NationStates Jolt Archive

Reuters--- July 10th, 2100 ---

"Today, the Ruhrian Government announced its intention to finally connect Earth with Mars. They released an intricate plan in which the two planets will be connected using a giant rubber chain. This oppurtunity became available as the Ruhrian Scientific/Flagship Vessel, the Black Saber, discovered a new planet...err...asteroid...er...something that floats in space, that is composed entirely of rubber." The man in the report sounded puzzled, since rubber does not last in outerspace, yet they found a giant planet composed of it.

"Let us go now to a live report by Minister of the Sciences, Robert Iron." The man turns in his chair and looks at a monitor.

"Basically, we will be taking this planet and stripping it off all of its resources. There is no life or danger to creatures by stripping it, so any hippies protesting this will be run over because of their stupidity. This rubber will then be made into giant chains, linked together by electrical conduits that heat the rubber. These electrical units will be powered by rerouting power from Ardor, Dark Terror, and Belem using the Q Console, which will also divert funds from certain tyrannical states whom no one likes." He paused for a minute, holding back his inner urge to laugh. "The chain's base will be the Bisonic Crater, pictured here." A slide projected the crater.

http://www.guenthernet.de/mars/images/big_crater.jpg

He continued, "Of course, work will be done to stablize the rubber band. On the Mars side, the anchor will be Mount Olympus. It will also be secured to hold the large rubber band." The man snorted. "The band will be 160,000 miles long and will be roughly 25 miles wide. Each link will be molded by outside companies, which will be named in the near future."

The man looked directly into the camera. "Undoubtedly, there are some dangers in this operation. For instance, the band can snap sending one or both planets in strange orbits and possibly killing millions. or the chain can cause one planet to move closer or farther away from the sun and destroy its current orbit. And the plan can also fail if the giant link is too short and end up pulling a piece of either planet off. But those errors are fairly minescule."

Once again, the man focused on the camera. "Now, why are we doing this? Well, it is very simple. You see, when you leave a bicycle out in the rain..." The man walked slowly away from the podium and into the backstage, where an applause followed. Once again, the picture returns to the studio.

"There you have it folks, we can be rest assured that Earth and Mars will be one...for no good reason. This is Andy Lytham for Reuters, goodnight."

End---

:roll:

Man it is impossilbe to connect Earth and Mars.With Space Elavators and stuff yes,but not physically though

:roll:

Man it is impossilbe to connect Earth and Mars.With Space Elavators and stuff yes,but not physically though

It can be done, and it will be done! Quiet you! Who wants to help me?

:roll:

Man it is impossilbe to connect Earth and Mars.With Space Elavators and stuff yes,but not physically though

It can be done, and it will be done! Quiet you! Who wants to help me?

What the hell ever,but it will be pretty dang funny if you destroy earth because of your deeds.

What the hell ever,but it will be pretty dang funny if you destroy earth because of your deeds.

Yes, yes it would. Now help or stand out of the way!

http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=85902

As you can see, the Vortex Corporation is applauding this initiative and is prepared to fully support this project. We are already getting applications from our brave mountain-climbing-hippie-people, asking if they can climb to Mars when the rubber chain is finished. In a daring move today, they have gotten permission, as well as free chocolate milk.

We have already given Ruhr clearance to use the EGU for this project. The EGU, Ego Gatherer Unlimited, is a device that is powered by the ego's of national leaders. The power output from this device is usually described as "very very very ridiculously high". Therefore, we expect not to encounter any power supplies in the project.

Contigents of technicians, engineers, kittens, workers and of course natural blondes have been send to the construction site. They will arrive within 1,5 days, and will commence their duties upon arrival.

__
VTX

The Ruhrian Empire commends Vortex's actions to help with this milestone. We expect to have the project start very shortly, as soon as drop ships land in the Bisonic Crater. Thank you for your help.

so you're connecting earth and mars with a giant rubber band?

that's stupid...for so many reasons....

I'm sure glad I got out of the Sol system

ABC:

Associates announce cooperation with the Ruhrian government regarding the connection/ union/ fusion/ whatever of mars and earth.

"This is a great chance. Finally, this two planets, brothers, will be united. We can only applaud the Ruhrian government for their action, and we will do whatever we can do to help them. For we will succeed. Mankind will succeed. It`s the future of our children, a future we`re obligated to form!" ~ Mr. Aramaki, CEO Kusanagi Technologies

Lord Griffith, CEO White Hawk, didn´t want to comment, although his secretary was quoted that "This is the chance to get rid of those damn marsians."

At the moment, dozens of 'Explorer' ships are stationed at the route between mars and earth, to help the project.

On mars, teams have been sent out, to prepare Mon Olympus for the 'rubber band'.

However, the ordinary man on the street has his doubts:

"Why do we invest in this project? I mean... yes, i can see some... scientific value... i think... but still... We should try to solve our problems on earth, rather than doing something like that!"

Still, the catholic church has a different opinion:

This is blasphemia! Mars, that means Luzifer! The Ruhrian government and the associates are preparing Satans return! This project must be stopped, we must start a crusade!"

Still, the overwhelming majority of our people simply don`t care:

"Susi... WHERE IS SUSI! OMG I LOST MY DAUGHTER!"

---

Mars, Mount Olympus

"Oh my god..."
"Huh?"
"Another one of this fuckass marsian aliens..."
*A shot can be seen, some green blood falls on the marsian ground*
Man... This area is poisoned with them..."
"Yeah... ah, where is my spanner? Need it here."
"There, have it."
"Ah, thanks..." He hesitates. "Say... what do you think, how will it look like?"
"The rubber band?"
"Yes."
"Well... long..."
"True. And what will happen if Mars and earth are divided by the sun?"
"The band will snap in, and both planets will loose their orbit. Perhaps they will be hurled into the emptiness of space, perhaps they will hurl into the sun... would be great fireworks."
"Cool."
"Yeah. Wouldn´t want to miss it."

The two men continue working, occasionally talking to each other.

so you're connecting earth and mars with a giant rubber band?

that's stupid...for so many reasons....

I'm sure glad I got out of the Sol system

Agreed with that!

If this plan goes into effect, we will vaporize the rubber band.

CNS:

Today, little Susi, daughter of Angstian immigrants, was returned home. In the recent rubber acquiring campaign, an overenthousiastic team of door to door special forces accidently took her away from her home. When following the "look in the drawers of your daughter" directive, they did not find any rubber appliances, until they realized certain objects were "temporarily closely connected" to the teenager. The team was in a hurry, and thus decided to not "extract" the appropriate items from the subject, but to take the whole "package" instead. Susi reports she is feeling fine and well now that she has been returned to her parental home.

I, The Great Ineffable Bob wholeheartedly support this pointless endeavour in the name of science, and I donate *assumes Dr Evil pose* 100 Billion Dollars!!! towards the project. Our small flotilla of spaceworthy sharks with laserbeams attached to their heads is also at your disposal.

His Imperial Majesty, The Great Ineffable Bob.

I, The Great Ineffable Bob wholeheartedly support this pointless endeavour in the name of science, and I donate *assumes Dr Evil pose* 100 Billion Dollars!!! towards the project. Our small flotilla of spaceworthy sharks with laserbeams attached to their heads is also at your disposal.

His Imperial Majesty, The Great Ineffable Bob.Official response: He's finally flipped... and I thought the thing with the big lightbulb in the UWB was weird. "LET THERE BE LIGHT!" :lol:

*is pressured to help on IRC*

From: the newspaper Trouw

Knootoss in on rubber band project
THE HAGUE- The ministry of economic affairs today announced that it would be working together with the international project to put together Earth and mars using a giant rubber band.

At a press-conference minister of Economic Affairs Brinkhorst said: "This project is vital to the interests of the Democratic Republic so we have decided to give it our full support." When reporters asked why the project was needed he replied: "Why duh - isn't it obvious?" The minister also announced that he would be pleading with parliament for additional funds to his departement as Knootoss would contribute "an arbitrary amount of 'credits' to the programme." He also praised highly technological Knootian assistance that would be given to the project such as the use of a new generation of cardboard spacedyships.

According to the ministry, the project would pay itself back because of the use of Knootian contractors. An official told Trouw that he was "pretty sure" that Knootian companies would get the contract for a hotdog stand in the bisonic crater during construction. "Obviously this is a matter of smart economics. In the end, this may turn out to be a hugely profitable project. You have to spend money to earn money you see," he commented.

The green KGP said they would ask for an environental inpact study before participation in the project would be approved but ...

(etc.)

The sky above the Bisonic Crater is filled with the sounds of roaring engines. From far away, dropships can clearly be seen on the approach. As they move closer and closer, they are identified as Corporate Dropships, with a flight of laiden swallows flying behind them.

As the dropships touch down, the massive engine sounds make any conversation impossible for a short while. Soon however, the engines come to a full stop, and the mighty rear doors open. Greated by Ruhrian engineers, groups of Corporate workers, technicians and engineers are showed their positions and briefed on their tasks. Foremen compare schedules with each other, and in the meanwhile, large amounts of rubber are unloaded from the dropships with large hoverdyne transports.

A second, smaller dropship group arrives half an hour later, and workers immediatelly start extracting prefabricated structures from their cargo bays. A few hours later, a small town consisting of grey barracks, storage facilities and a few other buildings stands in the Bisonic Crater.

The Corporate head engineer stands on a small hill, debating certain unclearaties with his Ruhrian collegue. When they finish, everything will be ready to commence. They can be seen making gestures into several directions, and after some time they seem to come to an agreement.

Several hours later, construction starts. As massive machinery, hoverdynes and mechanized robotic units start the work alongside sentient laborers, a group of mountain-climbing-hippies and natural blondes watches the proceedings.

"Wow", a blonde says, "That is like totally the biggest thing ever build, like even bigger than like the Great Wall!"

A hippie turns around and looks at her as he makes his reply.

"Awesome"

ooc: naturally, this all takes place after the post made by Ruhr just a few inches to the south

*Ruhr takes down the list of people who obviously don't have humour and adds Steel Butterfly and Dittzel's Army to the list, which now join Belem, Dork Terror, Seocc, Crimmond, and Cirdanistan*

The Ruhrian Flagship Fleet was in synchronized orbit with the Earth, and the large 1.2GW Cannons of the RNS Black Saber were now preparing to sculpt the Bisonic Crater so it can fit the design of the base. "Commodore, the cannons are ready. The dropships have been loaded and operations can commence at any time."

"Very well, have the spotters get close to observe, keep Ardorian casualties low. Do not worry about Belemese." The tall, slim woman hit the speaker button. "This is Admiral Calenthia, begin operations!" The 12 one point two gigawatt cannons on the ship opened fire, sculpting their way through the raw-radioactive rocks. The force of the cannons jolted the ship and threw the Admiral off balance, she grabbed onto her chair as more cannons opened fire from the othe vessels. Each Ruhrian Space Fleet capitol ship had at least one 1.2GW cannon, and now the fleet had begun the half-hour long planned operation that would change the earth forever.

Anyone one attempting to interfere in this scientific project will be met with the full might of the Federation Military that can be committed to defend such a worthwhile project.

http://people.vanderbilt.edu/~darion.c.smith/obvious.png Deanna Humphrey, Mistress, WTF and OMG Minstry, Subsection of the International Relations Directorate
The Federation of Sentient Peoples (http://people.vanderbilt.edu/~darion.c.smith/)
Federation Roleplay Policy (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=55186)

*Ruhr takes down the list of people who obviously don't have humour and adds Steel Butterfly and Dittzel's Army to the list, which now join Belem, Dork Terror, Seocc, and Cirdanistan* :shock: HEY! I said I'd vaporize the stupid thing...

*Ruhr takes down the list of people who obviously don't have humour and adds Steel Butterfly and Dittzel's Army to the list, which now join Belem, Dork Terror, Seocc, Crimmond, and Cirdanistan* :shock: HEY! I said I'd vaporize the stupid thing...

Yeah, let me add your name too.

The great Ineffable Bob would also like to state that anyone who may have any ideas about vapourising this project will have to get past The Ineffable Armed Forces, including the Ledan Spacefleet.
And the lightbulb incident was no incident, it was amusing to shower broken glass on my panicking citizens! *flicks the switch on his desk to see if it still works, and his people in EVILREGIONHOLDER report it's raining glass*
Oops...

Can I help with the rubber band project?

Can I help with the rubber band project?

We need a giant orbital heating facitility just to be on the safe side. If you can build a few humungous power plants that can give an output of say....a few dozen megajoules, that would be greatly appreciated :)

One other thing. The Federation will be glad to sell food at low prices from our orbital farms to the workers on this project, seeing as how it is such a wothwhile project.

http://people.vanderbilt.edu/~darion.c.smith/obvious.png Deanna Humphrey, Mistress, WTF and OMG Minstry, Subsection of the International Relations Directorate
The Federation of Sentient Peoples (http://people.vanderbilt.edu/~darion.c.smith/)
Federation Roleplay Policy (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=55186)

Can I help with the rubber band project?

We need a giant orbital heating facitility just to be on the safe side. If you can build a few humungous power plants that can give an output of say....a few dozen megajoules, that would be greatly appreciated :)I'll give you a few billion megajoules,

The great Ineffable Bob would also like to state that anyone who may have any ideas about vapourising this project will have to get past The Ineffable Armed Forces, including the Ledan Spacefleet.
And the lightbulb incident was no incident, it was amusing to shower broken glass on my panicking citizens! *flicks the switch on his desk to see if it still works, and his people in EVILREGIONHOLDER report it's raining glass*
Oops...

In a message to the Great Ineffable Bob:

"We thank you for your help in this, and would be in your debt to defend such a milestone. Right now, we are concerned with the Martians and how they might respond to this incident, if you can please observe that area before it gets out of hand. Thank you, Great Ineffable Bob."

Ministry for Progressive Hyper- alternative scientific endeavours, PHASE, Der Angst:

"Yes, yes, OF COURSE! ... What? Yes, definitely! This project is, like... well, compare it to Colombus! Or Einstein! We will make Billions! ... Yes, okok, yes, it does cost us trillions... What? No. Prof Dr. Desty Nova is not available... yes, yes, he`s on his way to mars... Sure... Eh? What does that mean? ... No Funds?!? ... Well... no, no, wait a second... You remember your trip with Natasha? Yes, the 13 years old daughter of the minister... yes... yes, we found her skeleton on the ground of the Hardan Lake... Yes, a dentist identified it... Ah... Doubled funds? Thats most excellent.. ah, yes... Yes, you spening all your rubbers will definitely help the cause... Well... yes, thank you... It´s a pleasure to work with you..."

---

A giant construction hovers in earth orbit. It`s... a mobile rubber factory.

It´s shape is... the shape of a giant.

A giant sphere, 900m in diameter.

It´s black, shifting surface, darker than the darkest night.

From one opening, something... comes out.

Rubber.

A giant, rainbow- coloured, rubberband.

A Vortex ship takes the rubber band, and slowly, it moves to earth, it`s destination: The bisonic crater.

And so, it begins.

The last, greatest legend, the tale of all tales, is about to be written.

The deeds of the men and women working for the cause of humanity, shall never be forgotten.

At one of the windows of the giant, flying rubber factory, a man stands, in a white hawk uniform.

He smiles, almost grins.

All your base are belong to us.

-triple post-

OOC: All your base are belong to us... LOL

IC:
and there was a Knootian hotdog stand too. The hotdogs having the eery green glow native to all foodstuffs in the Bisonic crater...

"Get yaaar hotdogs here", shouted the Knootian salesman. "And get a Pink Bunny Cola with it! If you drink it you'll just want to "hop" to the store for more!"

Admiral Calenthia looked out the observation deck at the black, colourless orb that floated down near the Vortex ships. "Excellent! The first batch of Rubber has arrived! Stop the sculpting operation, allow the rubber to plant. Drop the workers now!" Hundreds of dropships fell into the orbit and raced near the Bisonic crater. The rainbow coloured rubber poured into it, and the workers molded it so that it will never come out. The Vortex Corporation workers landed nearby, and everyone worked together. The operation was moving smoothly, and the transport fleet was expected to arrive at any time with its first few chainlinks.

Then, blue streaks began to spiral near the North Pole of Earth. Twenty supa-dupa-long ships accelerated out of the openings of Hyperspace and manuevered down over the Pacific where they met the massing of fleets. Each ship opened its compartment doors, revealing two of the big links. As soon as the mold was complete in the Bisonic crater, and the power lines were connected, the links would be ready.

"Bring her in slowly! Gently now! Don't go too fast!"

The captain of the resource controller overseeing the operations calmly gave his orders to his crews. From time to time, he ordered a small course alteration or a change in speed. But the Ruhrians had prepared for this operation very well, and 99% of the operation went totally smooth.

Various mining craft, such as collectors, towing frigates, worker drones and salvage corvettes had been issued orders to assist the ongoing operations here, and as the captain watched, another hyperspace gate opened, after which a Shaman class resource center joined the scene, releasing six worker corvettes from it's small docking space.

This, this was going very smooth...

The Republic of Sunset welcomes this project and the symbolic as well as physical connection it will provide to the peoples of Earth and Mars. We will donate 1 trillion per annum until the project is complete in order to provide proper funding for this boondoggle, erm, thingamajig.

We will also assign a contengient of ships to help in the weaving of the band. Further, anyone who attacks the band will suffer a veritable rain of anti-matter sufficient to make that little Europa incident look like a small town fireworks display.

http://www.pacifier.com/~cziller/fidelo.jpg

President of Sunset,

We thank you for your efforts to assist us in this act to unite the two planets. We only wish to better their relationships and give us all a mutual reason to cooperate. Currently, the Ruhrian Space Navy is not large enough to protect the chain full time. We thank you for your efforts to protect it.

The trillion dollars will go strictly to the construction workers salary and needs, with whatever is left over going into powering the heaters. Your willingess to participate is an unforgetable act of kindness, and we are the Ruhrian Science Ministry hope to work with you more on this project to benefit humanity.

Thank you,
------Robert Lytham

[Assuming this is in the 2100 timeframe]

We congratulate our old ally in this milestone and achievment. It is important to unite the two important and legendary planets within our solar system.

We can offer some techinal assistance and manpower, plus $600 billion dollars. We will also pledge some of our Advanced Space Aerofighters (ASAF) to aid in the defence.

Omzian Foreign Affairs Ministry

If I didnt ignore both 2100 tech and Seocc, Id bother making an IC reply.
As for humor- veeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry funy HAHAHA
http://www.ileet.net/junk/lol/lol3.jpg

If I didnt ignore both 2100 tech and Seocc, Id bother making an IC reply.
As for humor- veeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry funy HAHAHA
http://www.ileet.net/junk/lol/lol3.jpg

And now to continue.

----
Stages of the process
----

The mobile construction yards will be taking in the rubber and producing the links on site. The first few were made at the planet, but it would be faster if they were produced on site. Thanks to Rezo's construction facility, we will have a model to work for and construct on our own.

Sunset will be protecting the Mars construction along with Rezo, while what little Ruhrian forces can offer to defend the Earth platform.

The Dropships will be working round the clock with ground crews trying to build and mold the base so that it does not move and will remain permanently lodged in the earth's crust. Knootoss, Omzian, Ruhrian, and Vortex crews will be the primary workers there. We will have a seperate work force trying to reroute power from Dork Terror, Belemese and Ardorian powerplants to feed the construction units.

As soon as the molds are complete, the drop ships will then operate together to stablize the first link, after which cruisers will move in to hold the connecting/end peices in place until the mold is finished around it. The chain will then be extended as quickly as possible in order to meet up with Rezo and Sunset construction units.

A third construction party made up of primarily Ruhrian units will be assembling the inter-planetary chain in between the planet's orbit in order for faster completion rate.

Celack will be building several powerplants in order to resupply heat the rubber in hopes to prevent it from exploding, even though the predicitions are that the rubber will be able sustain itself.

There will be a mass humanitarian aid drive taking place, feeding the workers in all sectors. Food will be supplied by various nations, and Ruhr will agree to contracted payments and interest in return for this.

Margin of Profit epected by connecting the two planets: Trillion.
Reason for profit: Based on absolutely nothing.

So, how do you intend to work around that whole 'spinning' thing? Wont the rubber band get wrapped around the planets as they spin until it snaps?

So, how do you intend to work around that whole 'spinning' thing? Wont the rubber band get wrapped around the planets as they spin until it snaps?

Well...heh. That was going to be one really really big rubber pole that sticks out and angles up so that it can link each planet even as it rotates, this is the reason why extra links are being placed for mobility. I just forgot to add that.

hey Im up for it, how do I sign up? :wink:

The Vortex Corporation has decided to increase the secutiry of both the project and its own workers on site by assigning two space battlegroups to the protection of the space above the Bisonic Crater. They are being supplied and crewed as we speak, and can be expected to arrive above former Bisonic space within 3 days.

This project. It's stupidity is matched only by the impossibility of such an undertaking Earth and Mars cannot be connected by physical means, and even if such a thing were possible, to construct it out of rubber? Pure folly.
In light of this, I have bolster my nation's space program, and a viable system which we will migrate to has already been found. The sooner we leave Earth, the better.

Prince Rufus Mew

This project. It's stupidity is matched only by the impossibility of such an undertaking Earth and Mars cannot be connected by physical means, and even if such a thing were possible, to construct it out of rubber? Pure folly.
In light of this, I have bolster my nation's space program, and a viable system which we will migrate to has already been found. The sooner we leave Earth, the better.

Prince Rufus Mew

And migrating millions of people into space is, of course, perfectly normal and easily done.

I never said it would be an easy undertaking, nor would it be safe, but it is more feasible to migrate my people from Earth to another star system then it is to connect Earth and Mars.


Prince Rufus Mew

I never said it would be an easy undertaking, nor would it be safe, but it is more feasible to migrate my people from Earth to another star system then it is to connect Earth and Mars.


Prince Rufus Mew

ooc: Of course, earth vessels already reached Mars YEARS ago... however, FTL is, so far, impossible.

I`m sorry, my friend, but we`re on the safe side, you ain`t.

ooc: Of course, earth vessels already reached Mars YEARS ago... however, FTL is, so far, impossible.

I`m sorry, my friend, but we`re on the safe side, you ain`t.

((OOC: Some people don't think FTL travel is impossible. Well, for me it is, but with time and research and lots of money, I can research so we can go nearly faster then light. That, or massive colony ships with cyrosleep chambers for everyone would be needed to make the long travel to the Unnamed Star System. Of course, Realians and Androids wouild pilot the colony ships, as well as the escort Fleet. A couple tugships would tug the System Defense Platform along behind us.

OOC: Before I laugh my head off, don't take this so seriously. Its fun and it's goofy, but if you want a real Earth-Mars connection look at Ma-Teks Earth-Mars superhighway project.

IC:
SDF ships manuvered the last piece of a section of band into place, the rubber twisting into place.

"Only another million miles to go. Thank goodness someone else is doing that."

"Yep."

"So... How about a donut?"

"Yep."

Like road crews everywhere once they finished their assigned tasks they leaned on their figurative shovels and ate donuts. All the while the flagger
stayed there and made life difficult for those who wished to pass.

The Great Ineffable Bob looked out of the window in his new northern realm, and saw the blue streaks as the ships shot through the atmosphere.
Meanwhile, Ledan fighter pilots raced each other through the gaps in the complete sections of the band, taking out a few threatening asteroids on the way.

OOC: I just thought, we could have a very interesting role play sometime in the future if we have the band snap...

"we will help by sending you a Giant paper clip.
you may do with it what you will" - Various people
:wink:

OOC: I just thought, we could have a very interesting role play sometime in the future if we have the band snap... Indeed XD

---

semi- ic:

ABC: "By know, nearly half the way to Mars is done, and the project proceeds. Leading astrologists say the the unification of Mars and Earth will have incredible effects on our well- being and our spiritual force:

"Ya know, it´s like... we unite the spirits of two planets, and this will result in... ummm... well, it will have fascinating effects... ommmmmmmm..."

