NationStates Jolt Archive


Wombat News: Granny Slag to Market Suicide Bomber Jackets

Wombat News
13-10-2003, 11:37
The SLAGLands, Wombat News

Venerable manufacturer Granny Slag (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=43344) today announced that it was going to begin marketing a new line of suicide bomber jackets to the lucrative Middle East market.

"We think that your typical crazed Muslim suicide bomber is looking for the durability and quality that the name Granny Slag represents," said Vivian Lockheart, CEO of Granny Slag. "Our 'Bombs-to-Go'® Suicide Bomber Jacket features 20 pockets that allow the discerning suicide bomber to comfortably carry up to 40 sticks of dynamite or 15 kilos of plastique without creasing or fraying the material. And it has that stylish comfort and quality that Granny Slag is so famous for. Plus, if the jacket is in any way damaged during a bombing attempt, you know that Granny Slag will fix or replace the damaged jacket free of charge."

Ads for the Bombs-to-Go® jacket will hit the airwaves later this week on the Wombat TV network and will feature celebrity spokes-models Joanna von Sachausen and Eris Kallisti. Industry analysts are already predicting a rosy fourth quarter for Granny Slag based on sales projections for the new jackets.

In related news, [violet]-based Violet’s Secrets has just announced the addition of the nipple-less burqa to its Winter catalogue.

THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – NEWS FROM THE CUTTING EDGE OF FASHION
Iuthia
13-10-2003, 11:44
"Plus, if the jacket is in any way damaged during a bombing attempt, you know that Granny Slag will fix or replace the damaged jacket free of charge."

OOC: You know what the real question is though... Do you have to be the buyer to replace it, or can you replace as a next of kin to the buyer...
13-10-2003, 12:23
Suicade bomer training camp

Instructor hold up a denator to the bomb on his person.

" PAY atenchen I am only going to d othis once."

But 'it was even better when the guy wore a flack jaket over the bomb.
Slagkattunger
13-10-2003, 12:33
Snigger...I wonder if they can show proof of purchase if they want to get it repaired.
GMC Military Arms
13-10-2003, 13:01
...and will feature celebrity spokes-models Joanna von Lavenrunz and Eris Kallisti.

That'd be 'von Sachausen.'
Wombat News
13-10-2003, 13:38
That'd be 'von Sachausen.'

Noted - our sources are being "punished" as we speak ..

WN
Wombat News
13-10-2003, 18:14
"And in further news this evening ... "

This has been a Wombat News bump