NationStates Jolt Archive

THE FROSTY INVITATIONAL

This football tournament is an invitation-only event for countries that role-play but failed to qualify for the World Cup. It is named in memory of the recently-vanished nation of Alasdair I Frosticus. Ten teams will play for the Frosty Cup, awarded for excellence among teams about to be ranked 33 or lower in the world. The top footballer in the tournament will also be awarded the coveted Idris bin Abdullah medal, named in honour of the late Emir of Al Quds.

Teams have been randomly divided into two groups which will play a round-robin (each team plays each other team once). The top two teams in each group will qualify for the semi-finals.

http://www.jonnylewis.org/images/07_timor/images/03_beach_soccer.jpg

As an experiment, results will be generated using an RP bonus, to see how this affects things. To reduce variables, i'll be eliminating the offensive and defensive modifiers and using only rank to determine results. There will also be a bonus for those teams that RP their games: for each match RP'ed, you will get a bonus of +1 attack. Your number of attacks modifier will be compared to your opponent's. Say you have a +2 modifier and they have a +1 modifier. In that case, your total modifier is +1, meaning you will get either one additional attack or allow your opponent one fewer attack against you (randomly determined). The maxium variant is capped at 3, i.e. even if you RP 5 matches and your opponent zero, you’ll only get three more attacks. As usual, the standard number of attacks is ten per team, with the chance to score being determined by a random number compared to the other team's defence number, 900 minus rank.

All results and tables will be edited into the opening post.

Venues
Most venues are left over from World Cup 5. Finals will be played at National Stadium and Matebian (where altitude may be a factor). Group A matches will be played at Lovefest University Stadium (indoor) or Tiga Burung (outside in the heat). Group B matches will be played at Burung-yang-membuat-dunia or at the new Sepak stadium in the rainforest at the village of Findabaya, home to Rubber Tappers of the domestic league.

[code:1:2ef9f55ac8]
Group A P W D L GF GA GD Pts
TnUI (19) 4 4 0 0 10 3 +7 12
Nikea (71) 4 2 0 2 10 7 +3 6
Warnocks Wizards 4 2 0 2 6 8 -2 6
Akbarland (17) 4 1 1 2 7 8 -1 4
Keyshona 4 0 1 3 5 11 -6 1

Group B
Dark Outcasts (11) 4 3 1 0 7 3 +4 10
Tanah Burung (27) 4 3 0 1 11 3 +8 9
Hell Bovines 4 1 2 1 7 8 -1 5
Consumer Engineering 4 1 1 2 8 11 -3 4
Kaze Progressa (82) 4 0 0 4 4 11 -7 0
[/code:1:2ef9f55ac8]

Schedule

Day 1
Akbarland 4 Warnocks Wizards 1
TnUI 3 Keyshona 1
Dark Outcasts 2 Hell Bovines 2
Tanah Burung 6 Consumer Engineering 1

Day 2
Akbarland 1 Keyshona 1
TnUI 2 Nikea 0
Dark Outcasts 2 Consumer Engineering 1
Tanah Burung 3 Kaze Progressa 1

Day 3
TnUI 2 Warnocks Wizards 1
Nikea 6 Keyshona 2
Tanah Burung 2 Hell Bovines 0
Kaze Progressa 1 Consumer Engineering 4

Day 4
Akbarland 1 Nikea 3
Keyshona 1 Warnocks Wizards 2
Dark Outcasts 2 Kaze Progressa 0
Consumer Engineering 2 Hell Bovines 2

Day 5
Akbarland 1 TnUI 3
Nikea 1 Warnocks Wizards 2
Dark Outcasts 1 Tanah Burung 0
Kaze Progressa 2 Hell Bovines 3

Day 6
Semi-finals
TnUI 1 Tanah Burung 0
Dark Outcasts 1 Nikea 3

Day 7
Third-place match at Matebian
Tanah Burung v Dark Outcasts

Day 8
Championship match at National Stadium
TnUI v Nikea

Drastic cutbacks in Football programs at school along with government grants to football clubs being slashed to nothing has caused TnUI football to collapse, as could be seen in their resent World Cup display. All the national team players now play club football in other countries. The national pastime is being replaced by hard work.

Warnocks Wizards to Participate in Frosty Invitational

Ufwurz the Furious to Lead the Lads at New Tournament in Tanah Burung

From our news services...

Having missed out on qualifying for World Cup 8, the Warnocks Wizards national team has accepted an invitation to participate in the inaugural Frosty Cup, a tournament comprised of ten nations that missed out on the World Cup. Joining us this evening to discuss his team and the tournament is Manager Ufwurz the Furious. Before we begin our discussion, let’s look at the group the Red and White Wizards are drawn in, complete with the teams’ placement and records from WC8 qualifying:

(WC8) Frosty Cup Group A...W.D.L...GF...GA...GD...Pts
...37. Akbarland (17)...............5-2-3....13.....12.....+1....17
...44. Nikea (71)......................5-0-5....13.....16.....-3.....15
...47 Keyshona.......................4-2-4....17.....20.....-3.....14
...49. Ttl-n-Utter Insanity (19).3-4-3....16.....15.....+1....13
...77. Warnocks Wizards.........2-2-6.....12.....19.....-7......8

Warnocks Wizards Matchday Schedule:
Day One: Akbarland v Warnocks Wizards at Lovefest
Day Two: Bye
Day Three: Total n Utter Insanity v Warnocks Wizards at Lovefest
Day Four: Keyshona v Warnocks Wizards at Lovefest
Day Five: Nikea v Warnocks Wizards at Tiga Burung

Bazgash the Sly: Ufwurz, thank you for joining us today. The Football Federation has decided to accept the invitation to play in this new tournament, any thoughts on that?

Ufwurz the Furious: First off, on behalf of the Federation and my dear friend, Ufhur the Hated, minister for Sport, I’d like to thank hosts Tanah Burung for organising this tournament and inviting ourselves. It takes a lot of effort to organise these tournaments and we are honoured to be invited. I’m looking forward to it, even though we may be nothing more than the group whipping boys. Having said that, it will give the lads another chance to gain vitally important international experience. It will also give me a chance to play around with tactics and to scream and take out my frustrations on a few more referees.

Bazgash: You’ve been drawn into a group with old friends Akbarland, highly rated Total-n-Utter Insanity and up and comers Nikea and Keyshona. Any thoughts on the draw?

Ufwurz: As you say, Akbarland are well known to us. They defeated us twice in Group 12 in world cup qualifying. If you remember the last match we played against them, we used four different goalkeepers and they beat us pretty easily. I may have to think carefully about our tactics against them. Perhaps a 10-0-0 formation might work. The others are excellent teams as well and I can see any of them winning the group. We’ll try our best to sneak in and claim the second spot.

Bazgash: You mentioned that infamous match with Akbarland. That was the match where goalkeeper Globtakh the Meek had a nervous breakdown. How is he faring?

Ufwurz: We had him report straight away to the holy Elven brothers at New Rivendell where he has been convalescing. He also been taking a class on self-assertiveness. I’m told he’s doing quite well and may be able to accompany us to Tanah Burung. If he can make it, he’ll be our No. 3, so there shouldn’t be any undue pressures on him.

Bazgash: Any changes to the squad you used from World Cup qualifying?

Ufwurz: We don’t anticipate any changes, although a couple of the lads have picked up knocks in the preparations for the Frosty Cup. We’ve been training in the mines of Moria to simulate our games at the indoor Lovefest Arena. As you can imagine, training in pitch black mines with bones strewn on the ground and poor ventilation has left a few of the lads bruised and developing breathing problems. But I think we’ll be alright in the end. Poor little Mersnik the Cruel was nearly eaten by the Watcher during one of our breaks, and Akhklash the Paunch came close to being stepped on by a disgruntled cave troll who interrupted one of our practice sessions. I’ve found these kind of experiences to be character building for the lads.

Bazgash: Thank you for joining us today and good luck at the Frosty Cup. Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1.

The Progressans arrived in Tanah Burung today, flying in via their usual recoloured Progressair jumbo jet. They don't expect to win, but do expect to push the hosts and Dark Outcasts for semi-final qualification.

Faiwe Irafma is back and led the team out of the plane. On interview, he said 'this is a great opportunity for us to show what we can do in an environment that is competitive, yet friendly, with all the sides looking to show what the World Cup itself is missing.' Some say he is implying Fayu Owa, known for being an extrovert on the field, is his preferred strike partner. Chares Catrar merely said 'we will pick our best team for every game.'

An opening speech by people's representative for territorial defence & sports, Mau Kiri Rai:

Friends, visitors, giant talking cows, wizards, consumers, outcasts, residents of the insane wards, and all the others, welcome to Tanah Burung. We could not be happier to have you here. This Cup is dedicated to the memory of the Dreamed Realm Beyond, in the hopes that it will produce some footballing excellence and possibly create a new pole of positive energy in the universe. Our sooth sayers beleive this will restore the balance to international football.

Here, we shall fight our wars on the playing fields, not the battle fields. The passion shall be all the greater. I have given orders that no meat-based products are to be served in any stadium during the matches, as a token of friendship and not eating each other to the people, the cows i mean, of Hell Bovines.

Although we know all of you would rather be in Bedistan (or Oglethorpia), we hope that we shall be able to show you as fine hospitality as you would have received in Oglethorpia (or Bedistan). Some great teams won their spurs the last time our country hosted a football tournament (defending champion Errinundera and co-hosts Bedistan are among the World Cup 5 newcomers who went on to greatness). We hope that some of you will go on to greater things after this tournament. Though of course, I hope that the Crocodiles will win this time!

A word on our team. You know we achieved great things in the final days of our qualifying drive, winning two and drawing one under coach Guntur Ruak. Guntur has now returned to his day job running our, um, sister team in Tanah Tarantula. The Crocodiles have decided to select a new coach every day from among themselves, and i'm pleased to announce that my god daughter Rosa Bibere has been named as player-coach for the opening match against Consumer Engineering. We shall interview candidates for full-time coach following the conclusion of World Cup 8. Or possibly draw names out of a hat.

That is all. May the host team, i mean the best team, win!

(ooc: results to be telegrammed tonight eastern time. TnUI will be generating results from TB matches.)

Outcasts fight for FROSTY invitational!

After failing to qualify for the World Cup by losing to a rank 67 team, the Outcasts begin their plight to win the Frost invitational cup. The entire nation was disappointed to say the least at the outcome of the WC when the prevoius cup we reached the quarter-finals.

The first match on the cards is to be played at the Burung-yang-membuat-dunia stadium and against the Hell Bovines whom the Outcasts to their knowledge have never played.

The tea is as follows:

GK: Tyrion Myasion
LB: Yorik Lassender
CB: Luke Hydrasia
RB: Oren Miko
LW: Michael George
ML: Rico Paulis
MR: Sanif Krekmalla
RW: Ben Torros
CFL: Anthony Roman
CF: Owen Harker
CFR: Karl Geddes

The Akbarland National Football Federation has announced an unchanged line-up from the team that got failed to qualify despite the call for their beheadings from certain quarters.
The starters
#1 Aminul Islam - Age 38 (GK)
#2 Mahbub Alam -Age 35 (DR)
#5 Adil Rahman -Age 22 (DL)
#3 Hasan Mohammed -Age 29 (DC)
#4 Zakir Ahmed -Age 21(DC)
#6 Khaled Assad -Age 19 (ML)
#8 Mossadeq Chowdhury -Age 28 (MR)
#7 Mohammed Rashid -Age 30 (MC)
#11 Hamid Kabir -Age 27 (AMCL)
#9 Zahid Mohammed - Age 23 (ST)
#10 Samin Akbar - Age 26 (AM/F)

(OOC: I'm assuming NS time in my mention of time frames here)

<<All that is seen is a podium standing in the middle of a press room. Pretty standard press conference set up. Tables line either side of the podium, with various official looking men and women sitting at all tables, save for two seats directly to the right and left of the podium, which are unoccupied. The backdrop has a medieval type logo, obviously a leftover seal from the older days of Nikea. The banner underneath the crest reads "Sorinistiueth Footballi Nikeaeleth", or the Nikean Football Association.

A young man walks onto the podium, he looks to be about 35 years old. Short brown hair, blue eyes, a typical looking Nikean, he is Yeskerin Orsentel, the President of the Nikean Football Association. He walks up to the microphone, and the buzz from the reporters dies down as he places his speech notes onto the the podium.>>

Orsentel: Thank you all for coming. As you know, some time ago, our national team looked good to qualify for World Cup 8 but lost their spot after losing the final three matches in convincing fashion. Then manager Resterin Terestel resigned following the final match, saying that there was little more he could do to improve the team, and that he had reached the limit of his coaching abilities.

We have filled this void, but we wanted to wait to announce our choice until we were confident that this manager would be more than adequate replacement for Resterin. Our new man has been working with the team for quite awhile during our club league off-season, and the team has come to know and respect the manager. Many of the players have played for him before, so it was not too much of a new idea for them. Having said that, I'd like to introduce our new national team manager, Mr. Jaskelainen Tenerethitel.

<<A buzz fills the press room as the new Nikean manager walks on. He wears a nice suit, and appears to be around 50 or so years old. He has nicely cut short grey hair, and his blue eyes are piercing to many. He shakes Orsentel's hand and takes the unoccupied seat to the right of the podium.>>

Orsentel: We will now take any questions you may have.

<<He sits on the otherside of the podium, to the left.>>

Reporter: I have a question for Mr. Tenerethitel. I'd like your thoughts on the Frosty Cup, which Nikea is entering in a few days time.

Tenerethitel: I think it's a great opportunity for the team to prove that what happened in the qualifying rounds was not a representation of how Nikean footballers play. We've been put in a tough group with the likes of Akbarland, Total n Utter Insanity, Keyshona, and the Warnocks Wizards. All of these teams played very well, and the lowest point total was 8 points in qualifying. Akbarland got 17 points and still failed to qualify, which shows the level of competition that exists today on the international stage.

Reporter: Hi, I'm Markenin Markenel from the [i]Queldas Hikari[/b]. The roster which you provided for us lists a few changes, some natural because of retirement, but there are others who have jumped up onto the starting eleven so soon after qualifying, most notably Leserin Jaskertel, who has replaced Nilinen Istel. Why have you made these changes, and why have you selected the players that you did to replace the retired players?

