Wombat News
20-10-2003, 16:09
Woollorolorollooo, Wombat News
Angelus has added several new items to the infamous “Group of Ignore” (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=81719&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0), which previously included countries such as The SLAGlands. And already, seemingly, all good NationStaters, inflamed with the fury of brainwashed nationalists, have grown to both fear and despise these additions to the Group.
The additions - which include Capsule Corpuscle, blackberry jam, the name "Jeremy" and apple pie - were "carefully and purposely" picked by Angelus.
"We cannot, I repeat, cannot, allow such atro-… atric-... horrible things to invade our world. By adding them to the Group of Ignore, I, Angelus, have ensured the safety of all NationStates citizens," stated Angel in a public address Friday evening. "I would like to draw particular attention to additive 'apple pie', which is obviously threatening the security of Titan …. I mean, NationStates," she quickly corrected herself, ignoring shocked comments from many other countries – soon also to be “ignored”.
Wombat News did ask a representative apple pie if there was any response to Angelus’ allegations, although critics are already calling the response "half-baked".
"I am not evil! I'm only trying to save all your dumb asses from peach melbas!" it shouted before being escorted back to the kitchen, where it will be re-heated and served to a group of Indonesian school-children on a school trip to learn about immigration issues.
A study produced by researchers at Woollorolorollooo University indicates that most NationStaters support Angelus’ decision.
"Clearly, apple pie is simply defeatist. It insists on peaceful relations with most desserts – especially cream - when clearly the answer is to n00k every country, and also flapjacks," said Rupert Muppet, head of the n00b Study Program, recently founded at the prestigious university by Angelus herself.
Muppet added that he believes apple pie to be "a damn commie trick".
School bus-driver Pie D. Pyper shared Muppet's opinions.
"Apple pie? Sounds like a commie name. I'd say give it the electric chair, or maybe just put it on the next season of Big Brother. God, that show sucks."
The apple pie, shouting through the opening of the micro-wave in the basement of Pies-R-Us, has repeatedly claimed it is "not part of the Group of Ignore". It has also tried to clear the name of blackberry jam, which it says is "actually quite delicious". As we went to press, it also indicated that it expects protesters to help break it out.
And indeed, students at Woollorolorollooo University’s Platypus campus have been "sort of thinking about protesting".
"Maybe, if they stop showing Big Brother reruns," says student Goggle Bocks. "I mean, I guess it’s kind of awful. I'm not really that into the peach melba idea, either, and I think the Group of Ignore thing is kind of weird, you know?"
Armed guards promptly sprung out of Bocks’ closet and clubbed him to the floor with truncheons before taking him to prison.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – NEWS FROM SOMEWHERE OVER THE EDGE OF SANITY
Angelus has added several new items to the infamous “Group of Ignore” (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=81719&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0), which previously included countries such as The SLAGlands. And already, seemingly, all good NationStaters, inflamed with the fury of brainwashed nationalists, have grown to both fear and despise these additions to the Group.
The additions - which include Capsule Corpuscle, blackberry jam, the name "Jeremy" and apple pie - were "carefully and purposely" picked by Angelus.
"We cannot, I repeat, cannot, allow such atro-… atric-... horrible things to invade our world. By adding them to the Group of Ignore, I, Angelus, have ensured the safety of all NationStates citizens," stated Angel in a public address Friday evening. "I would like to draw particular attention to additive 'apple pie', which is obviously threatening the security of Titan …. I mean, NationStates," she quickly corrected herself, ignoring shocked comments from many other countries – soon also to be “ignored”.
Wombat News did ask a representative apple pie if there was any response to Angelus’ allegations, although critics are already calling the response "half-baked".
"I am not evil! I'm only trying to save all your dumb asses from peach melbas!" it shouted before being escorted back to the kitchen, where it will be re-heated and served to a group of Indonesian school-children on a school trip to learn about immigration issues.
A study produced by researchers at Woollorolorollooo University indicates that most NationStaters support Angelus’ decision.
"Clearly, apple pie is simply defeatist. It insists on peaceful relations with most desserts – especially cream - when clearly the answer is to n00k every country, and also flapjacks," said Rupert Muppet, head of the n00b Study Program, recently founded at the prestigious university by Angelus herself.
Muppet added that he believes apple pie to be "a damn commie trick".
School bus-driver Pie D. Pyper shared Muppet's opinions.
"Apple pie? Sounds like a commie name. I'd say give it the electric chair, or maybe just put it on the next season of Big Brother. God, that show sucks."
The apple pie, shouting through the opening of the micro-wave in the basement of Pies-R-Us, has repeatedly claimed it is "not part of the Group of Ignore". It has also tried to clear the name of blackberry jam, which it says is "actually quite delicious". As we went to press, it also indicated that it expects protesters to help break it out.
And indeed, students at Woollorolorollooo University’s Platypus campus have been "sort of thinking about protesting".
"Maybe, if they stop showing Big Brother reruns," says student Goggle Bocks. "I mean, I guess it’s kind of awful. I'm not really that into the peach melba idea, either, and I think the Group of Ignore thing is kind of weird, you know?"
Armed guards promptly sprung out of Bocks’ closet and clubbed him to the floor with truncheons before taking him to prison.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – NEWS FROM SOMEWHERE OVER THE EDGE OF SANITY