Wombat News
12-09-2003, 11:49
The Vatican, Wombat News
The Pope has replied with startling force to yesterday’s attempts to change the regime in the Vatican by Normack (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=70199). The aging pontiff, supporting his head with his hands in his now characteristic fashion, vowed to get “medieval on those villainous Normack asses”. “The former glory of the Church, attained through the unprecedented bloodshed of the Crusades, will again be realised” asserted John Paul II. Furthermore, in an uncharacteristic break from standard Church policy, it was disclosed that the Vatican was not behind the times - at least, not militarily. “We have been conducting an heretofore undisclosed uranium enrichment project, which has yielded extremely successful results,” advised the Pope.
Vatican officials followed up the Pope’s comments by revealing disturbing details of the secret project - termed Guided Object of Destruction (code named “Project GOD”). The program has created an arsenal of long-range ICBMs equipped with nuclear warheads, each capable of reaching continental Normack. The Vatican is in possession of at least 30 such missiles, with the capability of producing an average of five additional weapons per year. The actual location of the armoury remains a guarded secret.
Dr. Hands Overmyeyes, head of the UN Monitoring, Verification. and Inspection Commission (UNMOVIC), and his team of inspectors were immediately dispatched to the Vatican City State, but were unable to locate the weapons within the vast spaces of the 1 square mile city.
The Normack government had no immediate comment on the revelation. However, insiders have made predictions as to how this may affect policy towards the Vatican. An anonymous official offered us the following comments: “It’s quite a different situation when we KNOW they have the weapons - it takes the guesswork out of things. It actually kind of scares us a little, and we as a government try to ignore things that frighten us. I think you’ll see huge adjustments in policy with regards to our stance on regime change in the Vatican.”
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – IN THE HOLY WOMBAT WE TRUST
The Pope has replied with startling force to yesterday’s attempts to change the regime in the Vatican by Normack (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=70199). The aging pontiff, supporting his head with his hands in his now characteristic fashion, vowed to get “medieval on those villainous Normack asses”. “The former glory of the Church, attained through the unprecedented bloodshed of the Crusades, will again be realised” asserted John Paul II. Furthermore, in an uncharacteristic break from standard Church policy, it was disclosed that the Vatican was not behind the times - at least, not militarily. “We have been conducting an heretofore undisclosed uranium enrichment project, which has yielded extremely successful results,” advised the Pope.
Vatican officials followed up the Pope’s comments by revealing disturbing details of the secret project - termed Guided Object of Destruction (code named “Project GOD”). The program has created an arsenal of long-range ICBMs equipped with nuclear warheads, each capable of reaching continental Normack. The Vatican is in possession of at least 30 such missiles, with the capability of producing an average of five additional weapons per year. The actual location of the armoury remains a guarded secret.
Dr. Hands Overmyeyes, head of the UN Monitoring, Verification. and Inspection Commission (UNMOVIC), and his team of inspectors were immediately dispatched to the Vatican City State, but were unable to locate the weapons within the vast spaces of the 1 square mile city.
The Normack government had no immediate comment on the revelation. However, insiders have made predictions as to how this may affect policy towards the Vatican. An anonymous official offered us the following comments: “It’s quite a different situation when we KNOW they have the weapons - it takes the guesswork out of things. It actually kind of scares us a little, and we as a government try to ignore things that frighten us. I think you’ll see huge adjustments in policy with regards to our stance on regime change in the Vatican.”
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – IN THE HOLY WOMBAT WE TRUST