Tenerethitel: Well, I'm using this cup as sort of a testing ground for some players who may not get a chance otherwise. In the case of Leserin, I felt that he should get a chance to give Nilinen a run for his spot. Nilinen is still my number one guy for that position, but I wanted Leserin to get some international experience, since Nilinen's days on the international scene are soon ending, according to what he's told me. He has said the next World Cup will be his last, so Leserin needs to be prepared to fill that spot.

As for the retired players, Sakai and Mersentel were obvious choices. Both played very well in substitute situations in qualifying, and I consulted with the players who are leaving, and all picked those two. Kerelin Nereniel is replacing Rorin Entel in the centre back position, in my days managing in the NPL, Nereniel had always been a top back for me when I managed in Miserias. So I'm putting him on the starting roster.

Orsentel: Unfortunately those are all the questions we can receive right now as I've just been informed that the plane to Tanah Burung must leave early due to weather conditions,

<<A groan from the press. A few angry words are spoken quietly, mostly directed at the coming weather which is a common problem in Queldas.>>

Orsentel: Yes, I know the weather is usually bad, but it can't be helped. Anyway, hopefully we will return with something to show for our efforts. Thank you.

--------------------------------------------------------

FROSTY CUP STATISTICS
[code:1:aa36c2ed66]
Group A P W D L GF GA GD Pts
TnUI (19) 2 2 0 0 5 1 +4 6
Akbarland (17) 1 1 0 0 4 1 +3 3
Nikea (71) 1 0 0 1 0 -2 -2 0
Keyshona 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0
Warnocks Wizards 1 0 0 1 1 3 -3 0
[/code:1:aa36c2ed66]

Matches:
TnUI v. Nikea at Lovefest - Day 2
Nikea v. Keyshona at Tiga Burung - Day 3
Akbarland v. Nikea at Tiga Burung - Day 4
Warnocks Wizards v. Nikea at Tiga Burung - Day 5

Group A Scoring Leaders
[code:1:aa36c2ed66]
1. Samin Akbar (AKB) 2 goals
2. Mohammed Rashid (AKB) 1 goal
2. Hamid Kabir (AKB) 1 goal
2. Ishklash the Pug-Nose (WAR) 1 goal
[/code:1:aa36c2ed66]

(OOC: Well, wanted to put the roster on a different post, otherwise my other one would be too crowded)

The Dominion of Nikea National Football Roster
* = denotes starter unless otherwise indicated, % denotes captain

Manager: Jaskelainen Tenerethitel
All Nikean football fans should remember 'Jaski'. He is a legend among the Nikean faithful, and his notoriety for bringing out the best in players is well-known. He is a former centre midfielder, and has since managed 3 different teams in the Nikean Premier League, bringing all three to the top 5 of the table. All fans love him despite his team affiliation, and his unique coaching style is perhaps what the team needs following their collapse in World Cup 8 qualifying.


*1. J. Renteritel (GK, SF Queldas)
*2. L. Jaskertel (D, Interiu SA)
*3. K. Nereniel (D, SF Miserias)
*4. A. Strekiov (D, SF Queldas)
*5. A. Sakai (M, Straedias Atletiksi)
*6. T. Mortethel (M, Interiu SA)
*%7. K. Keresiuene (M, SF Queldas)
*8. K. Mersentel (M, Arieni Yukarim)
*9. Y. Yaskalaitel (M, Straedias Atletiksi)
*10. J. Istertel (F, Interiu SA)
*11. K. Irisiuene (F, SF Miserias)
12. A. Sakai (M, Straedias Atletiksi)
13. F. Okimatel (M, Rumeno)
14. M. Akeritel (D, Interiu SA)
15. L. Norstel (D, Arieni Yukarim)
16. L. Neseriuene (M, SF Azuras)
21. S. Serenitel (F, Orkinas)
22. N. Istel (D, SF Queldas)
25. J. Jeresiuene (F, Interiu SA)
27. A. Nistriel (M, Losenas SF)
30. I. Kitase (F, SF Queldas)
32. K. Quertel (GK, SF Miserias)


Undressed Reserves

J. Keseteretel
A. Arkenitel
D. Feretel
K. Orinitel
E. Pilseniuene

Strip

Home - the Nikean home strip consists of a red jersey. The collar and striping, which is down the sides of the jersey and comes up to the armpit, is navy blue, while there is a navy blue hem on the end of the sleeve, complete with a very thin red line surrounding it. The crest of the jersey appears on the left side of the jersey, over the heart. Names and numbers are written in navy blue. The shorts are navy blue, as are the socks. (OOC: Think the Spanish jersey but without the yellow)

Away - the Nikean away strip consists of a white jersey, with the same navy blue trimming. Names and numbers are also navy blue. The shorts and socks are both white. (Same deal, Spain, no yellow, only navy blue)

Team Flag------http://www.buddel.de/bs/fl_fussb.jpg



ROSTER

Formation-- Keeper + 4-4-2 (midfield-Diamond)

GK= Goal Keeper
LD=Left Defense
LCD= Left Center Defense
RD= Right defense
RCD= Right Center defense
DM= Defensive Midfield
RM/LM= Right Midfielder/ Left Midfielder
AM= Attacking Midfielder
RF/LF= Right Forward/ Left Forward


Roster: [more to come]
Starters
GK-- Oliver Johnston**
RD-- Jakob Jakova**
LD-- Alex Tyler**
RCD-- Zeek Wolfwood**
LCD-- Diego Ferarez**
DM-- Isidore Wolfwood**
RM-- Matt Smith**
LM-- Josef Klavmann**
AM-- Xander Hofmann**
LF-- Sirius White**
RF-- Jakob Chandler**


Substitutes

Forwards
- Zachary Garret
- Jeffery Rezzer

Midfielders
- Forrest Curran**
- Arthur Dent
- Jon Kowals
- Dan Saunders
- Evan Dreina*

Defenders
-Ricky Weis*
- Vladimir Reschev**
-Doug Kesler*

Keeper
- Ford Prefect**


**= Played in WC 8 + 9 + 10
*= Playied in WC 10




Jerseys:

Home------------ http://www.lipsmacking.com.au/shop/world_cup_2002/german%20shirt.jpg


Away----------- http://www.thaishop4you.com/photos/soccer/br002_big.jpg


::::They always have black shorts with a red stripe going up the side.


Cleats----- http://www.soccer.com/Images/Catalog/ProductImages/images01/image_exists.php?sku=125589

OOC: Tanah Burung... Let my congratulate you for this great idea! :D
IC:


The Grand Duchy of Hell Bovines will hapily participate in this football cup organized by our intelligent allies of Tanah Burung. We are very happy that our national team has another chance to win a cup and we thank all teams for promising not to eat us; That was a very civilized choice.
Hughs,

Mooo IV, Duque Of Hell Bovines

Here's my roster!! (by the way... we can play in robes, can't we? :wink: )

The Grand Duchy Of Hell Bovines: Official Team - The Bovine Milkers

###Colours:
*Home: Black robe with dark red socks and a dark red cloak.
*Away: Dark red robe with drawings of black stars. Black cloak and black socks.
*Goalkeeper: Black T-Shirt with the drawing of an angry bovine in the back.

###Players:
*Goalkeeper:
Murk Ballmaster (1). (Blackhooves' Fighters)
*Defenders:
Milky Blackhorns (2). (Revolution Team)
Cosmo Brownspots (5).(Hay Harvesters)
Marcos Leche (6). (Milkers' District)
Sebastos Cuernavaca (4). (Blackhhoves' Fighters)
*Midfielders:
Andrés Thunderhorns (11) (Revolution Team)
Kurmuk Longtail (10) (Milkers' District)
Nestor Starcow (12) (Mootia Athletic Club)
*Attackers:
Ron Goldenspot (7, Captain) (Blackhooves' Fighters)
Gleb Spottedball (9) (Cowtown Club)
Julius grassmoker (8 ) (Mootia Athletic Club)

Substitutes:
*Goalkeeper:
Nurk Blackcloak (21) (Cowtown Club)
*Defenders:
Whitey Leatheryskin (22) (Mootia Athletic Club)
Wally Ballcow (25) (Bovine Defenders)
Hem Fieldlord (26) (Milkers' District)
Caligula Haymaster (24) (Bovine Defenders)
*Midfielders:
Benny Cigarcow (32) (Revolution Team)
Hemin Greenlover (31) (Hay Harvesters)
Bernardo Grancampana (30) (Blackhooves' Fighters)
*Attackers:
Ratts Boldspots (27) (Milkers' District)
Fenny Weedlurker (29) (Mootia Athletic Club)
Kymu Hooveskills (28 ) (Revolution Team)

###TEAM LOGO: Logo of Hell Bovinian Football Asociation (Asociación Bovino Infernal Del Fútbol (ABIDF)):

http://cozumelandia.8k.com/Futbol.gif

Warnocks Wizards roster for the Frosty Invitational:

.....Name....................................Pos.......Club...............................Caps...Goa ls
1. Globtakh the Timid................GK.......Angband Balrogs...............3
25. Ishhak the Smasher.............GK.......New Orthanc United.........8
13. Krumsnik the Paunch............GK.......Isengard City....................1

3. Ghaztrak the Gouger..............DL.......Angband Balrogs...............3
20. Grimbrug the Basher..............DL......New Orthanc United..........8
5. Mausnik the Cleaver...............DC.......Uruk’Hai United.................9
6. Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c)...DC......New Orthanc United.........10
24. Ashburz the Straggler............DC.......Barad-Dur Town..............2
17. Ghazukh the Burner...............DR......New Orthanc United........10.......1
2. Ufdush the Nasty....................DR.......Angmar Witches...............2

8. Krumsnak the Sneaky.............MC......Barad-Dur Town...............6
21. Gromdul the Gasher...............MC......Uruk’Hai United...............5
18. Bagdreg the Mauler...............ML.......Boromir Blades...............10
12. Durbrat the Choker................ML......Angband Balrogs..............3
16. Akhklash the Paunch..............MR......Boromir Blades...............10......1
4. Bublok the Destroyer..............MR......Boromir Blades..................2
7. Ghazghash the Sleazy............AMC.....New Orthanc United.......10......1

11. Gabdul the Looter..................SC........Boromir Blades...............7.......2
15. Ishklash the Pug-nose.............SC........New Orthanc United....10......5
14. Globdreg the Destroyer..........SC........Boromir Blades...............8.......2
9. Ashmazh the Tough................SC........Uruk’Hai United................3
10. Mersnik the Cruel..................SC.........Shelobs Lair....................2

First strip: Red and white striped shirts, black shorts, black socks.
Change strip: Black shirts depicting the One Ring in gold , red shorts, red socks

Manager: Ufwurz the Furious
Assistants: Gutkrut the Wretched, Bazzag the Wicked
Chairman of the National Football Association: Globmazh the Mean
Minister of Sport: Ufhur the Hated

Akbarland start the Frosty Invitational with a convincing 4-1 victory over Warnock Wizards. Star stricker Samin Akbar scored a goal in each half with Hamid Kabir and Mohammed Rashid also scoring one each. A consolation goal for Warnocks Wizard late in the game earned them some respectablity in the score line.

Akbarland 4 (Samin Akbar 18, 69 Rashid 33 Kabir 74) Warnock Wizards 1(Ishklash the Pug-nose 87)

The consumer squad:

Goalkeepers:
Errol EFTPOS
Cressida Creditcard

Defenders:
Shannon Shutupandshop
Sally Sale
Barry Bargain
Casey Coachpotato
Maurice Modcon
Cedric Cellphone

Midfielders:
A. T. M. Facility
Slava Corporate
Rita Iltherapy
Coporate Values
Pin Number
Credit Rating

Forwards:
Mike Rochip
Gill Bates
E. Z. Credit
Nev Ernever
Fiona Antz
Con Akkad

Team colours are red with a broad brown stripe down the left side and a large image of a gold microchip on the right breast.

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/consumer_engineering.jpg

Will that be on credit?

The board of Consumer Engineering World Cup Enterprises Ltd (CEWCEL) are looking forward to this opportunity to recover some of the losses made in the recent unsuccessful world cup campaign.

As all players and staff are already under contract, expenses for this trip can be minimised.

Travelling and accomodation costs are being underwritten by the team sponsor, Collect Debt Ltd.

John K. Bond
Financial Controller
CEWCEL

Ufwurz, Where’s the Love?

Manager Furious with Referee, Players in 4-1 Loss at the Frosty Invitational

From our news services...

Lovefest, Tanah Burung–Warnocks Wizards opened up their campaign for the Frosty Cup last night at the ironically named, at least for the Wizards and their manager, Lovefest Arena. Hosts Tanah Burung billed the tournament as a friendly one, but there was nothing friendly about the play of the Red and White Wizards or the pedantic referee for that matter. The national team finished the game with 9 players and one assistant manager, having earned seven yellow cards, two reds, and two ejected managing staff. Manager Ufwurz the Furious started the game with a 4-5-1 formation, with target man Globdreg the Destroyer taking his traditional spot up front. There were two surprises to the starting eleven: youngsters Ufdush the Nasty and Bublok the Destroyer were handed starting spots at left back and defensive midfield respectively. The first 15 minutes of the match were seemingly innocuous, with the more experienced Akbarland shading the play. The parade of cards began shortly thereafter when Mausnik the Cleaver hacked down striker Samin Akbar just outside the box, earning the first yellow of the night. Akbar dusted himself off and scored from the free kick with a sweet ball that curved around the wall. The Wizards earned three more cards in the next 15 minutes for insulting the referee (Ufdush the Nasty, who later stated that he merely criticized the referee’s hairdo, deeming it distracting to the players), looking at the referee in a threatening manner (Ishklash the Pug-nose, who after the match claimed the referee was intimidated by his nose), and for delay of game (goalkeeper Ishhak the Smasher who continually punted the ball into the roof, despite being warned not to). Akbarland then scored its second on the night after a nice build up was finished off by Mohammed Rashid. Shortly thereafter, Wizard Akhklash the Paunch was booked for diving even though he was clearly fouled. This disgusted assistant manager Gutkrut the Wretched, who slunk onto the field to protest. He was duly escorted to the stands by the fourth official. The half ended shortly thereafter with Manager Ufwurz the Furious gently singing a sonnet to the referee in iambic pentameter (for which he was also ejected–the referee after the match claimed that the song was hopelessly out of tune and therefore was polluting the air) and the score Referee 7, Akbarland 2, Warnocks Wizards 0.

The second half began rather quietly (perhaps because Ufwurz was sitting in the highest row in the stadium, just below the roof) with Akbarland again controlling play. There were surprisingly no bookings until the 60th minute when Globdreg the Destroyer was booked for delay of game (his thunderous shot having deflated the ball). The referee’s most bizarre decision came five minutes later when he gave midfielder Ghazgash the Sleazy both a yellow and red for a theatrical dive in the penalty box (the referee later claimed it was the worst attempt at acting he had ever seen, worse even than someone called “Tom Arnold” [note to editor: no, not Tom Bombadil]). Having a man advantage, Akbarland took further control of the match with two quick goals by Samin Akbar and Mohammed Rashid. They then sat back content with a 4-0 lead. Ishklash the Pug-nose then scored a consolation goal after a nice pass by Bagdreg the Mauler. The drama of the match was not complete, however. The referee sent off Mausnik the Cleaver, who in the excitement of the goal, accidently ran 60 yards and headbutted the referee. Manager Ufwurz promised a different approach to this match and that’s exactly what his players gave him. Thankfully, the Red and White Wizards have a bye for the next match day, during which they can regroup. The match finished (Referee 11,)
Akbarland 4, Warnocks Wizards 1.

Warnocks Wizards: Ishhak the Smasher, Ufdush the Nasty, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Bublok the Destroyer, Bagdreg the Mauler, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Akhklash the Paunch, Ishklash the Pug-nose, Globdreg the Destroyer (Gabdul the Looter 61).

Unused substitutes: Krumsnik the Paunch, Grimbrug the Basher, Krumsnak the Sneaky, Ashmazh the Tough.

OOC: brilliant :lol: :lol: :lol:
accidently ran 60 yards and headbutted the referee


The half ended shortly thereafter with Manager Ufwurz the Furious gently singing a sonnet to the referee in iambic pentameter (for which he was also ejected–the referee after the match claimed that the song was hopelessly out of tune and therefore was polluting the air) and the score Referee 7, Akbarland 2, Warnocks Wizards 0.

i can now leave job 1 and go to job 2 happy!! cheers :D

Mau Kiri Rai has announced an investigation into the conduct of Carlos Contramistic, head official in the Warnocks Wizards-Akbarland match, saying some of the referee's calls had been "a tad unorthodox." An official announcement is expected shortly. Mr. Contramistic for his part said "I stand by my calls, whatever Beelzebub the Flatulent or any other wizards may say about me."

Meanwhile, the Crocodies geared up for their late match against Consumer Engineering with a ceremonial burning of money. "You can't buy wins, we'll kick your shins," chanted a gang of children calling themselves the Junior Hooligans.

The ceremonial burning of babbles, the currency of Tanah Burung and two neighbouring countries, was projected to have taken 1,417,469,689 babbles out of circulation. This represents the equivalent of 75 cents US in the highly devalued currency. Dr. Rosa Almeida, people's representative for economic affairs and cooperatives, said the effect on the total money supply would be "serious." She has announced consultations with the central banks of Petergu and High Umbrage, members of the bable currency union, on a possible devaluation of the babble. She caleld on citizens to "please stop burning, eating and otherwise eviscerating our money supply."

---

The Crocodiles starting roster is unchanged from the side that faield to qualify for the World Cup:

Goal
Simon da Gama (age 28, plays for Ukun Rasikan)

Defence
Fatmawati Agus Putri (25, Co-op Ag)
Alex Manupatty (21, Tiga Burung)
Rosa Bibere (29, Lovefest)
Doris Rumbiak (22, Loro Sae)

Midfield
Wim van Esterik (27, Lovefest)
Cassie da Cruz (22, Matebian)
Canabe Livit (22, Rubber Tappers)
Zachary Santos (22, Black-and-Red Army)

Strikers
David Cavaco (28, Rubber Tappers)
Yosepha Syahrir (22, Black-and-Red Army)

With Kaze Progressa not in action on day one, a series of training sessions took place before scouting of the matches in their group. Manager Chares Catrar has now announced his starting XI for the match against Tanah Burung:

GK: Eaka Palera
SW: Garaz Zarli
LD: Jaruna Jaff
CD: Eauam MacKazie
RD: Naurew Manuweli
CDM: Fek Inhea
LCM: Huqi Vaiwalo-Mua
RCM: May Capon
RM: Raq Failez
CAM: Fayu Owa
LCF: Faiwe Irafma
RCF: Ekazen Waulino

Substitutes:
GK: Elin Faeka
D: Aeuwal Maurto
D: Quaza Garjeno
M: Aqizen Muqlin
F: Vav Cawyy

The Bovine Herald
A Tied Beginning For The Milkers

Burung-yang-membuat-dunia (That's quite a name :shock: ), Tanah Burung - Today, our national team, The Bovine Milkers, played againt the team from Dark Outcast, in a match that marked the beginning of The Frosty Invitational Cup and the new hopes that the national team has to win a cup.
The match, however, ended in a tie. The final result was HB 2 - DO 2.
Ron Goldenspots scored one goal, while Marcos Leche scored the other one, practically at the end of the match. Despite it was a simple tie, the team was confident and happy with the results. In a later press conference, Ron Goldenspots declared: "The result was a tie. But I'm very confident about the future. It's enjoyable to play knowing that the enemies won't eat you, y'know?. Now we can play confortably, thanks to that promise the nations made."

The match, except from some rather agressive chants about steaks and barbacue, was played in a friendly atmosfere and brings hopes for our team.

Cornelio Del Rancho, special journalist for the Frosty Cup

(OOC: With the push of literacy and education in Nikea, and the odd tendency to record every possible detail, it is a common occurance for Nikeans to write journals of events in their lives. This is the basis of this.

Also are the scores going to be posted at all, maybe by an edit of the first post with the result beside it? I know that they are telegrammed, but I didn't play in the first day and I only know two results, and I'd like to be able to include these scores/results in my RPs.)

Panda Power
A collection of Journals from Nikea Football Fans

Entry #1
(Written by Eskerin Moritel)

I picked up my tickets for the TnUI/Pandas match today. The line at the university wasn't that long, I guess everyone who was getting tickets had either already gotten them or the teams weren't too well known in Tanah Burung.

While I waited for the ticket office to open, I decided I would test my language skills and talk to some of the people in the line in English. Grabbing my Nikean-English dictionary, I walked up to the first person I saw and started to strike up a conversation.

The first thing I noticed about him was his shirt. An official licensed Audioslavia National Team jersey. It looked like his best friend, and that he wore it many times. I asked him the obvious; "Are you here from Audioslavia?"

He replied that he was, and after he confirmed my origin, his expression seemed less suspicious. I asked him why he was here and not in Bedistan or Oglethorpia watching his country play.

"I'm here because Total n Utter Insanity is here," he replied to me. This puzzled me, and I pressed him to explain.

He told me that it was his goal to watch the destruction of the TnUI side. He explained to me how the two countries were hated football rivals, and that anytime the Insanity team slipped up, it was a great delight to him. He travelled the world following this team around, heckling from the seats right behind their bench. Always wearing his Audioslavia jersey, and always carrying large banners and generally making a spectacle of himself, trying to distract the Insanity players.

I had a good laugh at this. I explained the somewhat small rivalry Nikea felt towards Defari, and realized while telling him this that it was nothing in comparison to the feelings of this man for the squad who he felt were the scourge of the world.

After he asked about Nikean football, I told him the sad tale of the qualifying round. The Pandas had performed very well, I told him, gaining a 6 point lead over third place with only 3 matches remaining. All looked well for the Pandas to move on to main tournament, but a disasterous final 3 matches cost us our spot by 1 point.

The man was apologetic, and he knew how it felt to be disappointed by a football match. He told me of many times when he had tried his best to heckle and distract the Insanity players, only to have them defeat opponent after opponent. After all, he conceded, no nation makes it to the top 20 in the world by sheer luck. He told me that coverage of other nations in his country was limited at the best of times, for football at least, and that he knew little about the Nikean side.

The office then opened its doors. As the line moved, I continued my conversation with the Audioslavia man, although the line moved quickly and little more was said. As we got our tickets, I promised to search him out at halftime. He wished our side luck and headed off.

The conversation with this Audioslavia man made me think of how much football can affect someone. He must spend a fortune going to all these matches, and I can only assume that he won a large lottery or something to afford all of this. As I left, I saw other Nikeans arriving at the stadium to pick up their tickets. Hopefully tonight will be a good match, and I can only hope that we can steal a victory from a higher ranked squad.

dp

damn, triple post

ooc: An Audio fan travelling the world to taunt TnUI, i like that! I've edited the opening post with the first 3 results -- the one you're missing is TnUI 3 Keyshona 1. I'm playing TB-Consumer Engineering as a late match because CE didn't get the result until earlier today due to various time zone issues.

Ufwurz Furious with Referee

Disgusted by Calls in Frosty Cup Match, Referee’s Remarks, the Price of Food

From our news services...

Lovefest, Tanah Burung–Responding to today’s match and remarks made by the match official Carlos Contraseptic, Warnocks Wizards Manager Ufwurz the Furious called a press conference to give his side of the day’s events. Here are excerpts from his speech:

Ufwurz: What a shambles that match was. Our players were dire, the referee was dire, the stadium was far too nice, the concessions were too expensive, the only positive today was the performance of Akbarland. I would like to state here and now that the referee in no way contributed to the outcome of the match. He was simply there to make our blood boil and to give us heart palpitations and convulsions...

There were several bookings that were suspect. Where are they getting referees from these days? One of my players was booked for commenting on the referee’s hairstyle. I have a referee’s license and let me tell you, one of the first things you’re told is to look professional. Did you see that person? His hair looked more like the ball than the ball did. Is it no wonder that Mausnik headbutted him? He thought he was going for a 50-50 ball. He didn’t realise a goal was scored at the other end...

Some of my lads thought the referee was picking on them. Look at poor Ishklash, booked for looking at the referee in a threatening manner. I didn’t realise my players intimidated people that easily. Perhaps we should employ a Team Plastic Surgeon in addition to the medical staff we do employ [Team Psychiatrist, Team Optometrist, Team Orthodontist, etc.]...

The referee’s positioning was very poor as well. He gives Ghazgash two cards for poor acting [diving in the box]. How could he tell? He was at least 50 yards away from the play. Perhaps if he were using the binoculars I was forced to use, watching the match from the highest row of seats, just under the roof, he could see that it was a clear cut penalty...Okay, perhaps not clear cut, but the acting wasn’t that poor. It reminded me of Boromir’s death scene in Great Movie Number One...

I knew someone would ask me. The name of the sonnet was “Ode to a Dung Beetle: Why are you so blind?” It was written by Lurtz the Omniscient. And no, I won’t sing it now...

I would like to respond to that. I think the exact quote was: "I stand by my calls, whatever Beelzebub the Flatulent or any other wizards may say about me." I do take exception in being called Flatulent. As my doctor will tell you and our Team Psychiatrist will tell you, it’s something that I have been battling for a long time, especially Flatulence of the Mouth. It’s very hurtful to have that come out in public. It does a great disservice to me and the thousands who suffer from this affliction. One’s medical condition should be held private and it is for this reason that I have asked FIFA to investigate this matter...No, not the flatulence, the conduct of the official, Mrs. Carloads of Contraceptive Devices, or rather Mr. Carlos Contramistic...

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE

This was the title upon the Daily Taunt this morning as the Outcasts drew 2-2 with Hell Bovines. Thye goals going to Anthiny Roman adn Ben Torros respectively. Myasion put up a good show with some astounding goal keeping the coach admits that the 2 goals scored against the team were "absolute blinders!". It has been assumed that for the next game squod will be the same except for the change of the centre back position. Young Paul Stone will take that postition in his 5 cap for the Outcasts.

DAILY CROCODILE

Goalfest!

In a match that amrked the official inauguration of Sepak Stadium in the rain forest village of Findabaya, Tanah Burung crushed Consumer Engineering by the most lop-sided score in team history.

Sepak Stadium is constructed in the shape of a giant long foot, a sign of the Errinundera-Tanah Burung football exchange programme established by Longfoot players during World Cup 5. Fittingly, the Crocodiles goal-fest was led by exchange programme alumna Canabe Livit, who learned her skills in Ellery Camp. Livit also led the team in the ceremonial burning of a small stack of money, apparently designed to taunt the visiting Consumers.

Livit opened the scoring with a long ball that ricocheted off the left post and into the net. David Cavaco added a second when EFTPOS fumbled the ball and left the net open to the striker. And Livit scored her second when she tipped in a pass from player-coach Rosa Bibere shortly before the half, shaking off an attempted tackle by CE defender Shutupandshop.

The second half opened with a new keeper for CE, Cressida Creditcard, but she also proved unable to staunch the flow of goals. CE rallied briefly when Crocodiles defender Doris Rumbiak was red-carded for "inappropriate taunting" of E.Z. Credit, whose free kick rocketed past da Gama, but it was too little and far too late. Livit completed her hat trick when she put a shot in by bouncing it off the referee, two CE defenders and both goal posts while singing the traditional anthem "O Foho Ramelau." Yosepha Syahrir scored another which hit the upper crossbar and then dropped in behind the goal line. And Wim van Esterik completed the rout with a pass to himself through the legs of Casey Couchpotato.

Final score:
Tanah Burung 6 Consumer Engineering 1
(Livit 21, 44, 54, Cavaco 31, Syahrir 59, van Esterik 78 )

UKUN RASIKAN (PTBI) -- Frosty Cup referee Carlos Contramistic has been suspended from the tournament after it was revealed he had been allowing his religious beliefs to affect his judgment.

Contramistic, it has been revealed, is a secret member of the Unreconstructed Unreformed Christofian Catholic Church of Wizard-Hating and Burning Harry Potter Books. The church, police discovered after a careful investigation, believes in hating wizards and burning books, and holds sacred the memory of the Theocracy of Christofi. "It is also," said Detective-Sgt Fay Lee Obvious, "unreconstructed and unreformed."

Contramistic handed out 7 yellow cards and 2 red cards to Warnocks Wizards in their 4-1 defeat at the hands of Akbarland, including cards for singing out of tune, poorly-acted dives, insulting his hairdo, and "looking at me crooked, you wizardly freak."

http://lindalamm.yearbookhigh.com/hairdo.gif
Carlos Contramistic

The bia sed calls are not thought to have affected the outcome of the match, which observers described as "not close." It is unknown, however, how deep the Unreconstructed Unreformed Roman-Christofian Catholic Church of Wizard-Hating and Burning Harry Potter Books has reached into the ranks of referees. Officials will be watching the next Warnocks Wizards match closely for biased calls.

Contramistic, meanwhile, was unrepentant. "There shouldn't be wizards playing football," he said. "I mean, they should be allowed to play sports, sure. Sports like 'burn the wizard' and 'drown the wizard' are perfect. Also, i think we need to burn more books. And i saw a school yesterday that really would benefit from a good burning."

Panda Power
A collection of Journals from Nikea Football Fans

Entry #2
(written by Eskerin Moritel)

The Pandas lost tonight. It was pretty unfortunate, but at least the Pandas looked a lot better than they did in the World Cup Qualifying.

The match was ok I guess. Insanity got goals in each half, and by the end of the match they had won 2-0. I'm not all that disappointed, though, because I ended up sitting beside Aerin of all people. I thought about how large the odds must have been for that. 1.271 billion people in Nikea, plus 30,000 odd seats at the indoor stadium (which were only 3/4 full), and I ended up sitting with one of my college friends. We had a good time nonetheless, even though our side lost.

I took Aerin to meet the man from Audioslavia at half time. He was quite a sight. He had the same jersey on, and had a large poster of a giant Panda using the TnUI flag as toilet paper. I had a laugh at this, as did Aerin. He told me that he made a special sign for each match, and I took a picture of the man with this sign.

He also had a lot of noisemakers. He must have been able to make more noise than there was at Laurinae's on New Year's Eve. He had thundersticks, cow bells, and those things that you spin and make a loud cranking noise, I can't quite remember what they're called.

We discussed the game. By this time TnUI had been leading 1-0, and this guy, who's name I found out was William, had thought the goal had been a fluke. He thought it had been offsides, although in my opinion it was actually a pretty good goal, a nice pass that found a nice spot in the net. We talked for a while, exchanging addresses, and soon Aerin and myself had to head back up to our seats as the second half was about to start.

After the match, Aerin and I went out for a late-night meal. He told me that he was headed off to Tiga Burung tomorrow morning to see the Pandas next match with Keyshona. We both thought that we had a better chance in that match than we did tonight. I wanted to go, but I had only budgeted for three matches, and wanted to see the Warnocks Wizards play, so I was staying in Lovefest for a couple days, until I went to Burung for the last match against the Wizards. We promised to meet up then.

By popular demand here is an update on the FIT (Frosty Invitational Tournament)

TnUIs first match against Keyshona, ended in the usual pummelling of a newbie footballing nation, by a score of three to one.

In TnUIs second match they faced a much improved Nikea side, who managed to hold them for the first 40 minutes and the last 40 minutes, but let in two goals in-between.

New Laws Passed - Any Audioslavian found in TnUI will be shot on sight.

Get back to work!

TnUIs first match against Keyshona, ended in the usual pummelling of a newbie footballing nation, by a score of three to one.

Get back to work!

Newbie????????? Did you call me a newbie!!!!!!!??????????? ARRGGHHHH!!!!!!!!! I'm very offended.

(... and TnUI makes yet another enemy! :wink: )

DAILY CROCODILE

Tanah Burung met Kaze Progressa for the first time ever, and continued to show good form. The prettiest goal was scored by Yosepha Syahrir, whose left-footed volley eluded Eaka Palera and drew first blood. The other markers came from Cavaco and van Esterik, while the Crocodiles gave up one goal.

Player-coach for the match, Canabe Livit, experimented with a 3-4-3 formation with van Esterik as the third striker, which paid off as the team was able to continue its high-scoring ways. Normally Tananh Burung plays a highly defensive style in a 4-4-2 formation, but the rotation of coaches is being used to xperiment with differnet playing styles. "We're hoping to break out of the rut and return to being a football powerhouse in time for World Cup 9," explained Cavaco, who has been voted player-coach for the next match against Hell Bovines.

Final score
Tanah Burung 3 Kaze Progressa 1
(Cavaco 12, Syahrir 70, van Esterik 82)

Day 2 results - edited into opening post
Akbarland 1 Keyshona 1
TnUI 2 Nikea 0
Dark Outcasts 2 Consumer Engineering 1
Tanah Burung 3 Kaze Progressa 1

Day 3 results to be telegrammed in the next few minutes

Panda Power
A collection of Journals from Nikea Football Fans

Entry #3
(written by Aerin Serestinel)

I'm writing this from a hospital bed. Tiga Burung was so damn hot that my usual celebration of a Nikean win, running up and down the stadium stairs yelling loudly, caused me to faint due to massive heat stroke. When I woke up I was here.

It's been a terrible experience. I don't know what kind of problems these people here have with healthcare, but from what I've been reading it gets almost NO money. None at all. I don't know if these are private hospitals or what, but I must have ended up in a pretty bad one if they are.

I'm not too comfortable in this bed either. I think it's just a mat on top of a very uncomfortable metal frame. My back will be the problem when I get out of here, not the heat stroke.

The doctor is a slimy man who looks like he got his medical degree from one of those learn by mail programs. He's in here every half hour or so doing something that has absolutely nothing to do with my condition, like examining my feet for a couple minutes or counting my fingers. I think he's just trying to look important, but he's only succeeding in looking like an ass. And the nurse here is ugly and fat, and she keeps winking at me. I'm seriously scared here. They say I'll be out in the morning, and I'll be able to make the next match at the stadium, but I won't be doing my usual victory routine once the inevitable Panda victory comes. I'll be sure to make a trip to Mortethel Memorial when I get back home.

As for the game, it was a blowout. Not even close. It was 6-0 with 20 minutes left, and by then, God (aka manager Jaskelainen Tenerethitel) substituted all the better players off. We let in 2, but it still wasn't close.

I was impressed with this new guy, Kalainen Mersentel. He got 3 goals today. Keresin had a goal (what would a Pandas match be without him scoring), and Kerin Irisiuene got the other 2. All were pretty goals, and Keyshona just looked outclassed. I don't know how they got the draw against Akbarland yesterday, since their play was atrocious. They have a couple good players though, maybe [SF Queldas manager Rainen] Erestel can get a couple of them for the club season.

All in all it was pretty fun, and we play Akbarland next, it could be an important game in determining who moves on in our group. I'm excited to see those Warnock Wizards though, and Eskerin is gonna be here for that game.

I'll write the boxscore here as per usual. Cheers.
[code:1:236222201e]
Nikea 6 (Mersentel 9, 23, 54, Keresiuene 33, Irisiuene 25, 64)
v.
Keyshona 2 (Hofmann 79, Chandler 89)
[/code:1:236222201e]

--------------------------------------------------------

FROSTY CUP STATISTICS
[code:1:236222201e]
Group A P W D L GF GA GD Pts
TnUI (19) 3 3 0 0 7 2 +5 9
Akbarland (17) 2 1 1 0 5 2 +3 4
Nikea (71) 2 1 0 1 6 4 +2 3
Keyshona 3 0 1 2 4 10 -6 1
Warnocks Wizards 2 0 0 2 2 5 -3 0
[/code:1:236222201e]

Matches:
TnUI v. Nikea at Lovefest - Day 2 L 0-2
Nikea v. Keyshona at Tiga Burung - Day 3W 6-2
Akbarland v. Nikea at Tiga Burung - Day 4
Warnocks Wizards v. Nikea at Tiga Burung - Day 5

Group A Scoring Leaders
[code:1:236222201e]
1. Kalainen Mersentel (NIK) 3 goals
1. Samin Akbar (AKB) 3 goals
3. Kerin Irisiuene (NIK) 2 goals
3. Ishklash the Pug-Nose (WAR) 2 goals
5. Keresin Keresiuene (NIK) 1 goals
5. Mohammed Rashid (AKB) 1 goal
5. Hamid Kabir (AKB) 1 goal
5. Xander Hofmann (KEY) 1 goal
5. Jakob Chandler (KEY) 1 goal
[/code:1:236222201e]

Warnocks Wizards News Round-up

Sports Minister Ufhur the Hated Responds to Frosty Fiasco, the Future of WW Football

New Controversy Surrounds Wizards Squad

From our news services...

New Orthanc, Warnocks Wizards–Minister of Sports Ufhur the Hated called a press conference today to respond to a variety of issues facing Warnocks Wizards football. FIFA suspended Frosty Cup referee Carlos Contramistic yesterday citing his religious beliefs as interfering with his officiating. Mr. Contramistic, the clownish figure that refereed the recent Warnocks Wizards-Akbarland clash, belongs to a cult that calls itself the Unreconstructed Unreformed Christofian Catholic Church of Wizard-Hating and Burning Harry Potter Books. Minister Ufhur commended FIFA for its swift action in suspending the referee, calling the Unreconstructed Unreformed cult “an anarchic shambles that is the scourge of peace loving Wizards everywhere.” Although he personally noted that some Harry Potter books could use a good burning (and in fact are effective for firewood and lining bird cages), Minister Ufhur noted that each individual should have the right to decide for themselves whether a book is worthwhile, rather than having a bunch of deranged clowns sporting Carlos Valderrama coiffures burning all and sundry.

In other Frosty Cup news, Minister Ufhur confirmed that Angband Balrogs goalkeeper Globtakh the Meek has recovered from his nervous breakdown during World Cup qualifying and has departed for Tanah Burung to serve as Warnocks Wizards third keeper at the Frosty Invitational. Furthermore, Ufhur noted that Globtakh has successfully passed a course on self-assertiveness at New Rivendell University. The goalkeeper will now be known as Globtakh the Timid.

In his final announcement, Minister Ufhur announced that the government has approved plans to build a new national football stadium on the slopes of Mount Doom. Funded by the Committee to Beautify Mount Doom, the Mount Doom bid was chosen over bids made by multi-millionaire Farmer Maggott III; the conglomerate Citizens for a Better Shire, Citizens for a Better Rivendell, and Citizens for a Better Moria; Tom Bombadil's the Hermit Society; paper manufacturer Fangorn Forest; billionaire perfume-maker and spider Shelob-VIII-Legs; and a combined bid made by Tolkien award winning author Lurtz the Omniscient and Elven superstar folk singer Maldholwen. The As Yet Un-Named Stadium at Mount Doom will be a two-tiered all-seater stadium with adjustable seating that will enable capacity for up to:
- 60,000 human- or elf-sized patrons, or
- 90,000 dwarf- or orc-sized patrons, or
- 120,000 hobbit-sized patrons, or
- 45,000 Uruk’Hai-sized patrons, or
- 20,000 giant spider-sized patrons, or
- 10,000 Ent-sized patrons.
Construction will begin immediately with dedication, blessing, and completion hoped to be finished by World Cup 9 qualifying.

Thrakhak the Slinger, reporting for WW1

Late breaking news...

Tanah Burung--Warnocks Wizards Manager Ufwurz the Furious has today announced the indefinite suspension of three players who were late back for their curfew during the Wizards bye on match day two at the Frosty Invitational. As the Red and White Wizards had a match day off, the Manager allowed his players some time off to explore Tanah Burung and to take in some of the other matches at the tournament. It turns out three of his players took advantage of this opportunity and missed their curfew. Sketchy reports have the three as yet un-named players spotted carousing with a few members of the Hell Bovines national team, who also had a bye during match day two. Three figures wearing pointy hats were spotted dancing and boozing with a few cows in a night club in the unpronounceable (and unspellable) city of Burung-yang-membuat-dunia into the wee hours of the following day. Manager Ufwurz is said to be “furious” with the three and is said to be contemplating sending the three home early from Tanah Burung. Watch this space for further developments.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

Warnocks Wizards Teeter on the Brink, Fall to the Insane, 2-1

More Controversy at the Frosty Cup?

From our news services...

Lovefest, Tanah Burung–The Warnocks Wizards national team fell 2-1 to the 19th ranked national team of Total n Utter Insanity yesterday at the Frosty Invitational amidst yet more controversy in Tanah Burung. The Wizards were defeated thanks to a debatable penalty at the death, sending suspended Manager Ufwurz the Furious into an apoplectic fit. The Wizards made several changes to the starting lineup due to suspensions, both externally and internally applied. Akhburz the Straggler and diminutive striker Mersnik the Cruel made rare starts in defense and up front respectively, in place of suspended duo Mausnik the Cleaver and Ghazghash the Sleazy (both red carded in the Wizard’s last match). Ufdush the Nasty was missing from the squad, leaving some to speculate that he was one of three Wizards caught breaking the curfew with some fellow players from Hell Bovines squad. Grimbrug the Basher returned to replace him at left back.

The Wizards started the match well, with Gabdul the Looter, playing in Ghazghash’s traditional spot in the hole behind the front two, looking particularly sharp. When the Insane were controlling play, the Red and White Wizards were especially adept at playing the quick counter, utilising the pace of their front two, Mersnik and Ishklash the Pug-nose. The first half looked to be heading to a 0-0 score when the Totally Insane broke through. Their Number 9 scored on a nice move, turning Wizards captain Shagrukh the Strongclaw inside out and leaving goalkeeper Ishhak the Smasher with no chance. At the half it was 1-0 to the Utterly Insane.

The highly rated insane began the second half brightly as well and nearly scored a second on 52 minutes, but were denied by a nice Ishhak save and the post, which was hit on the rebound. Sensing a change was needed, acting manager Bazzag the Wicked (Manager Ufwurz the Furious and assistant Gutkrut the Wretched were serving suspensions and watching from the stands) sent on Globdreg the Destroyer in the 71st minute to add some height and strength to the Wizards’ attack. This led to an immediate goal. Bagdreg the Mauler stripped an Insane player and lofted a high ball into the box, which Globdreg nodded on to the on-rushing Ishklash. Volley struck, goal to the Red and White Wizards. 1-1. The match seemed to be heading for a draw when controversy struck Warnocks Wizards once again in the last minute. The Insane, pushing for a match winner, were controlling play and won a corner. The Wizards brought everyone back into the box to salvage the point. The Insane goalkeeper charged forward during the run up to the corner and was unmarked at the far post when he went down as if shot. Ishklash the Pug-nose, the closest Wizard, seemingly breathed too hard on his opponent, causing him to fall over. A penalty was awarded and suspended manager Ufwurz the Furious could be heard bellowing from the top row of the stadium: “Referee, that was a clear dive! I could see it from here!” The penalty kick was duly converted and the referee immediately blew for full time. The Warnocks Wizards players were despondent, and acting assistant manager Bazzag the Wicked was seen handing a small card to the referee as he left the pitch. During his entertaining press conference, Bazzag admitted the card contained the number of an excellent eye specialist. He noted that Ishklash, given the heckling by clownish official Carlos Contrmistic and the nose-induced penalty in today’s match, is gutted and is seriously considering plastic surgery on his nose. He also proclaimed, “Some have called this tournament a tournament for also-ran teams. It is also a tournament for also-ran referees who can’t hack it at the highest level.” Bazzag was quickly ushered out of the press room by FIFA officials. His suspension is immediate, and coupled with the continuing suspensions of manager Ufwurz and assistant Gutkrut, the Red and White Wizards find themselves without a coaching staff for their next encounter in the Frosty Invitational. Heroes and idiots need only apply.

Warnocks Wizards: Ishhak the Smasher, Grimbrug the Basher, Akhburz the Straggler, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Bublok the Destroyer (Gromdul the Gasher 76), Bagdreg the Mauler, Akhklash the Paunch, Gabdul the Looter, Mersnik the Cruel (Globdreg the Destroyer 71), Ishklash the Pug-nose.

Unused substitutes: Krumsnik the Paunch, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Durbret the Choker.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

Akbarland could only manage a disapointing 1-1 draw with unranked Keyshona in the teams second match. The team started off very poorly and Keyshona grabbed the lead after ten minutes. Akbarland dominated all play after that but could not equalise until 73 minutes when star striker Samin Akbar converted a penalty.

Akbarland (Samin Akbar 73pen) Keyshona 1

DAILY CROCODILE

In the ancient city of Burung-yang-membuat-dunia, the City of the Bird that Created the World, people have seen many strange things. They cultivate an attitude of not-caring. "Nothing surprises BYMD," the people say.

That reserved front was broken today as locals turned out to gape at a sight they had never seen before: the national football squad of Hell Bovines. Since Hell Bovines is an ally of Tanah Burung, the city had laid on a special welcome parade. Ron Goldenspot led his team on a procession through through the old stone city, which by special proclamation of the city assembly had banned meat-eating for the day. Jaws dropped at the sight of enormous walking talking cows. But people tried to be polite, for the cause of harmonious foreign relations.

The game was played hard but clean. A gang of hooligans at first shouted "Eat him!" whenever Goldenspot touched the ball, but were quickly escorted from their seats by local police.

David Cavaco, player-coach for the day, opened the scoring by heading the ball past Murk Ballmaster off a cross by Yosepha Syahrir. Goldenspot almost got one back with a couple of great chances, but Simon da Gama was able to make beautiful saves both times to keep the score at 1-0. And Rosa Bibere's solo run through the Hell Bovines defence added an insurance goal late in the match. "I think the defencemen may have been slowed down by those long robes they wear," she said. "Anyways, full credit to the Milkers on a well-played game."

The Crocodiles are idle on day four, but goal keeper Simon da Gama has been voted player-coach for the Crocs' toughest group match against Dark Outcasts, the highest-ranekd squad at the tournament.

Final score:
Tanah Burung 2 Hell Bovines 0
(Cavaco 57, Bibere 70)

Article in the Daily Kangaroo, written by famous-in-his-own-backyard Maura Kampart:

WHERE ARE WE GOING WRONG?

Kaze Progressa have been proud to consider themselves a powerful sporting force by the standards of most nations their size. But recently, they have shown a lack of form in their major sports.

The hosting of the Field Hockey World Cup, a glorious triumph without question in terms of organisation, could not be matched by a glorious performance from the hosts. They fell in the second round despite the trend of innumerable upsets clearing the way for a run to the final. They collapsed in the later stages of their WC8 qualifying bid. But until now, it has been possible to dismiss these as minor setbacks.

But no such idea can be applied to the side's recent performance in the Frosty Cup. A 3-1 defeat against the hosts Tanah Burung, conceding an ugly 82nd-minute goal when the match was still in the balance, was almost forgivable. Yesterday's humiliating 4-1 defeat to Consumer Engineering was not.

Manager Chares Catrar has, of course, been rumoured to be on the verge of the sack. This may not be true. It may not be justified, given the sturdy basis the team has thanks to him. But I believe firmly he should go. The Consumer Engineers should never have been able to defeat us, especially given their earlier 6-1 humiliation against the hosts.

As for individual players to take the blame, Eaka Palera is an obvious target, but in my opinion the wrong one. The blame should be laid at Jaruna Jaff, whose over-adventurous play at left-back has given right-wingers more space than was allowed by the moralistic government we had for a while. He has made too many mistakes, too often.

Garaz Zarli has also been irresponsible, given his position as the last line of defence. He has made too many basic errors, and has opened up an astonishing number of opportunities for waiting strikers, who are queuing up to play us. We could face even bigger defeats soon, unless he goes.

.....

Meanwhile, Catrar has survived the media storm and has selected this side for the next match:

GK: Eaka Palera
LD: Quaza Garjeno
LCD: Aeuwal Maurto
CD: Eauam MacKazie
RCD: Naurew Manuweli
RD: Naurew Manuweli
CDM: Fek Inhea
LCM: Huqi Vaiwalo-Mua
RCM: May Capon
CAM: Aquizen Muqlin
CF: Faiwe Irafma

Substitues:
GK: Elin Faeka
D: Garaz Zarli
D: Waqli Manuzi
M: Raq Failez
F: Ekazen Waulino

(OOC: Wow, I got the TG while I was actually on here, that's why this RP is so quick).

Panda Power
A collection of Journals from Nikea Football Fans

Entry #4
(written by Aerin Serestinel)

Well, call me an elephant and colour me a purplish-orange type colour. The Pandas won again, although it was no surprise. Really. Please call me an elephant and colour me purplish-orange. Maybe if I went to see that doctor again I'd turn purplish-orange just by whatever kind of "medicine" he uses, but I'm sure it would turn any normal person an off colour, and it seems to have affected my mind somewhat.

Today was just as hot as yesterday. People in burning houses don't know what kind of heat this Tiga Burung place gives off. The teams get state of the art air conditioning systems, and free water. The Pandas had brought in their own water, cherry flavoured of course, and I don't blame them. If that hospital is any indication, I wouldn't trust the Tanah Burung water supply.

At least our lads seem to like the heat. It was yet another victory for Nikea, and although I expected it, few others did. Akbarland was number 17 in the world prior to this match, and the unwitting people who had never seen Nikea play before were in shock when we won. Most of these people probably didn't go to the match when Nikea was here in Tanah Burung for the World Cup 7 qualifiers, but the Pandas are much improved anyways.

Akbarland actually opened the scoring, which was disappointing. 6 minutes in, they knocked one in the back of the net. Our mascot, Perin the Panda, must have been very disappointed with the goal because he fell to his knees, apparently having some problems. It may have been dehydration since he was in that suit in a place that's hotter than hell in summertime. Whatever the reason, Nikea was down 1-0 early on.

Needless to say, I was upset by this. After all that bragging I did to everyone in my general area that our team was great and unbeatable, I sure did look like an idiot now. I sucked on my cherry water and sat in silence.

The 27th minute gave me something to cheer about. Kalainin Mersentel, our number 8, slotted his fourth goal of the tournament with a nice volley off a pass by Keresin Keresiuene. I was suitably impressed. 1-1 going into half time.

I was discussing the match with a Nikean beside me. His name was Orenin, and he had come all the way from Miserias to see this. He said the playoff implications for this match were pretty big. Whoever won had a pretty good chance of going to the final round. I nodded and agreed, the whole time trying not to laugh. I was thinking of what a Warnocks Wizards/Hell Bovines match would look like, and it was pretty damn funny.

Second half, we got two goals. The first came in the 61st minute, I believe, Strekiov of all people got it. A fullback getting a goal, that was pretty funny I thought. It came off a corner, and his big head knocked it into the net. Crazy big-headed Russian. The second goal came at 80 minutes, when Keresiuene knocked in his trademark marker. 3-1 all told.

I'm excited for the next match. I'm meeting Eskerin and we're sitting right behind the Wizards bench. I don't know who they're going to use as manager since they've had 3 suspended, but it should be pretty damn funny nonetheless. Of course, when the Pandas win, it will be funny to see how the Wizards react. I just hope they don't turn any of the players into frogs or something.

[code:1:150076e22a]
Akbarland 1 (<player> 6)
v.
Nikea 3 (Mersentel 27, Strekiov 61, Keresiuene 80)
[/code:1:150076e22a]

--------------------------------------------------------

FROSTY CUP STATISTICS
[code:1:150076e22a]
Group A P W D L GF GA GD Pts
TnUI (19) 3 3 0 0 7 2 +5 9
Nikea (71) 3 2 0 1 9 5 +4 6
Akbarland (17) 3 1 1 1 6 5 +1 4
Warnocks Wizards 3 1 0 2 4 6 -2 3
*Keyshona 4 0 1 3 5 12 -7 1
* denotes officially eliminated
[/code:1:150076e22a]

Matches:
TnUI v. Nikea at Lovefest - Day 2 L 0-2
Nikea v. Keyshona at Tiga Burung - Day 3 W 6-2
Akbarland v. Nikea at Tiga Burung - Day 4 W 3-1
Warnocks Wizards v. Nikea at Tiga Burung - Day 5

Group A Scoring Leaders
[code:1:150076e22a]
1. Kalainen Mersentel (NIK) 4 goals
2. Samin Akbar (AKB) 3 goals
2. Keresin Keresiuene (NIK) 3 goals
2. Ishklash the Pug-Nose (WAR) 3 goals
5. Kerin Irisiuene (NIK) 2 goals
6. Mohammed Rashid (AKB) 1 goal
6. Hamid Kabir (AKB) 1 goal
6. Xander Hofmann (KEY) 1 goal
6. Jakob Chandler (KEY) 1 goal
6. Aleksei Strekiov (NIK) 1 goal
6. Sirius White (KEY) 1 goal
6. Mersnik the Cruel (WAR) 1 goal
[/code:1:150076e22a]

The Bovine Herald
A Defeat With Honour

With the ancient (and difficult-to-pronounce) city of Burung-yang-membuat-dunia as background, The Milkers lost against The Cocodriles from Tanah Burung.
Despite their defeat, our team was 'honoured', mainly because of the friendliness the tanah burungians displayed. For the day, meat-eating was banned and a small parade was made in honour to the hell bovinian-tanah burungian relations.
Ron Goldenspots declared: "This city is great! Everybody is so polite and friendly. And there aren't any evil meat-eaters!. We may have lost, but all this friendliness makes you feel as a winner"
There were moments of tension, though, as a group of hooligans chanted ''Eat him, Eat him" everytime our team had control of the ball. But luckily, this agressive troublemakers were expulsed by the local police.
The final result of the match was : Tanah Burung 2 - Hell Bovines 0.
The 2 goals were scored by David Cavaco, at the beginning of the match, and by Rosa Bibere, near the end.
Ron Goldenspots played well and relaxed (mainly because of the lack of meat-eaters), but his abilities couldn't match those of the tanah burungian goalkeeper, Simon Da Gama.
Also, a lot of our players had problems with the uncomfortable robes and fell to the floor because stepping on them. Rumours say that the team vestuarist, Augustulo Silkhugger, was fired, but this has not been comfirmed.
Despite all the friendliness of the encounter, this was still an important defeat for our team, and recovering those points will be a difficult task.

Cosmo Penbovine, special journalist for The Frosty Cup

Wizards Turn the Key

National Team Defeats Keyshona 2-1 at the Frosty Invitational

From our news services...

Lovefest, Tanah Burung–Cometh the hour cometh the Wizard. Or so they say. The hour of the Frosty Cup match with Keyshona found the Warnocks Wizards three-man coaching staff of Ufwurz the Furious, Gutkrut the Wretched, and Bazzag the Wicked suspended and watching the match from the highest row of seats, just beneath the roof at Lovefest Arena. Football Federation president Globmazh the Mean appointed a surprise duo of Team Psychiatrist Skaialuk the Insane and third-string goalkeeper Globtakh the Timid as acting joint managers for the game. The appointment is thought to be the first case of physician and patient managing a football team in FIFA history. The appointment, however, did not build much confidence in the few Wizardites who have made the journey to Tanah Burung. Just prior to kickoff, acting joint manager Skaialuk the Insane was heard to have marveled, “Look at the pretty clouds” while pointing to the roof of Lovefest Arena. Fellow acting joint manager Globtakh the Timid did not inspire much more confidence; he was spotted cowering in the corner of the Wizards dugout.

The odd couple nearly cost Warnocks Wizards the first goal of the game. Their unusual 1-8-1 formation was compromised immediately by Keyshona, who continued to lob long balls over the excessive Wizards midfield. Only quick thinking and quick feet by defender Ghazukh the Burner prevented Keyshona from opening the scoring. During a stoppage in play, Manager Ufwurz the Furious coaxed his players from the rafters to switch to a 4-3-1-2 formation. The Red and White Wizards began to control play as Gabdul the Looter was settling in to the game. A goal seemed to be coming and striker Mersnik the Cruel opened the scoring on 28 minutes after a great Gabdul through ball unlocked the Keyshona defense. The Wizards then sat back and looked a threat to score on the counter. In the end Keyshona goalkeeper Oliver Johnston rose to the challenge of the Wizards chances and the first half ended Warnocks Wizards 1, Keyshona 0.

