NationStates Jolt Archive

Paris, Wombat News

In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all. Five hundred soldiers from the elite L'Abandonnement du Champ d'Honneur Battalion (French Surrender Battalion) of the Legion Etrangère (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Lashikrian and the Francisia region (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=84308) where they will assist the Lashikrian armed forces in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of anyone who wishes to invade them.

"Eet ees important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering," said General Pepe Le Pugh, the CO of the battalion, who has personally surrendered in over 200 battles going back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954. "We French are ze world masters at surrendering, n'est ce pas, not like the arrogant Menelmacari who never surrender. Ha, I spit on your filthy victories."

President Chirac also announced that his government will be sending 3000 advisors from the elite Force du Collaborateurs Francaise (French Collaboration Force) to assist the Lashikrians in collaborating with their eventual invaders while pretending to be part of a non-existent resistance movement.

THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – A POKE IN THE EYE OF TRUTH WITH A SHARP STICK

LOL

Oh, that's good...

OOC: Yep, so France is the country which spawned the greatest military commander in human history. Obviously their only military achievement must be surrendering in World War 2. I usually find Wombat News pretty funny, but really and truly, this whole "surrender monkeys" joke is so old, so cheap, and so inaccurate that I can't do anything but respond with a:

:roll:

OOC: Yep, so France is the country which spawned the greatest military commander in human history. Obviously their only military achievement must be surrendering in World War 2. I usually find Wombat News pretty funny, but really and truly, this whole "surrender monkeys" joke is so old, so cheap, and so inaccurate that I can't do anything but respond with a:

:roll:

OOC: What about Napoleon?

the greatest military commander in human history

Who dat den? Napoleon was Italian ..

OOC: Yep, so France is the country which spawned the greatest military commander in human history. Obviously their only military achievement must be surrendering in World War 2. I usually find Wombat News pretty funny, but really and truly, this whole "surrender monkeys" joke is so old, so cheap, and so inaccurate that I can't do anything but respond with a:

:roll:

I think "the greatest" is a bit of a stretch there. Perhaps one of "the greatest" would be more apporpriate. And I think living out his life in exile puts quite few negative points onto his score....

the greatest military commander in human history

Who dat den? Napoleon was Italian ..

OOC: Corsican actually, which is a provincial Island of France.

Yeah, but Corsicans hardly call themselves French. Last time I talked to one... about five minutes ago and asked him about this, he said "OH HELL NO!" :D

Yeah, but Corsicans hardly call themselves French. Last time I talked to one... about five minutes ago and asked him about this, he said "OH HELL NO!" :D

Well, some Corsicans call themselves French, and some do not. It depends on which ones you ask. Napoleon though, most certainly called himself French! 8)

OOC: Yep, so France is the country which spawned the greatest military commander in human history. Obviously their only military achievement must be surrendering in World War 2. I usually find Wombat News pretty funny, but really and truly, this whole "surrender monkeys" joke is so old, so cheap, and so inaccurate that I can't do anything but respond with a:

:roll:

I think "the greatest" is a bit of a stretch there. Perhaps one of "the greatest" would be more apporpriate. And I think living out his life in exile puts quite few negative points onto his score....

I honestly don't think "the greatest" is a bit of a stretch at all, but I guess this is a topic of conversation for General. Living out the last few years of his life in exile doesn't have anything to do with his record as a military commander either. :)

My point is, COME ON. The joke is lame, unfunny, and not particularly accurate. Come on, the French have to be some of the easiest people on Earth to make fun of for other reasons, and you pick them surrendering in WW2? :P

OOC: Yep, so France is the country which spawned the greatest military commander in human history. Obviously their only military achievement must be surrendering in World War 2. I usually find Wombat News pretty funny, but really and truly, this whole "surrender monkeys" joke is so old, so cheap, and so inaccurate that I can't do anything but respond with a:

:roll:

OOC: :shock: I didn*t know Chengis Khan was French! (feel free to insert another greater military leader of your choice )

OOC: Yep, so France is the country which spawned the greatest military commander in human history. Obviously their only military achievement must be surrendering in World War 2. I usually find Wombat News pretty funny, but really and truly, this whole "surrender monkeys" joke is so old, so cheap, and so inaccurate that I can't do anything but respond with a:

:roll:

OOC: :shock: I didn*t know Chengis Khan was French! (feel free to insert another greater military leader of your choice )Ahem... Gengis

No... Chengis is an acceptable alternate spelling. He's more commonly known as Gengis, true, but Chengis works.

