NationStates Jolt Archive

In response to the creation of an Anti-Imperialism League, because people seem to have forgotten that this is FREE FORM RP, and you can RP imperialist if you really want to.

Sean Connery appears on broadcast across the universe, "Fellow imperialist, it has come to the attention of the Empire of Valinon, of who I represent, that anti-imperialist have recently made it a pain for those of us who wish to practice imperialism. Therefore, the Empire is forming the Imperialist League of Gentlemen. In this new League, member nations can invade larger nations simply because we are stronger, whether the world agrees with us or not (OOC: Iraq anyone?). Not only that but we can brag about our colonies and the people we are subjecting to our benevolent, civilized governments. And we can exploit them for their resources and as markets for the mother countries economic goods."
"Finally, we can do all this wearing dead sexy uniforms, and making sure the press captures our best side as we stamp out the heathens of the world for the glories of civilization. Also, we can do all this merely because we can and want to do all this. So come and celebrate with us the forming of this most glorious organization of the civilized nations of the world. There will be fine wines, cavier, canapes, and other delightful finger foods. Also, you can meet with me as President of the Imperialist League of Gentlemen and His Majesty Emperor Gustav Alderman I, our beloved benefactor."

---Post deleted by NationStates Moderators---

We'll provide the press and media that captures your good side. :)

((OOC: My God, that movie sucked! :x ))

Random Takian politician - "what? someone finaly got the Cojones to form an Imperialist Gentlemen's club? Well, throw our lot in with them, and see if they have those mini pigs in a blanket I like so much"

Random Aide - "aye sir, um. . . isn't this just anouther way that we can loaf around on the governments time and get paid to do nothing?"

RTP - "yes, it is, why do you ask?"

RA - "well, don't we do that already?"

RTP - "yeah, but they are providing food and drinks"

RA - "oh, point, setting a course"

The luxury cruiser "Bob" turned around and set a new course for the Imperialist League of Gentlemen's headquarters, the captian turning to his aide.

"inform our hosts we will soon be landing."

OOC: Yet so appropriate for here isn't it Resi? But do not speak of that which is the mastery of acting focused by Sean Connery in such terms in my presence again. :lol: :lol: :lol:

OOC: Wasn't that bad. The comics were better. And Dorian Grey can see his painting in the novel, the movie messed up.

IC:

We, the people of the Principality Of Roania, in order to civilise the world and return intelligence to other nations, hereby request to join this league.

Penguenia will join.

OOC: All nations accepted.

Sean Connery reappears again, "I would like to welcome all of those who have agreed to support this most worthy and civilized cause. Events at our opening reception will include a viewing of the movies The Man Who Would be King and Four Feathers. Also the pride of this even will by the pygmy tribe skeet shoot."
President Connery turns away from the screen, "PULL!"
A Valinon Sardaukar activates the skeet machine, several men dressed in ornate garments of the Imperial Court (OOC: Edwardian Age of Earth), raise even more ornate rifles and begin to shoot.

Penguenia will join.Your membership from the NAIA has been terminated.

Crazy little imperialists... gotta love those little buggers and their pitiful attempts to unite. They'll eventually end up conquering each other... -- President Carter

We, the nation of Mizuna abhore the thought that Imperialists would ever mistreat thier savage wards, and point to our shining civil rights towards our citizens, and the extencive programs to civilize and train them to become productive workers, happy to make sustandard wages so the rest of our great nation can live happily in opulence. To celebrate this occasion, we are bringing several of our happy native pygmys for the skeet shoot.

View shifts to that of an arena in the middle of lush land, a large sign reads Imperialist League of Gentlemen Extraordinary Imperialist Games. The sign says: LAND GRAB FOR THE COLONIES. A pistol is fired and three men begin racing of on mules, one from Egypt, one from South Africa, and one from China plod onward.
"We would like to remind you," comes a voice, "that those that can cover this land first will get to keep it for the glories of their countries. Please note that our oldest contestants have been given a thirty second head start for fairness. Now the competitors from the League will begin!" With a massive roar, a beautiful restored Rolls Royce races off carrying European descendants waving British, French, and German flags, along with those of League Nations, go racing past the three other competitors. Various anthems are played including God Save the Queen and Onward March for Progress. The League competitors wwave as they leave the three others eating their dust, literally.
"Don't miss our next event, NATIVE SCAVENGER HUNT!" says the announcer again as the Rolls Royce zooms onward.

Crazy little imperialists... gotta love those little buggers and their pitiful attempts to unite. They'll eventually end up conquering each other... -- President Crater

In response to the creation of an Anti-Imperialism League, because people seem to have forgotten that this is FREE FORM RP, and you can RP imperialist if you really want to.

OOC: And my retort... it seems that you have forgotten the fact that this is a free form RP, after all, it is a IC organisation conducted for IC reasons, we don't like nations invading others for the perposes of expansion and as such we are willing to help nations who are victims of these attack... oh, and we don't make pre-emptive strikes.

You can RP a Imperialist if you want to in NS, but we can RP ANTI-Imperialists if we want, thus it is a free form RP... amazing seeing as I should of forgotten that.

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/iuthia.jpg

Vice President of NAIA

More information about Iuthia.... (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=41124&highlight=)
Iuthian Defence Treaty (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1484531#1484531)
Urbanites Region (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=display_region/region=Urbanites)

Penguenia will join.

