17-10-2003, 16:33
Hello world leaders. I come before you, not as an insanely intelligent canine, but as the leader of 400,000 Dogbert's New Ruling Class members and their 15 Induhvidual servents each.
I have been many things to my people before the exodus; a guide, a saint, a miracle worker, even a marketing tool to attract more members.
I even have a letter proving that the power and wisdom in me, also is in those Dogbert dolls:
One day I was having problems with my internet connection. I tried everything to fix it, but nothing had an effect. Eventually I put Dogbert on top of the computer and went to bed. The next day, every single problem had been miraculously remedied!
I would like to know if Dogbert can fix other problems, because I have other things that need fixing around the house. Thank you.
I'll answer that question here, since many of you are wondering the same thing.
Yes, Dogbert dolls can miraculously solve many problems in your life. For example, if you know an Induhvidual who is in a bad relationship, suggest he glue a Dogbert doll to the top of his head and keep it there for a few weeks. Before you know it, the Induhvidual will find himself free and single again.
If you live in a cold region, Dogbert can help your car get traction when you're stuck in the snow. Simply tell an Induhvidual that there is a free Dogbert doll under your car. When the Induhvidual tries to find Dogbert, and accidentally comes in contact with your back wheel, jump in the car and floor it. (Tip: For best results choose an Induhvidual with a wool jacket.)
If you have a boss who talks with his mouth full, suggest that he keep a Dogbert doll on his shoulder. It won't help with the open-mouth chewing, but at least you'll have something pleasant to look at when he's talking.
If you're a parent who worries that your Induhvidual teenage daughter might get pregnant, Dogbert can help there too. You might have heard of school programs where students are asked to carry an egg with them everywhere for a week, thus simulating the rigors of parenthood. You can improve on this exercise by having your daughter pretend Dogbert is the father of the child, thus providing an explanation for why the baby is shaped like an egg. Dogbert will play his part as the deadbeat dad, providing no support whatsoever. In fact, he might even try to talk your daughter's girlfriends into having an egg with him too.
Now we have our independece and are gathering new members every day. Soon we shall not rule the world, as originally planned... but we shall become an example of how to properly run a nation and treat it's inhabitants.
http://world.std.com/~tkraemer/Dogbert.gif
His Supreme Highness, Dogbert I
Quote: "Bah!"
I have been many things to my people before the exodus; a guide, a saint, a miracle worker, even a marketing tool to attract more members.
I even have a letter proving that the power and wisdom in me, also is in those Dogbert dolls:
One day I was having problems with my internet connection. I tried everything to fix it, but nothing had an effect. Eventually I put Dogbert on top of the computer and went to bed. The next day, every single problem had been miraculously remedied!
I would like to know if Dogbert can fix other problems, because I have other things that need fixing around the house. Thank you.
I'll answer that question here, since many of you are wondering the same thing.
Yes, Dogbert dolls can miraculously solve many problems in your life. For example, if you know an Induhvidual who is in a bad relationship, suggest he glue a Dogbert doll to the top of his head and keep it there for a few weeks. Before you know it, the Induhvidual will find himself free and single again.
If you live in a cold region, Dogbert can help your car get traction when you're stuck in the snow. Simply tell an Induhvidual that there is a free Dogbert doll under your car. When the Induhvidual tries to find Dogbert, and accidentally comes in contact with your back wheel, jump in the car and floor it. (Tip: For best results choose an Induhvidual with a wool jacket.)
If you have a boss who talks with his mouth full, suggest that he keep a Dogbert doll on his shoulder. It won't help with the open-mouth chewing, but at least you'll have something pleasant to look at when he's talking.
If you're a parent who worries that your Induhvidual teenage daughter might get pregnant, Dogbert can help there too. You might have heard of school programs where students are asked to carry an egg with them everywhere for a week, thus simulating the rigors of parenthood. You can improve on this exercise by having your daughter pretend Dogbert is the father of the child, thus providing an explanation for why the baby is shaped like an egg. Dogbert will play his part as the deadbeat dad, providing no support whatsoever. In fact, he might even try to talk your daughter's girlfriends into having an egg with him too.
Now we have our independece and are gathering new members every day. Soon we shall not rule the world, as originally planned... but we shall become an example of how to properly run a nation and treat it's inhabitants.
http://world.std.com/~tkraemer/Dogbert.gif
His Supreme Highness, Dogbert I
Quote: "Bah!"