Dontgonearthere
29-05-2004, 02:16
DNN.
Your source for totaly un-biased government sanctioned news.
[Insert standard newsy-type music here]
In a recent act during one of his few light-showers of terror the President of Dontgonearthere passed a new set of laws banning street-theatre and mime-acting in DGNT.
From now on any Mime or street-actor caught performing within view of the public will be hung upside down in the local scorpion pit with his ears nailed to his knees until he asks to be let out.
He will then sign documents giving up his 'trade' for the rest of his life, on pain of pain.
Although Mr. 47 is a rather benevolent dictator, he exhibits a strange fear of mimes, street-actors simply annoy him.
The President has also hinted at stronger anti-mime legislation, such as re-opening the Mime-Bashing arenas, forbidding ANY practice of the 'art' and setting bounties for the number of berrets brought in.
---
The camera cuts to a shot of a mime being chased down by a crowd of small children armed with blunt instruments of various sizes.
"President 47's recent act has brought the National Sport of Mime-Bashing back into the mainstream, increasinly popular amoung the nations youth..." The reporter has to stop for a moment as a number of loud THUNK's sound, along with a muffled groan.
"Indeed, the crime rate has dropped from %2 down to almost nil, as peopel vent their anxiety and tension on these black-and-white silent-joes." The reporter produces a wooden mallet with 'DNN' stamped on the side in yellow letters.
"And if you dont mind, I will now procede to provide examples of this sport."
He sticks his leg out, tripping the fleeing mime, a small child quickly falls on him and begins to hit him with a wooden Girraffe.
"Hold on a second, son. Let me show the folks how its done." With a calculated set of movements the reporter demonstrates the various scores, such as a 'Knee hit', a 'screamer' and a few of the areas that cause you to loose points, IE: The head, heart and other areas that cause quick death or unconsiousness.
"Thats all for sports folks, have a nice night."
The mime staggers to his feet, only to be brought down by a speeding mike-boom.
"Good hit, Tim, but try to aim a bit higher, you lose points for hitting them their, and it reduces the chance of the next generation enjoying the sport."
Dontgonearthere News Network, proud sponsor of:
MC Hammers, for the best hit, buy Mime Crusher Hammers, baseball bats, and other blunt instruments.
We now sell Mini-Crushers, for the small children just getting into the sport.
Your source for totaly un-biased government sanctioned news.
[Insert standard newsy-type music here]
In a recent act during one of his few light-showers of terror the President of Dontgonearthere passed a new set of laws banning street-theatre and mime-acting in DGNT.
From now on any Mime or street-actor caught performing within view of the public will be hung upside down in the local scorpion pit with his ears nailed to his knees until he asks to be let out.
He will then sign documents giving up his 'trade' for the rest of his life, on pain of pain.
Although Mr. 47 is a rather benevolent dictator, he exhibits a strange fear of mimes, street-actors simply annoy him.
The President has also hinted at stronger anti-mime legislation, such as re-opening the Mime-Bashing arenas, forbidding ANY practice of the 'art' and setting bounties for the number of berrets brought in.
---
The camera cuts to a shot of a mime being chased down by a crowd of small children armed with blunt instruments of various sizes.
"President 47's recent act has brought the National Sport of Mime-Bashing back into the mainstream, increasinly popular amoung the nations youth..." The reporter has to stop for a moment as a number of loud THUNK's sound, along with a muffled groan.
"Indeed, the crime rate has dropped from %2 down to almost nil, as peopel vent their anxiety and tension on these black-and-white silent-joes." The reporter produces a wooden mallet with 'DNN' stamped on the side in yellow letters.
"And if you dont mind, I will now procede to provide examples of this sport."
He sticks his leg out, tripping the fleeing mime, a small child quickly falls on him and begins to hit him with a wooden Girraffe.
"Hold on a second, son. Let me show the folks how its done." With a calculated set of movements the reporter demonstrates the various scores, such as a 'Knee hit', a 'screamer' and a few of the areas that cause you to loose points, IE: The head, heart and other areas that cause quick death or unconsiousness.
"Thats all for sports folks, have a nice night."
The mime staggers to his feet, only to be brought down by a speeding mike-boom.
"Good hit, Tim, but try to aim a bit higher, you lose points for hitting them their, and it reduces the chance of the next generation enjoying the sport."
Dontgonearthere News Network, proud sponsor of:
MC Hammers, for the best hit, buy Mime Crusher Hammers, baseball bats, and other blunt instruments.
We now sell Mini-Crushers, for the small children just getting into the sport.