TRAITOR!

Ambassador Hargreaves shoulders the German ambassador. "Pardon, brother Prussian. But that is my pigmy!" He fires a heat-seeking missile. "Damn bugger, he's running too fast."

OOC: Ah, but I never said you couldn't RP yours. Also, imperialist have kept silent and dealt with your annoyance long enough I think, so kindly let us join in and have our fun. After all Imperialism was here first, by about a thousand plus years. Gotta love the Romans.

Crazy little imperialists... gotta love those little buggers and their pitiful attempts to unite. They'll eventually end up conquering each other... -- President CraterFools, you wish to nuke the free peoples for comments? Then you do not deserve the title of national leader. -- President Carter.

The NAIA has been contacted.

We advise our fellow NAIA to not make any military actions against this Imperalist organization --- until this organization attacks an innicent nation, and got out of hand.

Emperor Gustav Alderman I misses his pygmy for the fourth time.
"This is enough of this!" he throws down his gun. "Bring me my REAL hunting weapon!"
A massive Leman Russ heavy battle tank pulls up and His Majesty climbs aboard. He disappears for a few moments and then reappars in a "pan"-cast army helmet and pounds on the top of the Leman Russ.
"CHARGE!" he yells. The tank rushes onward in pursuit of the pygmy. His Majesty blast at it with the main turret, missing three more times. Then the pygmy stops, finally out of breath.
"STOP THE TANK!" Gustav shouts, too late thought, a squelch fills the air.
"Damn, to late," the Emperor sighs.
"All right, PULL!"

We advise our fellow NAIA to not make any military actions against this Imperalist organization --- until this organization attacks an innicent nation, and got out of hand.Of course, it's our freaking doctrine Omz.

OOC: SEE we haven't even done anything yet and people are already trying to squash this. Hmm.....interesting don't you think?

OOC: As Omz said, we only intervene when the imperialists annex innocent nations.

Emperor Gustav Alderman I misses his pygmy for the fourth time.
"This is enough of this!" he throws down his gun. "Bring me my REAL hunting weapon!"
A massive Leman Russ heavy battle tank pulls up and His Majesty climbs aboard. He disappears for a few moments and then reappars in a "pan"-cast army helmet and pounds on the top of the Leman Russ.
"CHARGE!" he yells. The tank rushes onward in pursuit of the pygmy. His Majesty blast at it with the main turret, missing three more times. Then the pygmy stops, finally out of breath.
"STOP THE TANK!" Gustav shouts, too late thought, a squelch fills the air.
"Damn, to late," the Emperor sighs.
"All right, PULL!"

"Takes two to tango!" The ambassador said, maneuvering his Phantom Machine to blast the pygmies as they fly through the air.

Meanwhile at the native scavenger hunt......

"I say, James, look at that one!" shouts a man in a glaringly white outfit complete with safari helmet.
"By Jove, George, he would look good over the mantlepiece!" James raises his rifle at the shek warrior riding a camel and toting a curved sabre.
"Eat this with your little pen knife!" James fires, the shek warrior falls.
"A direct hit!" George says gleefully.
"Quick, have the servants bring the camera! I want a picture with my latest prize!" George moves to arrange the shek warrior in a dramatic pose.

OOC: Ah, but I never said you couldn't RP yours. Also, imperialist have kept silent and dealt with your annoyance long enough I think, so kindly let us join in and have our fun. After all Imperialism was here first, by about a thousand plus years. Gotta love the Romans.

OOC: Sure, I'll leave after this... part of my point at least was that we are not really trying to stop nations being imperialist, they can be what they like, they just have to understand that some nations don't like to see this happen.

We know we can't stop imperialism on the whole, there is too much of it and they are more effiencient at it with all the practice they've had. But we do want to oppose some of it, some of the nastier cases for example.

Though I do admit, part of the reason we got alot of members quickly is becuase of the Invasion Force annoying everyone with their "I'm OOC bored" wars.

Please members of the NAIA, don't continue to ruin their RP, and definatly don't call ex-members "Traitor" like that, or at least not here, let them continue...

Though if you goad them I will not be able to do much to stop it...

OOC: So.... :twisted: :twisted: ....if they continue to annoy us we can annex them. All right you, just keep annoying us! :lol: :lol:

OOC: So.... :twisted: :twisted: ....if they continue to annoy us we can annex them. All right you, just keep annoying us! :lol: :lol:

OOC: I wouldn't try it, most members in this allience are supported by other alliences who in turn are support by... well, you get the idea. Any direct assaults on either sides would result in a massive war that would end in mass ignores and a headache from all the nations jumping in, in between.

Lets leave it to skirmishes, when organizations fight it becomes hard to keep track of the fighting.

*deep in the Jungle*

"Why, I belive its a canible!"

"well, your right, shoot the bloody thing and get it over with"

"oh, do I have to? Canibles smell just god awful. . . ah, I've got an idea!"

"you mean?"

"yes, bring me a camera and the flame thrower"

*procedes to ignite the native and take pictures of it as it flails around*

"jolly good show sir, that should score you first prize for sure!"

