The Silver Turtle
15-10-2003, 21:55
"EBN brings you its latest report!
Now that we of The CoE cover the northern circle, we must spread our evil influence southwards!
With this goal in mind, Ineffable scientists...I mean Evil Genuises have come up with the Evil Iceberg! These will be sent into the North Sea, North Atlantic, North Pacific and any other major nothern body of water near our evil domain. With state of the art Evil-field technology buried deep within the ice, these will help create the northern seas into places of pure terror, filled with giant sharks, ghost ships, sentient storms, and more. One you may already have heard of. It sank the Titanic, after other Ineffable Evil Genuises accidentally ripped a hole in the spacetime continuum. We have been assured that it is now closed. Unfortunatly some of the Evil circuitry was damaged, which was why the film existed. Normally the strength of the Evil-field would have prevented anything remotely good from having come of it. Still, sinking an unsinkable ship was definatly a feat no regular iceberg could have accomplished.
Plus, they are incredibly difficult to destroy. For one thing, the read no different from regular icebergs in any EM band or sonar band, preventing them from being detected as anything other than an iceberg. The only thing that would give them away is the intense feeling of being in an incredibly bad place at an incredibly bad time, which is how most sentient beings experience the evil field. However, this also serves to protect the Evil Iceberg, as most sentients upon encountering the iceberg itself would, after crapping out their entire digestive system, go mad from terror and get as far in the other direction as they could before dying a horrible horrible death.
The Evil Icebergs Evil-field was no feat to produce. However, by measuring the strength and causes of various natural Evil-fields in graveyards, Transylvania, the Bronx at night, the 19th century, and right here in The Ineffable Empire, they were able to determine exactly how to create one. After shrinking the equipment to fit undetectably in an iceberg and placing many generators in many icebergs, the new fleet of Evil Icebergs was finally ready. Five eighths of the total number of Evil Icebergs produced so far have been released into the open oceans. The rest are being kept to defend key naval positions in the Ineffable Empire and some are even being fitted with bridges and motors, to be piloted by specially trained crews. All Ineffable armed forces are being trained to withstand the effects of the iceberg. All other CoE member nations are invited to send any troops or commanders they wish trained to The Silver Turtle.
However, it does appear that some people are naturally immune, due to their immense personal Evil-field.
*an image of The Great Ineffable Bob chainsaw carving a polar bear on one of the larger icebergs is shown*
This has been an EBN News broadcast. Next on EBN, the Homeshow."
Advertisement: To join the Coalition of Evil, telegram The Silver Turtle fo the password...If you think you're Evil enough
"Tonight, on the EBN homeshow, the best techniques for kicking puppies..."
Now that we of The CoE cover the northern circle, we must spread our evil influence southwards!
With this goal in mind, Ineffable scientists...I mean Evil Genuises have come up with the Evil Iceberg! These will be sent into the North Sea, North Atlantic, North Pacific and any other major nothern body of water near our evil domain. With state of the art Evil-field technology buried deep within the ice, these will help create the northern seas into places of pure terror, filled with giant sharks, ghost ships, sentient storms, and more. One you may already have heard of. It sank the Titanic, after other Ineffable Evil Genuises accidentally ripped a hole in the spacetime continuum. We have been assured that it is now closed. Unfortunatly some of the Evil circuitry was damaged, which was why the film existed. Normally the strength of the Evil-field would have prevented anything remotely good from having come of it. Still, sinking an unsinkable ship was definatly a feat no regular iceberg could have accomplished.
Plus, they are incredibly difficult to destroy. For one thing, the read no different from regular icebergs in any EM band or sonar band, preventing them from being detected as anything other than an iceberg. The only thing that would give them away is the intense feeling of being in an incredibly bad place at an incredibly bad time, which is how most sentient beings experience the evil field. However, this also serves to protect the Evil Iceberg, as most sentients upon encountering the iceberg itself would, after crapping out their entire digestive system, go mad from terror and get as far in the other direction as they could before dying a horrible horrible death.
The Evil Icebergs Evil-field was no feat to produce. However, by measuring the strength and causes of various natural Evil-fields in graveyards, Transylvania, the Bronx at night, the 19th century, and right here in The Ineffable Empire, they were able to determine exactly how to create one. After shrinking the equipment to fit undetectably in an iceberg and placing many generators in many icebergs, the new fleet of Evil Icebergs was finally ready. Five eighths of the total number of Evil Icebergs produced so far have been released into the open oceans. The rest are being kept to defend key naval positions in the Ineffable Empire and some are even being fitted with bridges and motors, to be piloted by specially trained crews. All Ineffable armed forces are being trained to withstand the effects of the iceberg. All other CoE member nations are invited to send any troops or commanders they wish trained to The Silver Turtle.
However, it does appear that some people are naturally immune, due to their immense personal Evil-field.
*an image of The Great Ineffable Bob chainsaw carving a polar bear on one of the larger icebergs is shown*
This has been an EBN News broadcast. Next on EBN, the Homeshow."
Advertisement: To join the Coalition of Evil, telegram The Silver Turtle fo the password...If you think you're Evil enough
"Tonight, on the EBN homeshow, the best techniques for kicking puppies..."