--Hearty Aerospacewanker Pirate Cap'n Scolo

Hmm...

Paris, Agnos News

In an attempt to establish an effective personal appearance program in addition to a new "less smoking/coffee drinking policy", the French headquarters of computer giant IBM has initiated a number of new protocols following a world conference in Toyko. This is following low second and thrid quarter sales by the French division. Reports into why the numbers were so low were varied but the change in appearance has many applauding the new company policy.

Before studies showed that in the warmer months, French saleswomen had a tendency to wear sleeveless shirts and, according to common sales practices, smiled a lot. Feedback from prospective buyers hinted at unsightly armpit hair and coffee stained teeth as well as a perpetual odor of cigarette smoke. Buyers were so turned off that PC sales dropped 45% and business systems fell by 28%.

The new policy requires shaved armpits or sleeved shirts, a restriction to one cigarette an hour and only two cups of coffee per morning. In addition, the company doctors and dentists issued tubes of Crest toohpaste with anti-plaque and whitener. Until the teeth pass a whiteness inspection, salespeople are recommended to smile with closed lips.

Already the new policies are showing their effectiveness. Sales are back up by 17% in PCs and 22% in business sytems. There has also been an increase of women taking vacation days and rumors abound that it is due to an increase in the number of offered dates but successful men.

People of france can not take the heat nor can fight in wars.

Hehe, another quality edition of the Wombat News :wink:

Yes well France was a military might, until the year of 1872. When the German nation was born upon the collapse of the second Nepolonic Empire. From then on, without a disorginized group of German nation states to pick on...well...they didn't have anyone to train against anymore. (I should note that the French military greatness was achived by a Bonaparte and destroyed by a Bonaparte!!) Who else were they going to invade perodicly?

Switzerland.- No fun, too hilly.

England.- They haven't been very good at that since Hastings

Belgium.- Already reserved by Germany along with Poland

Luxumburg- Who wants it?

Spain-Too damn messy

Sneak a fleet across the Med and invade Egypt.

The last time they tried that, Nelson sank their fleet. The English just don't like the French being anywhere....not even in France.

Then be more stealthy. Tie bushes to the ships and pretend to be Malta.

"Hmm...Dispatch the Very Special Forces to France at once!"
"Yes, your Ineffableness."

Three hours later, two cubs scouts with a flaming pointy stick and a BB gun with no ball bearings arrived in France, waved the flaming pointy stick at the government who promptly surrendered and proceeded to declare France the newest addition to The Ineffable Empire. The Very Special Forces (i.e. the cub scouts) then went on to murder every last Frenchman they could find on special orders from TGI Bob, which was that he didn't want France, but he wasn't going to let anyone else have it either.
Thus the world is saved by The Ineffable Very Special Forces once again!

The last time they tried that, Nelson sank their fleet. The English just don't like the French being anywhere....not even in France.

That about sums it up.

(OOC: I love French culture, and I have nothing against them, I just disagree with their desicion making)

Istarian Public Service Announcement:

The French Republic has an hour to surrendur or else they will be facing an army of chickens armed with twig swords and silver helmets!

Public Service Announcement Over:

Three Seconds Later

WE SURRENDUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We at the Francisian Head Council are not surrendering to anyone, but merely protecting our numbers by staying neutral in all wars.


-Lashikrian Emperor and Lashikrian Francisia Head Council Member.

oc:- Nice post WN...pity about the lack of humor in some of the post's afterwards.