"maybe, but I'd rather like to bag a few more and pick the top of the lot"

"right right, on we go then"

"We would like to thank our national sponsors," says President Connery smiling again as he turns around from picking off a spear carrying tribesman.
"These include Valinon, Taka, Roania, Mizuna, and Penguinia (sp?). Your heads of state and important officials will receive our complimentary pygmy in a box skeet shooting game, and will receive our bi-weekly publication Imperialism, How the World Really Is hot of the presses. I need another bullet," a servant comes forward.
"Ah, thank you, Tomo."

*deep in the Jungle*

"Why, I belive its a canible!"

"well, your right, shoot the bloody thing and get it over with"

"oh, do I have to? Canibles smell just god awful. . . ah, I've got an idea!"

"you mean?"

"yes, bring me a camera and the flame thrower"

*procedes to ignite the native and take pictures of it as it flails around*

"jolly good show sir, that should score you first prize for sure!"

"maybe, but I'd rather like to bag a few more and pick the top of the lot"

"right right, on we go then"

Suddenly Emperor Gustav crashes through the bushes, tank rumbling and fire bouncing as he tries to shoot a group of men carrying huge face masks with the main gun.
"Hold still you annoying little wretches, this won't hurt!" he turns toward the Mizuna delegation.
"Good evening, gentlemen, a cannibal I see. Thank God you burned it, they smell God awful!" he turns back to his prey. "Say where'd the third one go? Charles! Bring up the radio transmitter collars, I'll find him yet!"
"Yes, My Lord!"
"There's the devil!" the Emperor turns around a delivers a full blast from the cannon into the bushes. A scream is followed by a spray of blood. "Got him!"

The nation of Taka, in good cheer of this occasion, has decided to counquer France, the slightly drunken official was quoted as sluring "whah? they have wine and cheese and French Whores, I think we need ta go over there and take what is rightfuly ours."

"France?" says James. "I should think that no one should want THAT place."
"It is for the wine, cheeses, and whores hopefully."
"But besides that what else is there?"
"Umrrrr," says George. "Who cares, they have those three things going for them," he diverst his attention back to his new kill, a bull elephant.
"James, hand me my gun again. It is still not all together dead, see the trunk is still moving."
"Right-o!"

"no no, Cheese Wine and whores are all I really want from it, we can give Germany the land, might even flatten it for them, a parking lot for the Autobaun, Nice shot there, but save some natives for posterity sake, if we don't, what will our children shoot?"

The Empire of Dauragon steps in.

"Good morning, i the Emperor First of The Great empire of Dauragons, has signed my candidature to join. We have always wanted to extend our nation by the establishment of economic over other nations."

"There are always the pygmies," says James bored. "Look, there were only two of them there five seconds ago now they have a whole family. We could put the Frenchies in the zoo, after all, if they go who would make the wines and cheeses?"
"He has a point," says George as he blasts away at the elephant for the third time, even though it is quite dead. "But the Autobahn needs the parking, last time I was there it was actually CROWDED!"

The Empire of Dauragon steps in.

"Good morning, i the Emperor First of The Great empire of Dauragons, has signed my candidature to join. We have always wanted to extend our nation by the establishment of economic over other nations."

President Connery appears, "Welcome to our 'little' country club, Your Majesty! Here," he hands him a rifle, "you take the shek on the right, I will get the man dressed up like Ghandi."

The Empire of Dauragon steps in.

"Good morning, i the Emperor First of The Great empire of Dauragons, has signed my candidature to join. We have always wanted to extend our nation by the establishment of economic over other nations."

President Connery appears, "Welcome to our 'little' country club, Your Majesty! Here," he hands him a rifle, "you take the shek on the right, I will get the man dressed up like Ghandi."

"Shoots with a grin. So what project have you got in your mind?"

"well, long as I've got targets your free to shoot all the pygmys you want. We're helping them you konw, speeding up evolution, who knows, eveutaly you might see a white pygmy, then they'll get taller and taller, and ebfore you konw it, they will be regular people, and tehy will be helping us to help other less civilized nations. no no no, you don't use that tiny thing against an elephant, they are brute beasts, you use this." He shines a laser poniter at the elephant, and for a second nothing happens. However, shadows begin to form over it and spikes fall from the sky, impaling it. "see now, Ortilary, that gives them a sporting chance to run away. . . provided they knew what that little red dot meant, but like I said, survival of the fittest. now, as for France, if we put them in a Zoo, at least we could force them to bath."

OOC: The Sean Connery Project is completely unrelated to this thread.

"well, long as I've got targets your free to shoot all the pygmys you want. We're helping them you konw, speeding up evolution, who knows, eveutaly you might see a white pygmy, then they'll get taller and taller, and ebfore you konw it, they will be regular people, and tehy will be helping us to help other less civilized nations. no no no, you don't use that tiny thing against an elephant, they are brute beasts, you use this." He shines a laser poniter at the elephant, and for a second nothing happens. However, shadows begin to form over it and spikes fall from the sky, impaling it. "see now, Ortilary, that gives them a sporting chance to run away. . . provided they knew what that little red dot meant, but like I said, survival of the fittest. now, as for France, if we put them in a Zoo, at least we could force them to bath."

