06-10-2003, 17:33
A cabinet meeting in Valonia
Excerpt from official record. Cabinet meeting. Oct 5. 2003. 18.30
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Prime Minister Canaris Right, last topic on the agenda tonight. The population explosion, I believe the Minister of Interior Affairs had a briefing prepared for us?
Minister of Interior Affairs Yes Prime Minister. As you undoubtedly are aware, the overcrowding of our beautiful islands has reached grotesque proportions. The population density in the major cities, Natria, Monterey and Taninn has soared to 20 people per square meter
Prime Minister Canaris Good grief!
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Minister of Interior Affairs. Indeed, while the situation looks slightly better in smaller urban areas, there is hardly any more places to build. Unless we cut down our forests or plantations, it's hard to find a square inch of soil that isn't covered by 20 storeys of concrete by now.
Maybe it's time to repeal the wildlife preservation act.
Prime Minister Canaris Thats completely unacceptable, I was elected on a green platform! There must be another solution.
Minister of Interior Affairs Well short of turning parlament in to a housing project, I'm not sure what more we can do *shuffles his papers and shrugs*
Prime Minister Canaris. This is a complete mess. How did the population grow so fast anyway. When I took office this was a nation of 5 million people. 2 weeks later it's 12 million. How on earth is that possible!!
Minister of Immigrations *cough*, well you did sign the refugee act. I think we slightly underestimated the effect it would have. The regions around us are very unstable.
Prime Minister Canaris. 7 million refugees in a week my god. We must repeal that act at once!
http://www.yes-minister.com/images/ypm22_humphrey5.jpg
Spindoctor Sir with all due respect, we can't do that. It would be like admitting we don't know what we are doing.
Prime Minister Canaris. Well we obviously don't, how on earth am I going to defend this to my voters. My approval ratings must be terrible.
Spindoctor Well, according to the last survey. 5% of the original population thinks you're a great humanitarian, and the rest that you're a *shuffles his papers* ah, yes a complete idiot. I wouldn't worry about it.
Prime Minister Canaris. Don't worry about it?? I'm up for election in 2 years man!
Spindoctor Yes Sir I'm aware. But remember. While only 5% of the original population would vote for you today. You would be wise to remember that they are now a minority, and almost all of the immigrants will be likely to vote for you in gratitude.
http://www.yes-minister.com/images/ym34_jim2.jpg
Prime Minister Canaris. Oh.. I see your point. Let's leave the law as it is then and take it up to review after the election. However, we still need to make a plan to accomodate all the new vote I mean refugees.
http://www.yes-minister.com/images/ym14_tomsargent.jpg
Minister of Defense Sir, if I may. I might have the solution to the problem.
Prime Minister Canaris. Oh? Well speak up then.
Minister of Defense Yes Sir. As you know, Valonia has been downsizing it's military ever since the independence. I suggest you change your policy on this issue and enlist every other male between 19 and 25 (1 million men).
Then start purchasing high quality weaponry from the international arms dealers until we can fund our own weapons industry. Once we have a potent force, we ATTACK an alliance free neighbour for whatever reason your medialackeys can think up. If the invasion is succesful, your overcrowding issues will be solved for a long time. If it's a failure, well then there's suddenly freed up space for another million people. Either way, problem solved.
Prime Minister Canaris. You must be out your mind! That is the most deplorable, dispicable, immoral and senseless waste of life I have ever heard of. And we can't afford it anyway. Are there no other suggestions?
http://www.yes-minister.com/images/ypm15_jimdorothy.jpg
Minister of Science and Education Sir, I have an idea, it might be a bit farfetched but I think in our current situation it's worth considering.
Prime Minister Canaris. If this is about mass sterilizations again, I don't want to hear it.
Minister of Science and Education No sir, I was looking at a map just recently and something occured to me.
Valonia has a very limited landmass, while the sea around it has vast upportunities for settlement, exploration, mining and so on. I suggest we set down a taskforce to look in to this. I believe several nations around the globe have experimented with undersea technologies. Perhaps we could *aquire" them in one way or another.
Prime Minister Canaris. Submerged cities? That sounds incredibly expensive.
Minister of Science and Education Well, I suppose we could do research in genetic engineering and try to grow gills. But I doubt you like that plan better.
Prime Minister Canaris. You're bloody right I don't. Is this really all you could come up with?
*All ministers stare at their feet*
Prime Minister Canaris. Fine, for a lack of better options. Make a unformel inquiry to the global markets, but for heavens sake be discrete. I don't want to see stupid headlines like "Valonia sleeps with the fishes" in tomorrows paper.
All ministers Yes Prime Minister.
Excerpt from official record. Cabinet meeting. Oct 5. 2003. 18.30
http://www.yes-minister.com/images/ypm21_ministers5.jpg
Prime Minister Canaris Right, last topic on the agenda tonight. The population explosion, I believe the Minister of Interior Affairs had a briefing prepared for us?
Minister of Interior Affairs Yes Prime Minister. As you undoubtedly are aware, the overcrowding of our beautiful islands has reached grotesque proportions. The population density in the major cities, Natria, Monterey and Taninn has soared to 20 people per square meter
Prime Minister Canaris Good grief!
http://www.yes-minister.com/images/ypm17_jim1.jpg
Minister of Interior Affairs. Indeed, while the situation looks slightly better in smaller urban areas, there is hardly any more places to build. Unless we cut down our forests or plantations, it's hard to find a square inch of soil that isn't covered by 20 storeys of concrete by now.
Maybe it's time to repeal the wildlife preservation act.
Prime Minister Canaris Thats completely unacceptable, I was elected on a green platform! There must be another solution.
Minister of Interior Affairs Well short of turning parlament in to a housing project, I'm not sure what more we can do *shuffles his papers and shrugs*
Prime Minister Canaris. This is a complete mess. How did the population grow so fast anyway. When I took office this was a nation of 5 million people. 2 weeks later it's 12 million. How on earth is that possible!!
Minister of Immigrations *cough*, well you did sign the refugee act. I think we slightly underestimated the effect it would have. The regions around us are very unstable.
Prime Minister Canaris. 7 million refugees in a week my god. We must repeal that act at once!
http://www.yes-minister.com/images/ypm22_humphrey5.jpg
Spindoctor Sir with all due respect, we can't do that. It would be like admitting we don't know what we are doing.
Prime Minister Canaris. Well we obviously don't, how on earth am I going to defend this to my voters. My approval ratings must be terrible.
Spindoctor Well, according to the last survey. 5% of the original population thinks you're a great humanitarian, and the rest that you're a *shuffles his papers* ah, yes a complete idiot. I wouldn't worry about it.
Prime Minister Canaris. Don't worry about it?? I'm up for election in 2 years man!
Spindoctor Yes Sir I'm aware. But remember. While only 5% of the original population would vote for you today. You would be wise to remember that they are now a minority, and almost all of the immigrants will be likely to vote for you in gratitude.
http://www.yes-minister.com/images/ym34_jim2.jpg
Prime Minister Canaris. Oh.. I see your point. Let's leave the law as it is then and take it up to review after the election. However, we still need to make a plan to accomodate all the new vote I mean refugees.
http://www.yes-minister.com/images/ym14_tomsargent.jpg
Minister of Defense Sir, if I may. I might have the solution to the problem.
Prime Minister Canaris. Oh? Well speak up then.
Minister of Defense Yes Sir. As you know, Valonia has been downsizing it's military ever since the independence. I suggest you change your policy on this issue and enlist every other male between 19 and 25 (1 million men).
Then start purchasing high quality weaponry from the international arms dealers until we can fund our own weapons industry. Once we have a potent force, we ATTACK an alliance free neighbour for whatever reason your medialackeys can think up. If the invasion is succesful, your overcrowding issues will be solved for a long time. If it's a failure, well then there's suddenly freed up space for another million people. Either way, problem solved.
Prime Minister Canaris. You must be out your mind! That is the most deplorable, dispicable, immoral and senseless waste of life I have ever heard of. And we can't afford it anyway. Are there no other suggestions?
http://www.yes-minister.com/images/ypm15_jimdorothy.jpg
Minister of Science and Education Sir, I have an idea, it might be a bit farfetched but I think in our current situation it's worth considering.
Prime Minister Canaris. If this is about mass sterilizations again, I don't want to hear it.
Minister of Science and Education No sir, I was looking at a map just recently and something occured to me.
Valonia has a very limited landmass, while the sea around it has vast upportunities for settlement, exploration, mining and so on. I suggest we set down a taskforce to look in to this. I believe several nations around the globe have experimented with undersea technologies. Perhaps we could *aquire" them in one way or another.
Prime Minister Canaris. Submerged cities? That sounds incredibly expensive.
Minister of Science and Education Well, I suppose we could do research in genetic engineering and try to grow gills. But I doubt you like that plan better.
Prime Minister Canaris. You're bloody right I don't. Is this really all you could come up with?
*All ministers stare at their feet*
Prime Minister Canaris. Fine, for a lack of better options. Make a unformel inquiry to the global markets, but for heavens sake be discrete. I don't want to see stupid headlines like "Valonia sleeps with the fishes" in tomorrows paper.
All ministers Yes Prime Minister.