OOC: Yep, so France is the country which spawned the greatest military commander in human history. Obviously their only military achievement must be surrendering in World War 2. I usually find Wombat News pretty funny, but really and truly, this whole "surrender monkeys" joke is so old, so cheap, and so inaccurate that I can't do anything but respond with a:

:roll:

Last I checked Patton wasnt French.

Oh and Dien Bien Phu, was in Vietnam, after WWII. So the earlier play was on them surrendering in the middle of no wheres ville to a bunch of a pan hat wearing commies. Sad. Even we managed to hold Khe Sahn(the US version of Dien Bien Phu).

Paris, Wombat News

In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all. Five hundred soldiers from the elite L'Abandonnement du Champ d'Honneur Battalion (French Surrender Battalion) of the Legion Etrangère (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Lashikrian and the Francisia region (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=84308) where they will assist the Lashikrian armed forces in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of anyone who wishes to invade them.

"Eet ees important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering," said General Pepe Le Pugh, the CO of the battalion, who has personally surrendered in over 200 battles going back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954. "We French are ze world masters at surrendering, n'est ce pas, not like the arrogant Menelmacari who never surrender. Ha, I spit on your filthy victories."

President Chirac also announced that his government will be sending 3000 advisors from the elite Force du Collaborateurs Francaise (French Collaboration Force) to assist the Lashikrians in collaborating with their eventual invaders while pretending to be part of a non-existent resistance movement.

THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – A POKE IN THE EYE OF TRUTH WITH A SHARP STICK The Menelmacari are a good people.

OOC: Yep, so France is the country which spawned the greatest military commander in human history. Obviously their only military achievement must be surrendering in World War 2. I usually find Wombat News pretty funny, but really and truly, this whole "surrender monkeys" joke is so old, so cheap, and so inaccurate that I can't do anything but respond with a:

:roll:

Napoleon was no where near the greatest commander in human history. That distinction belongs to either Wellington or Alexander theGreat.

A great commander would never have made the mistakes he made in Russia, and Spain.

OOC: Yep, so France is the country which spawned the greatest military commander in human history. Obviously their only military achievement must be surrendering in World War 2. I usually find Wombat News pretty funny, but really and truly, this whole "surrender monkeys" joke is so old, so cheap, and so inaccurate that I can't do anything but respond with a:

:roll:

Napoleon was no where near the greatest commander in human history. That distinction belongs to either Wellington or Alexander theGreat.

A great commander would never have made the mistakes he made in Russia, and Spain.

As I said, it belongs in another thread, but Wellington can hardly claim the distinction! Alexander the Great though, I'd have a hard case arguing against that suggestion! :)

Then don't.

Wellington was an expert general... but I'm sure we can all agree the greatest politician and soldier in history was Bismarck.

No... Chengis is an acceptable alternate spelling. He's more commonly known as Gengis, true, but Chengis works.

--Hearty Aerospacewanker Pirate Cap'n Scolo

OOC: I've even seen "Chingis" but watch people flip out over that one.

edit: Have you dudes forgotten about Hannibal?

Wellington was an exceptional soldier, but his policies post-Waterloo ensured that the British Army was in a terrible state by the Crimean War.

Bismarck is a good choice for politician/statesman

Alexander the Great is another good example

Patton, as a General, yes, very good. But he wanted to invade the Soviet Union. Not such a bright idea...

Napoleon? I must profess that, while initially brilliant, once his opponents mastered the use of attack columns, coupled with more disciplined use of the battle line (also known as "mixed order") his days were numbered. Leipzig, first off, broke his back, and Waterloo stopped the resurgence...
Lets not forget that he DID lose...

Howsabout Marshal Georgiy Zhukov? Won in the brief Soviet-Japanese War of 1936, which led to the Soviet-Japanese Non-aggression Pact, and allowed the transfer of Siberian troops from the east to the west come 1941. Also, Zhukov led the successful defence of Moscow, the counter-attack and encirclement at Stalingrad, and others that I don't deign to mention.

