Wombat News
14-10-2003, 10:19
Wombat News Takes Lead In News Air War
Galah Galah, Wombat News
Wombat News went back aloft this week after nearly three months without a news helicopter. Not only did the celebrated news channel get back in the air, but they did it in a big way.
Wombat News’ former news helicopter was lost in a crash whilst covering The Peoples Anthill invasion of Australia. Neither the pilot nor the photographer were injured in the crash, but the news channel was left without a helicopter for over three months. During that time, local upstart and rival Platypus TV began touting what they called the "fastest chopper in Australian Marsupials, capable of flying from one side of Galah Galah to the other in less than 25 minutes." In the ever-increasing news rivalry, Wombat News felt it was time to even the score a little bit, so this week, they unveiled not only the largest news helicopter in Australian Marsupials, but quite possibly the largest and most heavily armed news helicopter in the world.
According to Wombat News’ news director, "The MH-53J Pave Low III heavy-lift news helicopter is the largest and most powerful helicopter in Australian Marsupials’ helicopter inventory, and the most technologically advanced helicopter in the world. Equipped with a terrain-following, terrain-avoidance radar and forward-looking infrared sensor, along with a heads-up map display, the crew is able to avoid obstacles ranging from the tall buildings of uptown Galah Galah to the mountains of eastern Australian Marsupials, which makes low-level penetration an absolute breeze. The helicopter is equipped with armour plating, and a combination of three 7.62mm miniguns or .50 calibre machine guns to defend against rival news stations. It can transport 25 reporters complete with cameras and other equipment, hovering in place as the reporters rappel to the ground and totally saturate the news area. In addition, the helicopter is equipped with an external cargo hook with a 20,000-pound (9,000-kilogramme) capacity capable of airlifting Wombat News’ news van directly to the scene."
In addition to the 7.62 mm miniguns and .50 calibre machine gun, NewsHound 3 is armed with three cameras, a complete doppler radar system for weather coverage, and a video editing/production suite. The mammoth helicopter will have a permanently fixed camera focused on the cockpit and a forward facing camera on the tail to provide coverage of reporters as they rappel out the back door. It will also be equipped with the latest night-vision and radar jamming technology, enabling it to arrive at any scene in any environment at any time of the day or night.
As for other major news channel, their reactions have to date been rather subdued. While they have to acknowledge Wombat News’ helicopter as being the biggest in service, most are still claiming that "our choppers are still better than theirs, somehow." Platypus TV is expected to reveal their own new aircraft sometime later this year, which is believed to be a retired Harrier jump jet. "We may not be the biggest, but we'll be the fastest by far."
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS - THE MOST UNBIASED SOURCE OF NEWS, FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE
Galah Galah, Wombat News
Wombat News went back aloft this week after nearly three months without a news helicopter. Not only did the celebrated news channel get back in the air, but they did it in a big way.
Wombat News’ former news helicopter was lost in a crash whilst covering The Peoples Anthill invasion of Australia. Neither the pilot nor the photographer were injured in the crash, but the news channel was left without a helicopter for over three months. During that time, local upstart and rival Platypus TV began touting what they called the "fastest chopper in Australian Marsupials, capable of flying from one side of Galah Galah to the other in less than 25 minutes." In the ever-increasing news rivalry, Wombat News felt it was time to even the score a little bit, so this week, they unveiled not only the largest news helicopter in Australian Marsupials, but quite possibly the largest and most heavily armed news helicopter in the world.
According to Wombat News’ news director, "The MH-53J Pave Low III heavy-lift news helicopter is the largest and most powerful helicopter in Australian Marsupials’ helicopter inventory, and the most technologically advanced helicopter in the world. Equipped with a terrain-following, terrain-avoidance radar and forward-looking infrared sensor, along with a heads-up map display, the crew is able to avoid obstacles ranging from the tall buildings of uptown Galah Galah to the mountains of eastern Australian Marsupials, which makes low-level penetration an absolute breeze. The helicopter is equipped with armour plating, and a combination of three 7.62mm miniguns or .50 calibre machine guns to defend against rival news stations. It can transport 25 reporters complete with cameras and other equipment, hovering in place as the reporters rappel to the ground and totally saturate the news area. In addition, the helicopter is equipped with an external cargo hook with a 20,000-pound (9,000-kilogramme) capacity capable of airlifting Wombat News’ news van directly to the scene."
In addition to the 7.62 mm miniguns and .50 calibre machine gun, NewsHound 3 is armed with three cameras, a complete doppler radar system for weather coverage, and a video editing/production suite. The mammoth helicopter will have a permanently fixed camera focused on the cockpit and a forward facing camera on the tail to provide coverage of reporters as they rappel out the back door. It will also be equipped with the latest night-vision and radar jamming technology, enabling it to arrive at any scene in any environment at any time of the day or night.
As for other major news channel, their reactions have to date been rather subdued. While they have to acknowledge Wombat News’ helicopter as being the biggest in service, most are still claiming that "our choppers are still better than theirs, somehow." Platypus TV is expected to reveal their own new aircraft sometime later this year, which is believed to be a retired Harrier jump jet. "We may not be the biggest, but we'll be the fastest by far."
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS - THE MOST UNBIASED SOURCE OF NEWS, FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE