NationStates Jolt Archive

Circusville Gazette

WICKHEAD WINS!

The Clownish people celebrated the charming Clownarchist party candidates victory today. Well, mostly they celebrated the election being over. Clowns aren't terribly politically-minded in general.

Roughly half the population appears to be very upset over the results of the election. The other half appears to be very happy, however.

"Hello, world! Fellow carnies, clowns, and the rest of you marks," began President Head in his speech, illiciting ridiculously overplayed laughter from the audience. "It is my extreme honor to serve as the President of the ARC in the coming year. I can't believe what a great voter turnout there's been. I want to thank both of you for bothering to show up at the polls. Yes, even you, Mom!"

Bobo Differous, the only other candidate and representing the Hypernationalist party, made a short statement following the election about his defeat. "One day, Clownland will need me. And I will be here."

The new President, meanwhile, has outlined his policy for the upcoming years. "Of course, everyone wants to keep the economy going. But I'm not going to sacrifice anyones civil or Clown rights to do it. We arrived here to escape Clown persecution and provide happy-fun-goodness for everyone, and I plan to continue doing exactly that. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go change my nose."

http://www.angelfire.com/ex/a51/images/Wick_Head.jpg
President Wick "Wickhead" Head at inauguration ceremony

Circusville Gazette

NOT MUCH HAPPENS!

After nearly a month of holding the very traditional office of President of Clownland, reporters have been shocked to discover that not much has happened in the would-be government!

This would explain why so little has been done about the latent growing problem of crime. Wick Head however, had this to say:

"I know times are difficult, and we still apparently collect tax, I guess some poor clown needed a job. I know theres a problem about crime and I plan to eliminate many laws soon, part of my master plan to eliminate crime by eliminating crimes! Er, or something."

Safe Haven For Anybody!

This is our first truly international release, so we're just giving it to you straight up! Life is free and idyllic in Clownland, so feel free to come kick it with us! Yeah baby!

Just don't expect us to work in your circuses and feed off the scraps from your profits! We've had quite enough of that. And we probably won't take too kindly to non-clowny, non-circus permanent residents.

I mean, well, the government will let you stay, and hell most of us will too. But it's hard to speak for the roaming clown biker gangs like Red Nosed Angels and Bloodlickers... hell its hard to speak, I'm so stoned. Good thing I'm writing. I think I'll just send this to the editor as is... heh heh heh heh. Yeeeeeazzz0!

Circusville Gazette

Contact With Other Governments, And Stuff!

Sending one of the brightest minds of Clownland, Thomas Tonto-Toyota, to the foreign ambassadorial position in RevTerr might have seemed uncontroversial at the time... and it is!

Nevertheless, President Head is confident that this will usher forth a new era of friendly international relations for clowns everywhere.

"I look forward to my job as liason to the RevTerr government," Tonto-Toyota shouted as he boarded the plane at the very hostile Circusville Airport, over the sound of no less than twenty-three deathmetal bands jamming nearby. "Hopefully I'll... hopefully... goddammit, guys, shut up!"

Tanjentially pondering whether the international image of clowns was positive or negative, President Head asked to himself, "I wonder whether the international image of clowns is positive or negative."

He then commissioned a first-ever government sponsored Study to find out! Soon, we will know the results to the time-worn question, "are clowns scary or funny?"