"Oh, that would be wonderful!" says James, "Clean Frenchmen!"
"We would have to bathe them in kerosene," said George looking that his elephant. "Well at least the head is still in one piece, I didn't need the rest of it any way. Say, I bet Emperor Gustav would like that little toy."
"BASTARD!" roars the Emperor as the tank erupts from the forest chasing what appears to be the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire. "Hold still damn it!" the gun roars.
"That's it floor it!" the driver of the tank guns it and the sultan is smooshed.

"of course, I wouldn't ruin the one useable part of the damned things, waste not want not I always say. I'd offer him one, but he seems rather. . . occupied. . . oh, dear, I do wish he woudln't run over those people, do you have any idea how hard it is to get Turk out of your treads? its not like he's going to do it himself, but now he's going to have to get some children from Istanbul to do it, and that takes time. . . besides, what if he forgets tehy are there and drives off whit the stuck in the treads? thats even more cleaning, its a vicious cycle it is, maybe he should invest in something to scrape them off the ground, like the cowcatcher on a locomotive, only bladed with hooks to get them if they try to duck under it."

"HA!" says Emperor Gustav, as the Turk disappears. "HALT!"
The Leman Russ stops at once. From side ports little Arabian children pop out with bottles of windex and rags made of sweat towels from a Turkish bath.
"And be quick, or you will follow your sultan!" the children rush to do what they are bidded.
"Hallo!" shouts Gustav seeing the Takans. "Tell me, do you have any idea how greasy those little sultans are? They make the French look CLEAN!"

OOC: If I can get more members, I will turn this into a full alliance to counterweight the Anti-Imperialist Alliance.

"..I don't know, Prime Minister, it sounds awfully like the Axis to me sir."

"But they've got taste, Wilson!" Mainwaring replied to his deputy.

"Taste, sir?"

"In ciney-house shows, Wilson."

"Oh Gods" Deputy PM Wilson muttered "Not those awful sin-houses, surely sir?"

"Not Gods, Wilson. Englishmen, which is the next best thing!" Mainwaring beamed in satisfaction at how quickly he'd adapted the quote.

Sighing, Wilson tried to restore reason. "Still sir, don't you think we oughtn't get involved? If nothing else, they've a Scot running the whole show!"

"We've a Scot running Ceyloba, Wilson, do pay attention!"

And the debate continued. Should we go over and talk to them, or would it be best to condemn this sort of thing? You know, while continuing to plan Operation Re-vere, anyway..

President Connery sets in his well-appointed suite smoking expensive Cuban cigars and sipping a particular virulent year of Scotch.
"Well we can't let them think badly of us, Jeremy," he says to his intelligence adjutant. "Send them a fruit basket, fill it with all the necessaries. French wines, Swiss chocolates, English liquor, Russian vodka, nuts from India, sweat meats from Arabia, oh and cashews, musn't forget the cashews."
"Of course, President Connery."
"And send it by a Valinon courier ship, they are the fastest we have right now."
"Yes, Mr. President."
"And bring me my copy of Finding Forrester, my best work you know."

OOC: One last BUMP before I depart for the night.

We advise our fellow NAIA to not make any military actions against this Imperalist organization --- until this organization attacks an innicent nation, and got out of hand.

What's this NAIA, I will pledge my support of such action against these imperialistic pigs. For I do not hold imperialism in high esteem.

OOC: Then kindly qualify yourself for the second polling option, which is being dutifully ignored, and produce to the Anti-Imperialist thread.

OOC: BUMP!!!!!!

We advise our fellow NAIA to not make any military actions against this Imperalist organization --- until this organization attacks an innicent nation, and got out of hand.

What's this NAIA, I will pledge my support of such action against these imperialistic pigs. For I do not hold imperialism in high esteem.
OOC:

TG New Genoa for details. I don't want to advertise in other people's threads.

We shall join but only on the condition that any press statements be written by us. We also would like a part in organisational decision making.

Chancellor Alexander Mangan
The Logical and Utterly Wise Olgiarchy of Manganland

You would have to discuss any press releases with President Connery first, but other than that, there will be no other conflicts.

BUMP!

The NAIA was created specificly to combat the "threat" of Imperialists like ourselves from persuing our God given right to civilize the world and make a tidy profit while we are at it. There is nothing evil about being Imperialstic, now if you'll excuse me, we have a Gypsy hunt in an hour and can't be late.

Silly hippies, we are helping the nations we subjugate, where else would they learn the joys of technology and government. seriously, its not like we are killing All of them, just, thinning the herd so to speak. Now, go back to hugging your tree before you make us nuke those natives you love so much. Lord knows the Nation of Mizuna needs anouther radioactive waste dumping ground.

Xerlox deems this Alliance fit for membership and applies to join.

Couldn't you just use France if Taka takes it over?

Hmm, maybe western France, I was accualy hoping to build a mall over the eastern part, with a theme park over the French part of the Rhineland, we'll build it over the Maginot line and call it Franceland, all the fun of France, with none of the French.

So France would be enjoyable? Who would have thought that possible? Now where are the annoying French players who show up about this time?

Guess there is a first for everything, but why does this sound like a rip off of Euro-Disney land?

Remember, Euro-Disney flopped horribly.

hehe, for some reason, I don't think Franceland will be too popular, less you are German, though God knows what they want with it, were it up to me, they would have had to have kept it last time.