The second half saw the Keyshona side control play and possession. Forward Jakob Chandler came close with a fine 20-yard strike. Midfielder Xander Hofmann’s attempt was then well saved by Ishhak the Smasher. The Wizards seemed to be coping with all Keyshona could throw at them when, in the 57th minute, the impressive Hofmann sent a beautiful ball in to the box for forward Sirius White. Wizards keeper Ishhak came out of his box to confront White, but was too late. The Keyshonite coolly lifted the ball over the keeper to level the game at 1-1. Krumsnak the Sneaky, finally recovered from a chocolate-induced injury sustained during the Wizards controversial World Cup qualifier with Commerce Heights, was brought on in an attempt to regain control of the midfield battle. He settled his teammates down and was instrumental in the build up to the Wizards winning goal in the 77th minute. Krumsnak stripped Xander Hofmann of the ball, setting Gabdul the Looter on a run and a 2 on 2 chance with Ishklash the Pug-nose. Gabdul held and held the ball, drawing the defender away from Ishklash. Seeing the opening, Gabdul flicked the ball to Ishklash who buried it at the near post. The small contingent of Wizardites went bonkers in the stands, though the match was not yet over. Keyshona immediately pressed for an equaliser and came agonisingly close in the 84th minute. Xander Hofmann was again at the center of things and sent a crashing shot from 25 yards. The shot alluded goalkeeper Ishhak, but hit one post then incredibly the other and trickled out for a goal kick. Keyshona were devastated and the Wizards were jubilant. Full time: Warnocks Wizards 2, Keyshona 1.

In a brief post game press conference, Manager Ufwurz announced the names of the three players that were carousing and boozing with members of Hell Bovines national team and broke the team’s curfew last week. After meeting with the players, it has been decided they will not be sent home from the Frosty Cup, but will only play if needed due to injury or suspension. The three players are Angmar Witch defender Ufdush the Nasty, New Orthanc United midfielder Ghazghash the Sleazy, and Uruk’Hai United forward Ashmazh the Tough.

Today’s win gives the Wizards a slight chance to advance to the semifinals of the Frosty tournament. They need to win their final match against Nikea by at least four goals and hope that group leaders Total n Utter Insanity can at least draw with Akbarland. Only then can they advance. As acting joint manager Skaialuk the Insane would say, “Wibble.”

Warnocks Wizards: Ishhak the Smasher, Grimbrug the Basher, Akhburz the Straggler, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Bublok the Destroyer (Krumsnak the Sneaky 59), Bagdreg the Mauler, Akhklash the Paunch (Gromdul the Gasher 59), Gabdul the Looter, Mersnik the Cruel, Ishklash the Pug-nose.

Unused substitutes: Krumsnik the Paunch, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Globdreg the Destroyer.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

occ: I can't keep up!

IC: You join us now, live from the stadium with Quentin and Ronald. Who will be commentating (hopefully) for the match between the Outcasts and Kaze Progressa.

Q: HEELLOOO Outcasts! welcome to the 3rd match of the FIT where the team seem to be doing fairly well, with 1 win and one draw so far. Today’s anticipated match is against a team whom the Outcasts have never met before in their footballing history and...

R: Will I ever get to say anything?

Q: You just did.

R: I know but that’s not the point...

Q: Of course it’s the point.

R: You don't get it do you?

Q: Get what, there's nothing to 'get'. Anyway you shouldn't use that phrase on TV in my book it's not proper English.

R: Didn't I burn your book ages ago?

Q: only hypothetically speaking, but I rewrote it.

R: Hypothetically this, theoretically that,.....

*screens switches to a view of some fans making themselves look stupid*

Q: In my day things were done properly!

R: Are you saying I don't YOU *BEEP* *BEEPING* MOTHER *BEEPER*

*punch up follows.*

------------------------------

After being subdued Quentin and Ronald continue their commentary but only by being handcuffed to either side of the commentary box.

R: Its Owen Harker to kick off. Immediately the ball is passed out to the left wing. Where George is making an attempt to launch the first attack.

Q: The ball is nearly stolen by a member of the Kaze Progressa team.

R: Just out of general interest what does Kaze Progressa mean....anybody? Perhaps that could be our competition for the day. Send us a text, or e-mail to us at:

I want to be on TV
No Chance TV Studios
In your dreams-Ville
Get real
NE-VE-2R

*Quentin Scowls – that was his idea*

Q: A-N-Y-W-A-Y, back to the match, the ball is hanging around in t he Outcast’s half, neither team taking the initiative.

R: You can see Fred’s *the manager* face turning redder by the minute this type of attitude was exactly the one which meant a draw to Hell Bovines.

Q: Finally some action.....or not.

R: Doh! The Sanif was tackled and now a number of the opposition and coming down the right flank. A shot is taken at goal……its on target ……but is easily caught by Tyrion.

The first 30mins passes with the Outcasts getting no nearer to scoring a goal but no goals were conceded either.

At 32mins:

Q: noooooooooooo! I don’t believe it.

R: (aside) Get your own catch phrase that one was stolen from an English TV show)

Q: Paulis has been booked for foul and abusive language! Shame on you!

R: (aside) Now that was nicked from many old grannies.

Q: I heard that! Why don’t commentators get booked for abusive language?

*2 burley-looking blokes come and restrain both people*

At the 37th minute:

Q: Torros is making a run down the right wing, he’s’ hassled by the opposition but makes the cross just in time. It was aimed for Geddes but drifts slightly wide and is headed by the opposition’s right back.

R: It is picked up by Roman, who shots, it looks good…..IT IS GOOD!

Q & R: GOAL!

R: What a way to begin 1-0 up and going strong.

Q: And the Manager’s head is looking a lot less red now.

The end of the half was wrought with desperate attempts on goal by Kaze Progressa but none of them found the back of the net.

(OCC: this is getting 2 long, I’ll just summarise the next bit)

The second half brought new attempts by both sides. Mid-way through the second half Hydrasia was booked for a late tackle on one of the opposition’s forwards. IN the 76th minute, Kaze Progressa still to score, a fluky shot on goal by Miko somehow caught the goalie off guard and rolled its way in. Kaze Progessa tried to get one back bit proved futile. Another last minute attempt by Lassender bounced of the woodwork, and one by the opposition narrowly missed getting in.

Q: What a win, final score 2-0…to us!

R: Whoohooo!

Later at the after-match party Ronald has been reported for saying; “I love you really Quentin its just that sometimes you’re such a prick”.

One day remains in the groups stages of the Frosty Cup, and the semi-finals spots are almost decided. In Group A, Total n Utter Insanity will advance. Nikea's crucial win over Akbarland gives them the edge for the other spot, and they can clinch it by beating Warnocks Wizards (that would give them a chance of winning the group, depending on how TnUI fares). Akbarland has to beat TnUI and hope the Wizards chalk up a second win. In case of a Nikea-Wizards draw, Akbarland will need to beat TnUI by at least four goals to advance.

[code:1:7d4ea13731]
Group A P W D L GF GA GD Pts
TnUI (19) 3 3 0 0 7 2 +5 9
Nikea (71) 3 2 0 1 9 5 +4 6
Akbarland (17) 3 1 1 1 6 5 +1 4
Warnocks Wizards 3 1 0 2 4 7 -3 3
Keyshona 4 0 1 3 5 11 -6 1
[/code:1:7d4ea13731]

Group B has no such complexities. Comsumer Engineering has the points to catch Dark Outcasts, but they're out of games. Outcasts' 2-0 win over Kaze Progressa gave them the points they need to advance no matter what happens. Outcasts will play hosts Tanah Burung, who are also through, and will finish first if they win. The loser will face the Group A leader, likely to be TnUI while the winner plays the Group A runner-up.

[code:1:7d4ea13731]
Group B
Tanah Burung (27)* * *3 3 0 0 11* 2 +9 9
Dark Outcasts (11)* * 3 2 1 0* 6* 3 +3 7
Consumer Engineering* 4 1 1 2* 8 11 -3 4
Hell Bovines* * * * * 3 0 2 1* 4* 6 -2 2
Kaze Progressa (82)* *3 0 0 3* 2* 8 -6 0
[/code:1:7d4ea13731]

Ishklash Unknowingly Bags a Brace in Victory over Nikea

Warnocks Wizards Win 2-1, But Fail to Advance in Frosty Invitational

From our news services...

Tiga Burung, Tanah Burung–Warnocks Wizards finished their final match of the Frosty Invitational with a win over Nikea in the searing heat of Tiga Burung. Ishklash the Pug-nose added two more goals to his international tally to tip the match in the Wizards favour in a close fought game that will be remembered for several bizarre incidents involving Warnocks Wizards players and staff. Citing superstition, curiously no longer suspended Manager Ufwurz the Furious and his assistants decided to begin the game in the stands, allowing the odd pairing of Team Psychiatrist Skaialuk the Insane and third string goalkeeper Globtakh the Timid to continue in their roles as acting joint managers. The Wizards began the game with a very attack minded 4-3-3 formation, knowing that they had to win the match by at least four goals to have a chance of advancing. There was one change to the starting lineup from last week, Gromdul the Gasher began the game in midfield in place of Bublok the Destroyer.

Play was very even in the first half, with both sides trading chances. Goalkeepers Ishhak the Smasher and Jeserin Resteritel came up with excellent saves when needed, and both sides were playing attractive short passes. By the half hour mark, however, the heat began to effect everyone in the stadium, including players and staff. Wizards defender Akhburz the Straggler was really straggling and had to be helped off. The elements perhaps also played a small role in the ensuing bizarre stoppage that occurred in the 43rd minute. Apparently believing himself to be a bull (one wonders if he recently saw highlights of a Hell Bovines match), acting joint manager Skaialuk wandered on to the pitch, oblivious of the game around him, and began grazing on the grass in the center circle. As a pass by Nikea midfielder Keresin Keresiuene struck him in the posterior, Skaialuk looked skyward and proclaimed, “Moooooo!!!” The referee, initially unaware of the presence of the faux bovine, blew his whistle to stop play. This enraged Skaialuk who, with his head down, charged the referee and knocked him to the ground. Skaialuk attempted to gore the poor official several times with his imaginary horns. Thankfully, the fourth official, to this point dozing on the sidelines, was awakened by a gentle calling from the stands from Manager Ufwurz the Furious and sprung into action. He pulled Skaialuk away and held the octogenarian down. After a short delay while everyone waited for the arrival of the straight jacket team from the sidelines, play was resumed. The half ended shortly thereafter with the score deadlocked at 0-0.

Manager Ufwurz led the lads out for the second half and took his place on the bench. Nikea began the second half as the better team and went close several times, with attackers Kerin Irisiuene and Jerinen Istertel nearly breaking the deadlock. The Nikeans finally did break through in the 55th minute via a deadly free kick from Arieni Yukarim midfielder Kalainen Mersentel. His laser from 30 yards was simply too accurate for Ishhak to deal with, Nikea 1 Warnocks Wizards 0. This prompted Manager Ufwurz to kindly advise his players to apply the pressure, despite the liquefying heat. The Nikeans were struggling with the heat and the Wizards training preparations began to pay off. In the face of criticism from health advocates, Manager Ufwurz took his team to train in the mines of Moria for the Frosty Cup. Practicing in the confined, airless confines of the mines has given the team the ability to mentally cope with such harsh conditions, even if they can’t abide the physical aspects. The Wizards hustle led to their first goal in the 71st minute when tireless midfielder Gromdul the Gasher lashed out and won the ball from Mersentel, leading to a Wizards counter attack. Akhklash the Paunch took off with the ball, ignoring the obvious pain he was in from the elements. He crossed the ball to lethal finisher Ishklash the Pug-nose, who clinically finished the chance to make it 1-1. Shortly thereafter, poor Akhklash the Paunch had to be carted off. The intense heat had liquefied the poor Boromir Blades midfielder’s paunch belly, transforming him in to Akhklash the Emaciated. He was replaced by Durbret the Choker and his condition is still unknown at this time. Diminutive striker Mersnik the Cruel was also replaced as it was feared that his personal self-loathing would lead him to injure himself in the hellish conditions. Globdreg the Destroyer was brought on, and his cannon of a shot led to the game winner for the Red and White Wizards. In injury time, midfielder Bagdreg the Mauler sent a hopeful ball in to the box. Globdreg out muscled his marker and attempted a ferocious shot on the turn. The rocket shot struck Ishklash the Pug-nose square in the nose, and was redirected in to the net for the game winner. While his teammates celebrated, Ishklash stayed on the ground, unconscious with a shattered nose, unaware of his game winner. He really will need that plastic surgery now. Full time: Warnocks Wizards 2, Nikea 1.

With the victory, the Red and White Wizards won back to back games for the first time in their history, but it was not enough to advance in the Frosty tournament. The Wizards failed to win today’s match by at least four goals, leaving them even with Nikea on points, but trailing in goal differential. Despite his side's run in the Frosty Cup coming to an end, Manager Ufwurz the Furious was delighted with his team's performance and looks forward to leading the lads out at The As Yet Un-Named Stadium at Mount Doom for World Cup 9 qualifying.

Warnocks Wizards: Ishhak the Smasher, Grimbrug the Basher, Akhburz the Straggler (Ghaztrak the Gouger 39), Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Gromdul the Gasher, Bagdreg the Mauler, Akhklash the Paunch (Durbret the Choker 72), Gabdul the Looter, Mersnik the Cruel (Globdreg the Destroyer 76), Ishklash the Pug-nose.

Unused substitutes: Krumsnik the Paunch, Bublok the Destroyer.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

Chares Catrar has officially announced his departure from the job of manager of Kaze Progressa's football side after his side lost 3-2 to Hell Bovines, conceding two goals in the last four minutes to lose a 2-1 lead.
A Ron Goldenspots winner in the second minute of injury time against the Progressans meant nothing in terms of qualification - the two qualifiers had already been determined - but the manner of the defeat meant everything, and the fans in Tanah Burung turned on their team after the full-time whistle.

Kaze Progressa started brightly, desperate to prove a point. Faiwe Irafma scored his second of the tournament on nine minutes, nodding home from a Quaza Garjeno corner. Hell Bovines equalised on 25 minutes from a deflected long shot but May Capon's free-kick, itself deflected, two minutes before half-time gave the Progressans the lead again. Hell Bovines looked blunt in attack and both Capon and Aquizen Muqlin nearly scored from distance in the second half. Then, in the final few minutes, disaster struck, courtesy of a disastrous own goal from substitute Waqli Manuzi and then the Goldenspots winner.

No further comment is available on Catrar's departure from the players at present.

