NationStates Jolt Archive

This storefront is the place where I can come up with some strange stuff, put it up for sale and see how much people will buy. If you don't do your own math then I will simply estimate your purchase and overcharge you ridiculously, the only way out of this is to either cancel your purchase or post the amount. This stuff is all really funky, so most all of it won't have a picture until I get bored and use Paint on something. Comments welcome, ridicule is accepted and encouraged. You really can buy all this stuff, really.

Inventory
Guided Missile Raft
M-9999 Ub3r Main Battle Tank
Motorized Crosscountry Pogosticks
Death Glider
T3h-class Megasuper Dreadnought
Stalins Symphony


Guided Missile Raft
Ever wonder if there was a way yo get your missiles closer to the enemy before they got launched, have a large number of really stupid expendable people. Then you need the guided missile raft, completely unsafe and capsizes at a sneeze this little boats will let you get in the first volley. All that is done is a Tomahawk missile is placed on a holder and strapped in, then the holder is attached to a Zodiac raft and your people are free to wreak havoc. The motor on the Zodiac has been replaced by twin pulse jet engines, these take their design from the German V-1 rockets and are used to 'steer' the Zodiac. Simply point them in the right direction and you have most likely floating first strike.

Offer not valid when I don't like you or prohibited by law. Warrentee is 10 seconds, after that you're on your own.

Length: 9 ft.
Width: 5 ft.
Crew: 1
Hull: PVC
Speed: 30 MPH
Range: 1 MPG/10 Gallons in tank=10 Miles
(Note: You can carry gas cans with you for extanded range)
Payload: 1 Tomahawk or equal sized missile
Cost: (w/o missile)$2,000; (w/missile)$1,002,000



M-9999 Ub3r MBT
Have you ever seen what they move the Space Shuttle around on, and how it takes up all the lanes of an eight lane freeway with each tread having four lanes. Then do you think, 'What if they put a turret on that and called it a tank?'. Well your question is answered in the M-9999 Ub3r, you think that you have seen from huge tanks before but they were nothing compared to the Ub3r. Comment have been...
"So huge I peed myself"
"If I didn't have compensation issues I would think it was idiotic, but since I do this is awesome!!!"
"Never a pointlessly impressive weapon is the history of land warfare"

Length: 131 ft.
Width: 114 ft.
Height: 100 ft.
Armaments:
4 30 in/762mm ETC Cannons
100 20mm Antipersonnel Cannons
10 Patriot Missile Batteries(Detections & Acquisition included)
Armor: 2 ft. Chobam, 1 inch Reactive
Cruising Speed: 1 MPH
Max Speed: 2 MPH
Weight: 3000 tons
Range: 0.007 MPG/10000 Gallons= 70 miles
Cost: $100 Billion



Motorized Crosscountry Pogosticks
As a kid do you remember your pogostick, it was yourt favorite toy for a week before you got bored and start playing Nationstates for Tots(tm). Well now your troops can experience the joys of childhood with the new Motorized Crosscountry Pogosticks. They can now bouce their way to victory covering large streches of ground previously unheard of small times. Buy these no2w of watch your enemies bounce your face into the pavement.

Doesn't work well on anything but roads. Keep away from small children. Not edible. Do not attempt to stop pogostick from bouncing with genitalia.

Speed: 10 MPH
Range: 40 MPG/.5 Gallon=20 Miles
Max Weight: 300 lbs
Cost: $200



Death Glider
The Guided Missile Raft has now come to the air in the form of the Death Glider. A one person civilian glider with a 100 lb bomb strapped to the pilot, the perfect weapon for sneaking in under the radar and bombing precious supplies. Once the mission is complete the pilot turns around and heads home, never lose another war!!!

Pilots can only make it far enough if towed, they will never make it back as the height from which they must be towed to with kill them. Accuracy is 10 km. Results may vary, if any burning or itching occurs seek psychological help.

Wingspan: 10 ft.
Length: 6 ft.
Crew: 1
Bomb Load: 100 lbs
Range: (varies)
Cost: $10,000



T3h-class Megasuper Dreadnought
Feeling left out because your biggest ship is only half a kilometer and not a full one? Older nation tease you because they are all much bigger and wider and fuller then you are? Do women just not find you attractive anymore, then you need the T3h-class Megasuper Dreadnought and all your worries are over. Not only will you have the biggest ship but also the biggest gun, the sight of the massive thick barrel rising into the sky will make you the best endowed nation around. Don't wait, buy the Megasuper Dreadnought today!

Offshore docking only. Valid only in NS. Do not mix with alcohol as barrel will malfunction.

Length: 2000m
Width: 1000m
Hull: 2m Chobam/Reactive
Powerplant: 5 Nuclear Reactors
Propulsion: 8 Screws
Draft: 30m
Displacement: 20 Megatons
Armament:
1 2286mm/90 in. ETC Cannon(Range: 100 km)
1000 .50 Caliber Machineguns
Crew: 80,000
Cruising Speed: 4 MPH
Max Speed: 6 MPH
Range: 1000 Miles
Cost: $1 Trillion


Stalins Symphony
In WWII there was Stalins organs, one of the most ph34rd MLRS systems since the last one and known for its strange name. Now you can have an entire symphony conducted by Stalin, the great successor to his organs. Never lose the edge again in a vital missile battery as you simply plow your enemy under with a ridiulous swarm of unguided missiles. This package fits onto any vehicle that fires a US standard MLRS missile unit.