Dying camels would like to join, (we are resurrected)

Sean Connery walks over to the Dying Camels delegation, "Welcome, Welcome! Here is your complimentary fruit basket, here is your gun, and here is your imperialist beat stick. Personally, I would use it on that one, he's getting annoying," points to man dressed in the flag of Mexico.

By the Power vested in me by the Imoratal Sean Connery, I welcome you to the League, pull up a chair, grab a gun, opress some natives and have some of our finger foods. *points to China* and that would be better, can't help but hit three or four in a shot, they are packed so dence.

Silly hippies, we are helping the nations we subjugate, where else would they learn the joys of technology and government. seriously, its not like we are killing All of them, just, thinning the herd so to speak. Now, go back to hugging your tree before you make us nuke those natives you love so much. Lord knows the Nation of Mizuna needs anouther radioactive waste dumping ground.

Hippies dont fly J10s, F22s, and ride in the baddest ships, subs, tanks, and aircraft in the NS world.

Hippies arent violent.

We are.

By the Power vested in me by the Imoratal Sean Connery, I welcome you to the League, pull up a chair, grab a gun, opress some natives and have some of our finger foods. *points to China* and that would be better, can't help but hit three or four in a shot, they are packed so dence.


of course.
(grabs assault rifle and begins firing at Taka's natives for the hell of it.)

Fuck with the mainland, you fuck with all of us.

The President of Vernii and his Cabinet will apply to join.

OOC: Vernii is economically expansionist and its government appears to be democratic, when its positions are actually hereditary.

The Kingdom of Free Rumania requests to join

List of Colonies:
Moldova
Burundi
Rwanda
Tanzania

**Crownguard sends a delegation of 10 soldiers, accompanied by Tercero Xavier Delryn of the esteemed noble Delryn family**

Greetings Honorable President,

I am the current Lord High Guardian IV of family Corthayla of Crownguard. It is our belief that the people must be guided with a firm, BENEVOLENT, and civilized hand by the rulers of a country; democracy being a true evil. No human is equal to another in intellect, courage, morals, or fortitude, and we recognize this. Hence, we completely concur with the ideals of this Imperialist Alliance and ask that you accept our request to join. "United we stand, divided we fall" as the old adage says, and men and women of character, determination, and intellect cannot fall to the common rabble when they stand together. May the universe never see the end of this great Alliance.

High Guardian IV of Family Corthayla
Supreme Ruler of Crownguard

Imperium Trans Gnaritas! "Power through Knowledge"

-From the Lord High Guardian IV of Crownguard

I would like to remind all you bleeding heart liberals, democrats, and anti-imperialists that while you think us cruel and evil, we are not. Think of it as thus:

*More people have been killed for idealism than any of us can EVER bag in a shooting match

*You are hypocrites to complain about us while wearing clothing and using goods made by third world countries

*We bring civilization to others, while you degrade to their levels in pursuit of "diversity in cultures". A man shaking a stick at a tree isnt cultured!

*People kill each other every day from stupidity

*You lack the essential stylishness of wearing a uniform

"Power through Knowledge!"

(be back in the morning to see the thread...sleep beckons)

Was wondering when the protestors would start, now we've got justifiable targets.

*a NESS Sniper lines up a shot and puts a 2GW laser bolt through the head of the East Islandians firing on Taka, then wonders how the hell they got into space in the first place.*

As for your technology, I'm a space nation my Islander friend, your "baddest ships, subs, tanks and aircraft" mean nothing to me, but if I decided to fight fairly *IE, not simply pummel your happy arse from spaces* I'd still win, as I'm larger and more powerful than you. Of course, if you want to threaten violence you are more than welcome to, we could use anouther colony, and I'm sure your people would gladdy become our targets if it kept them from dealing with your rather irrational fear of Imperialism and the ramifications (mainly, airstrikes, commando raids, and waves of cruisemissles). Now, be a good lad and bugger off before we decide you've attempted this in game and show you just how little your threats intimidate us.

we're not threatening you.
We're just telling you that we have back.
More than you do.

President Conner appears at a podium, handing his rifle off to an India servant.
"I would like to welcome all of our recent applicants to the League, we are proud to see you join us in the brotherhood of civilized nations. Also, I would like to at this time address some of the opinions raised by our would-be detractors," he drinks a sip of wine.
"First, after the Second World War of Earth, the imperialist powers were cajoled into giving up their holdings. A large portion of the blame for this can be placed on the United States and several other allied countries. They, sorrowfully, shamed the Europeans into relinquishing much of their empires. And now let us look at what came of it. Africa became the bleeding ulcer of the entire planet, with billions being drained from the treasuries of the world and from the United Nations. Governments were expected to turn up where people had never had national governments to begin with, and had enjoyed the steady had of colonial administration for far too long. We won't even mention the Middle East, because its failings are self-evident to extremes."
The President smiles, "Also, as the Crownguard delegate so adequately pointed out, you have no problems against exploiting Third World nations to feed your own bellies and cloth yourselves. And yet you consider yourselves better than Imperialist? Even the worst imperialist were not as hypocritical as that. Also, finally, I would appreciate it if all of you bleeding-hearted, bead-wearing, pot-smoking, lice infested hippies would attend the Anti-Imperialist conference as that is obviously where you belong."
President Connery turns to his servant, "Now give me my gun, I have a safari hunt and I will not miss it!"

