NationStates Jolt Archive

Lost in Time, Wombat News

Doctors at Hokum General Hospital admitted today that they were baffled by the condition of Hokum housewife Mrs Xera Anthal, 57, whose apparent expertise in high-energy physics emerged after a routine rectal probe procedure went terribly wrong (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=120230).

"It's all very strange," said Doctor Nina Kaland, head of rectal probes and anal abnormalities. "We were proceeding quite normally with our probing when a junior assistant mistook her curling tongs for a surgical appliance and unfortunately Mrs Anthal received 240 volts rectally. Since then Mrs Anthal has been stunning the world of physics with her insightful theories of space and time."

But local historian Mr Terry Tonias insists there is nothing new in this occurrence. Speaking from the next bed to Mrs Anthal, Mr Tonias said:

"It's not the first time electrifying the nether regions has induced genius. Einstein's true genius emerged only when the great man was caught on an electrified fence during his escape from the Germans during the war … which also explains his odd hair-do. And Archimedes proclaimed eureka only when Mrs Archimedes accidentally dropped the electric toaster in his bath."

Doctor Kaland was unsure.

"All that may or may not be true," she said. "Though I have my doubts that electric toasters existed back in Archimedes' day. No, it may simply be a case that applying high voltage to one’s back passage concentrates the mind in a very unique way. Or perhaps it's not. Don't ask me - I mess about with people's bottoms all day - how much more of a failed doctor can you get?"

But the last word belongs to Mrs Anthal.

"If you collide two atoms of roanium at an energy greater than 10 billion electron volts, you'll liberate an intermediate vector boson travelling faster than the speed of light in a vacuum. Has anyone seen the calamine lotion?"

THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – PLUMBING THE DEPTHS OF TIME FOR YOUR ALTERNATIVE ENTERTAINMENT
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid103/pe946042bf534e7a786f592aa6de775a2/f9a25818.jpg.orig.jpg

ROFLMAO, Hey I am the first one to respond to a Wombat!

damn images :x

Interesting...

*sticks his fingers in the electrical socket*
<Brief intermission filled with sparks and electrocution>

You see, it's very simple, what happens is the electrical shock if above a certain voltage is conducted throughtout the nervous system to the brain, greatly enhancing it's natural electrochemical currents thus eleveating the recipient to a higher level of consciousness and thinking speed. If the voltage passes another upper level then this will accelerate the mind so quickly that, breaking the speed of light, it wil transcend the boundaries of time, giving the recipient of the shock an eternity for thought while to the outside observer they appear to be thinking instantaneously, and with this enormous computing power they will be able to deduce every mystery of the universe in a single eyeblink.
...
*dies of boredom after having run out of things to think of, having unlocked every mystery of the universe*
...
*gets up again, 'cos he knows how to*

<Another, longer intermission ensues while he dies, reanimates, dies, reanimates, etc. again for the rest of eternity>


Another hilarious story WN!

Interesting...

*sticks his fingers in the electrical socket*
<Brief intermission filled with sparks and electrocution>

You see, it's very simple, what happens is the electrical shock if above a certain voltage is conducted throughtout the nervous system to the brain, greatly enhancing it's natural electrochemical currents thus eleveating the recipient to a higher level of consciousness and thinking speed. If the voltage passes another upper level then this will accelerate the mind so quickly that, breaking the speed of light, it wil transcend the boundaries of time, giving the recipient of the shock an eternity for thought while to the outside observer they appear to be thinking instantaneously, and with this enormous computing power they will be able to deduce every mystery of the universe in a single eyeblink.
...
*dies of boredom after having run out of things to think of, having unlocked every mystery of the universe*
...
*gets up again, 'cos he knows how to*

<Another, longer intermission ensues while he dies, reanimates, dies, reanimates, etc. again for the rest of eternity>


Another hilarious story WN!

Interesting...

*sticks his fingers in the electrical socket*
<Brief intermission filled with sparks and electrocution>

You see, it's very simple, what happens is the electrical shock if above a certain voltage is conducted throughtout the nervous system to the brain, greatly enhancing it's natural electrochemical currents thus eleveating the recipient to a higher level of consciousness and thinking speed. If the voltage passes another upper level then this will accelerate the mind so quickly that, breaking the speed of light, it wil transcend the boundaries of time, giving the recipient of the shock an eternity for thought while to the outside observer they appear to be thinking instantaneously, and with this enormous computing power they will be able to deduce every mystery of the universe in a single eyeblink.
...
*dies of boredom after having run out of things to think of, having unlocked every mystery of the universe*
...
*gets up again, 'cos he knows how to*

<Another, longer intermission ensues while he dies, reanimates, dies, reanimates, etc. again for the rest of eternity>


Another hilarious story WN!

Interesting...

*sticks his fingers in the electrical socket*
<Brief intermission filled with sparks and electrocution>

You see, it's very simple, what happens is the electrical shock if above a certain voltage is conducted throughtout the nervous system to the brain, greatly enhancing it's natural electrochemical currents thus eleveating the recipient to a higher level of consciousness and thinking speed. If the voltage passes another upper level then this will accelerate the mind so quickly that, breaking the speed of light, it wil transcend the boundaries of time, giving the recipient of the shock an eternity for thought while to the outside observer they appear to be thinking instantaneously, and with this enormous computing power they will be able to deduce every mystery of the universe in a single eyeblink.
...
*dies of boredom after having run out of things to think of, having unlocked every mystery of the universe*
...
*gets up again, 'cos he knows how to*

<Another, longer intermission ensues while he dies, reanimates, dies, reanimates, etc. again for the rest of eternity>


Another hilarious story WN!

.::TAG::.

Obviously a side effect of this is that he has to say everything four times.

Tag, since this is apparently borne of my thread. I'd say something witty, but this Wombat News report has no basis in either RL or NS reality as far as I can tell. Certainly nothing like this has hapened in Xanthal, though it is no secret that a temporal event of a much different nature occurred due to their actions not too long ago.