NationStates Jolt Archive

A joint project is in session between the nations of Ultimate_Apocalypse and The Dictatorship. It is estimated to be the most productive and useful project in the history of the world, as well as the best invention of the year. It is guarenteed to be an absolute success when completed and is guarenteed to be revered by all nations of the world.

Collaborative Project 0.06429

A loud speaker resounds through a military base. "Test pilot 469 report to duty at Helicopter Pad C2."

A small medium build man, apparently a criminal of the nation, walks toward the helicopter pad, accompanied by two burly rough military personal, who keep their guns trained upon the man.

The man enters the helicopter, as in his agreement of release. One test duty, and he could be released, if he sustains no terminal injuries. The test pilot criminal agreed.

The helicopter was given flight clearence and the pilot took off, the speedy little helicopter blazed across the sky, but not out of sight of the testing zone.

Command station, "Pilot 469, have you reached the maximum speed yet?"

Criminal, "No sir."

Command Station, "Report when desired speed is reached."

The pilot accelerated his helicopter. It blazed faster and faster. Amazing speed for such a make of the helicopter.

Pilot, "Maximum optimum speed obtained."

Command Station, "Understood."

Suddenly, beeps were heard within the helicopter. A bright red light began to blink furiously. Within the command station the command team talked excitedly in anticipation of a prospective positive test. "Will it work? I hope so! Did it happen yet? I want to see!" Words of excitement filled the room. On the testing zone, below the flight path of the helicopter, a team was organized to record from worm's view the test's success.

They watched the helicopter from below. It began to spin. They stared in blissful anticipation.

The test pilot panicked as he worked furisously to hit the button. "Where is it? I cannot find it. Where? Damn." Then the thought struck him. "That is right, it is a lever. A big red lever aside of the pilot's seat. Duh! How could I forget?" Acting quickly before the helicopter reared into the ground, he pulled the lever in eager anticipation of survival.

The command station watched with large smiles on their faces. "Is it going to work," filled all their minds.

The crew below looked up with large smiles. They could only hope for the best.

Poof The seat ejected itself from the roof of the helicopter. An ingenious idea! Injection seats for helicopters! Why did not anyone think of this before?

The command station and ground team look up in eager anticipation. The black seat shot from the helicopter.

Recorder, "Well it appears that there was little interference. The seat projected as anticipated."

The seat, as it began to fall to Earth, released a large black parachute, with TESTING written across it. Slowly the seat drifted into the ground team. The parachute laying itself over some of the people.

A loud thud and one of the team fell over. The seat struck him on the way down. The team crowds the overturned seat and looks.

"Where's the pilot," asked a bewildered team member.

Splat and the sounds of rain drops sounded.

"Oww damn! MY EYE!!!! Is that an arm? Why am I red? WHAT?"

Body parts cascaded down in waves of thick red droplets. A recorder looked up.

"MY EYE," he screamed, as a long bloody finger protruded from the socket.

The command station contacted the ground crew with eager anticipation. "Report."

Wouldn't the seat be cut into itty-bitty peices if the pilot was also turned into mincemeat?

- Sovy K.

You will see.... :wink:

Ultimate_Apocalypse to The Dictatorship:
It seems that this experiment has not worked out to our exact specifications that we have set for the program. Further tests are needed to prove the initial findings that our current data has

Program head scientist for Ultimate_Apocalypse: "Damn this fountain pen!!!" The scientist bends down and fills his pen with one of the puddles of blood at his feet. He scribbles on scrap paper until the pen works once again.

Program Head Scientist: " That's much better!"

He goes back to writing the report…

*Report*
Project shown to need slight improvements. Further testing is needed before we could place the drink holder onto the arm of the chair. But, on a much brighter side, the seat and parachute have made it through with out so much as a scratch!!!

(Ah, the Russians already have thought of it and many of their military helicopters have working ejection seats [/raining on parades])

OOC:
Shhh, say no more. It is a government conspiracy. I heard nothing. I have no idea what you speak of.

*whistles to self as engages in the plans to alter the ejection seat*

Simple solution: Eject the seats out the side of the helicopter. Problem solved.

*Consults Reich Assassin*

"Who is this madman? Having the seat eject out of the sides? This is madness! If the pilot wanted to do that he would just jump out the door. Seats ejecting out of the sides! Utter madness I tell! Silence this person immediately. Schnell."