**Appoints Segundo Johnathan Redfield to watch over the nation for awhile as the High Guardian takes his personal shuttle to the League headquarters. With him, of course, are several trusted bodyguards, his custom Danglar rifle, ludicrous amounts of ammunition, and accoutrements fit for a lord.**

"I do hope I did not miss much on this excursion." he says. "Jeeves-bot, prepare me a snack for when we arrive, I do believe I need a nap." he mentions to a liveried humanoid butler as he retires to his room on the shuttle.*

hey Hippy, I doubt that very seriously, now scram.

((OOC, those hippy comments are being made in game you konw, and I would assume your anti-imperialist banter is likewise in game, less you care to explain why you feel the need to metagame.))

as for my fellow gentlemen, *the Prince grabs a long barrel plasma rifle and a laserpistol, stalking off to meet with the party* I belive we have some large game to bag. . . I hope those pygmys are up for a long haul, as I intend to blast something rather large and don't want to have to leave it while I find someone to skin it.

*as he eats a fine steak dinenr on his ship* "Hmm.....perhaps we should discuss forming this alliance into an actual region....more political power to crush our enemies. I say, jeeves-bot, bring me another sherry."

OOC: that would work, but I would ahve to send my colony as a delegate, seeing as how Taka is firmly entrenched in Proximian politics right now.

Connery looks at the High-Guardian after he and Emperor Gustav survey their kill of a Bengal tiger.
"Concentrating all of our nations in one region is too great a risk. Besides, in seperate regions we can spread the glory of imperialist farther and further than ever. Think of it, we could put even the British Empire to absolute shame, not to mention those sissy Frenchmen. Actually, I think you had an idea on this didn't you, Gustav?"
The Old Emperor of Valinon leans on his rifle, "Yes, actually I figured we could build a massive facility as our meeting place, either as a space station or on some planet, whichever."
James looks up from George skinning his elephant, "And think of all the heathen laborers we could go through as we plate it with pure gold!"
"What a wonderful idea, James!" says George. "Finally, this elephants skin was stronger, I should have used the laser scapel."
"Told you," said James.

"I suppose, Lord Connery and Emperor Gustav, though it had better be fully stocked. The place msut be kept secret from all those savages milling about as "leaders". Personally, I find robot laborers far more efficient, they lack the capacity to whine or revolt. Dont you agree Jeeves-bot?" *it nods* "Good boy. Anyways, its fun to pit criminals agaisnt my best battle droids..I will provide a few of both for a spectacle. Bring me a black russian, Jeeves-bot!"


Imperium Trans Gnaritas!

"Why waste the robots time, we still have capital punishment in Valinon. And still have most of the methods of implementing it on the books, just get it over with quick and fast I always say," says James. "Remember that last one, George, firing squad wasn't it? The Liberalist Green Party was up in arms for weeks."
"Yes, and as I recall it lost all its seats to the Dominion Party in the Congress of Commons the next election around," says George, watching some servants carry off the elephant's head. "They'd lost all there seats in the Congress of Lords almost 200 years ago, now there membership is what.....150 people?"
"Sounds right," says James.

"Hmm..perhaps your right. Though, making prisoners into government labor is more rewarding for me. I save the fight bouts for rapists and murderers, that way, they have a chance. They like force, they get to see REAL force in action. The best games are the obstacle courses...winner gets a life sentance as the victim's family uses traps and weapons to take them down." sips his tea. "Who Wants to be a Convict? I believe we hired Alex Trebeck to host it....."

Suddenly President Connery appears leading a party from the underbush.
"Trebeck! The filthy Canadian! He needs to be out there with all the other savages," he turns to the party behind him and points to the scientist.
"You! Get me a Trebeck clone! I will enjoy this greatly."
"Yes, Mr. President."

OOC: Sorry couldn't resist, I still remember the SNL Jeopardy. "I'll take your mother for a thousand, Trebeck."

I will consider joining. What benifets could you extend to my nation?

http://www.hut.fi/~shaavist/b5/images/char/bester.jpg
Overlord Var'chak
Supreme Ruler of The Dominion of Baggera (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/target=display_nation/nation=baggera)
Baggera Blades Inc. Storefront (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=82513)
Archangel Heavy Industries (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=78569)
Arda Alliance

The League offers a place for Imperialists to persue their activities with like minded nations, though not exactly an alliance, should an Imperialist member be attacked by anti-imperialist forces, it would provide a pool of people to rally to your cause. It is also a place where we can annex smaller countrys as a whole, splitting the profit as well as the the cost of the war, thus increasing payoff and decreasing risk. Untill and unless President Connery puts up a constitution *which is needed* then it is mostly a place to hang out and make fun of the hippies and ultra-liberals with impunity. We have several large nations as members, and because of wide spanning colonys, a nearly unlimited pool of resources. In addition, you will be given a free pygmy skeet set *with three pygmys to get you started* a fruit basket with only the finest french wines, swiss chocolates, caviar and fruits from all over the globe.

