
Subject: Klatchian Croc to hunt.

Your majesty we have decided not to attempt to ship out live Klatchian Crocs due to liablity problems (too large, eat too much, usually get loose eat the crew or handlers) However, we are not against individuals hunting the creatures within the Oompa Loompa zone, nor the live capture and shipment by other nations (we can allow a few to be released)

I am sure that the Federated Klatchian Coast would be honored by a vaction vist to our lands, and I would personally welcome you to vist on a hunting excusion in the jungles of Oompa to hunt these creatures.

http://www.eng.auburn.edu/users/donatgw/eliza.jpg
Elizabeth Wittlebach Crawford
HRH Markgravine of Bost

Also Freedom Country we will send you 700 crates at 6,000 kr each or a total of 4,200,000 Kr. Shipping will be 100 Kr each or 70,000 Kr.
27-10-2003, 15:49
money wired for the cats

Die Commies!!!