However, critics claim that we want to destroy earth. This is of course wrong, as can be seen in this associate comment:

"..."

Most importantly: The stock markets seem to explode, the DA participation in this project lead to the highest economical growth in more than ten years!"

---

The Black Star, cruising between mars and earth:

"And... another one!"

"Damn asteorids..."
"Shouldn´t the rubber simply... well... work like a slingshot when being hit by asteorids?"
"Huh? You have an idea... we need to test that some time or another..."

Rebounding double post...

"This is Gold 1 to Gold 2 and 3, anything need a good blowing up in the vicinity?"
"Negative Gold 1, looks like we've cleared this area of asteroids. Gold 2 over."
"This is Gold 3. Any of you guys have a basic kinetic missile [OOC: Just a small steel sphere wieghing a couple of kilograms] left?"
"Affirmative Gold 3. Gold 1 over."
"Betcha can't shoot it through the gap from here, Gold 1."
"Oh yeah Nathan? Watch this!"
Gold 1, a JL class fighter fires the missile, which hits the rubber band, bounces off with no obvious ill effects to the band, and hits Gold 2.
"Er, sorry 'bout that!"
"Told ya you couldn't hit it!"
"You've taken out one of my bleedin' engines! I'm off to the Black Pulsar for repairs..."
*laughter*

OOC: If an asteroid hit it, though it would probably bounce off it would deform the bandpossibly altering the orbits of Earth and Mars with terrible results...*is thankful he has a spacefleet in case any emergency relocation is needed...*

Good lord! This ounds like something from The Tick! What will you do next? Carve your name into the moon?

Good lord! This ounds like something from The Tick! What will you do next? Carve your name into the moon?
You know, that's not a bad idea...
*warms up the giant laser*

Good lord! This ounds like something from The Tick! What will you do next? Carve your name into the moon?

You know, while my 1.2GW Lasers are still operational...I might as well draw the man on the moon with more detail.

ABC: "Der Angst is not working on a giant laser in Moon orbit, nor is it in any way interested in purchasing signiificant amounts of the moon`s surface.

There are no tests regarding Terrawatt lasers being run, nor are any developments regarding antimatter propulsion in progress.

Thank you."

~ The government. We watch YOU!

A passageway from Earth to Mars. What happens when they are on opposite sides of the Sun from each other? Also, how can you keep it stable like that, with the planets moving back and forth relative to each other?

Personally, I would prefer it if this tunnel was not built, and would recommend against its being built.

A passageway from Earth to Mars. What happens when they are on opposite sides of the Sun from each other? Also, how can you keep it stable like that, with the planets moving back and forth relative to each other?

Personally, I would prefer it if this tunnel was not built, and would recommend against its being built.

Well, then this must be your lucky day: it's not a tunnel. It's a big rubber band, you silly. And quantum-quadriple-hippo-poo-physics prove that rubber bands will pose no obstacles to the rotationary movements of planets around the sun. Everybody knows that rubber bands have no problem with passing through sunlight, so we should be fine.

~The intern

News Broadcast...

A man in a lab coat with a clipboard appears on the screen. He's extremely handsome, and wears his clothes in that way that says 'I am not a scientist, but I play one on TV.'

"After studying the project thoroughly, I find that the precautions taken will prevent any disturbance of either body by the band."

He then turns to a chalkboard and writes out a complicated looking equation that equals 0 if anyone bothers to check the math.

"Clearly, the band itself will react with the magnetic hydrosphere of the sun, and using a Chom-Thorosky exo-solar slipstream effect it will pass through the body unharmed."

The Great Ineffable Bob has vehemently denied that the rubber band will melt if it happens to pass too close to the sun.
"If the rubber band passes near the sun, we will merely cut the heating to that area. The coldness of space will therefore balance out the heat of the sun, keeping the band at the same temperature."
When it was pointed out that they would not in fact balance and by all "sensible" predictions that the band would snap, The Great Ineffable Bob had the protestor shot, and then said:
"See this hand? This is mine. See this country? This is mine. So shut up!"
Well, there's no arguing with that sort of logic. This is Alan Thompson, reporting for EBN. Goodnight.