The list of members *and potential allies* is as follows

Valinon - 766 million

UN Category: Corporate Police State
Civil Rights: Few
Economy: Strong
Political Freedoms: Rare

Taka - 960 million

UN Category: Father Knows Best State
Civil Rights: Below Average
Economy: Frightening
Political Freedoms: Rare


New Chelsea - 304 million

UN Category: Father Knows Best State
Civil Rights: Below Average
Economy: Frightening
Political Freedoms: Outlawed

Resi Corporation - 879 million

UN Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights: Some
Economy: Frightening
Political Freedoms: Unheard Of

Roania - 596 million

UN Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights: Rare
Economy: Frightening
Political Freedoms: Outlawed

Penguenia - 123 million

UN Category: Father Knows Best State
Civil Rights: Some
Economy: Strong
Political Freedoms: Rare

Mizuna - 788 million

UN Category: Compulsory Consumerist State
Civil Rights: Very Good
Economy: Strong
Political Freedoms: Few

Dauragons - 67 million

UN Category: Corporate Police State
Civil Rights: Rare
Economy: Thriving
Political Freedoms: Outlawed

Manganland - 9 million

UN Category: Father Knows Best State
Civil Rights: Very Good
Economy: Strong
Political Freedoms: Few

Xerlox - 2.126 billion

UN Category: Father Knows Best State
Civil Rights: Some
Economy: Frightening
Political Freedoms: Rare

Dying Camels - 525 million

UN Category: Corrupt Dictatorship
Civil Rights: Some
Economy: Reasonable
Political Freedoms: Outlawed

Vernii - 969 million

UN Category: Compulsory Consumerist State
Civil Rights: Excellent
Economy: Frightening
Political Freedoms: Few

Free Rumania - 591 million

UN Category: Capitalist Paradise
Civil Rights: Average
Economy: Frightening
Political Freedoms: Some

Crownguard - 438 million

UN Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights: Some
Economy: Thriving
Political Freedoms: Rare

Although we may not be full-fledged colonialists, in the sense of actually having subject colonies, we do have substantial minorities in our hinterland that we mistreat very cruelly.

Thank you in advance for your attentions in this matter.

First Citizen Dex, Chief Peoples' Servant for Life, Beridan Commonwealth

Mearly mistreating minorities is not enough to be an imperialist, do you exploit them after having forced them to enter your country? Did you counquer thier teritory and force them to live under your rule as oppesed to whatever primative and ineffective government they might have had?

It is a start at least, perhaps we can instruct you on the necessities of imperialism. After all, success can lead to a golden age of your nation and the Pax of your own Empire.

BUMP! :D :D

s it too late to join?
if not count us in!

We find that Berido does not reach the stringent entrance requirement of the League. We wish all the members good fortune in the future, and thank President Connery for his hospitality during the application process. Ambassador Dex(fils) will long remember the pleasures of sitting in a howdah swilling Gin and blasting pygmies.

If we can ever offer the League any assistance in future endeavours, we would be pleased to do so.

First Citizen Dex

We are sad to see you go, should you decide at a later time to annex a few smaller countries, or set aside some colonies in other lands, we would be glad to welcome you with open arms. . . as a parting gift, please accept this Pygmy Chucker, so you can continue to play Pygmy skeet in your free time, soon we hope to releace the Chinese and Bangledesh attachments, wich will allow you to fling not only pygmys, but also your subjects from the third world countries in and around Bangeldesh, as well as Chinese.

The Empire of Scientism will join your league. Glory to the empires!!

What is the state of your Empire currently? Just asking for information collection purposes, not to be offensive.

*As regards the Trebeck situation*


"Well, I suppose we can hire on Bob Barker then. He is the perfect cheerful and altruistic face that these gory sports will need. 'Course, he will need a few "enhancements" to be kept around alonger, but all for a good cause, eh?"

Connery nods, "And he will control the pet population. We can have the pygmies spade and neudered."

The armed republic of crazy peoples will lend their arms to the greater good of the league. We'll lend a foot to if nessicary. Hey even if you need cannon fodder then we'll be there. Death to the Republic!


Viva La Desolation :twisted: :twisted:

Volentary human shields, I rather like that idea.

The Rogue Nation of Thunderstraat would like to join this alliance, where at least some people like what we're doing.
*pulls up a chair, lazily throws a grenade at a descendant of one of the old alien oppressors of Thunderstraat*

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:755aGWqdoPoC:pictures.footymad.net/upload/74%255C56813-t.jpg
-Karl von Nustraat
Former Benevolent Dictator And Current Hereditary King of Thunderstraat

Crazy peoples and Thunderstraat, welcome to the League, the nation of Taka sends warmest welcomes to our small Imperial Allies, we hope to see great things from you.

*The Prince lines up a Mark VII Heavy Partical cannon at anouther decendent of the alien oppressors, firing a stream of charged particals that strip it do its skelital structure in a matter of secods. He hands the cannon to the Dictator Nustraat*

Here, I think you'll find these more effective and fun ways of population control.

*Message to Imperialist HQ*

Greetings to our new members, first of all.

Second, I would like to make attention to a practice which is currently serving us well in foreign affairs.