(Hehe.. enjoy doing 140mph at 100 foot and then flying sideways at who knows what speed on top of that. I'd give the pilot as much chance of survivng as his accidentally baking a cake on the way down. I don't want to spoil things, but the problem is in the rotors, and thus they must be removed before ejection. Works for the Ka52, I believe. Alright, I'm really done trying to ruin things now :) )

I have working helicopter ejection seats. Do you want a hint on getting yours to work?
OOC:
*Disappears for probably over half a day*

"Hmmm disappearing blades, ey?"
________________________________________________________

Research and Development is currently in the process of creating helicopters with disappearing blades...

Tune in for further developments of The Best Joint Venture team known
to NS!!!

*slams fists on table*

"Damn this research. I knew we forgot something. Safety belts. Damn. If only we added them before."

OOC:
That is alright, this is just for humor. It is not supposed to be taken seriously whatsoever. I am sure you picked that up already. If you want, join our research and you could help "develop" ejecting helicopter seats.

:wink:

Gabelung's top most grape-vine officials have overheard rumors of the Oppressed Peoples of Most Likely using the Helecoptor ejection seats as a form of torture.

mwahahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! :twisted:

Tune in tomorrow for an advance in the research....

You do not want to miss it!

:D

(Ah, the Russians already have thought of it and many of their military helicopters have working ejection seats [/raining on parades])

Actually the Russian and the Americans have some ejection seats, all you need for improvements is some det-charges (not very powerful ones) on the rotor housing, when the lever is pulled the rotors are blow away and you are fied up to safety, Midlonia helicopters have had this for years, this is not new...........

Alright, I know to some people this seems absurb and pointless, but there is a reason behind this and you will see at the end of this. But until then, this has nothing to do with real life. This is not America or Russia. It is just a "little" ole nation having some fun with "technological advances".

See, it is all humerous. There is not one bit of seriousness in this, well until the end that is.

:wink:

*wakes up and rubs eyes*

"Damn. Asleep again. Now, where did I leave off? Oh yes, safety belts."

*calls testing crew*

"Create plans to install safety belts. Perhaps, that will help."

*props feet onto desk*

"Safety belts.....yes."

The Dictatorship to Ultimate_Apocalypse:
Plans have intialized concerning the installation of safety belts onto the pilot's chair. Hypothesized results are predicted to be that the pilot will remain in the seat when it is ejected and thus not thrown directly up without support into the blades. Just a hypothesis. Actual results must be tested on the field.

The Dictatorship to Ultimate_Apocalypse:
Plans have intialized concerning the installation of safety belts onto the pilot's chair. Hypothesized results are predicted to be that the pilot will remain in the seat when it is ejected and thus not thrown directly up without support into the blades. Just a hypothesis. Actual results must be tested on the field.

Current Project Alpha5 Bravo7:
Safety belts for pilots' protection have finally been finished. Initial testing shall commence.

"Test pilot 470, report to service."

Again, another prisoner reported to duty. He accepted the testing agreements, whereby if he lives, he will gain complete freedom.

The excited crew watched from the ground and the command center as the pilot strapped himself in, started the helicopter, and took off, quickly reaching maximum speed.

The beeps went off as soon as the helicopter hit the maximum optimum speed. It began to go down in a spin.

He pulled the black lever aside of the seat, as the helicopter plummetted at amazing speeds towards the ground.

Screams and whistles are heard as the helicopter plummeted out of the sky.

From the ground, the helicopter blades and the cockpit cover are seen unlocking and flying away. The parachute is seen flying away from the falling helicopter, while the helicopter is seen smashing off of the cold hard earth blowing up from the resulting crash.

Cheers and hugs are given all around. The moment they all have been hoping for has finally come…

Just as the Project leader was about to announce the success to the inside workers, the siren that announces failure was sounded. All of the cheering and hugging stopped. The engineers and crew all looked around in utter shock…

A report was broadcasted to the workers containing details of what happened. The only thing to make it through the flight was the parachute that ripped off of the seat when it would not pick the seat up. How could it of failed? We bolted the seat belt to the helicopter securely! The pilot should not of been able to move from that seat!!!

The blades of the helicopter are seen decapitating a few of the workers on the field.