Armament: 2000 40mm Unguided Rockets
Range: 10 Miles
Cost: $50,000

umm... my friends Hummer gets better mileage than the pogo sticks. If you go hybrid or in any way greatly improve the mileage, I'll buy the entire inventory.*




*Don't hold me to this...

Now get 40 MPG, I figure that I will change stuff as people ask unless its even more ridiculous then the posted stats. You have to tell me how many you want, I could literally make billions of these each year and if you didn't mind waiting trillions over decades. If you buy over a trillion pogosticks I will do two things, give you a 30% discount and declare you medically insane.

Now get 40 MPG, I figure that I will change stuff as people ask unless its even more ridiculous then the posted stats. You have to tell me how many you want, I could literally make billions of these each year and if you didn't mind waiting trillions over decades. If you buy over a trillion pogosticks I will do two things, give you a 30% discount and declare you medically insane.

You have no idea how much I want to buy a trillion pogosticks. But it'll take me 20 years to pay that off.

Because you actually want to buy 1 trillion pogosticks my factories will gear up for maximum production at cheapest cost. We will produce the trillion pogosticks over 20 years, the massive size of the order will cut production costs down to $50 each. Profit makes it 90 but discount makes it ~$60 each, so 60 Trillion dollars or 2 trillion each year. If you wish you can extend the payment period over 40 years so it is only 1 trillion each year. After 20 years whatever you decide 1 trillion pogosticks will be delivered and you will be declared medically insane.

If you buy over a trillion pogosticks I will do two things, give you a 30% discount and declare you medically insane.

Its a deal. Payments can be made over 40 years.

Order confirmed, see my last post for exact details. You will be the proud and officially insane owner of 1 trillion motorized pogosticks.

Give me 3 of those death gliders.... the amazing technological breakthroughs... how did you achieve such a wonder?!

3 Death Gliders will be $150,000 with no math increase(Read the first paragraph). These technological wonders were achieved through many hours of boredom and too much time on my hands.

Order confirmed, see my last post for exact details. You will be the proud and officially insane owner of 1 trillion motorized pogosticks.
:D YAY!!! *Gets escorted to insane asylum*

OOC: Roflmfao, I see this is a parody of the NS Arms Race, good job, but I do see one feesable(sp?) thing here, the Guided missile raft....
lol

Because you actually want to buy 1 trillion pogosticks my factories will gear up for maximum production at cheapest cost. We will produce the trillion pogosticks over 20 years, the massive size of the order will cut production costs down to $50 each. Profit makes it 90 but discount makes it ~$60 each, so 60 Trillion dollars or 2 trillion each year. If you wish you can extend the payment period over 40 years so it is only 1 trillion each year. After 20 years whatever you decide 1 trillion pogosticks will be delivered and you will be declared medically insane.

WE'LL TAKE IT! *drools*

OOC: Roflmfao, I see this is a parody of the NS Arms Race, good job, but I do see one feesable(sp?) thing here, the Guided missile raft....
lol

Yeah, I plan to make a carrier based around those.

Your order is confirmed, and you have to buy the rafts from me :p

UBER TANK

The sad thing is that Nazi Germany wanted to build a tank with Coastal Artillery guns on it, that sounds a lot like this. Guess that is why they lost.

Your order is confirmed, and you have to buy the rafts from me :p

Unless I make them remote controlled Pulse Jet powered rafts and call it my own idea! HAHAHAHAHAH! I'll give you credit for coming up with it.

The sad thing is that Nazi Germany wanted to build a tank with Coastal Artillery guns on it, that sounds a lot like this. Guess that is why they lost.
Yeah, and it worked(only it was with 155mm guns I think).... Luckly the soviet managed to destoy one with airstrikes and the other two never managed to get past the end of the assembally line. The German UBER tank could probably stand up to most NS tanks....Although that's if it was built with modern materials.

Yeah, and it worked(only it was with 155mm guns I think).... Luckly the soviet managed to destoy one with airstrikes and the other two never managed to get past the end of the assembally line. The German UBER tank could probably stand up to most NS tanks....Although that's if it was built with modern materials.

No I mean 800mm Dora guns on it. That was the larger version. The smaller one had Cruiser Turrets on it, and one of them is now a Coastal Artillery Gun in NOrway, I believe it was 250mm +/-.

You have no idea how much I want to buy a trillion pogosticks. But it'll take me 20 years to pay that off.

O.O

Dude, your the most wiggity-wackest person I've seen.

:eek:

Someone deployed a tank larger than the Admiral A-1 :eek:


:eek: :eek: :eek:

That's where the missle launchers come in.

:mp5:

Bump