The practice consists of sending obsolete technology to other nations in return for trade concessions. We send them outdated weapons we would scrap anyways, and in return, we completely dominate their market and flood it with our goods. Voila, a nation subserviant to your own, if you pull out, they will completely collapse in on themselves economically and you can sjut send troops in as "peacekeepers" against anarchy. Best of all, it is perfectly legal in the eyes of others, and doesnt require the minimal losses a campign would cost, despite the enjoyment subjugation would bring. Then, of course, you can use the new colony to fight others for you, weaken them, and then just conquer them by proxy.

Perfection

As for Bob Barker, well, lets just save Bobby for later, he is rather busy witht he new "treatments" for the show.

"I say, Taka, where'd you get that?"
*lines up another particle cannon, fires away at anything moving in the undergrowth*
Good idea, Crownguard. Though I may not have too much throwaway technology.

"Our techs came up with that one, though you should have seen the elephant orbital artiliary platform I had earlier. I think you shot a native, double points old boy." *taka leans into his rifle, snapping off a series of plasma bolts into the underbrush, ignighting it and frying several endagnered antelope in the proccess.*

"what I like most about this one, is it cleans the horns of unsightly skin for you, very economical in that respect."

"I believe I very well could have an orbital hunting platform. I'll order my techs to work on one."
*picks up a laser rifle and shoots a primitive native glider from the sky*
"Did you see that? That evolution thing you chaps were talking about seems to have worked faster than we expected..."

"Well I'll be, next thing you know they will be fully civilized, I assume its on to China then, haven't oppressed them in about fifty years, I think its about time to go back. . . though I don't think we've finished here quite yet. . . oh, if you are interested in trying that Orbital Elephant gun, I've got a targeting device for you *hands Thunderstraat a laser pointer* just put the dot on what you want dead, and wait. . . really very efficent, just make sure you don't press the big red button, that uses the nova cannon, and I'm afriad to say that would leave a rather big hole, not a trophy."

*uses Takian remote to blast an ancient forest tree to dust, along with a band of treehuggers chained to it*
*laughs uproarisously*

"Nice shot, but when treehuggers do that in Taka, we simply cut through them, generyl if you start at the other side of the tree, you get to watch them panic and try to reach the key they threw away."

((OOC: this is fun, too bad fewer people are involved... Taka, you're a space nation, right? Since you are quite big and I am quite small, let's ally. I think the Extra-Solar Union of Nations needs a swift kick in the pants, if we could rally enough support for that.
Can anybody develop an ILOG banner?))

((OOC: Ah, but that would assume someone has l33t art skillz. anyone want to give it a shot? I'll donate a Takian Battleship to whomever comes up with the best Banner))

The problem with the esteemed Crownguard's suggestions is that what makes these pathetic people worthy of even our oldest tech?

I say to you, that anything they offer us in trade we can take by force.

True, but having them dependant on our tech gives us a two fold advantage, 1) we already know thier weaknesses so when we decided to make them a colony its just a matter of pressing the button to cause all of thier guns to self destruct and walking into the hovel that passes for thier capital. 2) far fewer nations bitch if you make a nation economicaly dependant to you, thus enslaving it, than if you subjugate a nation, thus enslaving it. Worth or not, its economicaly cheaper than outright war, and has less chance of damaging resources and human capital in the city. Less corpses = more slaves

BUMP!

:bUMp:

A bump for the glory of empires everywhere

The problem is, this isn't official. You join up and oppress people, but your name isn't mentioned in the first post, you don't get an official banner, and there is no web site.

My country will join your league. We send each member ten cases of our finest vodka to celebrate our friendship.

Good man..knows how to work his way to the heart...er..liver. :D


Welcome to the League, friend!

I will collect the names of the joined and put them on the first post on this thread. I will shoot to have it done by tomorrow.

BUMP! Working on list.

Anybody else want to join?

Under heavy debate (OOC: All the advisors, coincidentally all relatives, of Cronoeria's leader John Schroeder heartily agree with him,) the people of Cronoeria have decided that they would like to be a part of this league.

I thought this thread had died, glad to see I was wrong.

IC: A Star Falcon class yacht lands and several major government officials and corporate CEOs walk out. They each carry a hunting rifle, wear expensive looking business suits, and have pith helmets.
"Greetings! We bring alchohol!" Several servants begin unloading crates of brandy, vodka, and wine from the yacht.

Hey someone ressurrect the thread! I wrote some really wonderful satirical material at the start. God forgive, I was high on cold medicine that week.

ooc: mangala is not really very imperialist, though we are have an imperium, it's more ceremonial really, also we're very compassionate, so this isn't really our thing, sadly we can't join in the fun. HOWEVER! In a noble attempt to promote diversity and acceptance among imperialists the top officials of MangalaCorp, the largest business in Mangala have decided to drop in.

IC:

A luxury spaceyacht lands at the compund, and several men and women in opulent garb disembark. "We bring more alcohol! Did we miss the fun and games?"

The leading man gestures at a series of crates coming out of the ship.

"We brought a number of kidnapped forign nationals to allows us to demonstrate out own special game, we call it 'last man standing gets to be squished.' We let citizens from various small ethnic groups fight amongst themselves until only one is left, then we crush that one. If it looks like we won't be able to crush them esasilly, we just give them their independence for a few decades, and step in when it all gose to hell. It's simply delightful!"

bump! please!

OOC: Yes a bump is nice. I rather liked my writing in this thread any way.