Point of note: The French have lost every war they fought in without allies...

Point of note: The French have lost every war they fought in without allies...
What utter fiction!

Wombat News: Choice Comedic News Source of Western Asia!
At least until we get the Daily Show

Then be more stealthy. Tie bushes to the ships and pretend to be Malta.

LOL.

Ah, France's heyday was in the High Middle Ages under St. Louis IX, the French king at that time.
http://www.cssh.qc.ca/projets/carnetsma/Louis.gif

In went downhill some time before the "Enlightenment" because during the "Enlightenment," it was already declining! :D

God bless,

The Confederacy of England, Ireland and Poland

I see all sorts of names mentioned, save for a few that no one has brought up yet. Soooo, I will throw them out here for the sake of doing so.

Field Marshal Erwin Rommell aka The Desert Fox - well respected by all he fought with or against.

Attilla the Hun - Challenged the Roman Empire successfully during the height of their power.

That Spartan king/general dude who held Greece together during the Persian invasion....his name escapes me for now. Fought against greatly numerically superior forces with much success.

Thats all I can think of for now.....

Attilla the Hun - Challenged the Roman Empire successfully during the height of their power.

Thats more along the lines of opinion(The state of the Roman Empire that is). The Roman Empire was in decline after they ceased their expansion outward and frankly it was said once that for a good number of years being part of the Roman Army was one of the safest jobs available. The Roman Army wasnt nearly what it was and frankly had it been at the true height with veteren soldiers, and continued expansion outward the Huns would have been stopped and smashed like any of the other barbarians before. All in all Attilla was just lucky.

Attilla the Hun - Challenged the Roman Empire successfully during the height of their power.

Thats more along the lines of opinion(The state of the Roman Empire that is). The Roman Empire was in decline after they ceased their expansion outward and frankly it was said once that for a good number of years being part of the Roman Army was one of the safest jobs available. The Roman Army wasnt nearly what it was and frankly had it been at the true height with veteren soldiers, and continued expansion outward the Huns would have been stopped and smashed like any of the other barbarians before. All in all Attilla was just lucky.

Perhaps Attilla was a good general because he knew when to strike, when the Roman Empire was begining to decline. It all depends on how you look at it, really. Attilla was either lucky, or a good stratagist.

Attilla the Hun - Challenged the Roman Empire successfully during the height of their power.

Thats more along the lines of opinion(The state of the Roman Empire that is). The Roman Empire was in decline after they ceased their expansion outward and frankly it was said once that for a good number of years being part of the Roman Army was one of the safest jobs available. The Roman Army wasnt nearly what it was and frankly had it been at the true height with veteren soldiers, and continued expansion outward the Huns would have been stopped and smashed like any of the other barbarians before. All in all Attilla was just lucky.

Perhaps Attilla was a good general because he knew when to strike, when the Roman Empire was begining to decline. It all depends on how you look at it, really. Attilla was either lucky, or a good stratagist.

No its still just good luck. Attilla didnt know when to strike. He was already pushing Westward in Asia while the Romans were in decline, he just arrived at the right moment. Moving through Germany the Barbarians sought refuge in Roman territory. I believe it was a combination of both Germanic tribes and the Roman legions who finally stopped the Hun. Of course this severely weakened the Romans to the point of no return and they became victims of the same Germanic tribes who sought refuge earlier on.

Perhaps Attilla was a good general because he knew when to strike, when the Roman Empire was begining to decline. It all depends on how you look at it, really. Attilla was either lucky, or a good stratagist.

No its still just good luck. Attilla didnt know when to strike. He was already pushing Westward in Asia while the Romans were in decline, he just arrived at the right moment. Moving through Germany the Barbarians sought refuge in Roman territory. I believe it was a combination of both Germanic tribes and the Roman legions who finally stopped the Hun. Of course this severely weakened the Romans to the point of no return and they became victims of the same Germanic tribes who sought refuge earlier on.

Ah... Hmmm... Okay then...