The Bovine Herald 10/12/03
A Last Victory For The Cow-Losers

Yesterday, The Milkers waved a farewell to The Frosty Cup, with a 3-2 victory against Kaze Progressa. This was, again, a victory that came to late, as our team is already disqualified from the cup.
The match was, until the end of the second half, a 2-1 victory for the progressand. All seemed as if the progressans were about to win.... until the last 4 minutes. In those minutes, a progressan defender, Waqli Manuzi, accidentally made a goal against his own team. Then, on the last minutem encouraged by the friendly tanah burungians present on the stadium, the fucking idiot of Ron Goldenspots managed to make the last goal, the one who marked the bovinian 'victory'.
Despite being disqualified, our idiotic team was very enthusiastic about ending their cup performance with a victory. "At least we managed to return home with a last victory", midfielder Marcos Leche said.
The team, before returning home, gave a golden medal as a gift to the authorities of Tanah Burung, as a 'thanks' to all the hospitality the tanah burungians displayed towards our team.
I would usually finish this article with a hopefull and enthusiastic message about the future of the team and WC9, but I'm tired of telling humanshit (hell bovinian expression for bullshit)!. Honestly, I think our national team sucks and that, speaking of football, we are a bunch of losers!!!! So, hear this milkers: You SUCK!! F*CKING *SSHOLES. I hope you choke and die. Or better.... I HOPE YOU GET EATEN!!!!

Cornelio Del Rancho, Journalist for the Frosty Cup


The Bovine Herald 10/13/03
A Public Apology To Our Readers

Hello, fellow bovines and other foreign readers. I'm Huck Berryeater, Director of The Bovine Herald. I'm writing this in the name of my whole journalist team and on the name of Cornelio Del Rancho. I would like to make a public apology to our great national team, The Bovine Milkers, for what journalist Del Rancho wrote yesterday at the end of his article 'A Last Victory For The Cow-Losers'. He deliberatedly insulted you and wished you the worst of destinies (being eaten), and for that, I would like to apologize in his name. I announce that he has been fired for such terrible action and I promise I won't never let another hate-filled cow to write on this journal again. Lastly, I would like to wish good luck to our own team in World Cup 9. The Milkers may not be the best team, but they are the best team we have..... for the moment.
Yours,

Huck Berryeater, Director of The Bovine Herald

(OOC: I've been waiting for this game for quite awhile ;) Bloody hilarious, Warnocks).

Panda Power
A collection of Journals from Nikea Football Fans

Entry #4
(written by Aerin Serestinel)

Today's match must have been the funniest football match I've ever seen in my life. The Pandas lost, but still are through on Akbarland's loss, so it really didn't mean anything. It's just a matter of who we play, either Tanah Burung or Dark Outcasts. I'm sure that match won't equal the hilarity of today's match though.

The first half actually had some good football. There were great saves by both keepers. Resteritel made some nice saves while the Wizards guy, Ishhak the Smasher, had some nice ones as well. The heat was unbearable, though, and Nikea's supply of cherry water was gone by the half hour mark. Our seats were right behind the bench, and we could hear the debates from the substitute players on whether or not to brave out the heat or courageously attempt to drink the local water. After a short discussion, it was unanimously decided to fight the elements and leave the local water alone. Mascot Perin the Panda left the pitch after 15 minutes, presumably to get to a cool area.

The 43rd minute brought the first strange, utterly hilarious moment of the match. Some wizards guy, one of the acting managers I guess, wandered onto the pitch in the middle of the game and began grazing on the field in the centre spot while the match was going on. Keresiuene's pass hit him, and he looked skyward and yelled, (I'm not making this up either), "Moooooo!!!". Eskerin and I fell out of our seats laughing. Then the referee stopped play, and the guy knocked the ref to the ground and pretended to smash him up with some imaginary bull horns. We heard a voice from higher up in the seats, and the fourth official ran onto the pitch and pulled the Wizard off the referee, and held him down. After a few minutes, these guys in white coats came with a straight jacket and took the guy away. I was extremely glad I brought my video camera. The score was tied afterward the first half.

I couldn't believe what had happened in the first half. It was hard to realize that an important match was going on during all this. I checked the Out-of-Town Scoreboard and saw that Total n Utter Insanity had a firm 2-0 lead over Akbarland at the time, and decided that since Nikea was probably going onto the semi-finals anyway, I would just enjoy this match.

The second half started with some nice chances by I&I. We got a goal 10 minutes in, from Kalainen Mersentel again. That's 5 goals for him this tournament. I'm pretty sure he'll have a starting spot from now on. Pandas 1, Wizards nil. By this time though, the lack of cherry flavoured water and the heat was taking its toll on the Pandas. The Wizards had obviously trained for this, and were strong throughout the half. This fat Wizard guy stole the ball from Mersentel, and starting running, albeit slowly, down the sidelines. Even with this fat blob with the ball, the Pandas couldn't keep up with him, a couple fell down from the heat. He crossed it into the middle, and this guy with a huge nose knocked it into the net. 1-1.

Injury time broke the deadlock. Some muscular Wizard smashed the ball on net, and it hit the guy with the huge nose right in the sniffer. The guy collapsed, but the ball redirected into the net and the Wizards won the match 2-1. They were celebrating, while the guy with the huge nose was lying on the ground, unconscious and bleeding from his bigass nose. It was hilarious.

Well, I'm off to Matebian for the Semi-Final match, either against Tanah Burung or Dark Outcasts. We've played Tanah twice before, both losses, but we're better this time. I've never seen the Dark Outcasts play. Anyways, that's all for now.

[code:1:9e28e4478c]
Nikea 1 (Mersentel 55)
v.
Warnocks Wizards 2 (Ishklash the Pug-nose 71, 90)
[/code:1:9e28e4478c]

--------------------------------------------------------

FROSTY CUP STATISTICS
[code:1:9e28e4478c]
Group A P W D L GF GA GD Pts
$TnUI (19) 4 4 0 0 10 3 +7 12
$Nikea (71) 4 2 0 2 10 7 +3 6
*Warnocks Wizards 4 2 0 2 6 8 -2 6
*Akbarland (17) 4 1 1 2 7 8 -1 4
*Keyshona 4 0 1 3 5 12 -7 1
* denotes officially eliminated
$ denotes qualified for semi-finals
[/code:1:9e28e4478c]

Matches:
TnUI v. Nikea at Lovefest - Day 2 L 0-2
Nikea v. Keyshona at Tiga Burung - Day 3 W 6-2
Akbarland v. Nikea at Tiga Burung - Day 4 W 3-1
Warnocks Wizards v. Nikea at Tiga Burung - Day 5 L 1-2
Group B Winner v. Nikea at Matebian

Group A Scoring Leaders
[code:1:9e28e4478c]
1. Kalainen Mersentel (NIK) 5 goals
1. Ishklash the Pug-Nose (WAR) 5 goals
3. Samin Akbar (AKB) 3 goals
3. Keresin Keresiuene (NIK) 3 goals
5. Kerin Irisiuene (NIK) 2 goals
6. Mohammed Rashid (AKB) 1 goal
6. Hamid Kabir (AKB) 1 goal
6. Xander Hofmann (KEY) 1 goal
6. Jakob Chandler (KEY) 1 goal
6. Aleksei Strekiov (NIK) 1 goal
6. Sirius White (KEY) 1 goal
6. Mersnik the Cruel (WAR) 1 goal
[/code:1:9e28e4478c]

DAILY CROCODILE

The contest for the Group B title -- and the chance to play Nikea, rather than red-hot-TnUI, in the semi-finals -- was a tightly fought defensive contest. Not surprising, given that Tanah Burung was coached by its goal keeper, Simon da Gama. Da Gama, afraid of the volleys of highly-ranked Outcasts, ordered a 6-3-1 formation. The defensive wall held, but David Cavaco, alone up front, was unable to make much of a dent in the Outcasts defence.

The Crocodiles, so far, have made short work of lower-ranked teams. Now, they faced the number 11 side in the world, a surprise non-qualifier for the World Cup. And although they played on even terms, the day was not to be Tanah Burung's. A foul by Wim van Esterik, forced back to playing an unaccustomed position on defence, gave the Outcasts a free kick that was just too hard for da Gama to get his hands on.

Final result:
Dark Outcasts 1 Tanah Burung 0

That means the Crocodiles will play Total n Utter Insanity in the semi-final at the National Stadium. Although both teams have been active for years (including stints as World Cup hosts), they have little experience against each other, so it's anyone's game. Meanwhile, Dark Outcasts will face Nikea, which exceeded expectations to take the Group A runner-up spot. Fans bid a fond farewell to some of the teams that have won their hearts: the entertaining Warnocks Wizards, the wierd but beloved Hell Bovines, the hard-luck Kaze Progressans and Akbarlanders, the Keyshonan Fussballers, and the Consumer Engineers.

Panda Power
A collection of Journals from Nikea Football Fans

Entry #5
(written by Eskerin Moritel)

Myself and Aerin, after making the necessary arrangements for more money from our parents (thanks Mom), headed up to Matebian for the Panda's unexpected semi-final match with Group B Winners Dark Outcasts, who are number 11 in the world (at least before the end of World Cup 8). Nikea, a full 60 ranks behind them, went into this match at 10:1 underdogs to come away with a victory.

Now, when I saw we headed up to Matebian, I literally mean up. It's so damn high off the ground. I think this helped the Pandas though. When I head up to Orseno to watch the national team play, it's pretty far up into the mountains. The air is pretty thin, and I think that helped.

Anyways, Aerin was very excited. He had his full matchday outfit; jersey, large blue top hat, red flare pants, face paint, and large bullhorn. I was embarassed to sit beside him, but I saw that it would be unavoidable, and decided to laugh about it. I did make frequent trips to the liquor stand, though.

Also on a good note, Perin the Panda seemed to have recovered from the heat related illness suffered at Tiga Burung. He was in full spirits for this one, and the substitutes seemed to enjoy having him on, since he often seemed to smuggle them something. I swear I saw a flask or two of Nikean grade vodka passed between the players on the bench. This would normally not be an issue, but it was for reasons I will get into later.

The start of the match went off well for both sides. Everyone got in on the action, and each side had two quality chances on goal before the five minute mark. Nikea was the first to make good on their 3rd chance, with Kalainen Mersentel smashing a knuckleball that evaded the Dark Outcast keeper Tyrion Myasion. 1-0 for the Pandas.

Aerin went nuts. He blew his horn until his face colour matched the red of the Nikean jersey he was wearing. It was kind of funny since Nikea had on their white strip. His horn soon went silent as Dark Outcast forward Owen Harker sent a cannon that Jeserin Resteritel couldn't hold onto. 1-1.

Aerin, the Pandas, and Dark Outcasts calmed down for awhile following the exciting opening. Perin the Panda continued to hand out the flasks, after making several trips back to the locker room, presumably for refills. Our wily veteran Nillinen Istel looked to be right tipsy on the bench. He was leaning on Aserin Nistriel for support, and was knocked to the ground when Aserin lept up when Nikea got their 2nd goal, a free kick marker from (who else?) Keresin Keresiuene. Aserin had to then help Nillinen to his seat before the manager saw them.

At the half, Nillinen stumbled down the tunnel, tripping on the 3 stairs that led to the room. Manager Tenerethitel didn't notice, as he was busy congratulating the 11 that were on the field during the match. Aserin helped him to the room. Aerin saw this, and then went to get a drink. I told him to make mine a double.

The second half started up rather uneventfully. I kept an eye on the drunken substitute defender on the bench, who looked as if he was sleeping. Turinnen Mortethel's goal in the 60th minute wasn't enough to rile him from his sleep. Then the fun began.

Manager Tenerethitel wanted to protect the lead, obviously, so he took off Sakai, a more offensive midfield player, in favour of Fyren Okimatel, a defensive minded kind of guy. Then he took off Kerin Irisiuene for back Nillinen Istel. He could barely get his warm up suit off before play began, and he jogged, at least attempted to jog, to the Nikean defensive position, giving his manager a thumbs up. I guess he realized what was going on, as Tenerethitel hung his head in his hands. Aserin laughed until the manager shot him a glare that would kill any thick-skinned rhino.

Istel fell many times in the last 20 minutes. Luckily the ball didn't come near him. Nikea kept the pressure on, which was a good thing. Aerin could not stop laughing beside me, we got many weird looks as the real Panda football fans were too alarmed that the lead would slip away.

The Dark Outcast pressure increased, and in the 89th minute, a couple of them broke through the defending line, leaving only Istel to beat. Nillinen stood there, and Resteritel came out to challenge the player, his jersey called him "Roman". He sent a pass across to his teammate, and it looked like a sure goal.

Fortunately, Istel had finally had enough and collapsed on the pitch. The ball hit him and ricocheted harmlessly to the boot of Keresiuene, who smashed the ball upfield. Istel remained unconscious through the celebration of the Nikean victory, and the players lifted his sleeping body in the air as they carried him off the field, their hero.

Aerin and I quickly made plans to get tickets for the final at the National Stadium. We had no idea who the Pandas would be playing, be it Total n Utter Insanity, who had beaten us earlier in the tournament, or Tanah Burung, who beat us twice in World Cup 7 qualifying. But for now, the Pandas and their fans relished the victory that put them into their first final of anything, ever. On the way back to our hotel, I picked up a Tanah Burung newspaper, that reported on the match the previous day between Tanah Burung and the Dark Outcasts. It said (a loose translation since I forgot my dictionary in my suitcase) that "the winner of this match would play Nikea instead of a rolling TnUI side". Maybe Dark Outcasts would have prefered to lose the match yesterday instead of today.

[code:1:0cf680fe81]
Dark Outcasts 1 (Harker 8)
v.
Nikea 3 (Mersentel 6, Keresiuene 35, Mortethel 60)
[/code:1:0cf680fe81]

Maybe. But...

The Crocodiles went down to defeat against a tough opponent for the second day by an identical 1-0 score. Although close, the day belonged to TnUI, which is still undefeated at this tournament. Final score: TnUI 1 Tanah Burung 0.

They now go on to face Nikea in the championship match. This is a rematch of the opening day when TnUI won 2-0, but the Nikean side look much more poised and confident than the one that arrived here with long odds against them. TnUI will be favoured, but the day could belong to either team.

OOC: TB, things seem to be goin' great. This makes missing the first round not so bad for those unfortunate nations.

Good to see all the matches bein' RPed, and nice to see enough info's being given that top scorers for the tourney can be tallyed and posted.

Kudos to Tanah Burung and all involved :D

DAILY CROCODILE

In the high city of Matebian, the clouds were gathering. A disappointed Crocodiles team landed by airship and prepared for the consolation final: a rematch with Dark Outcasts, who beat them two days ago. After winning three, the Crocs had lost two. Defender Rosa Bibere was named as player-coach in the hopes of returning to the form of day one.

And Bibere herself opened the scoring with a long run past the Outcasts defenders ending by chipping the ball over the goal keeper. Canabe Livit added a second goal, converting a corner kick by David Cavaco. Following the match, people's representative for sports & territorial defence Mau Kiri Rai personally hobbled out onto the pitch to shake the hands of all players and award a small statuette to the Crocodiles.

Final score:
Tanah Burung 2 Dark Outcasts 0
(Bibere 35, Livit 59)

Mau Kiri Rai was immediately whisked by high-speed hot-air balloon to Ukun Rasikan City for the championship match between TnUI and Nikea, where he will award the first Frosty Cup to the winning side and present the idris bin Abdullah medal for player of the tournament to Nikea's top scorer, Kalainen Mersentel.

(ooc: i've had to compress all this to get it done in time for a sudden trip out of town, so congratulations to the winner, who will no doubt come along to claim their laurels later today.)

DOH! Lost again. Too bad.

What annoys me most is that i'll lose my 11 ranking. Not fair (well it is really ...sort of)

(Will post something about the championship match later, as I have some homework to work on, and I want to make this a good one. I'm not too sure if TnUI will post anything since I've seen him post only once or twice thus far, so I'll be writing the report from a Nikean perspective).

(Will post something about the championship match later, as I have some homework to work on, and I want to make this a good one. I'm not too sure if TnUI will post anything since I've seen him post only once or twice thus far, so I'll be writing the report from a Nikean perspective).

Well you are the better RPer and have more time than me. If you want to know anything you can TG me.

Frosty Cup Final

It was a bright day in Tanah Burung for the final match of the Frosty Cup Invitational Tournament. The air was clear, the sun was shining, and not a cloud was visible to obscure the Sun's view, as it appeared even this distant star wanted a clear view to see the final match of a tournament dedicated to the memory of the loss of a dream; the end of the existance of Alasdair I Frosticus. One award had already be won today: the Idris bin Abdullah medal, dedicated to the memory of the Emir of Al Quds, would be going to Nikean midfielder Kalainen Mersentel, who entered his first full tournament a starter and left the top footballer of the tournament.

There were a few announcements from four different organizations. Total n Utter Insanity announced that their veteran forward Benny Hill would be the side's captain for this match. Benny Hill had long been a staple in the international football community, partly because of his skills and partly because he shared a name with one of the famous (or infamous) legends of comedy.

From the Nikean camp, it was announced that, after the semi-final win over Dark Outcasts that saw defender Nillinen Istel play 20 minutes while heavily intoxicated off of vodka smuggled to the bench by the Nikean mascot Perin the Panda, all beverages would be strictly monitored, and Istel would have his own bottle of cherry water. Nikean trainer Mikinen Orsertel was designated the task of keeping a very close eye on him.

The League of Officials and Related Individuals in Striped Shirts who Regulate and Enforce the Rules of Football (or the LORISSRERF) announced that no less than three members of the Committee who Oversee the League of Officials and Related Individuals in Striped Shirts who Regulate and Enforce the Rules of Football (or the ComOLORISSRERF) would be in attendance during the match. This was due to the large outcry over the Carlos Contramistic incident earlier in the tournament. The ComOLORISSRERF also said that they desired for an incident-free final, so no complaints would occur. One official was quoted as saying, "We've done enough bloody work for one tournament."

Finally, the management of the National Stadium of Tanah Burung announced that security would be stepped up for the capacity crowd in the stadium. Despite the fact that many of the fans were from Tanah Burung, who expected the home Crocodiles to make it to the final and thus bought their tickets long in advance, there were a few rumblings from the fans from other nations, most notably a man who remained unnamed from Audioslavia, who had been harassing the TnUI players throughout the tournament.

The teams took the field to applause; Nikea in their red jerseys, TnUI wearing white. Nikean mascot Perin the Panda took to the field to no reaction, and was obviously disappointed. However, he still paraded up and down the sideline with a large Nikean flag, desperately trying to get the attention of someone, to no avail. Finally, he sat down on the grass, taking out the flask that had made headlines in Nikean papers just a day before, draining his sorrow in some grade A Nikean vodka. Nillinen Istel came over to join him until he was dragged back to the bench by Orsertel, his keeper.

Finally, match official Christopher St. Grassherder from Hells Bovines blew the whistle for the opening kickoff. There was an initial lack of action from both sides. The two Nikean players in the circle made no moves, as all fans and players were in shock at seeing a cow, not dressed in a striped shirt but a striped robe, officiating the final match. Nikean forward Jerinen Istertel shook his head and passed the ball to his forward parter Kerin Irisiuene, and the match commenced.

Play was in the Insanity end for much of the opening 8 minutes. Mr. Grassherder proved himself more than capable of keeping up with the pace of the match, which favoured the speedy Nikean forwards. Idris bin Abdullah medal recepient Kalainen Mersentel came close to getting the opening goal of the match with a powerful shot, only to have it tipped by Insanity keeper Pala over the bar.

Around the 9 minute mark, play began to shift into the Nikean end. Insanity captain Benny Hill made a tremendous run around Lekinen Jaskertel, which prompted Nikean manager Jaskelainen Tenerethitel to look over at Nillinen Istel, who waved at his manager. Tenerethitel quickly abandoned the idea. Hill finished his run with a nice strike into the net behind Nikean keeper Jeserin Resteritel. The score was 1-0 to the Insanity side, much to the chagrin of a certain fan from Audioslavia, positioned right behind the Insanity bench. A fan in a Nikean jersey offered consolation to the distraught hater of Insanity.

Play continued to be in the Nikean end, and only some fabulous defensive measures by the back 3, with aid from their 5 midfield comrades, and solid saves from Jeserin Resteritel kept the score at 1-0. Alas, however, the defense could not hold a tricky shot from Benny Hill, as the man who is often mistaken for the man who shook up the British comedy world put his side up 2-0.

By this time, the Audioslavia fan was in tears. Medical personnel, poorly dressed due to the lackluster health conditions and regulations in Tanah Burung, helped him off the field. It was obvious that this man did not want to see a team from Total n Utter Insanity win any sort of championship. Perin the Panda took this opportunity to refill his flask.

The match was a yawner for the remainder of the half. When the cow blew his whistle for halftime, the players all headed to their dressing rooms for the complimentary orange slices provided by the Association of Parents Whose Children Play Football in Tanah Burung (or the APWCPFTB). Halftime entertainment was provided by local musical entertainers, who only managed one song before a drunken Perin the Panda wandered on stage to dance with the group. He soon collapsed into an amplifier, starting a fire on the stage that saw fire officials run onto the pitch, spraying their fire extinguishers in a vain attempt to put out the electrical fire that was quickly spreading over the wooden stage. Perin ran off the stage, before commencing the tried and tested "Stop, Drop, and Roll" procedure taught to all Nikean children in the 1st grade. The fire was soon put out, and the stage was quickly dismantled, leaving the fans quite bored in waiting for the teams to return.

When the players finally did take the field for the second half, play resumed much the same as how the first half ended: quite boring. Even Christopher St. Grassherder, who was charged with keeping a close eye on the match, looked bored, as bored as a cow could look anyways. Things heated up after 15 minutes, when Insanity midfielder Shin (that's right, just Shin) was charged with headbutting Nikean midfielder Akitomo Sakai. Sakai leaped to his feet, enraged, and began launching a barrage of Japanese that confused Shin, his teammates, Sakai's teammates, and the bovine official. Not knowing quite what to do, St. Grassherder showed Sakai the yellow card, warning him to speak a language that everyone understood. Shin also received a yellow.

The chippy play continued 10 minutes after this, when Sakai executed a perfect slide tackle on Shin. Unfortunately for Sakai, the ball was halfway down the pitch, and he could not argue that he was going for the ball. The bovine ran over to him, showing him the red card immediately. Sakai's Japanese tirade continued, which caused Aleksei Strekiov, the Nikean defender to run over and attempt to calm the small Asian man down, mistakenly saying a Russian phrase. This caught the ears of the cow official, who showed Strekiov the yellow. Strekiov responded that maybe the cow should get off his ass and learn a different language, which brought out the red. In only a minute, Nikea's side went from eleven to nine, and Tenerethitel looked on in disgust. Nillinen Istel had disappeared during the commotion, and returned with a water bottle full of vodka instead of his usual cherry water supply.

This was the end of the chippy play, as there was only 10 minutes left in the match at this point, and victory looked certain for the TnUI side. An announcement over the speakers announced the disappearance of the Audioslavia fan from the stadium medical centre, causing security to look alarmed.

When St. Grassherder blew the whistle to end the match, there was much rejoicing on the TnUI side, while the Nikeans looked dejected. The players lined up on their own sides of the centre line, the Nikeans getting silver medals while the TnUI players received gold. The medal presentation to Mersentel followed, and he received respectable applause as he carried his prize back to the bench: a year supply of Evisceratomatoes.

Tanah Burung President Mau Kiri Rai then came onto the field to present the Frosty Cup to the first ever champions of the tournament; Total n Utter Insanity. After a brief speech which few listened to, he called Benny Hill up to collect the trophy. Hill held the trophy over his head while confetti flew around him.

Suddenly, a shot rang out from somewhere outside the stadium. Hill collapsed, as the bullet had hit his backside, dropping the cup to the pitch. Mau Kiri Rai, alarmed that a cup that his country had saved for five years to pay for was being mishandled, and grabbed it, running off the pitch covered by security. Everyone's head wheeled to look at the grassy knoll outside the stadium, where the Audioslavia man was emerging with a sniper rifle, cackling with glee at what he had done. Tanah Burung police swarmed him, and he was carried off to a Police Hot-Air Balloon, where he was immediately taken to the capital to be thrown in Tanah Burung prison (not after a fair trial in front of his peers, mind you).

Medical officials ran onto the field to aid the fallen Hill, who was surrounded by players from both sides. They carefully lifted him onto the stretcher, which quickly fell apart. The undertrained Tanah Burung medical staff tried their best to keep him from going into shock before a replacement stretcher could be found. The stretcher was wheeled onto the pitch, and after being tested three times for stability, was placed into the waiting ambulance, which zoomed away. After realizing that Benny Hill was supposed to be on the stretcher and not still on the ground, the ambulance backed up, running over Hill's ankle, breaking it in 4 places. Hill was placed on the stretcher and the ambulance zoomed away, this time with Hill in the back, now with a broken ankle to add to his shot anus.

Fans and players left the stadium on a sour note, due to the unfortunate shooting of Benny Hill. The tournament overall, however, was a huge success, and players from all sides, including Warnocks Wizards star Ishklash the Pug-nose, who voted from his hospital bed, voted to petition to begin a process which would hopefully, if everything went well, lead to the possible maintaining of the Frosty Cup in the future.

Final Positions:
Champions: Total n Utter Insanity
Runners-Up: Nikea
Third Place: Tanah Burung
Fourth Place: Dark Outcasts
[code:1:fc774c5ea8]
And the rest:
5. Warnocks Wizards
6. Hell Bovines
7. Akbarland
8. Consumer Engineering
9. Keyshona
10. Kaze Progressa
[/code:1:fc774c5ea8]
Top Footballer: Kalainen Mersentel (NIK) 6 goals

(OOC: Thanks TB for setting all this up. It was a great idea and I had lots of fun).

The Grand Duchy of Hell Bovines sends its congratulations to the frosty cup champion, Total N' Utter Insanity. We also congratulate ourselves and all other nations who participated and, of course, we send a big congratulation to Tanah Burung for having such great idea and organizing this wonderful event.
Best wishes,

Mooo IV, Duque of Hell Bovines

OOC: This was a nice idea TB! I really enjoyed it. :D

OOC:
:D

Can't believe I've actually won something.

I think Nikea should get the RP Newcomer award (Previous winners Lemmy and Errie)

IC:
Who cares, it's only football.
Random MP

Record signing Hill (bought for 24,107,875,000 USD by Los Polverines FC, Oglethorpia) was rushed back to one of the few well funded hospitals left in TnUI. He fell into a coma on route. We’ll have more information on this story at a later date.

The Porlamar Times

Hill hospitalized - investment not worth the money?
Benny Hill of Los Polverines FC hospitalized - analysts skeptical of the Hill investment

Benny Hill, star-striker purchased by Los Polverines FC manager Erik Redington was recently hospitalized in the nation of Total n Utter Insanity after the incident following the Frosty Cup final. Said Redington: "We hope Hill will be able to get back up on his feet and play some more club futebol. When you spend 24 billion on a player, you expect him to play some pretty good futebol."

Analysts say this is exactly why Redington should be fired. "Spending 24 billion on a player who's going to be out for several more months from his injuries? The government has to stop supporting futebol programs like this and allowing such erroneous spending of government funds," said a lead analyst.

The government denies supporting club futebol teams and managers with money to buy players from other nations.

(ooc: still laughing at that championship report! This tournament way exceeded my expectations, congrats to all of you for some great write-ups!)

With the Frosty invitational over, the Tanah Burung football federation has announced official investigations into: the conduct of its refereeing staff, the security arrangements at stadiums, the state of the health care system, the availability of intoxicants to foreign footballers, the extreme cost over-runs on trophies, the inability of presidential speech writers to draft a speech that will hold the attention of anyone for over thirty seconds, the inexplicable availibility of ammunition and guns in a gun-free country, and the greatest mystery of all: how did TnUI manage to win a sporting competition?

Investigations are expected to take eight to ten years and provide government jobs for 1,000 people plus spinoff benefits.

Meanwhile, the nation prays for the life of Benny Hill. Hundreds of musicians have offered to play the theme song to the Benny Hill Show at his bedside in the hopes that he will start running after a pretty girl if provided with a sound track.

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